I Want To Have The Hot Sex Of Monkey With You This Evening

I am addicted to texting. Being an old guy I hadn’t really done it until about a year ago when it just became a convenient way to update my primary co-worker of things. Somehow most of our work sites have crappy cell reception and yet texts get through. So Jen and I figured out that we could adjust our phone plan for unlimited texting between each other (and the girls too).
I have become a texting fiend. I have no clue how we lived without it before this year.
Obviously there’s generally updating each other during the day of whatever that’s nice. My work schedule is very flexible, but also demanding in that if something comes up last minute I really can’t walk out the door. Also I tend to be somewhat distractable. So when I am doing kid pick up or coming home, I text Jen. She’s not keeping tabs on me, she just worries and a 2 second “OMW” relaxes her.
But I’ve done a few more creative things as well….
Upon occasion I have snuck access to her phone and reprogrammed my name in her contact list to; “Big Daddy”, “Cockzilla”, “Sex Toy” or “Lord and Master”. It shows the callers name on the outside of her phone, so I try to avoid this for important business meetings lol, but it always gets a reaction.
If the night before was particularly good, I’ll often mention that. “You were wonderful”.
At random I’ll just ask her what color panties she is wearing. It’s fun, it’s flirty and fairly quick.
Picking days when she has a little more privacy and opportunity, I can usually wrangle a few photos out of her. Oh yeah. Hey why not me getting this sort of attention. Women love to be treated like sex objects if they are into the man. Women do this sort of thing for their Facebook lovers all the time. Show me a photo of your tits baby. Woo-hoo!
When you ask for panty color or photos, just ask and then wait. Don’t fold and apologize for asking. Just ask and wait. It will come.
Tomorrow I’ll teach you a text game that 100% works, and could work for single guys on multiple women at the same time at getting T and A photos, but for now I’ll show you one that I tried today that mostly worked but has a most excellent potential.
Jen speaks reasonably good French. So using Babelfish, I sent her a few texts today in French…
“Je tiens a la livre a votre chat ce soir”
(I want to read a sturdy book to your cat tonight)
Ok that just blew. I was trying to make a joke about pounding her “cat” tonight, but I have no frakking clue what Google did there. Try again…
“Vous etes tres beautiful dans la cuisine quand nu”
(You are very beautiful in the kitchen when you are naked)
Then she was driving for 90 minutes and I got busy, so no more experimentation today. That being said, it’s a fun little puzzle to give the ladies, and French is always romantic. I’m laughing over my most appalling French and get asked by a female co-worker what’s so funny and I explain. She laughs and proceeds to play with her hair… I shit you not. Apparently even Google Translate French is a DHV. Wowza.
I think we can all tolerate a little French every now and then… I have no clue what this girl is saying. But I am interested in hearing more…
… go hunt up a few good phrases on and save them to templates or outgoing messages, then you have them on a whim during the day. Just launch a couple at her during the day. Make sure she knows about Babelfish. Little puzzles of compliments and/or sexual requests. She’ll eat it up.
Incidentally Jen prefered the translations from Babelfish better than Google Translate. I tried…
“Je veux avoir le sexe chaud de singe avec vous ce soir”
(I want to have hot monkey sex with you tonight)
…and it retranslated “Je veux avoir le sexe chaud de singe avec vous ce soir” back into English as “I want to have the hot sex of monkey with you this evening” and we both shit ourselves laughing.
Let me know how you do.


  1. Tu es en feu.
    Nice work.

  2. Anonymous says:

    "Women love to be treated like sex objects if they are into the man."

    The key phrase here is "if they are into the man."

    I like what you are saying here, but if you aren't already getting it hot and often from your wife, she will most likely think, like my wife does, "Ugh, he wants sex again." and then ignore your texts and avoid your advances. Been there, done that.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    Well as I have said many times, increasing your Sex Rank is the ultimate solution and that can take months and years of consistent effort.

    Sexting games is only a tiny piece of the much larger puzzle.

    There's are no quick fixes here.

  4. Wicked Shawn says:

    Dear Anonymous:
    Maybe your texting games should start out with some "I was just rememberng the time when we…." for the first several times, while you are implementing some of Athol's other key initiatives. Reminding her of when the two of you enjoyed a mutually enjoyable and active sex life. Getting her mind back in the game, so to speak.

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