Answering “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”

There comes a time in every man’s life, when the woman he is involved with asks the dreaded question.
“Do these pants make my ass look fat?”   (DTPMMALF)
Guys tend to be simple creatures with basic needs. Feed us, let us have a place to sleep and some form of entertainment and we usually run at 95% of maximum happiness. Most guys will automatically attempt to answer any question with a one word answer. Unfortunately the only words that spring to mind are either “yes” or “no”.
Answering “yes” is of course a terrible choice. If you can’t figure out why on your own, you’re probably not salvageable as a male. (Also those kids calling you Dad probably aren’t yours either – just a heads up)
Answering “no” is not the relationship suicide that answering “yes” is, but…
Buy Me!


  1. Anonymous says:

    I'm a girl, and I completely agree with this post.

  2. Thanks for the feed back. Much appreciated.

  3. Awesome. Thanks you.

  4. uh…if my wife asked me that I'd say "hells yeah baby ooh-la-la does it ever gimme gimme!!

  5. No your fat ass make those pants look small. See, just turn the question on them. Works everytime.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I love your comment to the Women pissed about the post. And I will have to use that answer next time I'm asked, thanks for that one.

  7. Athol Kay says:

    LOL welcome. It's a just a little playful jab at the end :-)

  8. Jay Thompson says:

    One of my all time favorite blog posts. Ever.

  9. Athol Kay says:

    Jay! How are ya? LOL welcome to the new diggs. I think I might have found my niche… :-)

  10. Hahaha the pants are only available in size 12 and higher. Awesome!!! ( Good post too)

  11. Too funny! Thanks for the laugh (and the advice) Athol.

  12. Welcome Dick. :-)

    Very nice looking blog btw. Added.

  13. Husband X says:

    Weird, I just posted something about the same subject, and then browsing other marriage blogs landed here.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Thank you Athol. I ask all that read this to forward it on to all other single or married men that you know.



  15. Anonymous says:

    Being a chick that gave up asking that question for various reasons, I love that answer! And really laughed out loud with that bit saying women only ask the DTPMMALF when they are fertile! Fact be fact there hey.
    Thanks for a great blog that I will be visiting a lot from now on!

  16. Athol Kay says:

    You're welcome, thanks for spreading the love. :-)

  17. Ding, Ding, Ding! When a girl asks do these pants make me look fat, the question is: Am I sexy? By saying you're sexy in actions you're answering the real quesiton. Bravo.

  18. Women with high self esteem don´t ask this kind of questions. Anyway the proper answer is this:

    Her: "Do you think my ass looks fats in these pants"
    Him: "Hey, can you scratch my back? It itches"

    And then take her sexually.

    She thinks "Wow what a man! He does not take my bullshit" and surrenders..

  19. "ass?"

    lol. great post.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Just pictured my man answering the way you suggested… yep, I grinned, and immediately thought of sex with him.

    Check the box for female-approved on this post, too!

  21. Athol Kay says:

    So email him the post… then ask him DTPMMALF!

  22. Anonymous says:

    Athol… Mind blowing article. Quick and "brutal" defusing of that most dreaded type of questions women ask men. If that's what the Primer's got in it…whoo…gotta get me that book. All men really honestly need that book if they're not going to go about the meat market play Roissy and others talk about (Not to knock their stuff- it's basically all the same sorts of things…just not my cup o' joe if you know what I'm getting at…).

  23. Athol Kay says:

    The Primer is basically another 340 off this sort of thing. :-)

  24. superenigma says:

    I wonder why does she imply that her big ass is a bad thing?

  25. Haha that was funny. With women the real question is often not what it seems, we must decrypt the code to please them.

  26. Anonymous says:

    I'm laughing my ass off and I'm a woman. Hilarious. I must dig deeper into your blog.

  27. I never ask that question, ovulating or otherwise. I can judge for myself if my ass looks fat or not. He things my ass is PHAT regardless, so it would be stupid of me to ask him.

  28. Beth – you've never shown off part of your body to your man to playfully start something?

  29. Athol:
    How do you deal with situations where she's showing you some clothes she's bought, or modeling some item, and it actually makes her look cheap and dumpy? Does it matter where you rank sexually vs. her? Does it matter if she usually looks good in clothes and this is an anomaly vs. she's obese and all her clothes suck?

  30. Lamont Cranston says:

    Athol –
    What about dumpy clothes? My Bride has developed a fondness for sports bras, because “they’re comfortable.” They also look like a bandaid wrapped around an egg. Bleh.

    We’ve reached a point in our lives where just dropping our clothes on the floor under florescent lights is no longer enough to light fires. We both need a little help. How do I get her to to wear something remotely sexy?

    You start dressing better and pulling the attention of other women.

  31. This seems to be cut off, is there somewhere the rest of the entry can be found?


  1. […] the pants post is of course legendary.  Being a practical, needs it all spelled out for her kind of a girl, I […]

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