Where To Find A Submissive Woman?

Hi Athol,
I stumbled across your blog today and liked your article on domination and submission within marriage. I’m only 21 and have never been married. But I do like the idea of dominating a woman, and I’ve heard there are lots of women that like to be dominated. So I guess my question for you is how to find these women? Is there a good way to screen for them? Do submissive women hang out at certain venues?
Thank you!
I think you might be missing the point just a little. As I said earlier the very large majority of women tend to desire an element of submission to a male partner. So submissive women don’t really hang out anywhere in particular, they are basically everywhere. If you want a rough guide, probably 4 out of every 5 women is going to enjoy submitting to the right guy. So you can really find them everywhere.
And again – broken record time – when I say most men are dominant and most women are submissive, I say this in the same way I say men tend to be taller than women. Yes you can find submissive or short men and yes you can find dominant or tall women. But in general the observation holds true.
Also I’m saying in the context of a sexual relationship this element comes to light. It’s not an all men dominate all women statement. It’s one man with one woman.
The way you find your particular sweetheart is not by seeking a submissive woman. It’s by being an assertive alpha, and creating attraction that draws a woman to you. Actually walking around asking women if they are submissive is going to creep 99% of women out on the spot. You have to carefully frame it as that you “like to make things happen” or something like that. “I’m not interested in being a bully, but I like to take the lead”.
In the end, submission is not something you can take from a woman. It’s something they give you. So become the sort of man that entices them to give it.
Another possible key is the way a girls parents interact and the way she in particular views that relationship.
And don’t forget that a submissive wife isn’t a doormat or bimbo. Well they can be I guess, just personally I’d tire of them very quickly. You should be hunting for a First Officer. Upon occassion you are really going to want her to be able to step up for you and your family.
For those those alert to the images of Mulan in this post… yes I put them there on purpose. Maybe worth another viewing from a dominance and submission viewpoint.
“Girl like that doesn’t show up every dynasty”

Sexy Move: Be From New Zealand (Or Go Somewhere Else Far Away)

I walked up to a girl recently and very calmly and politely said to her…
“I’d like a McDouble, a small fries and a medium coffee with cream and sugar.”
That may not sound like much of an opening line, but she did the open mouth thing and briefly pushed her hair back a little. I just smiled at her, repeated my order and raised my brows a little and the blush was spectacular. You see it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. The trick is quite simple to the delivery of such an everyday line creating such instant gina tingle…
…I have a New Zealand accent.
It’s so good it should be illegal.
(come see the majestic fjords)
If you’re a long time reader you’ll know that I was born and lived in New Zealand for the first 24 years of my life before moving to the United States to be married to Jennifer. I’ve been living here fore 15 years now. For those playing the home game and not math challenged, I am easily worked out to be 39. My accent has definitely softened over the years, I used to have trouble ordering in restaurants etc (the solution was to order in an American accent) but now speak smoothly enough that I rarely have trouble with that.
But the Kiwi accent remains as a firm undertone to the way I talk. Jennifer naturally just doesn’t hear it anymore unless I purposely turn the Kiwi up and concentrate on it.
(ride the cable car in the beautiful capital city)
But to other American women it’s like catnip. Since I started being really aware of it and how women react to it, it’s actually started being amusing watching the gina tingle just kick in with basic conversations. I’m not even trying to hit on someone and I get the hips turning towards me, the hair twirls and easy laughter. I seriously cannot shut the damn thing off.
(come see the lovely sheep)
A couple examples…
At one of my kids parent teacher nights, the young married teacher basically completely ignored me and talked quite directly to my wife as I sat quietly and let the conversation go between them. Then I opened my mouth and asked a question (I forget what it was) and it was like a switch was thrown and Mrs. Teach’s face lit up like a Christmas Tree. After that my wife was all but ignored for the rest of the meeting and I got a full hair taken down display from Mrs. Teach, easy laughter, a sudden jump up and sashay across the room to get some random piece my kid had done and a sashay back. All with my wife sitting next to me the whole time.
(see the worlds biggest syringe and bungee jump off it)
It’s really helpful as a male nurse getting a little extra help from female doctors once in a while. Especially if they only get to talk to me on the phone. I’m not ugly by any means, but I know I sound sexier than I look. I’ve rarely gotten the magical hotlines to male doctors, but get the secret extension to female ones far more frequently. “Oh Athol call me for anything”. Funny, all I heard was a subtle invitation to a game of Doctors and Nurses. But maybe that’s just me and my overconfidence with women kicking in, baby.
(enjoy the fine sports events)
My favorite female co-worker playfully told me off today that “I have too many women in my life”, and right after that I got a call from a hospital discharge planner who just dove into the “that’s an amazing accent where are you from…” and we had a mildly flirty conversation while I held up a piece of paper saying “Too many women LOL” for my co-worker to read. And yes I admit I was doing that on purpose to frak with her a little too.
Now I know this all sounds like I’m full of myself, but I understand this effect really isn’t because I’m extra special, I’m just foreign. I’ve seen exactly the same thing happen with Americans going to New Zealand. They may look like they are blending in, but as soon as they open their mouths, opposite sex heads start swiveling en mass and focusing on the source of the accent. It’s the ultimate in verbal peacocking.
(a typical Kiwi girl)
My hunch is that something keys us into a foreign accent denoting that you are in fact a walking meat sack of non-local DNA, and a great source of new DNA to be mixed into the local gene pool. This makes you seem sexier than you in fact “really are”. In New Zealand I might be a pretty decent 7 or 8, over here I’m 8 pushing 9. Again, it’s not something I am trying to do, I’m just non-local. And non-local is sexy.
I’ve been in America for 15 years and not once, seriously, not even a single time has a male said to me “wow I like your accent”. On meeting a new female though, roughly one in three women will very obviously express “oh I love your accent..where are you from?” with a very obvious display of interest.
(also prostitution is legal in New Zealand, so everyone goes home a winner)
So it may seem like a drastic step if you’re struggling to find dates, but maybe a little travel might be in order… Talk about a Sexy Move…

