Answering “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”

There comes a time in every man’s life, when the woman he is involved with asks the dreaded question.
“Do these pants make my ass look fat?”   (DTPMMALF)
Guys tend to be simple creatures with basic needs. Feed us, let us have a place to sleep and some form of entertainment and we usually run at 95% of maximum happiness. Most guys will automatically attempt to answer any question with a one word answer. Unfortunately the only words that spring to mind are either “yes” or “no”.
Answering “yes” is of course a terrible choice. If you can’t figure out why on your own, you’re probably not salvageable as a male. (Also those kids calling you Dad probably aren’t yours either – just a heads up)
Answering “no” is not the relationship suicide that answering “yes” is, but…
Buy Me!

Why You Must Break Out Of The Friendzone

Just ran across a brilliant video from Adam Lyons at PUA Blog. Well worth the time to watch. This all very much comes back to my essential point that you must bring both Alpha and Beta Male traits to bear in your marriage.
The dreaded LJBF (Lets Just Be Friends) statement is to dating success, as the dreaded ILYBINILWU (I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You) is to marriage. If you ever hear that statement coming from your wife, that is a huge huge HUGE red flag that you are way too Beta and need to start ramping up the Alpha skills immediately.
The one adjustment I would make is that I dont see it totally as needing a balancing act between friendship/comfort and player/attraction. I think these are two different skill sets and while you do need to bring both to the table, they both can come in differing amounts and still be successful. The difference between creating average comfort and average attraction is balanced, but quite different from creating high comfort and high attraction, or low comfort and low attraction.
I’ve covered that in more depth here More On Alpha and Beta Male   After all… I’m pretty sure you aren’t married to your wife to “just be friends”.

