Marriage can’t be all sex all the time, if nothing else it starts to chaff and the cat’s litterbox gets full. Occasionally we need to watch cars travelling 500 miles in a giant circle and ploughing into each other in a huge melee just inches from the end of the race. We are men. We do not need to explain this, nor should be apologize for it. Stand firm. Be your own morning wood.
If you’re paying attention and planning ahead, you’ve got a sick dread in your stomach that your Daytona 500 day is going to be completely ruined by Valentines Day. Relax I’m here to help. If you put my plan into action right away, as in starting today, there’s still a chance you can see the race – maybe not the whole race, but at least some of the race.
The problem is that Valentines Day is like a yellow flag event on your marriage. No matter how fast you were going, what your track position is, how much gas in the tank, you’re going to have that voice in your ear giving you instructions. Whether that voice you hear is God, your darling bride, you crew chief, or it’s just mild schizophrenia, it usually pays to listen to it. Specially if you want to avoid two tons of cartwheeling wreckage or an ounce of gold tearfully flung in your direction.
So today, I’m your voice in your head. I’m saying danger ahead, stay low in turn two. We’re gonna gas and go on the yellow, and get you to the front. Like I said before, listen to the voices.
Here’s the thing. Not all women expect to be romanced every day, but they all have a romance tank. Sometimes that tank is full because you’ve romanced her a bit, sometimes her romance tank is empty because you’re eating nachos, constantly farting and jacking off to… whoa hang on kids just walked in. Be cool man, be cool, I’m alt-tabbing a sec…
…k back, anyway, sometimes you’ve not romanced enough along the way and her romance tank is empty. The women don’t always demand it get filled, except on Valentines Day they all feel like they have the divine right to demand their tank get filled all the way up. Which means if you’ve ignored her for too long, you’re gonna miss the whole freaking race running around doing crap with cards, flowers, chocolate and dinner out and anything else you can think of to ward off sleeping on the couch that night.
So we’re going to plan ahead. We’ve going to game her a bit and sneaky top up her romance tank, so she is squishy mellow on Valentines Day and just lets you be. Here’s the routine…
Say to her. “Listen, I’m a stupid man.” See now you’ve established common ground, you have something you both agree on and can build on. It’s okay to pause for a second and just hold her attention there too btw. You should have her full attention before ploughing ahead with the rest of the routine.
“And while I love you with all my heart” good place for a pause here as well. Let her feel those words. Don’t think about her sister naked as you say these words. Straight shoot them.
“I don’t really have a clue what to do to you, or for you, or with you, to make you feel loved by me, the way I do love you.” Say that “the way I do love you” bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is like the turning point of the on screen romance.
“I’m embrassed for asking, but I am asking for your help, so please help me, know how to make you feel loved, the way I do love you.” This just rocks because you’re revealing vulnerability to her (and her only) and this automatically will generate a desire in her to open herself to you.
“Now I’m not some smartipants relationship guy, so you gotta keep this simple for me, or I’ll mess it up.” Also important. Stay grounded. Don’t be something you’re not. She’ll see right through it.
“So lets pretend today is Valentines Day. And if today is Valentines Day, what is just one thing I could do, that would make you feel like you had a good Valentines Day? And you felt loved, like I do love you.”
Then what ever she says, you do it.
The rule is that it’s “just one thing” don’t turn this into a slave collar lol, just one thing, deflect demands for more than one thing. Say “sorry honey I forgot the first thing when you told me the second thing, what was the one thing you wanted me to do today?” Also you repeat this routine everyday for the rest of your life. Though just do the final paragraph. You will probably find that the first week or so will be item requests, flowers, card, chocolates etc, and over time as her romance need is met, she’ll just turn horny on you and you can just coast along on Ten Second Kisses. Just cope.
My hunch is that if you do this, and make everyday Valentines Day, by the time you get to Valentines Day, her romance tank is going to be so topped up, she’s going to say something like “lol you make every day like Valentines Day, what can I do to make your day special for once?”
And boggity boggity boggity if she goes for that line I got some ideas to keep the race… shall we say… interesting.