Sexy Moves: How To Say I Love You To A Woman

At some point in a LTR and definitely in a marriage you are going to have to say the “L word” and make some sort of declaration of love. You really should be saying this frequently anyway, specially if this is something she clearly responds to.
However the first time you say it can accelerate things or turn her off. Plus every relationship can do with an “I Love You” that leaves her reeling and giddy once in a while just to shake things up a little.
The key is to establish that you are saying something from an emotional state, rather than a rational one. If you’re communicating from a rational / logical state, you’re actually unwittingly communicating that you don’t in fact love her, but that it’s just a good idea to love her. If she’s a math professor, a CPA or a lawyer or otherwise inflicted with a male typed brain it’s ok to give her an Excel spreadsheet of why you love her, but not otherwise. They want to feel that you feel in love with them emotionally.
So here we go…
Step 1 – Call her over to you and say “we need to talk a moment”. It’s an Alpha move. Helps with everything that follows.
Step 2 – Run off a short list of some of her very best and lovable qualities and say that you could say you love her because of these things, but these are in fact just a list of her good qualities.
“I’ve been trying to decide why I love you.   (pause!)    I could tell you I love you because you’re smart. I could tell you that I love you because you’re so caring and kind. I could tell you I love you because you’re such a genuine person and so grounded. But these are all simply a list of your good qualities and not why I love you.”
See how that compliments logically, but you disarm it emotionally?
Step 3 – Go for complete emotion with an irrational statement.
“The fact is, I don’t know why I love you. I just do.”
There’s no possible way she can deflect that statements emotional impact. It’s not trying to be logical argument for love, so all she can do is either accept that it is the truth or deny it. Very little middle ground.
Step 4 – Make it seem even more real and solid. Tell her when you realized you just loved her. You can blow up a quite trivial incident into a maelstrom of flooded emotions here. (Hopefully it’s true and you’re not just a lying sack of shit here lol)
“What I can do though, is tell you when I realized that I loved you. We were riding the big rollercoaster at Knoebels together and about halfway around the track I realize I’m not even paying attention to the fact I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m just watching you and your hair flying in the wind. And you looked over at me and smiled and that was it. I just knew.”
At this point she should be glassy eyed and all melty inside. Now is a good time to hear she loves you and go for a long slow kiss close.
Of course this is all very vulnerable and Beta to gush all this emotion and wear your heart on your sleeve like this, so you can always bring everything back down to reality by redoing the entire routine (with a very naughty boy smile and twinkle in your eye) but instead of “why I love you”, do it as “why I want to have sex with you”…
“I also need to tell you why I want to have sex with you”
“I could tell you about your fantastic boobs, the boom in your booty, your slutty lower back tattoo. The fact is, these are just a list of your sexy qualities. I don’t know why I want to have sex with you, I just do.”
“What I can tell you though, is the moment I realized I wanted to have sex with you. You were at the bar and you deep throated a beer bottle and I just knew I wanted to have sex with you. I just knew.”
This should get you a lot of laughter and it’s a subtle neg in that you’ve obviously been gaming her with the “I love you” version if both that and the sex version have basically the same script format.
Then gently pull her to you and say that you love her. 100% earnestly and sincere. No games. Just heart, all heart. Then spank her ass a little as you break the kiss and separate. Just because you can.
*** Dershowitz and Feinstein Legal Disclaimer. Jennifer does not have a slutty back tattoo. She cannot deep throat a beer bottle.

