Hopefully the last post has your attention. And before anyone asks – it’s a fictional story, but made up of bits and pieces I hear over and over again. The story arc of a quiet “sexless” wife suddenly going sexually berserk over a new man, despite her frustrated husband having spent years begging for sex is both common and confusing.
The reason this happens is because of a combination of three things;
(1) Women have a high social cost at displaying overt sexuality. The branding of a woman as a “slut” or a “whore” is a serious affront to her. Most men want women who will remain exclusive to them (the underlying need is to assure paternity), so a woman that sleeps around lowers her sexual value. Women do make an effort not to create that image for themselves. Especially before marriage where projecting an image of “good girl” = wife material. This is not merely a social thing, even on a biological level her body makes very few overt signals to display sexual interest. Compared to some of our Great Ape near relatives where the buttocks turn bright red and vaginas release an odor so pungent that rotting fish would seem “floral”, the human females sexual response is near invisible. (This is called Concealed Ovulation and a huge topic in and off itself.)
(2) In contrast to that, women are highly sexual. Just as sexually interested as men are. So under the projection of “good girl not so interested in sex that I’ll cheat on you”, is what can be a very turbulent sea of desire, specially when they ovulate. A women interested in a man other than her partner can at times quite aggressively seek him out, (though usually he needs to make the first move on her), and enthusiastically have sex with him. Then depending on circumstance either seek to stay with her current mate, or attempt to jump ship to the new one. The results of DNA testing prove that anywhere between 2% to 30% (varies wildly by social group) of all children are fathered by a man other than the wife’s husband. The general statistic of around 10% seems to be rough average. Women cheat just is much as men do, they are just way sneaky about it in comparison.
(3) The third and final point of a woman’s sexuality, is that it is usually laying somewhat latent, until triggered by her response to a sexually attractive man. Many women can go months or years feeling only moderate desire, then once exposed to someone that interests them, turn as hot for sex as a male virgin getting felt up for the first time. Which is why in the earlier story, we saw the “quiet low drive sex” wife, suddenly turn into a wanton slut for her lover. He flipped her attraction switches, and her husband didn’t.
In short – if your wife isn’t highly sexually interested in you, somehow you are screwing things up by not triggering her attraction. She has a bunch of ON/OFF switches, and what you are doing as a whole is flipping enough of her switches into the OFF position, that she’s shutting down on you. Obviously things like health issues, and stress can kill her libido, do check those out, but my hunch is that 9 times out of 10 she is simply responding to what you are doing and how you are treating her.