Beautiful Princess Rejects Suitor Because She Is Shallow

For some strange reason Princess Leia was totally not into Jabba the Hutt. She had the skimpy bikini thing on for him, he clearly had money, power and bondage equipment, and usually this sort of thing works for a girl. Gosh usually she falls for these sort of guys.The thing where she kissed her brother in Episode IV was simply uncomfortable in retrospect, this was just confusing.
Jabba also has this totally Alpha opening line as well; “soon you will come to appreciate me”. I dare you to try that one on your wife later tonight, trust me, it’s a closer. It’s so powerful it’s illegal in three States and Canada. Just look her in the eye, drop your voice an octave and unload it on her. Rumble a “soon you will come to appreciate me”,and somewhere deep in the female brain the anterior ravishment cortex is going to fire and it’s all on from there. You know it’s working when she dissolves into a fit of giggles. That’s normal, just plough the set and don’t stop for air. If you can keep a straight face, afterwards when you get out of bed and walk to the shower offer a “you have pleased me”.
But I digress… I just have the nagging sensation that the reason Leia didn’t feel attraction for him was that he was the size of a small truck and smelled like the wrong end of a Bantha. (Ok I’m done with Star Wars metaphors for the post, I promise)
So what about you? Maybe Jabba is an extreme metaphor, but the thought holds. You can have a large number of Alpha Male traits – money, power, fancy boats, staff, but being physically in shape is also a major plus as well. Women aren’t as body orientated as men are in terms of what is attractive, but they certainly do look.
What if one of the reasons you don’t have tremendous sex with your wife is that your physical fitness is so low that it’s actively repelling her from you. Oh sure, she can love you no matter what, but that isn’t the same as having a tingle between her legs every time she looks over at you is it.
If you’re over weight , I figure you already know it. And like everybody else, you know there’s really only one basic solution – eat less and exercise more. The only time diet and exercise involves rocket science is on the space shuttle missions.
What you will find is that even moderate exercise has it’s benefits. Specially weight training will benefit. Even losing 10 pounds will result in a surge of good feeling for you and you will feel sexier as well. And like I say – good sex is just a consequence of being sexy. You whining that she never initiates sex is silly if you are clearly not physically attractive. Why would she ask to have sex with you if she finds you unsexy? Queue up the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech…
I am by no means some sort of ultra-hunk. I’m a regular guy. But I very much find that my wife responds better to me when I am in the best physical shape I can be. Also usually about 2-3 weeks after I start exercising, she starts as well. So it’s a fun together thing as well. If you’re a natural Sex Rank 7, and fell to a 5 because you employeed Homer Simpson as your personal trainer, and your wife stayed a 7, well you’ve left the front door open a bit wide wouldn’t you think.
If you’ve let yourself go to pot, you sure as hell don’t get all upset and issue demands and ultimatums for more sex right now. That may go very badly for you. What you do is plan ahead and lose the weight.
Personally I find a great starting point for weight loss and strength. You don’t have to turn into the Hulk. Now get to it..

