Sexy Move For Her: Making NASCAR Interesting

I have an email from Jessica W.

I know you’re writing for men, but some of us ladies read as well, and I’m wondering if I can ask a question. My boyfriend watches a lot of sports on TV and I don’t really mind, because it’s not really something stupid like going out partying at strip clubs or drugs or anything like that. He’s home and I love him. Just I cannot stand to watch NASCAR races. It’s the same stuff everytime. Cars go round and round. Round and round and round and round. The races take so long and I’m starting to feel a bit ignored. I’ve tried talking to him about it, and he agrees with me, but then it comes on again and he zones out again. What can I do to make him pay attention to me?”

Hi Jessica, great to have your question. I’m sure it’s a common concern to many wives and girlfriends. Most major sporting events have half time, so quickee sex during half time is usually traditional and always appropriate, but NASCAR is slightly different and what is socially appropriate is a far more complex ritual. The rules are summarized below;

Lead changes are a drink.

Any time the announcer says the words “loose” you remove an article of clothing.

Any time the announcer says the words “tight” you finger yourself for a minute. Through your clothes if you still have them on.

Any crashes or wrecks you offer your ass for a spanking. One playful slap per car involved is just fine.

Make sure snacks are available at all times. That is not part of the foreplay process, but it is still very important.

Any time the announcer says words to the effect of “we all know the Big One is coming”, moan loudly and rub your boobs.

First ask him who his favorite car is. Every time his car goes into the pits go down on him for as long as the car is on pit road. Playful sucking rather than that thing you do (wink), we don’t want him popping early and having a DNF result.

As soon as the race is over, tell him he has until they spray the champagne in the winners circle to finish inside you, after that you’re getting up and leaving. Doggy style is good. Once they start spraying champagne attempt to crawl away from him… he should be either done, or struggling to hold you in place. Make it a playful tussle! Sexy and fun.

Oh and you make your tips during the commericals. Just say I’ll rub your cock for a dollar. No money no play. Don’t flinch on this issue, make him learn for next week. Make sure he knows he’s not allowed to cum until the race is over though. Tell him if he does that you’ll post on Facebook that he premature ejaculates and you’re lonely. Have the computer open to your Facebook page for best effect.

So Jessica, If all that doesn’t work to get your boyfriends attention, he’s probably just a Jeff Gordon fan.

A Little More On Alpha and Beta Male Traits

Adding some refinement to an earlier post
Most discussion of Alpha and Beta Males see the relationship between them to be polar opposites. In other words, you are either an Alpha Male, or a Beta Male, with not much in between the two. Occasionally you get a reference to an Omega Male who is so terrible at everything that he falls below even the lowest of Betas. The ranking looks like this, and the stereotypical sex life is displayed as well.
However as I’ve said before, I see Alpha Male and Beta Male, as not simply a fixed status, but as…
Buy Me!

Sexy Move: The Pass In The Shower

This one is easy. Assuming you’re not rushing off to work, and have a little time to spend, this move is always good fun and can set the tone for the day together.

Let her get in the shower first and have her shower as normal. Then time your approach to when she would be just about ready to get out. If you’re not sure, go a little earlier rather than later. If she’s already out of the shower, you’re basically screwed as you can’t really ask her to get back into the shower without looking like you failed the timing.

The approach is pretty simple. You get into the shower with her. This is a fairly obnoxious / strong / alpha move in that you are clearly invading her personal space, but you’re her husband so you shouldn’t have too much of an issue breaking her down.

Have a line ready to disarm her if she seems a little shocked at the invasion. Almost the sillier it is the better. You’re trying to convey playful fun, rather than a dangerous scuffle in the shower seeking penetration. Big goofy grin, light tone. Suggestions;

“Pardon me I didn’t know this shower was occupied”

“The hotel sent me up to you, but I’ll need some ID”

“You seem familiar, have we met”

“Shhhhh, don’t tell my wife I’m in here with you”

“Shower Boy” (say it in the same tone as “Room Service”)

“Reporting for duty”

Then just tell her you’re going to wash her back. Have a nice facial scrub of some sort, and use it to wash her back. You can get these from any supermarket for a few bucks, and she probably already has something like this in the shower anyway. Nice big squeeze of it. Take your time. Make it a sensual experience. Everyone loves having their back scrubbed, it feels great. Just scrub her back down.
Once done she’ll need to turn around and rinse off. Then you unload…
“Wow nice rack, are those real?” Remember your naughty boy grin and playful tone. The words don’t actually matter all that much really. You can probably recite the Pledge of Allegiance and make headway if you keep the grin going and the right tone.
Then say it’s your turn, which comes to the delicate passing maneuver where you swap ends of the shower. You don’t have to full on grope, but do obviously enjoy any and all incidental contact as you brush past each other. Oh yeah.
Then she scrubs you down. You rinse off and it’s time to end the routine. If she’s obviously wanting sex right here and now, well go ahead. But otherwise she’s probably going to be wondering if you’re going to try something on her. Kiss for a bit then just gently order her out so you can have your shower. That just might mess with her head a little… in a good way.
Finish your shower, and continue on with your day. After a morning start like this, you can probably run rampant with flirting with her and physical touch all day. Remember – light, playful, fun, and a little I’m being a naughty boy thrown in as well. She’ll be primed for bedtime. You’re welcome.