Game Theory: Marriage, Dating, The Manosphere As Prisoner’s Dilemma

I’m going to explain both marriage outcomes and the entire volume of Internet posting on sexual relationships in a single post. Seriously. I’m that good.
I’ll need Internet Access, a light snack and PUNNETT SQUARES.
Being married is like a game of Prisoner’s Dilemma. This is one of the original Game Theory social puzzles and required reading for all budding social scientist types. If you haven’t read this before, I really recommend you click the link and read up on it. I’ll be right here when you get back.
Ah screw it, I know I know… you’re all short attention span types. Here’s a picutre of the orginal Prisoners Dilemma….


Marriage framed as a game of Prisoner’s Dilemma, and I’d argue that it’s really a fairly continuous game of Iterated Prisoner’s Dilemma with say each month or whatever counting as a round of the game. The game breaks down like this… (you can click on it to make it bigger and harder…)


So assuming each month is a round of the game, obviously the top left quadrant is the better option for both Husband and Wife to aim for. But cheating on the commitment can become tempting, specially if you can get away with doing it and simply dupe the other spouse. So tossing in a cheating episode here and there can be a huge “win”. At least until you get caught.
What tends to happen is once caught the trust is forever broken in some way. And the other partner starts being more willing to break their commitment to you. “WTF you cheated on me, I’ll show you” is the basic thought here. Cheating can be either sex with another person, sexual denial to the spouse, refusal to work either in the home or out of it, or whatever. Basically it’s refusing to be a good spouse in the marriage.
So after a couple rounds of “Frak me, NO FRAK YOU” the relationship can break down as both parties firmly entrench in the refusal to be nice to each other ever again. This is how divorce almost always gets nasty.
Now if you want to apply the same sort of approach to say an opening few dates with a new partner, it looks like this…
I think my readers are smart enough to figure out the above table.
Now in terms of everything that is written in the Manosphere about Game, Sex and Relationships et al, it looks like this…

So what according to Game Theory should you do in order to maximize outcomes for yourself?  The summary below are the key points from the Wikipedia Link…

Nice:  The most important condition is that the strategy must be “nice”, that is, it will not defect before its opponent does (this is sometimes referred to as an “optimistic” algorithm). Almost all of the top-scoring strategies were nice; therefore a purely selfish strategy will not “cheat” on its opponent, for purely utilitarian reasons first.

Retaliating:  However, Axelrod contended, the successful strategy must not be a blind optimist. It must sometimes retaliate. An example of a non-retaliating strategy is Always Cooperate. This is a very bad choice, as “nasty” strategies will ruthlessly exploit such players.

Forgiving:   Successful strategies must also be forgiving. Though players will retaliate, they will once again fall back to cooperating if the opponent does not continue to defect. This stops long runs of revenge and counter-revenge, maximizing points.

Non-envious:    The last quality is being non-envious, that is not striving to score more than the opponent (impossible for a ‘nice’ strategy, i.e., a ‘nice’ strategy can never score more than the opponent).

So there we go. Life the Manosphere and Everything in one handy dandy post. A little superficial I know. But what you gonna do about it….

…. well be nice of course. For purely utilitarian reasons.

The Dark Side of Game

Let me tell you a tale about how I have some concerns about the dark side of Game…
We all know the story about the chick that has an abusive boyfriend. First she loves loves loves him, this guy is so special, he’s so perfect, he’s so different. She will not shut the frak up about this guy.
And we all hate listening to her because we all know what is coming.
It starts as a raised voice. Then there’s a push…
Buy Me!