Nice Guys Finish Last

Nice guys finish last. You’ve heard it like a mantra and it’s a cliché because it’s true. Women constantly pass over nice men for jerks, who more often than not mistreat them, and then if the cliché holds true to form, the woman runs back to the nice guy and cries on his shoulder. Tells him he’s a wonderful friend. Meanwhile the poor nice guy is hit with a triple whammy of anger, hard on, and nausea.
My biggest wake up call to this effect happened to me long ago in my college days. My then best friend Andrew and I very obviously started feeling great interest in Julie. And she had some decent interest in both of us, and frankly probably quite enjoyed our attention to her. When boyfriends compete, girlfriends win! My friendship with Andrew was quite long and deep, and in a great moment of mutual respect, we agreed that if one of us dated her, it was going to mess up our friendship.
So like a week later Andrew and Julie are on their third date. The first one happened the very next day after we agreed not to go after her. I was somewhat angry, but at the same time I could see that I had basically been outplayed and had to give him credit. Because of the dates that had already happened, she was into him, and the moment of opportunity for me had passed. Though just as we thought, it did drive a bit of a wedge between me and my friend. About a year later she was crying to me on the phone as the relationship fell apart. Suffice to say, I didn’t offer much assistance in them getting back together. LOL my bad.
Fast forward a few more years, and I meet Jennifer my wife to be. I become unhinged. She’s actually dating someone else and he’s her steady boyfriend. I see her holding hands with him and I hate him. I refuse to even say his name in anything other than distain even now 18 years later. Primal reaction. Deal with it people.
Things are going a little less than perfectly between them, and I work that angle fairly firmly. I make it plain that I think he’s a jerk, he doesn’t seem to be good for her, and she’d be better off with a nice man. Which in retrospect is funny in that my words were “hey I’m the nice guy you should be with”, but my actions were actually pure jerk. She laps it up.
Anyway four days later they break up. And I’m right there. Funny that. Then we have five wonderful days together. Riding the rollercoaster at Knoebels I look across at her and I just gape at her. She looks back at me with her long blonde hair flying all over the place, and there’s this odd small smile. (Then we say goodbye and basically live in separate countries for three years, but that’s going to derail the post…)
The point is, if I had been nice, I would have never had married Jennifer. I would have just seen a pretty girl with a not so great boyfriend bugging her and done nothing of interest. Being nice is a very important aspect of your personality, having no nice in you just means you’re an asshole. Adding in a little of the jerk / Alpha Male trait is the key to building attraction though.
At some point in your courtship, you likely did something that was a little crazy, a little wild, something over the top that made your wife to be sit up and take notice of you. Maybe all it was happened to be fronting up to her, and making it plain being just friends with her wasn’t an option you where going to be able to live with.
Marriage can easily fall into a rut. When was the last time you made it plain being “just friends” still isn’t an option you can live with? That you want a passionate connection to her. Make sure she knows with her you have no half-way. If you don’t do this to her at least once in a while, you leave the door open for someone else to do it to her. Emotional connections are serious things and sometimes not even your best friend can be trusted with the woman you love. Do not let the moment pass.
Just don’t phrase it in the form of a question to her. Make a statement.

The Basics Part 5: What Is Sexy Is…

Here’s evolutionary psychology in a nutshell… What is sexy is anything that is good for making or raising babies.
This is the most fundamental rule to understand sex with. Everything that is sexually attractive can eventually be boiled down to this one thought.
Fit healthy bodies are sexy – because they pass on good genes to the baby.
Beauty is sexy – because beauty is an indicator of health.
Youth is sexy – because younger people make healthier babies.
Rich is sexy – because all that money is money that can be spent on raising baby.
A house is sexy – because baby will have somewhere safe to live.
Smart is sexy – because baby will be smarter and better taught.
Good with kids is sexy – because an active father is good for raising baby.
Foreigners are sexy – because cross breeding passes on better immune systems to baby.
Bigger boobs are sexy – because the women with them are more fertile and have a better chance of having a baby.
A woman with a 0.7 waist to hip ratio is sexy – because it is a key indicator of the likelihood of a full term pregnancy and delivery of a baby.
Tall is sexy – because it shows good health and nourishment and will mean baby is likely to be healthier and fed.
Listening is sexy – because it means you can communicate and form social bonds which means you’ll probably stick around to raise baby.
Fidelity is sexy – because it means you won’t spend your time and money on other women and not this woman’s baby.
Lots of semen is sexy – because that stuff just rocks for making babies.
Strong is sexy – because sometimes you need to move something heavy to improve life for baby.
Courage is sexy – because sometimes baby has to be defended from predators.
Preselection is sexy – because if other women are interested in a man, it’s probably because he’s really sexy.
I’ll say it again… What is sexy is anything that is good for making or raising babies.
Lets face it. Babies are like Kyptonite to women. You just know that the guy playing with the baby in the video below got totally laid that night.
 In fact just playing this video within earshot of your wife will probably increase your chances of getting laid tonight. But maybe cover these words with your hand, or scroll the page just right so she can’t see them… at first. 
If she comes over and watches, don’t forget to reach out and touch her. Play it just before bedtime and make a move to close the deal. You’re welcome.

