Be A Strapping Version Of You: The Smell Of Power

If you do nothing else to improve your sex life with your wife, and I mean if you do nothing else, you should work out. Some sort of physical exercise is just foundational to most all the Alpha Male Traits. It’s awfully difficult to radiate that sexy confidence of beastly power when you’re hooked up to an oxygen tank to keep you from passing out.
Well… unless of course you have like 3-4 huge thugs in your employ that would happily rip the arms off intruders and be more emotionally disturbed by the fact that the Chinese takeout was now somewhat cold. If you have those guys working for you in your underground lair, you can probably pull off the oxygen tank and a wheelchair to boot and still be quite alpha in your presentation.
But you – and me – are regular guys. The brawn we supply is all the brawn she’ll ever get. And if she can’t get it from you, where can she get it from? If the only thing Brawny she gets to hold in her hands is a roll of paper towels, that’s a problem. Oh sure, I know, not your sweet angel, she can’t possibly think like that…
…ever looked at the covers of romance novels? These are not World of Warcraft player bodies they have plastered across the covers. I believe the word we are looking for is “strapping”. There are strapping men on the covers of romance novels, usually doing some sort of HNT (Half Naked Tuesday? Half Naked Thursday? Have No Top?) impression displaying their brawn and looking serious and manly and not making particular eye contact but just gazing yonder.
Apparently chicks buy these novels all the time. Those strapping guys aren’t there by accident. (Notice how I keep saying the word “strapping”, I’m building SEO in the hope that some submissive BDSM chicks are going to Google “strapping” and get sucked into the blog lol.)
…work out. You don’t have to turn yourself into a Chippendale Dancer, just be a physically put together version of you. I know I’m not going to turn into an Olympic athlete, and neither are you. Just work out regularly.
Listen… she married you. She’s already into you. She’s already sexually responsive to you. She’s probably just drawn to you by sense of smell because your genes and her genes match up well. Far more likely than not, she’s already set up on a biological level that she has no rational control over to be in love with you and attracted to you. The same way you are into her. Exercise and general fitness and health just make that entire aspect of your relationship click. The deck is already stacked in your favor with her physically. You might be quite average physically, but you probably aren’t average to her perception of you. “There’s just something about him”.
But you can completely blow that natural advantage by being in bad shape. Half the time she’s ticked about something minor it’s just symptom of lack of sexual interest in you. If you’re a strapping (giggty) version of you, you really think the way you stacked the dishwasher is going to be quite the same drama as it would be if you were a pasty weakling version of you? No way in hell, not if her gina tingle gets a vote.
So get rid of some of the bad pounds, and put on some of the good ones. Stand taller, live longer, come harder. Don’t love being on the bottom, because you don’t have the upper body strength to be on top.
For what’s it’s worth, this is one of my weaker areas as a guy. As I’ve said before I naturally lean to Beta, and I’m picking up steam on my Alpha Traits. But I know I’m right about this and am working on it. You know I’m right too. Please tell your story in the comments.


  1. I here what you're saying here professor, but I would respectively add that it's very important not to go "too Alpha" It's sort of like buying a porsche, you think you want one until you take it home and actually start driving it.

    I'll send you a picture sometime Atholk. I look like friggin John Cena without the cleft chin with a dash of our governor "thrown in" for good measure.

    I do not look like a "comfortable snuggle bear", I look more like the Grizzly variety.
    The adjective of people's choice is generally "intimidating".

    Unfortunately, that is what you get when you couple intelligence with physical prowess. Add in a near obsessive study of martial arts and a strong military background, and you get neat little playful nicknames like "Dr. Death"…(for a different reason, I'm quite competent), "Arnold", etc.

    Alpha does not build comfort, it builds babies. In my estimation, women generally want comfort. As long as you are within "spitting distance" of where your wife is fitness wise, I think you're fine gentlemen. Anything more is likely to create as many problems as it solves. Trust me, "I've visited that beach…many times over many years".

    So please be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. The grass is not greener on the Alpha side my Beta-buddies, just lonelier.

    I really don't think women want their husbands to look like they are cyborgs anymore than they want them to be embarrassingly sloppy physically. Remember Goldilocks? Work on being neither too hard nor too soft. Work on being just right.


  2. Athol Kay says:

    I do agree with that LIL. I believe I have read stuff suggesting that once you start heading beyond the realm of 6' 200lbs 10% body fat, you start getting less of a response from women.

    For the average guy though, getting to that sort of shape is a long hard road.

  3. Wicked Shawn says:

    So ironic that as I slowly read through your posts I make it to this one today. At a party last night there was a physical fitness nut there who was all too happy to let me feel his arms, abs and pecs. Actually, he insisted. Typical Alpha.
    Very impressive and I would estimate him to be at about 6% body fat. Insaney lean, muscular build, crossfit junky. Felt really good to me. I could crawl all over that every night for an unlimited number of nights, mornings and afternoons.
    Best part about him, he had incredibly open smile, friendly demeanor and was absolute doll, offering to bring water, asking people to move so I had clear view, and helped clear table and do dishes when I decided to help the hostess clean. Nice little display of Beta from our hard bodied boy.

  4. Athol Kay says:

    So he had both Alpha and Beta traits working then.

    Would you have felt the same way about him if he was 26% body fat?

  5. I have the opposite problem of LIL. I am very fit but skinny. I'm an amateur bike racer with a typical cyclist build. My physique is not at all intimidating and I can't imagine getting too huge. Although I am very strong on a bike, I am only intimidating to other bike racers!

    So this winter I have taken your advice to heart. I have said screw it to the conventional training for a biker racer which concentrates on the legs. This year I am building the upper body also. I don't care if I bulk up and my climbing rate goes down, if my wife likes it. And if my wife doesn't like the extra muscle, my girlfriends will.

