Answering “Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?”

There comes a time in every man’s life, when the woman he is involved with asks the dreaded question.
“Do these pants make my ass look fat?”   (DTPMMALF)
Guys tend to be simple creatures with basic needs. Feed us, let us have a place to sleep and some form of entertainment and we usually run at 95% of maximum happiness. Most guys will automatically attempt to answer any question with a one word answer. Unfortunately the only words that spring to mind are either “yes” or “no”.
Answering “yes” is of course a terrible choice. If you can’t figure out why on your own, you’re probably not salvageable as a male. (Also those kids calling you Dad probably aren’t yours either – just a heads up)
Answering “no” is not the relationship suicide that answering “yes” is, but…
Buy Me!


  1. Anonymous says

    No your fat ass make those pants look small. See, just turn the question on them. Works everytime.

  2. Anonymous says

    I love your comment to the Women pissed about the post. And I will have to use that answer next time I'm asked, thanks for that one.

  3. Anonymous says

    Thank you Athol. I ask all that read this to forward it on to all other single or married men that you know.



  4. Anonymous says

    Being a chick that gave up asking that question for various reasons, I love that answer! And really laughed out loud with that bit saying women only ask the DTPMMALF when they are fertile! Fact be fact there hey.
    Thanks for a great blog that I will be visiting a lot from now on!

  5. V says

    Ding, Ding, Ding! When a girl asks do these pants make me look fat, the question is: Am I sexy? By saying you're sexy in actions you're answering the real quesiton. Bravo.

  6. Franco says

    Women with high self esteem don´t ask this kind of questions. Anyway the proper answer is this:

    Her: "Do you think my ass looks fats in these pants"
    Him: "Hey, can you scratch my back? It itches"

    And then take her sexually.

    She thinks "Wow what a man! He does not take my bullshit" and surrenders..

  7. Anonymous says

    Just pictured my man answering the way you suggested… yep, I grinned, and immediately thought of sex with him.

    Check the box for female-approved on this post, too!

  8. Anonymous says

    Athol… Mind blowing article. Quick and "brutal" defusing of that most dreaded type of questions women ask men. If that's what the Primer's got in it…whoo…gotta get me that book. All men really honestly need that book if they're not going to go about the meat market play Roissy and others talk about (Not to knock their stuff- it's basically all the same sorts of things…just not my cup o' joe if you know what I'm getting at…).

  9. Kris says

    Haha that was funny. With women the real question is often not what it seems, we must decrypt the code to please them.

  10. beth says

    I never ask that question, ovulating or otherwise. I can judge for myself if my ass looks fat or not. He things my ass is PHAT regardless, so it would be stupid of me to ask him.

  11. Anonymous says

    How do you deal with situations where she's showing you some clothes she's bought, or modeling some item, and it actually makes her look cheap and dumpy? Does it matter where you rank sexually vs. her? Does it matter if she usually looks good in clothes and this is an anomaly vs. she's obese and all her clothes suck?

  12. Lamont Cranston says

    Athol –
    What about dumpy clothes? My Bride has developed a fondness for sports bras, because “they’re comfortable.” They also look like a bandaid wrapped around an egg. Bleh.

    We’ve reached a point in our lives where just dropping our clothes on the floor under florescent lights is no longer enough to light fires. We both need a little help. How do I get her to to wear something remotely sexy?

    You start dressing better and pulling the attention of other women.


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