Sexy Moves: The Ten Second Kiss

Here’s a simple move to rock her world. It’s called “The Ten Second Kiss”. I’m sure you’ve figured out the basic concept already, but what the hell, I’m gonna pad out the post anyway.
It’s so easy to get in a rut with each other, and fall away from the feeling of being passionate lovers, to friendly roommates. The friendly roommates road just leads to bad sex at best, but more likely affairs and divorce. The Ten Second Kiss brings that feeling back instantly. Ten seconds is actually quite a long time, specially if your intimacy has been cut down to 0.1 second pecks in passing. Peck, peck, peck. It’s like you’re eight years old and trying to evade an ugly aunt or something, but she’s going to box you in until she gets it. Come kiss your auntie! MUAH! And the taste of cigarettes and your nausea overwhelm you.
Ok… maybe that’s just my childhood trauma talking or something, but the principle holds. All those kisses that amount to a peck in passing, does nothing to light the fires. For either of you.
If the routine is new to her, just walk up to her and say… “It’s being so long since we kissed. I mean really really kissed. I want to kiss for ten seconds, but I do have one rule…”
She’s pretty much forced to ask, “what’s that?”
Then you say, and it’s very important you do this with a cocky smile and keeping it light and fun as possible, “you have to pretend to like it.”
She should laugh and say “ok” or something similar. Then you hold her and lean in for the kiss. When you lean in to kiss her, go 90% of the way in and hold position, making her come the final 10% of the distance to you. This engages her into the kiss rather that it being something that she can passively accept happening to her. We’re creating emotional engagement here. It’s also a highly confident approach, which most women find very sexy. It means you aren’t scared of her not responding to her. This is a fairly Alpha Male move in that the underlying message is “I know you will respond to me”.
Then hold the kiss, for all ten seconds. If she breaks it off early, lightly tell her off, “that wasn’t ten seconds, come back here and do it right”. Then repeat it until you get a full ten seconds. This again is Alpha Male goodness in that you are asserting yourself and not letting her evade you. Don’t go in trying to cop a feel either, you’re kissing her. If you’re hard, it’s perfectly fine if she if she feels it. Just don’t go into a stupid “A Frame” hug stance, instead press against her, letting her know that she is affecting you. You’re just not trying to convert this into sex for the moment. If you try and do that she will try and defend against it in that she may not want sex just that second. But if you don’t try and close for sex, there’s nothing to defend against, so her guard will come down and she will let you “in” emotionally.
What you will find is that somewhere around the 6-8 second mark, her shields come down, and something inside her will trigger and she will become quite passionate about the interaction. Feel free to keep the kiss going on as long as you both want. Also you will find the long deep kiss will not only trigger passionate interest in her, but also in you. It is very difficult to stay emotionally neutral about a member of the opposite sex when you kiss like this.
The beauty of The Ten Second Kiss, is that it works every time. You can do this once a day and it will connect you both again. Importantly, don’t automatically try and turn this into an attempt to close for sex. Kiss her like this, make some small talk, and move on with your day. The goal is to connect you both emotionally. Once emotionally connected to you, your woman is far more interested in sex.

Why Monogamy Rocks!

Most women have an emotional commitment to being monogamous (if only in marriage), and are offended that their husbands struggle with feeling good about the idea of it. The husband may not cheat, but they don’t feel good about monogamy. I’ve got the answer for you… the truth is that most men do much better in a monogamous culture, than a polygamous one.

