Most women have an emotional commitment to being monogamous (if only in marriage), and are offended that their husbands struggle with feeling good about the idea of it. The husband may not cheat, but they don’t feel good about monogamy. I’ve got the answer for you… the truth is that most men do much better in a monogamous culture, than a polygamous one.
Most men have a desire to have sex with more than one woman… ok… ideally lots of women. Ok… ALL of them if possible! After all, a man can easily have sex with hundreds of women in a single year and impregnate them all if he was lucky, and then take a nap as the women raised the kids by themselves. There is a natural resistance to the idea in the minds of men that they should limit themselves to just a single woman. Men are wired to be fairly promiscuous by nature.
Women on the other hand, have a huge investment in bearing and raising children. She gets only a few good shots at getting this done, so she is wired to be far more choosey about partners. A common misconception is that women are wired to be “good girls” and interested in only monogamy. However what they are actually most interested in, is hypergamy, or as better known, “marrying up”. Women want the best partners they can have.
In a purely monogamous society, as I said earlier equal sex rank couples form. 10s with 10s, 9s with 9s. It looks like this…
However in a polygamous society, there are no rules that limit a high Sex Rank male gaining access to more than one female, and females are not limited to the highest Sex Ranked unmarried male available. So in a polygamous society, the marriages may look something like this;
As you can see, the top dog male does really well with lots of women, and second place does pretty well, but with two less sexy women than he would have had otherwise. Every other male does significantly worse than they would in a monogamous society. The bottom men get no hope for sex at all!
Also what tends to happen in polygamous societies, is that without the rules of one man, one woman, competition between men becomes increasingly fierce, and often will easily turn from the common showing off and jostling for position in a monogamous society, to deadly violence or harsh social control. Male Sex Rank is more heavily weighted towards Alpha traits in a polygamous society than Beta traits. Personally my stronger suit is the Beta traits, so in an aggressive polygamous culture (like a High School LOL) I would have a lower Sex Rank, than in a monogamous culture where defending myself from thugs is a lesser concern.
Apart from periodically having your current husband killed from random violence, and having other men move in aggressively on you, most women do better in polygamous societies than they would in monogamous ones. Sometimes it’s better to be the third wife of a super rich guy, than the only wife of a poor man. You’ll probably get less sex, but the guys will be hotter. Which probably appeals to some women. However your sons will probably die before you see grandkids from them, and you’ll probably be raped a lot. So it’s really only “better” on a mathematical level. (Your mileage may vary!)
Bringing it home to me on a personal level, is that I’m probably overall about an 8 in Sex Rank. If we lived in a polygamous society, I’d probably be a 5 or a 6, and my sweet Jennifer wouldn’t be married to me. She’s probably be the third wife of some guy with ass loads of money. And if she did decide to marry me for love… I’d probably just get stabbed by an angry 2 with nothing to lose and I’d die watching her be raped. More likely Jennifer just wouldn’t have even given me the time of day, and I’d be excited to be married to a lunch lady twelve years older than me who lost her first husband by being stabbed by an angry 2.
As I’m quite fond of Jennifer, and detest being stabbed…I’m leaning towards monogamy as a good thing.
We’ve a lot of ground to cover on this blog, so I’m going to toss out there a very quick series of three posts to lay out some of the overall approach. This one covers an all too common “what the hell went wrong?” story arc.
So you’re a regular guy having a normal regular life. Then you meet this girl, you hit it off great, she’s cute and usually you stumble around women a little, but for some reason you find yourself under a spell where you just plough ahead and keep her in your sights until she final smiles and starts dating you. Wowza, she’s the one that everyone talks about. You know, “The One”.
Bada Bing, Bada Boom, you’re married and while she isn’t exactly kinky, she’s always happy to have sex with you. It’s the Honeymoon phase though, and you know the exact time this phase ends… when she’s puking her guts up on a Wednesday morning. But you rally around and support her all through the pregnancy like a champ. She loves that you were there for her the whole time and at the birth.
Welcome to the grind. Just not so much of the bump and grind. She’s tired. Another kid or two. The new house. Work starts getting harder and more serious. You can afford the house, but heating costs go through the roof and you struggle on together. No fights, you still love each other, there’s just so little time. Sex happens in the bathroom leaning over the sink as much as the bedroom. She doesn’t mind skipping the orgasm some of the time. She’s tired, it’s hard to cum when she’s tired and little ones are knocking on the bathroom door.
The kids are bigger and more self-sufficient. You’re both working and busy. She’s not as tired as before, but she’s not terribly in the mood either. Supposedly she’s meant to turn 30 and turn into a sexpot, but Saturday night is only once a week, and she has this lingerie drawer of stuff you’ve bought that never sees the light of day. You ask for more sex which somehow turns into a fight about back to school clothes for the kids. The next day – a Thursday you have amazing make up sex with her wearing the black teddy you bought for her birthday three years ago. Then the lingerie vault closes for good, and a couple nights a week becomes jerk off to porn night. Anything with MILF in the title works. Still it’s a good marriage. She’s a good woman, you’re a good man, and the kids are happy and doing well in school. The only issue for you is the sex, but she just has a very low sex drive.
