The View From Here

As I’ve said before I’m a pretty regular guy with a full time job, wife, kids and the house. I’m quite determined not to turn this into one of those whining about your day mommy blogs, or a blog about blogging. There are quite enough of those to go around.
Still it’s good to reflect on things once in a while and sit down for a second and admire the view. I’ve been at this just on two months and cracking 23,000 visitors in that time has been quite pleasing. Plus more importantly 91 people following by either Feed readers or Google Friend Connect. I’m honored and very thankful to see for a lack of better words… a fan base.
Mostly these first two months were just intended to be content creation. If I’d had 1000 visits and 10 people following the feed, I would have been quite ok with that. I’ve done 50 posts, and if you take away the around 10 or so very short ones, that’s 40 posts of around 800 or so words each, or around 32,000 words… roughly a 90 page non-fiction paperback. Not a bad start. The long term goal is definitely to head towards book completion though that’s a process getting there. At some point this does have to have a financial payday as that would be wife pleasing and anything requiring this much effort needs to become self-supporting or it will ultimately fail by exhausting me. So books are an obvious product.
The other goal is that readers get helped. Marriage is great or at least it’s great when the marriage itself is actually great. When it all falls apart the fallout is extreme. I’m obviously holding out better sex as the motivating piece of cheese to draw male attention, but ultimately my methodology to get that is to advise men to be better husbands and men in general. There has to date not been a single negative female comment of the “you suck” variety on the blog. Wives really like what I’m saying, despite the fact that I’m teaching husbands how to game the panties off them. I’m that on target.
I’ve got the standard Google Analytics stuff running behind the scenes. I get a lot of in and out readers who bounce after a few seconds. No biggie, that’s normal. What is exciting though is I can also see some people coming and staying on the site for over half an hour reading page after page. And some people coming back to the site again and again.
You’re welcome. Thank you. It’s for you guys. Keep coming, and I’ll keep the content coming. When the book comes out buy a copy to say thanks if I helped you any. And when I say “book” I mean “book”, not a $79 e-book that’s 32 pages long. I mean something you can buy on and turn pages on. A book. A frakking book.
So anyway, I got a couple questions for the lurkers…
1. What areas have I covered that most interested you?
2. What else would you like me to cover or answer?
3. As an author, I’m generally keeping a low profile in the content. This has been a blog about “sex and marriage” rather than about “Athol Kay”. Understanding I’m not going to bitch about my day or throw photos of my wife’s ass on the Internet… How much more of me, or us, do people want to see on the blog?
Also tomorrow I’ll be going over the blogroll and dropping the blogroll widget for ye olde static links to other sites. It makes no sense that a blog like In Mala Fide who actually sends me traffic gets punted off the blogroll widget by posts from blogs that never send me traffic. If you want in now would be a good time to leave a comment to alert me to your presence as I do housekeeping.
Anyway… enough slacking, I’m not being paid to believe in the power of my dreams. See you all tomorrow.


  1. rosiewiklund says:

    1. What areas have I covered that most interested you?
    I don't know what I'm interested in exactly. I'm just pouring through almost all of your posts with interest.

    2. What else would you like me to cover or answer?
    My husband almost always responds to my advances, but how can I inspire him to come onto me more often?
    3. As an author, I’m generally keeping a low profile in the content. This has been a blog about "sex and marriage" rather than about "Athol Kay". Understanding I’m not going to bitch about my day or throw photos of my wife’s ass on the Internet… How much more of me, or us, do people want to see on the blog?
    It was interesting to hear about how you are a nurse. My husband just finished his RN school. So, that is relate able and nice. I don't have anything I'm dying to know, but it is interesting to hear things as they unravel.

  2. Hi Rosie, now this is really interesting to me. Here I am an obviously male orientated blog about husbands getting more from their wives, and here you are a wife asking how to get more from her husband. I'm not poking fun at you at all, and this is not the first time it's happened either.

    I don't want to turn into Cosmo/Glamour in theme, but maybe a weekly ladies night post is in order.

    I think in general the best way to get him inspired is telling him about the way women respond to the Alpha approach. If he's a nurse he's probably got a good helping of "care bear" to his personality (like myself) and probably doesn't expect you'll like the firmer approach.

    Thanks for your comment Rose.

  3. Athol you have covered a great many areas and I think this has been the greatest strength of your blog. A fence no matter how sturdy has little value if it's only five feet long.

    I would continue to keep with your general approach thus far. One of the things that makes your post so interesting, is the fact that you run the gamut from educator, to entertainer, to "game coach".

    My advice to you is "keep building your house". Your instincts are sound.

    p.s. what is this B.S.? I want my book signed.


  4. I can do signed books LIL :-)

  5. If anything? Keep up with making actionable posts instead of philosophical blabbery. Too many dating and relationship blogs have all of this commentary about things that really don't matter, but I noticed your blog because you had a lot of actionable material and you weren't one of those philosophical types that just blabs on about a bunch of nothing. Personally, my time is limited and I'd much rather spend it reading about something that I can actually go out and use right now.

  6. Agreed, that's something I had thought about before I started. I really have to be "how to" rather than "why is marriage such a mess these days".

    It's a delicate balance to get right though.

  7. The blog is great. The very specific suggestions and real world applications has made it one of the best blogs around. With the focus on LTR and marriage specifically, it fills a niche which isn't generally covered in other game/PUA blogs.

    One area I'd like to see covered is the building/strengthening of attraction. A lot of your advice is predicated on a marriage that's in solid shape, but there are times where it is necessary to focus on building/further developing attraction to keep things moving in the right direction.

