The Basics Part 3 – The Attraction Switches

Loosely summarized – women respond to men exhibiting positive versions of two primary male traits called Alpha Male and Beta Male. It’s important to note that I am markedly different from most PUA writers in that I see the need for men to have BOTH of these aspects of personality in their make up. In many ways the Alpha traits are what we are traditionally biologically hardwired to be as attractive to women. Likewise the Beta traits are what makes us a productive member of modern society and are appealing on a sociological level.
The Alpha Male is devoted to physicality, assertiveness, leadership, social dominance, healthy genes, raw sexual energy, power and at times even violence. The positive version is that of an inspiring protector and the not so positive is simply a thug. This is the male aspect that just gets panties wet and triggers attraction. Thugs still get panties wet, they are just scary to be a relationship with.
The Beta Male is devoted to personality traits that ultimately are good for raising children. Work ethic, building the nest, kindness, parenting skills, listening, holding a job, controlling anger and sexual energy, art, language and creativity. The positive version is the family man that provides and supports, the negative version is the mangina that gives away all relationship power to the woman. Good Betas build relationship comfort. When the woman is given too much comfort and not enough attraction, she becomes bored with her partner. Often the beginning of the end. (Queue up the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech.)
The man needs to develop and show both Alpha and Beta traits over a long term relationship and show them appropriately. Most men typically do better with one or the other of these traits, and in times of pressure (like a break up) just act more and more from their position of natural strength. Natural Alpha’s get bigger and louder and become scarier and even less reliable. Natural Beta’s do more stuff for the woman and bore her to death with their neediness even faster. So more often than not, their natural reaction to relationship stress just intensifies the relationship problem.
So if you’re too Beta the solution is to add Alpha. If you’re too Alpha, the solution is to add Beta.
It is exceptionally important to balance both positive traits in a long term relationship. Women have a monthly sexual cycle with changing hormones that affects what they are more attracted to throughout the month. For about three weeks of the month women respond more positively to Beta Male behavior. But when she is ovulating Alpha Male behavior is highly attractive. Importantly – while ovulation is only a small part of the month, this is when she will make her most critical sexual decisions and is at her horniest. Husbands that fail to display Alpha traits specially during ovulation run a higher risk for being either abandoned, cheated on, or raising children they think are theirs but aren’t.
In terms of myself, I more naturally fall along lines of Beta behavior. My marriage has always been decent, but I’ve seen many improvements by learning to up the Alpha stuff.
Also a common misconception is that Alpha behavior involves some sort of aggression towards the wife (yelling, hitting, property destruction, issuing demands, bossing her about etc) These things do work to change her behavior, but only in the very short term as they undercut the positive Beta traits and ultimately destroy the relationship. Ultimately the best Alpha display is that you’re just going to make your way into the world with confidence and just succeed at whatever it is that you’re going to do. Opinions of the rest of the world be damned, you’re your own man. And like a huge truck on the interstate, you just create a huge hole in the air that makes following you easy.
There’s obviously a lot more to each aspect of the Alpha Male and Beta Traits. We’ll get to them in good time!


  1. Angeline says:

    These posts are outstannding. And you just described, step by step, my man’s marriage. The part about her doing things wiith her lover that she’d sniffed at with him was the single most hurtful thing, even more than the fact of the affair, I think. Thank you so much for this blog.

  2. Just discovered this site after researching the I love you but I’m not in love with you line my soon to be ex wife gave me last week after I caught her cheating on me with someone she works with. I wish I would have been more Alpha then Beta in the 18 years we had been together. My heart was ripped out. It was a rough couple of days after the initial shock. After researching this topic online, I know what must done in future relationships. But for now I’m reattaching my nut sac and serving her with papers soon. I want to make up for lost time and show my inner Alpha to the next lady who wants to step and be with a real man. Lot of bent up frustration can be very motivating at work, the gym, and bedroom. Any takers?

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