Most men have a desire to have sex with more than one woman… ok… ideally lots of women. Ok… ALL of them if possible! After all, a man can easily have sex with hundreds of women in a single year and impregnate them all if he was lucky, and then take a nap as the women raised the kids by themselves. There is a natural resistance to the idea in the minds of men that they should limit themselves to just a single woman. Men are wired to be fairly promiscuous by nature.

Women on the other hand, have a huge investment in bearing and raising children. She gets only a few good shots at getting this done, so she is wired to be far more choosey about partners. A common misconception is that women are wired to be “good girls” and interested in only monogamy. However what they are actually most interested in, is hypergamy, or as better known, “marrying up”. Women want the best partners they can have.

In a purely monogamous society, as I said earlier equal sex rank couples form. 10s with 10s, 9s with 9s. It looks like this…

However in a polygamous society, there are no rules that limit a high Sex Rank male gaining access to more than one female, and females are not limited to the highest Sex Ranked unmarried male available. So in a polygamous society, the marriages may look something like this;

As you can see, the top dog male does really well with lots of women, and second place does pretty well, but with two less sexy women than he would have had otherwise. Every other male does significantly worse than they would in a monogamous society. The bottom men get no hope for sex at all!

Also what tends to happen in polygamous societies, is that without the rules of one man, one woman, competition between men becomes increasingly fierce, and often will easily turn from the common showing off and jostling for position in a monogamous society, to deadly violence or harsh social control. Male Sex Rank is more heavily weighted towards Alpha traits in a polygamous society than Beta traits. Personally my stronger suit is the Beta traits, so in an aggressive polygamous culture (like a High School LOL) I would have a lower Sex Rank, than in a monogamous culture where defending myself from thugs is a lesser concern.

Apart from periodically having your current husband killed from random violence, and having other men move in aggressively on you, most women do better in polygamous societies than they would in monogamous ones. Sometimes it’s better to be the third wife of a super rich guy, than the only wife of a poor man. You’ll probably get less sex, but the guys will be hotter. Which probably appeals to some women. However your sons will probably die before you see grandkids from them, and you’ll probably be raped a lot. So it’s really only “better” on a mathematical level. (Your mileage may vary!)

Bringing it home to me on a personal level, is that I’m probably overall about an 8 in Sex Rank. If we lived in a polygamous society, I’d probably be a 5 or a 6, and my sweet Jennifer wouldn’t be married to me. She’s probably be the third wife of some guy with ass loads of money. And if she did decide to marry me for love… I’d probably just get stabbed by an angry 2 with nothing to lose and I’d die watching her be raped. More likely Jennifer just wouldn’t have even given me the time of day, and I’d be excited to be married to a lunch lady twelve years older than me who lost her first husband by being stabbed by an angry 2.

As I’m quite fond of Jennifer, and detest being stabbed…I’m leaning towards monogamy as a good thing.

