One of the things I’m going to refer to a lot is the concept of Sex Rank. It’s a somewhat harsh way of looking at the world, but ultimately everyone can be loosely assessed as a number from 1 to 10, based on how sexy they are. Just admit it, we’ve all done it, looked at a woman and had a number pop into our head. She’s a 7, a 9, a 4… whatever. Usually when a man rates a woman, he’s looking a good deal at physical beauty as a primary factor in her sexual attractiveness.
What may interest you, is that women can do exactly the same thing to men. When women do the same thing to men, physical beauty is a factor, but it much less a factor to women than men. Women find wealth, social status and more (the whole range of Alpha and Beta Male traits) appealing and sexy. So women can also mentally rank men on a 1-10 scale of sexiness as well.
Both men and women rank each other. This is done continually and for the most part without conscious thought. In this way men are engaged in a constant battle for their place in the pecking order with each other. There’s only so much room to be a 10, only so much space to be a 9… and so on down the ladder. Also women are in constant competition with other women to be the most appealing. Women may wear make up to be attractive to men, but primarily to be more attractive to men than other women are. It’s about staking a claim higher up the sex rank ladder.
In a monogamous society, equally Sex Ranked people will tend to pair off with each other. 10s will couple with 10s, 9s with 9s, 8s with 8s… all the way to 1s with 1s. Basically a 7 won’t settle for a 6, and an 8 won’t settle for a 7, and a male 7 and a female 7 will just meet each other and feel a surge of mutual interest and pair off.
This sexual competition within your sex never stops. A woman that was an 8 at age 23 when she married, but then packs on the pounds, smokes, drinks and generally ages very badly may turn into a worn out 4 by age 50. A women than was a 4 at age 23, may lose some weight, get her teeth fixed, dress better, exercise consistently and advance a career, and turn into a solid 7 by age 50. It’s all about your sexiness relative to the average sexiness of your gender.
If the Sex Rank with a couple starts to diverge, then stress is placed on the couple. If two 6s marry, and the women becomes health focused and dresses to impress consistently, and blossoms into a 7, and her husband starts as a 6 and then struggles to work and turns into a couch potato and hits 350 pounds and falls to a 2, what was a balanced male 6 female 6 relationship is now a male 2 female 7 relationship. No one is going to be surprised when the women falls for another man that is a 7. She’ll give her husband the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you speech”, and leave him without much fanfare. (exceptions exist to be sure, but it’s more true than not)
The most vital point for a husband is to understand that the wedding was not the finishing line. It’s the starting line. Staying sexually attractive to your wife is a life long requirement. Sometimes the very reason your wife is rejecting you sexually, is that she is no longer attracted to you. Well if you were an 8 and she’s an 8, and now you’re a 5 and she’s still an 8… guess what… she’s not attracted to you! She feels she has sold herself short. That’s why the sex has dropped to a mere trickle.
Also importantly, the more divergent the sex rank, the greater the relationship stress is. A male 5 with a female 6 relationship may be an “imperfect marriage” but survive if the couple has a strong moral basis. A male 4 with a female 6 marriage is likely to just fold, or be only tolerable to the wife if she has affairs on the side. A male 3 with a female 6 is doomed as other men will just brazenly approach the wife for a relationship knowing they are more attractive than the husband is.
The key for the man is to master the Alpha and Beta Male trait as best he can. Good sex is just the consequence of being sexy.