Cock Killing Medication: Persistent SSRI Sexual Dysfunction

One of the most important things in having a wonderful sex life with your wife, is having a functional penis. It’s important that blood can flow in, it can get hard, it can stay up, you can come to orgasm, and you can squirt a good amount of semen into her. It’s also important that you have some amount of sexual desire, in that it’s fairly normal that your first reaction on meeting an attractive woman is “I’d like to tap that”. Ideally you should also be experiencing that “I’d like to tap that” reaction with your wife quite frequently. It’s not just normal, it’s a display of positive male health.
As a man there is a real sense that your entire body is a life support system for your penis. From a biological point of view, that’s your prime directive, whip it out, plug it in, make more little humans. Plus it’s fun. So your penis is like the canary in the coal mines. If it stops working or starts failing for any reason, you find out why, and stop doing whatever is causing it… immediately. So if you want to loosely summarize my entire approach to male health, the rule is, if it’s good for your penis and semen, it’s basically good for you as a whole. Here’s a check list of examples…
Exercise… check
Good diet… check
Not Smoking… check
Not drinking alcohol to excess… check
Not chugging coffee… check
Not overusing bicycle seats or taking hits to the groin… check
Moderate protein supplementation… check
Not getting diabetes by consuming endless sugar… check
Adequate fluid intake… check
Getting enough sleep… check
Controlling stress levels… check
Having a single critically bad day at work and starting on SSRI anti-depressants… whoa whoa whoa WHAT?
Lets talk about that last one shall we. And first, I have to post a disclaimer… I am not a doctor, any and all medication changes you make, should be under the direction of a licensed physician. This post does not substitute for medical advice. Do not start, stop, change, alter, tweak, adjust or even consider flushing your medications down the toilet without talking to your doctor first. If you are truly crazy, you should seek medical attention. If you react to ambulances the same way criminals react to police cars, you’re probably crazy and should stop trying to remove the restraints. Ask politely and we’ll talk about it. I said politely.
So that little piece said… I’ve been long aware of the potential for sexual side effects from SSRI medications. Most notably for reductions in desire and ability to have an orgasm. These are well known potential side effects. Interestingly a year or so ago, I noticed that for a few of them in my drug book there was a subtle change. Some of them were now being actively prescribed for Premature Ejaculation.  So Mr Trigger Happy goes on Prozac, and becomes less trigger happy because the Prozac nerfs his desire, excitement and sexual sensation.
So what was a horrible side effect, has now for some cases been turned into the purpose of treatment. Basically in computer geek speak… “it’s not a bug it’s a feature”. It’s also a clear admission of what the drugs are going to do to you if you take them. To be 100% blunt, my drug book says the purpose of SSRI medications, is to make you less depressed and kill your cock.
Perhaps I overstate a little, “kill” is such a harsh Saxon word. Why not get some more scientific data. I turn to the Center for the Evaluation of the Risks to Human Reproduction who have a  157 page report on Prozac (Fluoxetine) who concluded (pg 143) that;
“The Expert Panel concluded there is sufficient evidence in humans that fluoxetine produces reproductive toxicity in men and women manifested as impairment of sexual function, specifically orgasm.”
“Reproductive toxicity” doesn’t exactly say “it kills your cock”, but it sure makes me nervous about ever experiencing date night again. And to be honest while my wife loves me deeply and sweetly, I’m pretty sure me catching a bad case of Reproductive Toxicity would be the beginning of the end for us. Lets be serious – this is why we’re married to each other. I just spent the last 15 years programming her with that, it’s not meant to backfire on me lol.
I’ve also been long aware of how difficult some people find getting off SSRI medications is. It’s called SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome That link is worth reading simply in it’s own right. (As an aside, many of these drugs now come in liquid forms, the purpose of which is to enable tiny adjustments to your drug dosage so you can be ultra slowly weaned off the medication.)
However what I have recently discovered is that the well known sexual dysfunction from taking SSRI medications, can often continue on after stopping the medication. You absolutely must read on PSSD (Persistent SSRI Sexual Dysfunction)
Pulling some appalling numbers together – and I admit that the data is somewhat loose here, but to an extent the science is kinda new, so we have to go with what we’re got. Assuming the Wikipedia figures of “up to 60%” of people on SSRI’s experience sexual dysfunction is reasonably correct. And assuming that the PSSD figures on Wikipedia of “up to 55%” of people who have been on a SSRI still experience sexual dysfunction six months after stopping the medication… my quick and dirty math comes to a rough 1 in 3 chance that starting on a SSRI medication will result in long term sexual dysfunction, even if you stop the medication.
Does sexual function return sometime after that six month mark? I’ve got no clue – no one seems to have even asked the question, or done a study on it.
Hey maybe I’m way off on those numbers. I truly hope I am. That’s a lot of deeply saddened people, and shattered marriages out there for every occurrence. I’m not getting any enjoyment from reporting this stuff. But even if I’m overestimating by a factor of three, that’s still a rough 10% shot that starting on a SSRI will deep six your sex life. Maybe permanently. Of course if I’m even partly right, that means thousands of people would have been affected. You can join a group of 2249 of them in a Yahoo group where the permanent damage is discussed.
In the end though, I do have to admit that while Wikipedia is nice and an easy source of information, and I’m basically a science guy, ultimately what is spooking me is the stories of people I’m coming across. While I do know of many people who say that SSRI therapy has really helped them, I’ve also come across multiple stories of despair over SSRI destroying sexuality on Talk About Marriage. I really have no answers for those people other than to get off the meds… if you can.
Also in talking with a few friends about this issue recently, I’ve had the most heart wrenching conversations about their lives. I can only imagine the agony of being scammed out of an active sex life forever because of a few bad days one partner had, and an “easy solution” to that in pill form.
Have a look at the video below. More importantly, actually go to Youtube and read the comments, and start following your nose to what you can find related to those videos. I won’t pretend that it’s a scientific methodology, but it’s frightening what other lay people are reporting.
One comment in particular caught my eye and gave me the absolute heebie jeebies…
“I had 11 days of fluoxetin a month ago, my sex drive wnt down, my erections lost power… I don’t know if I will make it they have not returned. I really hope they do”
Anyway… this post is far more personal than I’ve let on up until this point. I had a pretty bad day myself recently. The short version is that work has been hell for well over a year with short staffing, I’ve had multiple close family members with serious medical issues – as in my father, my wife, and both daughters all within the last two months, I’m juggling school in bits and pieces and all the normal family life issues as well. I had a truly awful day at work, felt physically terrible all day, and I went to the ER because I wanted to rule out having some sort of cardiac issue. Chest x-ray came back fine, my EKG said I was just peachy. I was diagnosed as having a stress reaction and when they offered me an Ativan I took it because I was interested in basically having my first recreational drug use experience of my life. I am simply horrifyingly square I know, I know. (I was disappointed, I’m damned if I know if it did anything at all for me.)
So naturally there was a follow up to review my results etc and doctor agreed that while I had multiple serious stressors in my life peaking together, perhaps it could be managed better by taking something like Lexapro. Now about half my job description is being a psych nurse, so being offered to be prescribed psych meds is one part shock, one part insult, one part temptation and five parts self-doubt. To be honest I’m very good at talking crazy people into taking their psych meds, and now all my patter is running through my head… “Well you want to have a good day right? Listen it doesn’t bother me if you don’t take your meds, I’m just worried that if you don’t, something bad will happen and we’ll all be holding you down this afternoon. Someone could get hurt. You could get hurt. I’ll be back in a few minutes and ask again, take your time.” And then you game them a little by gently touching their arm and go to leave and they almost always fold.
I declined the Lexapro script. I think simply because in that moment I couldn’t agree to standing on the other side of the med cup. I do not take psych meds, I give psych meds. That is what I do.
Still she very kindly gave me a months supply of free samples of Lexapro. I was polite and took it. Shoved it in my medicine cabinet where it sat like bad sushi. Since then I’ve done a lot of thinking, reading, searching and talking to people. Jen and I talked, long and deep – now really is a difficult time, but most of the stressors are temporary. As I said before, I have no illusions that we would survive as a couple if the sex ended between us. So for me, for us, this is simply an unacceptable risk.
Listen I really know some people are truly helped by psych meds. But I also know some people, some marriages, are damaged beyond belief by them. Be advised, talk to your doctor, research on your own. I will be reporting to my doctor on Monday that I’m not taking the Lexapro samples, I don’t have to, but it’s common sense. Don’t be a lone gun with psych meds.
So here’s the takeaway point. If you are ever offered these medications, it’s probably going to be happening on the crappiest day of your life. When you are worn down to your weakest and most vulnerable. Maybe you truely need them, maybe you don’t. Personally I’d change everything else you can first before admitting you need them. But that’s just me. So as I said before, if it’s good for your penis and semen production, it’s probably good for you. You may have to live like a monk to get through your crisis, but that’s maybe the easy way out after all.
Exercise… check
Good diet… check
Not Smoking… check
Not drinking alcohol to excess… check
Not chugging coffee… check
Not overusing bicycle seats or taking hits to the groin… check
Moderate protein supplementation… check
Not getting diabetes by consuming endless sugar… check
Adequate fluid intake… check
Getting enough sleep… check
Controlling stress levels… check
Deep kissing… check
And for the record… the canary has been successfully sent into the mine four times in the last three days and is doing just great.