Running Some Beta Male Game

Occasionally, just for fun, I like to practice my Pick Up Game on girls other than my wife. This sounds like I’m out to get myself in big trouble, but I tend to not push it as far as I could. Ultimately running game is just about having a good time and turning it into a good time for the people you’re with. In fact once you give up on the idea of sex as the goal, and have a Zen like “who cares” attachment to the sex, it all gets much easier to do anyway. Women respond to that lack of neediness.
My mark tonight is much younger than me, and making it clear from the get go that going out to dinner was an idea she has now decided she wasn’t too keen on. She isn’t excited about meeting the people we’re having dinner with either. Mostly because of the small children that are attached to them, and the Rain Forest Cafe in the mall is like a bad Disney attraction that got lost from its friends. Or as she put it, “this place is fail”.
So yeah… small children, the Mall, and a horribly crowed Saturday night in the Rain Forest Café, and a grumpy date. Yeah this is going to take some work to dig out of this hole. Stay with me, I pull this one off.
Firstly we get there on time, and I’m texting the others to say we arrived. Except I’m not just texting, I’m opening with my patented overly complicated military themed text message routine. This is where you attempt to use the most complicated words possible to state simple messages. Ideally the message is so thick, that it’s a slight 3-5 second puzzle for the other person to understand, and then a sudden “oh!” and you get a reply back from them. The military theming allows you to explain actions very well.
The little kids are apparently on a full frenzy in Build A Bear Workshop, and neither me or my date has a desire to suffer through that. So we leave about an hour later and catch the others up. On getting in to the car to head to the mall, I text ahead;