The Basics Part 4 – Sex Rank

One of the things I’m going to refer to a lot is the concept of Sex Rank. It’s a somewhat harsh way of looking at the world, but ultimately everyone can be loosely assessed as a number from 1 to 10, based on how sexy they are. Just admit it, we’ve all done it, looked at a woman and had a number pop into our head. She’s a 7, a 9, a 4… whatever. Usually when a man rates a woman, he’s looking a good deal at physical beauty as a primary factor in her sexual attractiveness.
What may interest you, is that women can do exactly the same thing to men. When women do the same thing to men, physical beauty is a factor, but it much less a factor to women than men. Women find wealth, social status and more (the whole range of Alpha and Beta Male traits) appealing and sexy. So women can also mentally rank men on a 1-10 scale of sexiness as well.
Both men and women rank each other. This is done continually and for the most part without conscious thought. In this way men are engaged in a constant battle for their place in the pecking order with each other. There’s only so much room to be a 10, only so much space to be a 9… and so on down the ladder. Also women are in constant competition with other women to be the most appealing. Women may wear make up to be attractive to men, but primarily to be more attractive to men than other women are. It’s about staking a claim higher up the sex rank ladder.
In a monogamous society, equally Sex Ranked people will tend to pair off with each other. 10s will couple with 10s, 9s with 9s, 8s with 8s… all the way to 1s with 1s. Basically a 7 won’t settle for a 6, and an 8 won’t settle for a 7, and a male 7 and a female 7 will just meet each other and feel a surge of mutual interest and pair off.
This sexual competition within your sex never stops. A woman that was an 8 at age 23 when she married, but then packs on the pounds, smokes, drinks and generally ages very badly may turn into a worn out 4 by age 50. A women than was a 4 at age 23, may lose some weight, get her teeth fixed, dress better, exercise consistently and advance a career, and turn into a solid 7 by age 50. It’s all about your sexiness relative to the average sexiness of your gender.
If the Sex Rank with a couple starts to diverge, then stress is placed on the couple. If two 6s marry, and the women becomes health focused and dresses to impress consistently, and blossoms into a 7, and her husband starts as a 6 and then struggles to work and turns into a couch potato and hits 350 pounds and falls to a 2, what was a balanced male 6 female 6 relationship is now a male 2 female 7 relationship. No one is going to be surprised when the women falls for another man that is a 7. She’ll give her husband the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you speech”, and leave him without much fanfare. (exceptions exist to be sure, but it’s more true than not)
The most vital point for a husband is to understand that the wedding was not the finishing line. It’s the starting line. Staying sexually attractive to your wife is a life long requirement. Sometimes the very reason your wife is rejecting you sexually, is that she is no longer attracted to you. Well if you were an 8 and she’s an 8, and now you’re a 5 and she’s still an 8… guess what… she’s not attracted to you! She feels she has sold herself short. That’s why the sex has dropped to a mere trickle.
Also importantly, the more divergent the sex rank, the greater the relationship stress is. A male 5 with a female 6 relationship may be an “imperfect marriage” but survive if the couple has a strong moral basis. A male 4 with a female 6 marriage is likely to just fold, or be only tolerable to the wife if she has affairs on the side. A male 3 with a female 6 is doomed as other men will just brazenly approach the wife for a relationship knowing they are more attractive than the husband is.
The key for the man is to master the Alpha and Beta Male trait as best he can. Good sex is just the consequence of being sexy.