Valentines Day and Daytona 500 Scheduling Conflict

If you’re paying attention and planning ahead, you’ve got a sick dread in your stomach that your Daytona 500 day is going to be completely ruined by Valentines Day. Relax I’m here to help. If you put my plan into action right away, as in starting today, there’s still a chance you can see the race – maybe not the whole race, but at least some of the race.

Marriage can’t be all sex all the time, if nothing else it starts to chaff and the cat’s litterbox gets full. Occasionally we need to watch cars travelling 500 miles in a giant circle and ploughing into each other in a huge melee just inches from the end of the race. We are men. We do not need to explain this, nor should be apologize for it. Stand firm. Be your own morning wood.

The problem is that Valentines Day is like a yellow flag event on your marriage. No matter how fast you were going, what your track position is, how much gas in the tank, you’re going to have that voice in your ear giving you instructions. Whether that voice you hear is God, your darling bride, you crew chief, or it’s just mild schizophrenia, it usually pays to listen to it. Specially if you want to avoid two tons of cartwheeling wreckage or an ounce of gold tearfully flung in your direction.
So today, I’m your voice in your head. I’m saying danger ahead, stay low in turn two. We’re gonna gas and go on the yellow, and get you to the front. Like I said before, listen to the voices.
Here’s the thing. Not all women expect to be romanced every day, but they all have a romance tank. Sometimes that tank is full because you’ve romanced her a bit, sometimes her romance tank is empty because you’re eating nachos, constantly farting and jacking off to… whoa hang on kids just walked in. Be cool man, be cool, I’m alt-tabbing a sec…
…k back, anyway, sometimes you’ve not romanced enough along the way and her romance tank is empty. The women don’t always demand it get filled, except on Valentines Day they all feel like they have the divine right to demand their tank get filled all the way up. Which means if you’ve ignored her for too long, you’re gonna miss the whole freaking race running around doing crap with cards, flowers, chocolate and dinner out and anything else you can think of to ward off sleeping on the couch that night.
So we’re going to plan ahead. We’ve going to game her a bit and sneaky top up her romance tank, so she is squishy mellow on Valentines Day and just lets you be. Here’s the routine…
Say to her. “Listen, I’m a stupid man.” See now you’ve established common ground, you have something you both agree on and can build on. It’s okay to pause for a second and just hold her attention there too btw. You should have her full attention before ploughing ahead with the rest of the routine.
“And while I love you with all my heart” good place for a pause here as well. Let her feel those words. Don’t think about her sister naked as you say these words. Straight shoot them.
“I don’t really have a clue what to do to you, or for you, or with you, to make you feel loved by me, the way I do love you.”  Say that “the way I do love you” bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is like the turning point of the on screen romance.
“I’m embrassed for asking, but I am asking for your help, so please help me, know how to make you feel loved, the way I do love you.”  This just rocks because you’re revealing vulnerability to her (and her only) and this automatically will generate a desire in her to open herself to you.
“Now I’m not some smartipants relationship guy, so you gotta keep this simple for me, or I’ll mess it up.”  Also important. Stay grounded. Don’t be something you’re not. She’ll see right through it.
“So lets pretend today is Valentines Day. And if today is Valentines Day, what is just one thing I could do, that would make you feel like you had a good Valentines Day? And you felt loved, like I do love you.” 
Then what ever she says, you do it.
The rule is that it’s “just one thing” don’t turn this into a slave collar lol, just one thing, deflect demands for more than one thing. Say “sorry honey I forgot the first thing when you told me the second thing, what was the one thing you wanted me to do today?” Also you repeat this routine everyday for the rest of your life. Though just do the final paragraph. You will probably find that the first week or so will be item requests, flowers, card, chocolates etc, and over time as her romance need is met, she’ll just turn horny on you and you can just coast along on Ten Second Kisses. Just cope.
My hunch is that if you do this, and make everyday Valentines Day, by the time you get to Valentines Day, her romance tank is going to be so topped up, she’s going to say something like “lol you make every day like Valentines Day, what can I do to make your day special for once?”
And boggity boggity boggity if she goes for that line I got some ideas to keep the race… shall we say… interesting.