The Basics Part 1 – What The Hell Happened?

We’ve a lot of ground to cover on this blog, so I’m going to toss out there a very quick series of three posts to lay out some of the overall approach. This one covers an all too common “what the hell went wrong?” story arc.

Step One:

So you’re a regular guy having a normal regular life. Then you meet this girl, you hit it off great, she’s cute and usually you stumble around women a little, but for some reason you find yourself under a spell where you just plough ahead and keep her in your sights until she final smiles and starts dating you. Wowza, she’s the one that everyone talks about. You know, “The One”.

Step Two:

Bada Bing, Bada Boom, you’re married and while she isn’t exactly kinky, she’s always happy to have sex with you. It’s the Honeymoon phase though, and you know the exact time this phase ends… when she’s puking her guts up on a Wednesday morning. But you rally around and support her all through the pregnancy like a champ. She loves that you were there for her the whole time and at the birth.

Step Three:

Welcome to the grind. Just not so much of the bump and grind. She’s tired. Another kid or two. The new house. Work starts getting harder and more serious. You can afford the house, but heating costs go through the roof and you struggle on together. No fights, you still love each other, there’s just so little time. Sex happens in the bathroom leaning over the sink as much as the bedroom. She doesn’t mind skipping the orgasm some of the time. She’s tired, it’s hard to cum when she’s tired and little ones are knocking on the bathroom door.

Step Four:

The kids are bigger and more self-sufficient. You’re both working and busy. She’s not as tired as before, but she’s not terribly in the mood either. Supposedly she’s meant to turn 30 and turn into a sexpot, but Saturday night is only once a week, and she has this lingerie drawer of stuff you’ve bought that never sees the light of day. You ask for more sex which somehow turns into a fight about back to school clothes for the kids. The next day – a Thursday you have amazing make up sex with her wearing the black teddy you bought for her birthday three years ago. Then the lingerie vault closes for good, and a couple nights a week becomes jerk off to porn night. Anything with MILF in the title works. Still it’s a good marriage. She’s a good woman, you’re a good man, and the kids are happy and doing well in school. The only issue for you is the sex, but she just has a very low sex drive.

Step Five:

Kids are a little older know. Wifey takes an interest in the gym and loses 20 pounds. There are a few new outfits too, and more make up. She’s looks fit and happier than you’ve seen her in years. And sex on Wednesday’s too. Well most weeks anyway. Life is good. She’s getting out and about more with some friends at work, which is just fine because you so happy to see her having fun. She gets a lot of text messages though. You sneak a look in the lingerie vault and there’s a pink thong you know you didn’t buy for her.

Step Six:

The details of her affair are ghastly. At first she just said it wasn’t physical, just this friend from work that she couldn’t stop talking too. Lots of phone calls and text messages. Eventually the keylogger on the computer and a sound activated tape recorder catch details of torrid sexual encounters. The affair doesn’t traumatize you as much as the knowledge that she’s doing things with her lover that she had previously given you a firm “no” to. The recorded sounds of her shrieking in pleasure under her lover both tear you heart out and turn you on. Your quiet sexless wife is apparently only that way with you.

Step Seven:

Her lover moved on, but apparently so did she. You try marriage counseling, but she can’t really say why she wants a divorce, she just wants one and the counselor ends the sessions after just four. She keeps saying she loves you, but isn’t in love with you. You rent a small apartment. You see the kids on Saturdays.

All pretty scary stuff. Usually in stories like this the husband has no clue what happened to derail his marriage. Usually he feels cheated beyond all reason. Not only for the actual affair that finishes off the marriage, but for the years of lackluster sex between him and his wife. Usually they very much complain that they have done everything possible for their wife and had no idea she even had that level of sexual response in her.

Next post we’ll cover the Why It Happened part of the problem.

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  1. [...] up on me. Yeah, it happens. Just read something like this in one of the earlier MMSL blog posts. What the hell happened? The worst thing about these stuff is we(men) don't understand what relationships truly are until [...]

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