Hi there and welcome to Married Man Sex Life.
My name is Athol and I’m 39 years old headed towards the big 40. I’ve been married for 15 years and Jennifer and I have two daughters together age 10 and 12. Our life together is pleasantly uncomplicated, and we’re mercifully free of the drama of step-families, babies daddy’s, divorce and affairs. We’ve had our share of tricky pregnancies, cancer scares and dental bills. Life is pretty normal, I’m just not saying we’re living a charmed life beyond all reason. It’s a life together, not a TV show. My marriage is by no means perfect. I’m not perfect, Jennifer isn’t perfect, but we’re doing much better than most.
Anyway, here’s the thing. I’ve never been overly excited about the idea of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been crazy about Jennifer. I mean three years long distance before we married crazy. I’m talking leave your country of origin crazy. She always seemed to like the idea, and honestly I never really thought about what I was doing getting married. I just wanted to sleep with her. All. The. Time. So I just got married to her. No question of whether it was really a good idea or not.
The first year was exciting. As in I’m finally having sex happy, but also with a couple of freak out “wow this really has to work because I’ll be deported and I’m risking everything” crazy moments. As it turned out we just clicked. No real major conflicts, just building a life together. We’ve worked together at the same job for most of our marriage. House, kids, medical insurance the whole deal.
So fast forward…
We’re hitting 15 years together, and apparently that’s twice the national average. People are saying that it’s impressive like we’ve discovered cold fusion or something. But like I said earlier, I wasn’t really that excited by marriage. It wasn’t a real problem to me that needed solving, so I wasn’t really bothered by it. I was still getting laid like tile by Jennifer as well. So all good on that front.
Then one of my clients… that’s one of my special needs kids at work, corners me into a one sided conversation telling me over and over “I know all about you, you’ve got that ring on your finger, you’re the married man”. And he said the words “Married Man” the same way doctors pronounce someone dead. The same way a two year old announces someone is fat. Like it was some sort of final definition that couldn’t be argued with. Pretty soon that whole work area just started calling me “Married Man”, like my superhero secret identity had suddenly been spilled.
So here’s the thing. I was in the middle of what amounted to a little bit of a mid life crisis. Wondering about a few of my choices, and the consequences of them. Wondering in particular if my marriage is one of the better ones. Because as I said earlier, I never really thought about marriage before, just ploughed ahead into the whole deal. But I can hardly think clearly because I’m getting mind control top up sex most every night from Jennifer. The Jezabel!
So there I was in the middle of wondering if marriage was even something I was interested in… and I have medically diagnosable developmentally disabled people calling me “The Married Man”.
And then it hits me.
What if my marriage was in fact the defining aspect of my entire life. What if I was actually really good at being married, you know the same way say Tiger Woods is good at golf. Oh… perhaps he’s a bad example just now, but you get my drift. So I’d discovered I was actually pretty good at marriage, and like I say, Jennifer I’m still crazy about. But I didn’t really know why I was good at marriage. So I went looking to find out….
Somewhere between ex-girlfriends, my first fiancé that could have been that I passed on, my sociology degree, international travel, being a male nurse for 14 years and surrounded by women and listening to them complain about husbands and boyfriends, the hundreds to maybe a thousand books I’ve read over the years around sexuality, relationships, biology, psychology and so on I’m finally coming to a point where I’m understanding the why of why I’m good. I passed on working towards a Masters Degree in Marriage Counseling because I googled to find out how much those guys make. (I thought my wife might divorce me if I only made $33,000 a year as a starting point. Sorry, but $33,000 for a Masters LOL.) The great news is that most of the why isn’t even that hard to do.
What I’ve done, I’ve done to this point mainly for my own interest. Like I keep saying, I was never excited about marriage. Now I realize it’s as vital to me as the air I breathe. As important to me as… oh… my relationship to Jennifer!
One of the places I’d discovered in my travels was an Internet forum called Talk About Marriage. I’d read posts there over and over and at times be reduced to fits of laughter or cringe in horror at some of the things going down in other peoples lives or things people just let happen to them. About once a day I just can’t believe what I’m reading and walk over to Jennifer and deep kiss her in relief. Mid-life crisis FIXED. I posted advice and mostly it’s well received. I still post over there. I’d started getting a lot of private messages and thanks for my advice. But I kept having to repeat myself for too many new people there, and frankly by the time they had reached the Talk About Marriage board things often just seemed to late to do anything. So I’ve decided that I just need a bigger platform to speak from.
Primarily I’m speaking to men. Women are always welcome of course and you will get value from this, I’m by no means anti-women, but what I have to say, I have to say primarily for men. Mostly what I expect is a lot of women will find this blog first and beg their husbands to read it. If the reason you are reading here is your wife asked / told / demanded you did – take that as a serious wake up call.
My approach to marriage is part a married spin on Game, part Evolutionary Psychology, part Sex Ed, part Self-Help. Mostly it’s about learning what it is about you that unlocks the Holy Grail between your wifes legs. I will caution you though, some of this stuff I have to tell you is not going to be easy to read. It’s the Red Pill for those that dare.
So anyway…. you’re here for a reason. I think I have some of the answers you may need. So if you want to pull up a chair, I’ll tell you what I know.