Sexy Move: The Use Of Tools
March 4, 2010 By 3 Comments
Back in The Time Before Writing there were two males squaring off over a female. The older larger alpha Sal and the younger smaller Throgg. The female knew that the Sal was going to beat the smaller Throgg and like it or not she would be mated with Sal.
Then something very unusual happened. Throgg invented Pick Up…
In a smooth fluid motion Throgg picked up a four foot long solid piece of wood from the ground and pounded Sal like a rented punching bag until he learned to exhibit approach anxiety. Armed with his club Throgg felt confident and sexy and he naturally got the girl. Brains plus some brawn beat pure brawn.
Throgg became famous and taught classes to aspiring males about his amazing Pick Up technique. Pretty soon if a male didn’t know about Pick Up they didn’t have a chance with the ladies. All the females started paying more attention to the males that could hold a club. After a while when a female wanted to get laid she’d just tell all her friends she was going out clubbing.
After a few hundred generations of sexual selection for males good with clubs, everyone was starting to get good with clubs. But also cool stuff like axes, knifes, hammers, spears, bows and slings had been invented too. Turns out that the males that were good with one tool usually turned out to be pretty good with all of them. They could fight and they could build a better home as well. The females loved the newer predator safe villages and homes the tool using men could create. In fact after a while all the females started insisting on well built homes to keep critters and predators away from crying babies in the middle of the night.
A man’s use of tools is sexy. It is the original alpha male skill.
So when your wife asks you to repair something around the house… it’s a requirement programmed into her DNA where she’s driven to live in a nest safe for children to be born into. She’s going to see it as your job to repair the nest. Failing to do repair work and general nest maintenance is going to flip her sexual attraction switches for you off.
I’m not saying you have to be able to build a house from scratch, but at least a minimal level of ability with basic tools and home repair tasks is going to make your wife feel safe and comfortable. In modern terms it’s really a Beta Male Trait.
Know the difference between a bathroom remodel that you can’t afford – that’s a shit test – and making sure the things in your home are functional and safe. Just make a list and start fixing.
Unleash your inner Throgg.
As an aside, do a few Tim The Tool Man Talyor grunts as you repair and present your finished repair job to your wife. It’s always funny and sets up an expectation that you deserve a little extra attention for your efforts. Plus if you actually frak the repair up you have an automatic lead into humorous “oh no” grunting and a second attempt at repair.
The use of nearly every word associated with repairs lends itself to purposely comically bad pick up lines.
“Is there anything else that needs to be nailed?”
“Mind if I work on your plumbing?”
“This tool is strong and quite hard”.
“My techinque is just to pound it hard”.
“I’m looking for the perfect screw”.
“If anything else is dripping, I’ll take a look at that too”.
“If you stand any closer baby, you’ll need protection”.
“I can’t stop and have sex now, doing you is 7th on the list and I’m only at #5″.
“I’m done with the sink. So how long until your husband is back….?”
P.S. Don’t frak with electricity. Get you brother-in-law to help with that.