At some point in a LTR and definitely in a marriage you are going to have to say the “L word” and make some sort of declaration of love. You really should be saying this frequently anyway, specially if this is something she clearly responds to.
However the first time you say it can accelerate things or turn her off. Plus every relationship can do with an “I Love You” that leaves her reeling and giddy once in a while just to shake things up a little.
The key is to establish that you are saying something from an emotional state, rather than a rational one. If you’re communicating from a rational / logical state, you’re actually unwittingly communicating that you don’t in fact love her, but that it’s just a good idea to love her. If she’s a math professor, a CPA or a lawyer or otherwise inflicted with a male typed brain it’s ok to give her an Excel spreadsheet of why you love her, but not otherwise. They want to feel that you feel in love with them emotionally.
So here we go…
Step 1 – Call her over to you and say “we need to talk a moment”. It’s an Alpha move. Helps with everything that follows.
Step 2 – Run off a short list of some of her very best and lovable qualities and say that you could say you love her because of these things, but these are in fact just a list of her good qualities.
“I’ve been trying to decide why I love you. (pause!) I could tell you I love you because you’re smart. I could tell you that I love you because you’re so caring and kind. I could tell you I love you because you’re such a genuine person and so grounded. But these are all simply a list of your good qualities and not why I love you.”
See how that compliments logically, but you disarm it emotionally?
Step 3 – Go for complete emotion with an irrational statement.
“The fact is, I don’t know why I love you. I just do.”
There’s no possible way she can deflect that statements emotional impact. It’s not trying to be logical argument for love, so all she can do is either accept that it is the truth or deny it. Very little middle ground.
Step 4 – Make it seem even more real and solid. Tell her when you realized you just loved her. You can blow up a quite trivial incident into a maelstrom of flooded emotions here. (Hopefully it’s true and you’re not just a lying sack of shit here lol)
“What I can do though, is tell you when I realized that I loved you. We were riding the big rollercoaster at Knoebels together and about halfway around the track I realize I’m not even paying attention to the fact I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m just watching you and your hair flying in the wind. And you looked over at me and smiled and that was it. I just knew.”
At this point she should be glassy eyed and all melty inside. Now is a good time to hear she loves you and go for a long slow kiss close.
Of course this is all very vulnerable and Beta to gush all this emotion and wear your heart on your sleeve like this, so you can always bring everything back down to reality by redoing the entire routine (with a very naughty boy smile and twinkle in your eye) but instead of “why I love you”, do it as “why I want to have sex with you”…
“I also need to tell you why I want to have sex with you”
“I could tell you about your fantastic boobs, the boom in your booty, your slutty lower back tattoo. The fact is, these are just a list of your sexy qualities. I don’t know why I want to have sex with you, I just do.”
“What I can tell you though, is the moment I realized I wanted to have sex with you. You were at the bar and you deep throated a beer bottle and I just knew I wanted to have sex with you. I just knew.”
This should get you a lot of laughter and it’s a subtle neg in that you’ve obviously been gaming her with the “I love you” version if both that and the sex version have basically the same script format.
Then gently pull her to you and say that you love her. 100% earnestly and sincere. No games. Just heart, all heart. Then spank her ass a little as you break the kiss and separate. Just because you can.
*** Dershowitz and Feinstein Legal Disclaimer. Jennifer does not have a slutty back tattoo. She cannot deep throat a beer bottle.