Archives for January 2010
Most women have an emotional commitment to being monogamous (if only in marriage), and are offended that their husbands struggle with feeling good about the idea of it. The husband may not cheat, but they don’t feel good about monogamy. I’ve got the answer for you… the truth is that most men do much better in a monogamous culture, than a polygamous one.
Most men have a desire to have sex with more than one woman… ok… ideally lots of women. Ok… ALL of them if possible! After all, a man can easily have sex with hundreds of women in a single year and impregnate them all if he was lucky, and then take a nap as the women raised the kids by themselves. There is a natural resistance to the idea in the minds of men that they should limit themselves to just a single woman. Men are wired to be fairly promiscuous by nature.
Women on the other hand, have a huge investment in bearing and raising children. She gets only a few good shots at getting this done, so she is wired to be far more choosey about partners. A common misconception is that women are wired to be “good girls” and interested in only monogamy. However what they are actually most interested in, is hypergamy, or as better known, “marrying up”. Women want the best partners they can have.
In a purely monogamous society, as I said earlier equal sex rank couples form. 10s with 10s, 9s with 9s. It looks like this…
However in a polygamous society, there are no rules that limit a high Sex Rank male gaining access to more than one female, and females are not limited to the highest Sex Ranked unmarried male available. So in a polygamous society, the marriages may look something like this;
As you can see, the top dog male does really well with lots of women, and second place does pretty well, but with two less sexy women than he would have had otherwise. Every other male does significantly worse than they would in a monogamous society. The bottom men get no hope for sex at all!
Also what tends to happen in polygamous societies, is that without the rules of one man, one woman, competition between men becomes increasingly fierce, and often will easily turn from the common showing off and jostling for position in a monogamous society, to deadly violence or harsh social control. Male Sex Rank is more heavily weighted towards Alpha traits in a polygamous society than Beta traits. Personally my stronger suit is the Beta traits, so in an aggressive polygamous culture (like a High School LOL) I would have a lower Sex Rank, than in a monogamous culture where defending myself from thugs is a lesser concern.
Apart from periodically having your current husband killed from random violence, and having other men move in aggressively on you, most women do better in polygamous societies than they would in monogamous ones. Sometimes it’s better to be the third wife of a super rich guy, than the only wife of a poor man. You’ll probably get less sex, but the guys will be hotter. Which probably appeals to some women. However your sons will probably die before you see grandkids from them, and you’ll probably be raped a lot. So it’s really only “better” on a mathematical level. (Your mileage may vary!)
Bringing it home to me on a personal level, is that I’m probably overall about an 8 in Sex Rank. If we lived in a polygamous society, I’d probably be a 5 or a 6, and my sweet Jennifer wouldn’t be married to me. She’s probably be the third wife of some guy with ass loads of money. And if she did decide to marry me for love… I’d probably just get stabbed by an angry 2 with nothing to lose and I’d die watching her be raped. More likely Jennifer just wouldn’t have even given me the time of day, and I’d be excited to be married to a lunch lady twelve years older than me who lost her first husband by being stabbed by an angry 2.
As I’m quite fond of Jennifer, and detest being stabbed…I’m leaning towards monogamy as a good thing.