The Basics Part 3 – The Attraction Switches

Loosely summarized – women respond to men exhibiting positive versions of two primary male traits called Alpha Male and Beta Male. It’s important to note that I am markedly different from most PUA writers in that I see the need for men to have BOTH of these aspects of personality in their make up. In many ways the Alpha traits are what we are traditionally biologically hardwired to be as attractive to women. Likewise the Beta traits are what makes us a productive member of modern society and are appealing on a sociological level.
The Alpha Male is devoted to physicality, assertiveness, leadership, social dominance, healthy genes, raw sexual energy, power and at times even violence. The positive version is that of an inspiring protector and the not so positive is simply a thug. This is the male aspect that just gets panties wet and triggers attraction. Thugs still get panties wet, they are just scary to be a relationship with.
The Beta Male is devoted to personality traits that ultimately are good for raising children. Work ethic, building the nest, kindness, parenting skills, listening, holding a job, controlling anger and sexual energy, art, language and creativity. The positive version is the family man that provides and supports, the negative version is the mangina that gives away all relationship power to the woman. Good Betas build relationship comfort. When the woman is given too much comfort and not enough attraction, she becomes bored with her partner. Often the beginning of the end. (Queue up the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech.)
The man needs to develop and show both Alpha and Beta traits over a long term relationship and show them appropriately. Most men typically do better with one or the other of these traits, and in times of pressure (like a break up) just act more and more from their position of natural strength. Natural Alpha’s get bigger and louder and become scarier and even less reliable. Natural Beta’s do more stuff for the woman and bore her to death with their neediness even faster. So more often than not, their natural reaction to relationship stress just intensifies the relationship problem.
So if you’re too Beta the solution is to add Alpha. If you’re too Alpha, the solution is to add Beta.
It is exceptionally important to balance both positive traits in a long term relationship. Women have a monthly sexual cycle with changing hormones that affects what they are more attracted to throughout the month. For about three weeks of the month women respond more positively to Beta Male behavior. But when she is ovulating Alpha Male behavior is highly attractive. Importantly – while ovulation is only a small part of the month, this is when she will make her most critical sexual decisions and is at her horniest. Husbands that fail to display Alpha traits specially during ovulation run a higher risk for being either abandoned, cheated on, or raising children they think are theirs but aren’t.
In terms of myself, I more naturally fall along lines of Beta behavior. My marriage has always been decent, but I’ve seen many improvements by learning to up the Alpha stuff.
Also a common misconception is that Alpha behavior involves some sort of aggression towards the wife (yelling, hitting, property destruction, issuing demands, bossing her about etc) These things do work to change her behavior, but only in the very short term as they undercut the positive Beta traits and ultimately destroy the relationship. Ultimately the best Alpha display is that you’re just going to make your way into the world with confidence and just succeed at whatever it is that you’re going to do. Opinions of the rest of the world be damned, you’re your own man. And like a huge truck on the interstate, you just create a huge hole in the air that makes following you easy.
There’s obviously a lot more to each aspect of the Alpha Male and Beta Traits. We’ll get to them in good time!

The Basics Part 2 – Why It Happened

Hopefully the last post has your attention. And before anyone asks – it’s a fictional story, but made up of bits and pieces I hear over and over again. The story arc of a quiet “sexless” wife suddenly going sexually berserk over a new man, despite her frustrated husband having spent years begging for sex is both common and confusing.
The reason this happens is because of a combination of three things;
(1) Women have a high social cost at displaying overt sexuality. The branding of a woman as a “slut” or a “whore” is a serious affront to her. Most men want women who will remain exclusive to them (the underlying need is to assure paternity), so a woman that sleeps around lowers her sexual value. Women do make an effort not to create that image for themselves. Especially before marriage where projecting an image of “good girl” = wife material. This is not merely a social thing, even on a biological level her body makes very few overt signals to display sexual interest. Compared to some of our Great Ape near relatives where the buttocks turn bright red and vaginas release an odor so pungent that rotting fish would seem “floral”, the human females sexual response is near invisible. (This is called Concealed Ovulation and a huge topic in and off itself.)
(2) In contrast to that, women are highly sexual. Just as sexually interested as men are. So under the projection of “good girl not so interested in sex that I’ll cheat on you”, is what can be a very turbulent sea of desire, specially when they ovulate. A women interested in a man other than her partner can at times quite aggressively seek him out, (though usually he needs to make the first move on her), and enthusiastically have sex with him. Then depending on circumstance either seek to stay with her current mate, or attempt to jump ship to the new one. The results of DNA testing prove that anywhere between 2% to 30% (varies wildly by social group) of all children are fathered by a man other than the wife’s husband. The general statistic of around 10% seems to be rough average. Women cheat just is much as men do, they are just way sneaky about it in comparison.
(3) The third and final point of a woman’s sexuality, is that it is usually laying somewhat latent, until triggered by her response to a sexually attractive man. Many women can go months or years feeling only moderate desire, then once exposed to someone that interests them, turn as hot for sex as a male virgin getting felt up for the first time. Which is why in the earlier story, we saw the “quiet low drive sex” wife, suddenly turn into a wanton slut for her lover. He flipped her attraction switches, and her husband didn’t.
In short – if your wife isn’t highly sexually interested in you, somehow you are screwing things up by not triggering her attraction. She has a bunch of ON/OFF switches, and what you are doing as a whole is flipping enough of her switches into the OFF position, that she’s shutting down on you. Obviously things like health issues, and stress can kill her libido, do check those out, but my hunch is that 9 times out of 10 she is simply responding to what you are doing and how you are treating her.

