Just ran across a brilliant video from Adam Lyons at PUA Blog. Well worth the time to watch. This all very much comes back to my essential point that you must bring both Alpha and Beta Male traits to bear in your marriage.
The dreaded LJBF (Lets Just Be Friends) statement is to dating success, as the dreaded ILYBINILWU (I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You) is to marriage. If you ever hear that statement coming from your wife, that is a huge huge HUGE red flag that you are way too Beta and need to start ramping up the Alpha skills immediately.
The one adjustment I would make is that I dont see it totally as needing a balancing act between friendship/comfort and player/attraction. I think these are two different skill sets and while you do need to bring both to the table, they both can come in differing amounts and still be successful. The difference between creating average comfort and average attraction is balanced, but quite different from creating high comfort and high attraction, or low comfort and low attraction.
I’ve covered that in more depth here More On Alpha and Beta Male After all… I’m pretty sure you aren’t married to your wife to “just be friends”.