The Friendzone, Approach Anxiety and Spanking Like You Mean It

Upon occassion guys are just so clueless about a woman being interested in them. I’m not really a dating blog, but I couldn’t help laughing over this one of a guy trapped in the Friendzone.
“Hi! I have a problem regarding the friend zone. I have this girl who I am really falling in love with… we’ve known eachother for about a year, and have had the same best friends whom we hang out with alot for the last 6 months. She and I have many little things only we joke about, flirting etc.. And especially the last month. But I cannot figure out if she is interested, or just being a friend. And because we are so close, and have the same friends, it would be embarassing to ask her out or something if se wouldn’t go.  
We never do anything alone though, It is just with our friends. The last time we were out, we danced kinda sexy, and if this had been any other girl, we would have been making out a long time ago.. But since I’m falling in love with her, I dont dare to go for the kiss, in case I blow it. I even slept in her bed that night. (there were 5 other friends sleeping in the living room next door though). nothing happened.
Should I ask her out, try to get her alone? How? And for dinner, for drink? What?”
LMAO. Dude… everybody knows that you’re totally into this girl. You know. Your friends know. She knows. It’s no secret to anyone. She’s just waiting for you to make your move. Your friends all cleared out and slept in the living room and left you and her alone in the bed together and nothing happened?!?!?!??!
You are deep, deep, deep into the Friendzone, so you have to break out of that realm with some strong moves towards being more of a player alpha dog. The good news is that she is into you, and is waiting for you to make your move, so just go ahead and do it.
Just decide on a place to have a date, call her up and tell her when and where the date will be. But tell her she should only come if shes willing to make out on the date. Then tell her that she has a choice for the first date as to whether or not she wears her good underwear or her bad underwear, but that any future dates would require the good underwear. Which would mean that is clearly in everyone’s best interest that the make out session be quite in depth to see if the chemistry you think she has for you is really there. Then get off the phone.
As a married guy I do find it interesting that approach anxiety never fully goes away. To be sure things calm down and relax a great deal in marriage, but I find trying to add something new and different that is pushing the limits further than you are used to results in some degree of anxiety. It’s one thing to read about say something like spanking, rough sex, hair pulling etc and intellectually think “ok I’ll try that, she’ll probably like that”, but to actually follow through on that and really do it is a leap of faith. She may react negatively to it.
In the end though, even if she badly wants you to do something forceful to her, she’s probably just going to lie there next to you and wait for you to make a move. It’s kinda rare that a woman actually asks for her man to sexually dominate her, they just want it to happen to them. You have to make that move and knock that wall down.
As an example though, obviously with something like spanking you don’t start off by unleashing a beating to her ass with full force hitting. That shit gets you jailed. Start with her on top and little play taps during sex. Gauge her reaction and adjust. If you lightly tap her ass with your hand and she shuts her eyes and goes “ohhh…”, that means she likes it. Maybe push it a little harder a little at a time. In terms of spanking we’ve found the sound and the concept is more arousing than the pain. I don’t think we go beyond a 3 out of 10 in terms of force ever, and there’s never a mark left. I don’t like hurting her, she doesn’t like being hurt, but I can cup my hand just right and it sure sounds like it should hurt. (Which is something we have to clear the kids out of the house for!) 
Talk about it after the fact. We’ve found that when we try something new in bed, only about one out of three actually “works” for us. We’ve had some really bad experiences together lol. But the ones that work for us, well that’s some of the most fun we have together. Just try stuff.
So go ahead. Make a move. If you’re scared about making these moves there are things available that can help you overcome your shyness and social anxiety. Talk to your doctor and ask if Tequila is right for you.


  1. Re: Talk about it after the fact. Not saying your advice is wrong, but I tried this and it backfired on me. Trying to communicate with my wife often does.

    So I tried a few different things in bed this weekend, g-spot stim with my fingers that didn't seem to ignite her and a new (dominant) position. Then when we were lying in bed in the afterglow, I asked her how she liked x and y. She said it was ok, we've done that before (years ago), and the new position made her a little sore and that it hurt a little when I went too deep.

    Now I thought deep was supposed to feel good not bad. I thought deep and hard is what women want. Fellas? Btw, I'm not supersized.

    Next day, I ask her about something she said in bed and she starts giving me shit about how everything in the bedroom needs to be analyzed and dissected these days.

    Was I approaching this the wrong way? Is it a bad move bring up what was said in bed?

    I guess the lesson here is to fuck her however I want to without caring what she likes or wants. And not talk about it.

  2. Athol Kay says:

    Any time she says you made her sore, just smile and say "you're welcome".

    What part of her cycle was she in? If she's near ovulation you can generally crank up the aggressive stuff, away from it you may find the gentle stuff works much better.

    Got to remember ALL the PUA stuff really only works on women that are ovulating and much is oriented around getting those women to respond.

    Also this may just be a generic shit test from her unrelated to anything in specific.

  3. I think you're right about her cycle. She was away from it on that occasion. But the week before that was the best we've had in a while. I tried 2 new dominant things that *did* turn her on. Now that I figured out her cycle and I look back at where she was … Bingo.

    Thanks for the tip. I'm definitely going to have to calibrate to it.

  4. In my calendar I mark my wifes menstrual period with a subtle swish of a pink highlighter. Ovulation gets a swish of yellow. Found it really helps.

  5. Phone Sex says:

    Nice sharing.
    What part of her cycle was she in? If she's near ovulation you can generally crank up the aggressive stuff, away from it you may find the gentle stuff works much better.

  6. As a woman, I can say the depending on the woman, the time in her cycle, etc. you may have been hitting the cervix which moves up and down during different parts of the cycle. Going deep and hitting this is often uncomfortable. Changing angles/positions, etc. or just not going as deep can make it still aggressive, but more comfortable.

  7. Sex hurts when you bury it if you hit her cervix. The pain is the equivalent of hitting the funny bone in your elbow. Some sexual positions shorten up the vagina, and if you are 6.5"+, you'll want to exercise restraint.

    A long one looks impressive, but it's girth that matters.


  8. About the guy in the friend zone, I would respectfully disagree that he should call her up and tell her to be ready for sex. It makes it look like he's simply moving from Best Friends to Friends with Benefits.

    Instead, go romantic. Take her out on a date and give her a single red rose. And then kiss her. There is no mistaking the intent of a red rose.


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