Send: “In Transit”
Received: “K. still in build a bear. Text when u get here.”
We drive over, not much conversation. Oy, she has her shields way up. I’m making no progress. On getting out of the car and walking in to the mall;
Send: “Egress transport. Progressing to rendezvous.” I show this to my girl and get a giggle as I send it. She’s seen this before, and knows what I’m doing. But she thinks I’m doing this to play with those getting the message, she doesn’t twig that I’m doing it as much to play with her. Hey look, I’m funny, literate and playful.
Received: “LOL dinner at 620.” Crud they are taking forever, and now we’re earlier than I planned.
Send: “Aborting Ursidae Construction Center. Recon High Ground. Deploying proximal target 1815″
Received: “???”
Received: “LOL ok. You’re an idiot :-)”
I get another giggle, when I show her that, and we head to the upper level and wander around the mall together. I’m usually trying to escalate the physical touch, but an early attempt at an arm around the shoulder gets shaken off. She doesn’t notice the gentle touches in the small of her back to guide her into a couple of the stores though. She just walks in. Yeah baby… smooooooooth.
We eventually circle around and end up at the Rain Forest Café. And 620pm comes and goes. She’s pretty much trying to avoid the group of ten other people. She’s not really behaving, so I’m pretty much forced into negging her. Rather than saying something to take her down a peg, I simply ignore her, and pay attention to another female…
…well a very precious almost two year old female anyway. Precious is running the most awesome game on everyone, and opens on me by walking away from the group in the middle of a crowded shopping mall. I follow her. Damn she’s good. I’m running about after her like a chump. She’s got me from hello.
I catch up to her and she announces she is going to see the dinosaur. Meaning the animated crocodile outside the restaurant. So we make our way across to see it, her walking with an air of invincibility through a swirl of adults not looking down, me supplying the invincibility in giving off a strong stand back vibe and doing the eye dog sheep herding thing on everyone coming within 20 feet of us. The crowd parts, and I lift her up to see the dinosaur. I’m getting multiple IOIs from chicks near the croc. Meaning like three women nearby all went “aaawwwwwww” as I lifted her up to see. I don’t look back behind me, because I don’t need to look back to know that the rest of my party is watching me.
Yup I’m using a two year old as a pawn.
We hang out for a bit and then head back to the group. Precious is excitable and now her older brother wants to see as well. So we repeat the trip back, and I end up hauling both of them up into the air to see the crocodile. Thank god for the time doing weights, these two are heavy.
Now I have two pawns. I’m rocking out on the preselection, and building social proof. All the women in my group notice and pay attention. (Though honestly I’d like to avoid having my social proof filling diapers while I’m holding them.)
I head back to my girl. We chat a little and she’s still grumpy. I look away and she does a huge dramatic sigh and shuts her eyes and wishes herself far away. I swear to God she’s dreaming of ruby slippers and clicking her heels three times.
I understand being tired, but now she’s just being rude to me, and everyone. I just ask her, “are you ok with all this, or would you just like me to take you home.”
No one wants to be removed from a group. Specially not sent home like a spoiled child who can’t be introduced to anyone. She immediately perks up and says she’ll be fine with this, she’s just tired.
Finally, finally, finally we’re heading in. I isolate her at one end of the table. Now I start playing a game called “guess what liberal arts degree the waiters have”. This works because while being a waiter is an okay job, when you see someone who looks 35 and is running around finding highchairs and taking orders, and holding fake birthday cake, with a fake sparkler and singing happy birthday to someone else’s ankle biters with fake happiness, you know they screwed up somewhere along the way.
Then the guy across from us asks about my Dad. Dad is fighting cancer, and it’s kinda serious, so we talk about that. You can’t plough PUA sets when someone asks about sick family members and not look like a tool. Anyway, missy has some medical knowledge so she opens up a little, and I let her run for a bit. Lots of nods, smiles, and yes that’s right from me. I don’t rub in her face that I’m nurse and know more than she does, she’s trying to gain my approval and display her own value, so I let her.
Totally unplanned. The guy across from us turns into my wing. Just says something seriously nice and flattering about me, that I’m not going to repeat it here for making it sound like I’m bragging. Anyway, it’s a totally rocking Display of Higher Value. My date just looks at me like she got an eye transplant. That’s right sweetheart, I’m the guy.
After that we just plough ahead with stories and fun. With no less than seven birthday songs happening around us which turns into the evenings running gag. By the end of the night, she’s running that routine herself on the rest of us and it’s amusing as hell. I made her funny. She eats it up and the shields are completely switched off. She’s laughing and chatting now.
I finish the dinner with one of my top shelf stories. This is turning into a long post, so I’ll save it for another day, but trust me when I say our end of the table is shitting itself laughing as I relay the story. She’s literally crying with laugher and screaming “no no no” and pounding the table as I finish…
…which gets the attention of the other end of the table. One of the other young ladies gets out of her chair, walks the length of the table and completely drapes herself on me and demands to know what’s so funny. I shit you not.
See I told you I would pull this off. Nothing like someone wrapping themselves on you to make the point you’re someone that’s in demand. I retell the story, more laugher, and then it’s time to go. They all clear out and me and my girl are left behind for a moment as we keep talking totally engaged with one another. In the end the others have to shout for us to leave the restaurant, and we leave together as a conspiracy of two.
There’s separate cars and half of us drive back to my place. We head home having fun with U2 turned way up so we can feel the bass lines in our chests. Even Better Than The Real Thing, Fly On The Wall, Mysterious Ways. Hey I’m old school. Deal with it. I’m so overconfident right now I could pull Lady Gaga right off a dude she was on top of, or a chick, or… hmmm…. ya know I just like her music, I might pass on her actually.
We beat the others home by a few minutes and it’s just me and my girl. We hug. I tell her next time we really have to play Van Halen. She’s like “who?”… yeah she’s a little young… so I bring her up to speed. But finish by telling her she’ll probably love them. You see when she was a baby and having a hard time falling asleep, I used to put her in her car seat, put her in the car and slowly drive around town with Van Halen playing softly. Eventually she would nod off, and I’d sneak her back into the house without waking her up.
Then my wife is home with my other daughter – that’s the one who draped herself all over me and demanded a retelling of the top shelf story – and with our little niece Precious. Precious hangs out for a while and is collected by her parents. My father-in-law come wingman had shepherded the rest of the crew back to his and Grandma’s place for a sleepover. And we’re finally down to just me and my two girls, and my wife.
After that, not a lot happened… at first. We were all tired and just enjoyed the quiet of home. The kids eventually shuttled off to showers and bed, and my wife and I were hanging out on the sofa. She was down the other end of the table managing Precious, and was keen to hear “what was going on down there” and what I had done to break our grumpy preteen down into forgetting she was meant to be a grumpy preteen.
So I spill the story and we cuddle and laugh, though naturally she’s heard the top shelf story dozens of times, so I get minimal response from her. But she just glows at me and snuggles anyway.
“You were wonderful with her tonight”
We made out for a bit, and she took a hot bath which is all part of the foreplay process…. and then it was just all like this…

So remember the golden rule of what is sexy… what is sexy is anything that is good for making or raising babies. And I just rocked all night with our babies, and a couple extra ones at times as well. It’s a Beta Male skill to be good with kids, but it builds comfort in spades. Pay attention to your kids, when you win the social group called your family, you win your wife.

Now go play with them.

EDIT:  Jennifer had further comment on this post here.