Oneitis, Female Sex Rank Calibration And Why I Can’t Cuddle.

I have a reader question….
“I’ve been re-reading some older posts, and it occurred to me, that I have no idea what my sex rank is compared to my husband’s. I can’t really ask him what he thinks it is, because (I assume) he loves me, and his judgment is not going to be impartial. Also, men seem to think that they are a lot “hotter” than they are. A self-assessment guide (for both genders, or just males) might make for a thought provoking reevaluation for some, and for those that lack confidence, it might be a bit of a booster.
Just a thought…”
I’ve considered that issue very carefully and decided to leave that as open for now. It may simply work best as a metaphor.
The trouble is that it’s kinda easy to just slap a number on a female seeing they are more heavily weighted towards physical beauty than everything else, and men are the opposite. There are so many factors making up the Sex Rank number that it’s very hard to quantify. Yet I’m sure as soon as you meet someone you can probably mentally peg them as a number, or at least “less hot than me”, “as hot as me”, “more hot than me”, which is ultimately the point.
Also there are going to be a lot of hurt feelings out there if I do that. Plus trying to sync up exactly a female 7 to a male 7 is going to be very tricky.
In addition female Sex Rank is extremely fluid. A woman can probably swing herself +/- an entire point just by wearing sexy/ugly clothes and make up/no make up. Plus the same easily for how often she has sex with her husband can be +/- a point for “all the time” / “as if”. So a female 6 can probably turn herself into a 4 just by dressing badly and holding out on sex, and turn herself into an 8 by sexing it up with her dressing and being playful good fun in the sack frequently. This is fairly easy for a woman to pull off.
My hunch is that the woman tends to default to calibrating herself to the man’s Sex Rank. So a female 6 with a male 8 will “turn it on” and spruce up to her best. Stick her with a 4, and she’ll “turn it off”. All this is quite unconscious of course.
A man on the other hand has sexiness based off far harder factors harder to develop and maintain, so there is more effort involved. They are far more external and social status based. Men get Sex Rank points for stuff like becoming a doctor, or earning $100,000 a year etc. Whereas if a woman puts on a red dress and says she wants to be ridden hard she gets lots of male attention instantly. To be sure in recent years the physical appearance of men has become a little more of a factor and the wealth and status of women has become more of a factor in sex appeal, but overall the stereotypes still hold true.
Also on a *very* positive note, it’s exactly right that your husband is not going to be impartial. Just pulling a number from the air – lets assume you are a 7. A perfectly objective 7 that 99% of the male population agrees on. But your husbands DNA and your DNA match up just right, so when he sees you he doesn’t see just a 7 like everyone else, but instead his Body Agenda sees a 9. The reason being that your DNA matches up well for having healthy babies. Your husband probably experiences this reaction as…. falling in love. Aka Oneitis.
My wife for example is very pretty, but short. And I as a rule don’t like short women. In fact I would put shortness as being on my list of things to avoid. I really strongly prefer say 5’7″ to 5’9″. Jen is 5’0″. (Step stools are a sex toy at our place… true story) She is also brunette and I have a strong preference for blondes. (She lied about her hair color before marriage by dying it blonde when I had met her. Bitch!) So anyway, Jen is probably a natural 8. However to me she’s a freaking 10 as I moved halfway around the world to be with her and can not stop having sex with her. Seriously… I can’t “just cuddle”. I can try and “just cuddle”, and I really do mean to just cuddle and we start off just cuddling… but I’m pretty soon doing the “rearrangement dance” and then I’m poking her in the small of her back with my cock and she starts giggling and yada yada yada you are welcome baby. You are welcome.
I can’t help it with her. She just smells so damn good.
Also while I don’t exactly see myself as Beastly in appearance in a Beauty and the Beast equation, Jennifer definitely responds to me as if I had a higher Sex Rank than I objectively deserve. So she tends to calibrate her sexual response higher to me than she should “objectively”. Sexual chemistry is that important. So we sex it up lots and have just adorable healthy children. This is how nature works. Science can be very comforting sometimes.
So just take Sex Rank as a metaphor for now. Maybe I’ll come up with a chart and a formula. Either way though the exciting hope is that you find someone that you can both experience a good case of Oneitis with each other. Again… I’m not exactly telling the same story as a PUA guru here. They will tell you to ignore Oneitis and just keep moving on to the next girl. So I guess I did that all wrong. My bad.
Actually I feel a little depressed about flunking Oneitis101. I need a cuddle….


  1. Phoenixism says

    I never knew of Alizee until I saw her on your blog.

    She is at a ranking that transcends all humanly concept of integers.

  2. Willy Wonka says

    Damn, Jennifer Lopez looks like a 6 in that one pic and a 9 in the one next to it! Damn, women and their appearance – their sex rank changes by the hour!

  3. Athol Kay says

    Actually I'm not even sure we know what a natural 10 even looks like anymore we're so overwhelmed with images of female beauty that have a production crew involved.

  4. Anonymous says

    "A man on the other hand has sexiness based off far harder factors harder to develop and maintain, so there is more effort involved. "

    The PUAs say the opposite.

  5. Athol Kay says

    The PUA's are only looking at dating and hookups for the most part and trying to display high sex rank. You just can't fake it in a LTR or marriage. You have to have actual higher sex rank.

  6. Anonymous says

    Not only PUAs but bitter MRAs are saying, "men can easily improve their sex rank by doing this or that. For a woman, her sex rank is genetic and there's nothing she can do to improve it."

    I call bullshit, but that's what they say.

    Probably to pacify themselves that they really *can* make themselves desirable to 19 yr old HB10 models.

    Dream on, fellas!

  7. Anonymous says

    > Damn, Jennifer Lopez looks like a 6 in that one pic and a 9 in the one next to it! Damn, women and their appearance – their sex rank changes by the hour!

    My opinion: If a woman in your life makes herself up & dresses up regularly like the pictures on the right, she maintains whatever sex rank (for appearance, plus the other factors) even when the clothes and the make-up are off (i.e., like the pictures on the left). If her usual look is like the pictures on the left and she makes herself up/dresses up rarely, then her rank should be based on her appearance in the (make-up-less) photos on the left.

    Years ago, I screwed up the courage to comment on my then-girlfriend's crappy appearance. She went out and bought several outfits above the price points she usually shopped at. I reacted to this shift in rank (married her, got my masters). But, she could not sustain the upgrade long-term.

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