Do Not Become Menses Boy

I’m sure this is going to freak some of the hardcore “all women are golddigging, wannabe cuckholding with alpha males, while they betatrize their henpecked husbands” PUA MRA guys out there, but I actually like women. I know… I know… it’s scandalous and confusing. I failed Sodomy101 I guess. My bad.
I even have quite a few mommy bloggers in my feed reader and once you get past the emotional need to actually solve the problems they pose, they can be quite fun to read. Of course as a rule male commentors should not actually offer mommy bloggers advice by way of commenting on their blogs. This is for two reasons. Firstly, mommy bloggers are just blogging, they aren’t typically looking to solve their problems, they are just talking about their day. You can just listen and go “ah-huh” and nod and they like that. Also this can apply to your own wife. Sometimes you just have to listen to her day, it’s how most women decompress and feel socially bonded to people.
Secondly, I’m not having sex with the mommy bloggers. So I don’t actually care. If I see a woman struggling with a tire iron and a flat on the side of the road I’ll stop and help out provided I’m not listening to a good song on the radio. But I’m just not suffering through hearing how her day went without some sort of sex coming into the picture. I’d be like I’ll change the tire, but you need to get back in the car while I do it, or shut up a little. No really… I’d rather be lifting your body weight with a carjack if your clothes are staying on.
Thirdly, a man is not a man without a good set of jumper cables in the trunk. There is no relationship between that statement and mommy blogging. I just said I had two reasons and the third is just extra to prove I have so much good advice that it just leaks from me like pre-cum.
Anyway…
Like I say, I generally shut up on commenting…. but… then I read Real Men Buy Tampons For Their Wives! at This Mama Works It! and here’s a snippet, though I can assure you the entire post is like this.
“…This morning as I look in the bathroom closet to grab a tampon I notice there is only 2 left. At that time I think to myself that I will just go buy some more during my lunch break. Well lunch came and went and I did not have time. Then I meant to stop after work. Well work ended and I just jumped in my car and hurried to get the girls. I hate when they are in daycare for a second more than they need to be. So oops forgot to go to the store…again…”
If it was about dental floss it would be a Seinfeld script…. and as you can guess, hubby gets reeled into the task of shopping for tampons. And when you are doing not much else other than buying tampons in a store, you are not an Alpha Male by any stretch of the imagination. You are Menses Boy.
Don’t misunderstand. It’s not icky or gross to me. I’m a nurse remember, it’s just a little blood that gets mopped up by clean toiletries. No big deal. I’ve seen water break and childbirth. Code Brown Room 7. Shrug. I mean it doesn’t get much more dominant than being able to catheterize someone. But no question…. the wife is stepping out of line when you are providing emergency concierge service for tampons or menstrual pads. That’s her job. There’s a difference between a flat tire and just running out of gas.
So…
Let’s see how that one flies with Mama…
Bullseye!
Keep it light and funny, turn it back to sex, tease her. Don’t get embrassed, grumpy or annoyed. This is an easy test to pass.
And for the record. You buy the condoms because that makes you look studly and sexy, and her slutty and cheap. She buys the tampons because it’s in the Bible. I’m pretty sure. Somewhere.

Comments

  1. rosiewiklund says:

    This got a cackle from me and my husband. Check out Diva cup. http://www.divacup.com I never run out of feminine hygiene stuff. I never clog landfills or toilets.
    On that note, I'm a strong believer in doing all business privately with the door shut. Because, even if it seems pointless I like to retain that 'first date sexiness' in some trivial ways.. like not telling him I'm on the rag, or letting him see me poo.

  2. Athol Kay says:

    Huh that's actually quite interesting Rosie. Never heard of that before, but sounds interesting.

    First date sexiness is a good thing. Just realize at some point that you may have to give up on that. Usually about the time half a dozen people are standing around you with your legs in the air saying "PUSH ROSIE. PUSH!" it's a one way trip away from first date sexiness. :-)

  3. This Mama Works It! says:

    Now don't I feel special!

    I think it is funny that you compared my post to a Seinfeld skit since that is mine all time favorite show.

    I love your take on things. I am glad you like my "mommy" blog because I sure like your "daddy" blog too ;). In fact I am putting my blog roll together at some point and you will be on it.

    And @rosie that is great (I think) that your hubby never has seen you poop, pee, or when you are "on the rag". But honestly I agree with AtholKay. Once my hubby held back my legs as I push out our two girls all bets were off. And he can really care less. We have moved past the first date sexiness and are more onto the hot porno sexiness. hahaaa.

    Love you blog daddy!

  4. @Rosie
    How can you hide having your period?

    (FWIW, I use a Divacup too. Love it!)

  5. Athol Kay says:

    @ Mama… I'm not quite sure I'm a daddy blog. I have no clue how to define myself lol.

    @ Rosie… yeah seriously. How can you hide your period?

  6. This Mama Works It! says:

    @Athol I know I was just kidding… ;) You are a daddy tough..right and you blog so doesn't that make you a daddy blog? hahaha at least that is the requirement for mommy blog. You need to be a mommy and write a blog. I just think it is funny because I am not sure if I would define myself as a mommy blog..but maybe. Not many "mommy blogs" write about keeping it porno hot with hubby…uh oh do I sense another blog post??? hahaha

    It has been a long day and I am loopy!

  7. rosiewiklund says:

    Ya'll are too funny. I don't hide my period. I just shut the door when I 'make business' and refer to my period in my head as 'blow job week' I don't have to say a word.. he gets it. Poor man has actually seen me sick as a dog, and heard me bitch about a UTI, but given my preference I don't chat about my period, or poo in front of anyone. :D

  8. Anonymous says:

    Hey, an emergency's an emergency. I'd like a guy to buy tampons for me IF it's an emergency. But by no means will I object rewarding him for it either..

    Jennifer

  9. Anonymous says:

    I'd like to see myself as a decent husband, and my wife's organizational skills are near non existent at home, so I keep track of her monthly issues and stock the tampons too. Its as much out of security as self defense. If I left it to her she would always be out, and I would be sent to get them anyway. At least this way I don't have to go at 3 am in the rain….

  10. Athol Kay says:

    Anon 12:42 – does being her on-call tampon supplier get you what you want?

  11. Right. SHE could go at 3am in the rain.

    Dude, she's been having her period every month since she was about 12. Unless she is laid up in bed with the flu, there is no reason for you to EVER buy her tampons. What do you think she did before she married you? Seriously, it sounds more like she's secretly laughing that she's able to get away with this in your marriage.

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  1. [...] I’ve already covered why you don’t become Menses Boy.  If her tampons or pads are on the grocery list, then sure pick them up, but there’s no [...]

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