    Again, great work, and keep it up.

  8. Matt Savage says:

    Athol, just found your blog today and am really liking it, lots of unique quality content. It's a refreshing angle too, particularly after trolling so many of the average pua/seduction blogs that focus on short term attraction, it's nice to find one that approaches the topic from gaming in a marriage/long term relationship.

    Also just added you to my blogroll so hopefully that'll help you boost your readership. I'll be back:)

  9. Wicked Shawn says:

    I think you should consider setting up a account and allowing your readers to ask you questions. It would be a great way for you to find specific topics for your posts to better address their needs. Or, you could use them to do a weekly post of Q & A. Just a suggestion, but the formspring format is really quite a useful tool in this type of setting. I use it on my blog for purely playful reasons, but you could certainly use it to your advantage here.
    As for how to make your posts more useful, expand on your techniques. Example: your Sexting post the other day. While playful and would be well received in a relationship with an active sexual life, that would be a quick shut down in a no sex relationship, potentially even the beginning of a tension filled evening. Just sayin. I know girls who would immediately shut down after receiving that. Sucks but it's true. These types of things need to come with qualifiers.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I am a guy, early 30s, never married. There's so many potential downsides to marrying, that reading your blog lets me balance that view a little bit. I've learned, from your blog and a few others (such as Dave in Hawaii's) that marriage can work and how to go about it. It's refreshing, as I think I do want kids eventually.

    What I'd like to hear more about: how to identify which girl will make good wife material. I know there's many things I can do to make a marriage work, but I believe spouse selection is also critical. This is a sticking point for me, because I know of far too many stories of women who seemed ideal before marriage who turned into beasts after marriage and kids.

  11. Athol Kay says:

    I just looked at Formspringme and it seems to basically give away far too many content rights to be interesting to me Shawn. The idea of a forum etc is possible though.

    Anoymous – the question of what sort of woman to marry does keep coming up. This is a huge topic in and of itself. I'm mentally debating if that topic is "book 2" or something to hit on now.

    For myself I wish I could say I planned and considered exactly who I was marrying, but I really didn't. I met Jennifer and that was about as far as logic went as we both pretty much just activated on each other.

  12. Wicked Shawn says:

    Hadn't thought about that, which makes sense with your end result being book deal. Still, some sort of forum seems necessary.

    As for the guys who continue to ask about the "type" of woman who makes a good wife. Uh, yeah, the "type" who you fall in love with. I say this in all seriousness. I was the type who would have made a terrible wife. Had slept with numerous partners, I had already been divorced, I am 4 years older, I am a bit hotter, but that's subjective, had a kid, I'm a major flirt, I am strong minded, I am basicly every alpha's nightmare. We have been together for years now, fantastic sex life, we both agree about that, I have never even considered cheating, physically or emotionally, and I am secure enough to believe that he hasn't either. We have a working relationship.
    There is no right type, there is merely the right type for each person.

  13. Athol Kay says:

    Basically no one should sign away content rights without being paid.

    I do agree that attraction and falling in love is important, but there are also some pointed red flags that perhaps are overlooked that can come back and bite young men in the butt.

    Most men do less screening of potential wives than McDonalds does for people mopping the lobby.

  14. I, too, would like to see more advice for young men pre-marriage. Although maybe that's its own blog that needs to be written. I suppose it could also focus on divorced men remarrying and other LTR-but-not-marriage issues. Anyway, good stuff in all.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Here's my two requests:

    1) More on acting/looking/being alpha when you're steeped in beta and omega traits.

    2) Finding a good girl for a LTR/marriage. Most of PUA stuff falls flat here. While I'm certain that I could learn it, spending two years working out how to game immature skanks at bars, clubs and frat parties isn't really that appealing to a professional man in his early 30s.

    PS: Otherwise, great blog so far.

  16. Athol Kay says:

    Well I agree with the avoiding the bar scene if you're looking for a LTR/wife. Generally I advise getting out of the house and following your own interests and seeing what sort of women are out there doing the same things you are interested in.

  17. Color me one of those who came to your blog thru Dalrock, read one post, then another, and another, and the next thing I know it was 3 hours (and 2 copy/paste posts to my boyfriend) later. I think the reason so many women like your blog is because you, apparently, actually like women. The women you describe are not biatches withholding sex as a power trip; they're mutual partners in a dance the man is not leading skillfully enough to get what he wants. When a man follows your advice, the woman in his life wins too.

    I'm only through Jan and Feb '10 so you may have already addressed my suggestions.

    I particularly liked (and agree with) the post describing the Captain vs First Officer roles (yes, Picard was Gamma and could have had sex anytime he wanted). While I'm quite capable of being the Captain, and would only be in a LTR with a man who acknowledges that I'm capable of taking the helm, that's not the role I want. Maybe more posts describing 'grey' areas where a high-Beta man may not naturally recognize an opportunity for Alpha actions (i.e. he inadvertently turned over the helm).

    Add my vote to those asking for more specific actions and info for high-Beta guys to layer on more Alpha. But also continue to explain why Alpha works and that even high-functioning women want it.

    I already get the tingle just thinking about my man, and I can see flashes of Alpha, but he seems to have been conditioned to hide it by a domineering mother and ex-wife. The longer we're together the more comfortable he seems to be to let Alpha out. I think more men need to know it's not only possible to be Alpha and not an ass, it's also a good thing.

  18. Athol Kay says:

    Hi Shawn – yes indeed I do like women. I love them.

    I'm glad that you are liking the blog. Keep reading!

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