Kids are a little older know. Wifey takes an interest in the gym and loses 20 pounds. There are a few new outfits too, and more make up. She’s looks fit and happier than you’ve seen her in years. And sex on Wednesday’s too. Well most weeks anyway. Life is good. She’s getting out and about more with some friends at work, which is just fine because you so happy to see her having fun. She gets a lot of text messages though. You sneak a look in the lingerie vault and there’s a pink thong you know you didn’t buy for her.
The details of her affair are ghastly. At first she just said it wasn’t physical, just this friend from work that she couldn’t stop talking too. Lots of phone calls and text messages. Eventually the keylogger on the computer and a sound activated tape recorder catch details of torrid sexual encounters. The affair doesn’t traumatize you as much as the knowledge that she’s doing things with her lover that she had previously given you a firm “no” to. The recorded sounds of her shrieking in pleasure under her lover both tear you heart out and turn you on. Your quiet sexless wife is apparently only that way with you.
Her lover moved on, but apparently so did she. You try marriage counseling, but she can’t really say why she wants a divorce, she just wants one and the counselor ends the sessions after just four. She keeps saying she loves you, but isn’t in love with you. You rent a small apartment. You see the kids on Saturdays.
All pretty scary stuff. Usually in stories like this the husband has no clue what happened to derail his marriage. Usually he feels cheated beyond all reason. Not only for the actual affair that finishes off the marriage, but for the years of lackluster sex between him and his wife. Usually they very much complain that they have done everything possible for their wife and had no idea she even had that level of sexual response in her.
One of the elements I’m going to use on this site as part of the big picture, is Game. The thing to understand though is that there is a huge difference between Pick Up Artist (PUA) Game and Married Game. And 98% of what is out there on the internet about Game is about PUA Game, and not Married Game.
Generally the automatic response to even using the word Game in marriage is that the husband is somehow constantly playing mind games on the wife to control and manipulate her into doing things for him. Probably some combination of sex and housework. While such “evil ends” are probably possible in the short term with application of PUA Game on your wife, PUA Game is completely impossible to sustain beyond a few weeks of a relationship. You just run out of material.
PUA Game is all about style; using The Mystery Method as the default assumption for what PUA Game is, PUA is all about carefully prepared sets and routines honed to perfection. Wearing carefully prepared peacocking gear. At the heart of things, its a carefully staged display of the PUA having a high value to mate with. The Display of High Value is the key point.
Married Game is all about substance; rather than attempting special displays of high value, the Married Gamer actually develops high value. The display of such being somewhat incidental. The married man trying to run PUA on his own wife will get a few moments of fun, but she will quickly wise to routines and it will just piss her off if you try and run them on her any further. It’s just not possible to sustain the intensity of PUA methods and succeed.
In case you were reading between the lines and thought I was saying PUA were “fakes”, the answer is “not exactly”. PUA are like Stand Up Comedy – planned routines and very fun, but after an hour, it’s over. Married Game is just like being a guy with a sense of humor. I’m not going to make you laugh for an hour straight, but we are going to have laughter together. PUA are like The Harlem Globetrotters, a whole bunch of planned routines, physical tricks and misdirection’s. The show is awesome, but see the show once or twice, and you’re good for a couple years of not seeing it. Married Game is like being an NBA player, there’s practice, knowing your role, team meetings, schedules, finance and more work outside the spot light than you ever do in it.
The trick for the Married Gamer, is to figure out what can work in marriage from the PUA Game and shamelessly steal it and co-opt it for use.
The key “trick” Married Gamers can learn from PUA is to gain higher value in reality, and acknowledge that the majority of women seek higher status males and respond sexually to them. Women are hypergamous. This why you need to learn about the whole Alpha Male effect. Put bluntly; if you want a better sexual response from your wife, be a better man for her to respond more strongly to. She won’t be able to help herself. Much more to come on the “how” part of the “being a better man”. For now, just know the principle behind nearly everything else.
The trap for the PUA seeking a long term relationship is that they may land a hot babe through their game, but if they cannot back that up with substance, the relationship will fail. If the PUA’s actual value isn’t equaling the display of higher value their PUA Game implied, the girlfriend will eventually wise up and move on with extreme contempt once she discovers that you are not in fact an Alpha Male, just a suboptimal Beta Male who had a funky hat and a cool belt buckle.
Also a concern for the PUA seeking a long term relationship, is that the typical places PUA run Game in, are terrible places to meet a potential wife. Bars and clubs are frequented by only a subset of women, most of whom tend to be more impulsive and self-centered than those that do not regularly attend bars and clubs. Plus PUA will focus on women that respond best to them, by which I mean the ones that drop their panties the fastest. The suggested normal PUA time elapsed from first meeting to sex is supposedly seven hours. (That may be seven hours spread over 3-4 dating occasions, but the time stated in The Mystery Method is seven hours and I’ve not really seen other times offered.) So if you only have seven hours to work with, I think only gaming chicks with lower back tattoos, no sexual morals and drinking is probably the best target group you can go for.
In my opinion, women that are; impulsive, self-centered, bar hopping and easy lays with strange men, just aren’t the talent pool to find a wife from. It’s like getting a cat from an animal shelter, it’s easy to get a cat that way, just don’t complain too much if it pees on the carpet, bites you, and then runs away.