The Basics Part 1 – What The Hell Happened?

We’ve a lot of ground to cover on this blog, so I’m going to toss out there a very quick series of three posts to lay out some of the overall approach. This one covers an all too common “what the hell went wrong?” story arc.

Step One:

So you’re a regular guy having a normal regular life. Then you meet this girl, you hit it off great, she’s cute and usually you stumble around women a little, but for some reason you find yourself under a spell where you just plough ahead and keep her in your sights until she final smiles and starts dating you. Wowza, she’s the one that everyone talks about. You know, “The One”.

Step Two:

Bada Bing, Bada Boom, you’re married and while she isn’t exactly kinky, she’s always happy to have sex with you. It’s the Honeymoon phase though, and you know the exact time this phase ends… when she’s puking her guts up on a Wednesday morning. But you rally around and support her all through the pregnancy like a champ. She loves that you were there for her the whole time and at the birth.

Step Three:

Welcome to the grind. Just not so much of the bump and grind. She’s tired. Another kid or two. The new house. Work starts getting harder and more serious. You can afford the house, but heating costs go through the roof and you struggle on together. No fights, you still love each other, there’s just so little time. Sex happens in the bathroom leaning over the sink as much as the bedroom. She doesn’t mind skipping the orgasm some of the time. She’s tired, it’s hard to cum when she’s tired and little ones are knocking on the bathroom door.

Step Four:

The kids are bigger and more self-sufficient. You’re both working and busy. She’s not as tired as before, but she’s not terribly in the mood either. Supposedly she’s meant to turn 30 and turn into a sexpot, but Saturday night is only once a week, and she has this lingerie drawer of stuff you’ve bought that never sees the light of day. You ask for more sex which somehow turns into a fight about back to school clothes for the kids. The next day – a Thursday you have amazing make up sex with her wearing the black teddy you bought for her birthday three years ago. Then the lingerie vault closes for good, and a couple nights a week becomes jerk off to porn night. Anything with MILF in the title works. Still it’s a good marriage. She’s a good woman, you’re a good man, and the kids are happy and doing well in school. The only issue for you is the sex, but she just has a very low sex drive.

Step Five:

Kids are a little older know. Wifey takes an interest in the gym and loses 20 pounds. There are a few new outfits too, and more make up. She’s looks fit and happier than you’ve seen her in years. And sex on Wednesday’s too. Well most weeks anyway. Life is good. She’s getting out and about more with some friends at work, which is just fine because you so happy to see her having fun. She gets a lot of text messages though. You sneak a look in the lingerie vault and there’s a pink thong you know you didn’t buy for her.

Step Six:

The details of her affair are ghastly. At first she just said it wasn’t physical, just this friend from work that she couldn’t stop talking too. Lots of phone calls and text messages. Eventually the keylogger on the computer and a sound activated tape recorder catch details of torrid sexual encounters. The affair doesn’t traumatize you as much as the knowledge that she’s doing things with her lover that she had previously given you a firm “no” to. The recorded sounds of her shrieking in pleasure under her lover both tear you heart out and turn you on. Your quiet sexless wife is apparently only that way with you.

Step Seven:

Her lover moved on, but apparently so did she. You try marriage counseling, but she can’t really say why she wants a divorce, she just wants one and the counselor ends the sessions after just four. She keeps saying she loves you, but isn’t in love with you. You rent a small apartment. You see the kids on Saturdays.

All pretty scary stuff. Usually in stories like this the husband has no clue what happened to derail his marriage. Usually he feels cheated beyond all reason. Not only for the actual affair that finishes off the marriage, but for the years of lackluster sex between him and his wife. Usually they very much complain that they have done everything possible for their wife and had no idea she even had that level of sexual response in her.