    Btw, funny story. Last year after a fun evening with my wife (that I orchestrated), we were in bed doing some foreplay and she halted the proceedings to shit test me, "Aren't you racing tomorrow and isn't this supposed to be bad for your legs?" My reply was, "Who cares? it's only a silly bike race" I pass, we proceed. Next day, I win the race. "Oh, btw, how did the race go today?" "Aw babe, I fuckin' killed 'em" (silly race my ass).

  6. LOL awesome pass on the test.

    Bulking up a little is always fine for the ladies. Keep us posted.

  7. Anonymous says:

    In my youth, was eating at a Chinese restaurant in a college town, minding my own business, and some gal nearby was lying into her boyfriend, a kinda of skinny kid, berating him for not being muscular enough. To my horror, she looked right at me, and said, "That's what a real chest looks like, that's what muscles look like!" I felt so bad for that poor guy, and embarassed too. Not trying to brag here, I'm strictly a beta trying to learn to be an alpha more of the time, but physique does matter, gentlemen. Most women deep-down want a man with broad shoulders, someone fit who can protect them. Even feminists, who'd cut off their arm before admitting it, generally feel the same way.

  8. Athol Kay says:

    Great comment, thank you.

  9. Anonymous says:

    would completely agree athol once your heading for 210 pounds 6,1+ your well going to have negative returns to scale, im not married but i stubled across your blog and have become an avid reader. I began weight training 5 years ago and am currently 215 pounds and 6,2 and its becoming counter productive, i use to be beta and skinny& datless im now fortunately at the other end of the spectrum.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Listen… she married you. She’s already into you. She’s already sexually responsive to you.

    Except it turns out she married me for emotional comfort with sex being the price she had to pay.

  11. Great blog. Married 25 years. It's the balance I think. 65 Alpha – 35 beta seems to work for us. My wife is only attracted by masculinity but also needs the beta for the relationship to work day in and day out. I lost that about 10 years ago and the marriage suffered. I got back to hard training (Sprint TRIATHLONS) and work out with her too. Big turn around and all phases of the relationship are at an all time high.

  12. Anonymous says:

    P90X. It works for the average guy.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Even better than P90X ($120 plus shipping) is "Supreme 90", only $20 at Target. I'm on day 34, and let's just say my wife hugely appreciates my ability to do the plank position indefinitely, with harder faster 'core dynamics' as well.

  14. Athol Kay says:

    Hmmm… going to look at the Supreme 90 Anon. Ty.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Gotta say, A.K., you are 100% dead-on on this one. Couple of years ago, I lost about 30lbs of fat and looked and felt much better. However, no appreciable increase in interest from wifey. I wasn’t flabby or “skinny fat” either. However, about two years later, I decided to bulk up a little and put on about 10 lbs of muscle, nothing sensational. I’ve since noticed a MARKED expression of interest from the wiferoo. And that after hearing warnings from my wife to “don’t start looking like those bodybuilder types.” Subsequently, I read that portion of your book with a knowing smile … moral of the story: a little bit of muscle gets a whole lot of pussy. Like the other posters noted, you don’t have to look like a steroid monster and that may even be counter productive.

  16. Just so you know Anon, they don't mind what a typical person can do when taken to their limits. You and I even on roids aren't going to look like Ronnie Coleman or Jay Cutler.

  17. I just stumbled on this and I'm considering leaving it open for my husband to see. I want to just yell and say This! This is what's going on!

    I gained a little more weight than recommended during my first pregnancy when my thyroid cut out. I gained a lot more, despite everything I tried to take it off, when it went undiagnosed for 3 years. The second pregnancy nearly killed me (though the kids are adorable). I put on 75 pounds at my heaviest and I'm working on taking it off. My husband put on 100 pounds during my first pregnancy and it's increased every year since.

    I'm desperate to be attracted to my husband again and enjoy the kind of sex we used to (is better sex just too much to hope for?).

  18. CantBeJustMe says:

    It matters. I'm glad I ran across this. When I met my wife I was 22 year old Army Infantry soldier. I'm 6'3 and back then I was probably 225lbs. Now I'm 250lbs. I can see my belt buckle, but I'm definitely not where I want to be. I think that's MOST important.

    As much as women say that they don't want a "cocky" guy (they always say "Confident") part of confident is being COMFORTABLE In your own skin. One of my big issues, that was BETA and I never realized it, was that I have naturally very broad shoulders and what they call a "Barrel Chest". So when I actually just have good posture and stand up straight, other guys think I'm challenging them. So I tend to not stand up straight when I walk…not the Hunchback of Notre Dame or anything….but just less "threatening" I guess. Something left over from Caveman days I'm sure. And back when I met my wife, I was still young enough that I was perfectly okay with someone wanting to take a swing at me….I'd venture to say I probably relished the idea a bit. So know I make a point of standing relaxed but straight.

    We live in a different world. Hell I could get punched and deck somebody and I'd get sued….and probably lose. Shit a few years ago I was on an Army base and some kid (25 years old it turned out…that was shocking) actually tried to mug me.

    That didn't end well for him. I had been drinking Jose's finest…my bullshit tolerance is already low when I'm sober. I ended up with a broken finger (my wedding ring did it oddly enough) and he ended up with a naturally crooked smile.

    If there hadn't of been several witnesses, I'm sure I would have been sued.

    I guess the trick is being in shape without coming off like a cast member of Jersey Shore. Hell I've been back in gym a week and feel more like my old self than I have in years.

    I hope it's my wife who appreciates it. If not…well I hear shirtless profile pics are all the rage on dating sites..LMAO…

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