Next post we’ll cover the Why It Happened part of the problem.

PUA Game vs. Married Game

One of the elements I’m going to use on this site as part of the big picture, is Game. The thing to understand though is that there is a huge difference between Pick Up Artist (PUA) Game and Married Game. And 98% of what is out there on the internet about Game is about PUA Game, and not Married Game.

Generally the automatic response to even using the word Game in marriage is that the husband is somehow constantly playing mind games on the wife to control and manipulate her into doing things for him. Probably some combination of sex and housework. While such “evil ends” are probably possible in the short term with application of PUA Game on your wife, PUA Game is completely impossible to sustain beyond a few weeks of a relationship. You just run out of material.

PUA Game is all about style; using The Mystery Method as the default assumption for what PUA Game is, PUA is all about carefully prepared sets and routines honed to perfection. Wearing carefully prepared peacocking gear. At the heart of things, its a carefully staged display of the PUA having a high value to mate with. The Display of High Value is the key point.

Married Game is all about substance; rather than attempting special displays of high value, the Married Gamer actually develops high value. The display of such being somewhat incidental. The married man trying to run PUA on his own wife will get a few moments of fun, but she will quickly wise to routines and it will just piss her off if you try and run them on her any further. It’s just not possible to sustain the intensity of PUA methods and succeed.

In case you were reading between the lines and thought I was saying PUA were “fakes”, the answer is “not exactly”. PUA are like Stand Up Comedy – planned routines and very fun, but after an hour, it’s over. Married Game is just like being a guy with a sense of humor. I’m not going to make you laugh for an hour straight, but we are going to have laughter together. PUA are like The Harlem Globetrotters, a whole bunch of planned routines, physical tricks and misdirection’s. The show is awesome, but see the show once or twice, and you’re good for a couple years of not seeing it. Married Game is like being an NBA player, there’s practice, knowing your role, team meetings, schedules, finance and more work outside the spot light than you ever do in it.

The trick for the Married Gamer, is to figure out what can work in marriage from the PUA Game and shamelessly steal it and co-opt it for use.

The key “trick” Married Gamers can learn from PUA is to gain higher value in reality, and acknowledge that the majority of women seek higher status males and respond sexually to them. Women are hypergamous. This why you need to learn about the whole Alpha Male effect. Put bluntly; if you want a better sexual response from your wife, be a better man for her to respond more strongly to. She won’t be able to help herself. Much more to come on the “how” part of the “being a better man”. For now, just know the principle behind nearly everything else.

The trap for the PUA seeking a long term relationship is that they may land a hot babe through their game, but if they cannot back that up with substance, the relationship will fail. If the PUA’s actual value isn’t equaling the display of higher value their PUA Game implied, the girlfriend will eventually wise up and move on with extreme contempt once she discovers that you are not in fact an Alpha Male, just a suboptimal Beta Male who had a funky hat and a cool belt buckle.

Also a concern for the PUA seeking a long term relationship, is that the typical places PUA run Game in, are terrible places to meet a potential wife. Bars and clubs are frequented by only a subset of women, most of whom tend to be more impulsive and self-centered than those that do not regularly attend bars and clubs. Plus PUA will focus on women that respond best to them, by which I mean the ones that drop their panties the fastest. The suggested normal PUA time elapsed from first meeting to sex is supposedly seven hours. (That may be seven hours spread over 3-4 dating occasions, but the time stated in The Mystery Method is seven hours and I’ve not really seen other times offered.) So if you only have seven hours to work with, I think only gaming chicks with lower back tattoos, no sexual morals and drinking is probably the best target group you can go for.

In my opinion, women that are; impulsive, self-centered, bar hopping and easy lays with strange men, just aren’t the talent pool to find a wife from. It’s like getting a cat from an animal shelter, it’s easy to get a cat that way, just don’t complain too much if it pees on the carpet, bites you, and then runs away.