The Dark Side of Game

Let me tell you a tale about how I have some concerns about the dark side of Game…
We all know the story about the chick that has an abusive boyfriend. First she loves loves loves him, this guy is so special, he’s so perfect, he’s so different. She will not shut the frak up about this guy.
And we all hate listening to her because we all know what is coming.
It starts as a raised voice. Then there’s a push…
Buy Me!


  1. Anonymous says:

    There aren't a lot of those women. Maybe 5-10% and they all marry very young. Most guys won't get a shot at one so the game meme may be appropriate.

  2. Atholk was that whole "Sith game thing" a pep talk for me?


  3. Anonymous says:

    What if you are just a little too old to find the right woman? I'm mid-30s, and realistically speaking my odds of finding a virginal woman who'd want to hang out with me are really small. I do get 20-somethings regularly, but they are not the virginal kind. And the good ones are dating guys around their age.

  4. Wicked Shawn says:

    Athol, if I may. Thanks, I will take your silence as a proceed. :)
    Dear Anonymous: I am in my 30's, not on the market, and frankly far too previously sexually avtive and "unvirginal" to suit you. I won't go into how hilarious this is, although I have been a faithful and according to my sexually and emotionally satisfied husband, I have been an excellent wife despite my prior sexual escapades. But anyway. There are women in your age group who A) have slept with very few men and have spent their time focusing on their career or waiting for that truly one special man, maybe you simply haven't displayed those charecteristics B)have been married once before, not necessarily disqualifying themselves from the dating pool, sometimes a well intentioned woman falls in love and puts an honest effort into a relationship, simply to find that no amount of effort makes it work. I realize this may not be the place to point this out, but sometimes that does actually happen. Yes, there are a lot of conniving bitches out there who will take you for all they can. And yes, there are a lot of whores out there who will do you and then do your friend the minute you bore her. But, really, by the time you hit your 30's, if you can't tell the difference, that is your bad.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    @ Anon – if you cannot find these women, maybe the problem is you was my essential point.

    @ LIL – no it wasn't. I know how to reach you more directly and aren't afraid to tell you to you face so to speak. If you gained something from it, that's fine, but this was a general post.

    @ Anon – if you are mid 30's you have started to get a bit of shelf life, it's not as dramatic as a loss of Sex Rank as a woman, but it happens to men too. Unless you have ass loads of money etc, you're very unlikely to get a 20s virgin. Set your sights a little lower. We almost all make some sort of mistakes in our life and in terms of youth and beauty you may have to "settle for the bronze". That is not to say you cannot find a wife that loves you and a life time of happiness together.

    @ Wicked – thanks, you have it right. I can see that I'm going to have to follow up with a revisit to some of my earlier posts to clarify things further.

    Also yes – some women and men really do try very hard to make a marriage work, and there only essential mistake is a poor choice of marriage partner from which all else follows.

  6. piterburg says:

    There definitely ARE marrigeable women out there, and you don't need to find many of them, but just one.

    Being an older man does not hurt, actually I view it as an advantage. I found my life partner at the ripe age of 37, she was 25, beautiful inside and outside.

    No she was not a virgin, she was a divorcee with a small child, but who cares about this virginity c**p anyway? I want a woman who understands her sexuality, not a virgin who might discover 5 years later that she is naturally a lesbian.

    I also realize now that one of the women I dated in my mid-20's (for 3 years on and off) was perfectly marriageble. The problem was that I was not.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Cool blog. Athol, you seem to subscribe to the Cinderella model of male/female relationships i.e. man and woman can live happily ever after.

    Studies abound that show that brain chemistry, while wildly active and effective at first, loses nearly all potency in approximately three years. Again, on a chemical level, lust turns to love, then to like then to roommates and often it goes downhill from there.

    ~55% of married men cheat and ~%45 married women cheat. Their combined efforts implicate an ~80% chance of infidelity affecting marriage.

    99% of all mammals are not monogamous. Are you still clinging to the Christian ideal? Just curious..

  8. Athol Kay says:

    Hi Bill, no I don't have a fantasy outlook on marriage – there are clearly serious risks involved, but it is also possible to maintain a long happy relationship with a excellent upside. As a smart guy I think I affect the outcome. (Though choice of wife is paramount)

    I would lean on the work of Dr Helen Fisher for the biochemistry of attraction. There are three quite different sets of biochemistry – the "in love" one which is quite erratic, the "pair bond" which tends to develop and strengthen over time, and "basic horniness" which is a difuse all purpose desire for sex. If you lose the "in love" chemical surge, but fail to develop the pair bond, you will end up roomates and have relationship failure. But the two chemical markers are different and it isn't an either/or choice. It's possible to be both in love and pair bonded at the same time.

    There would be some overlap in couples cheating.

    I hated the Christian ideal when I was a Christian lol. It's been a very winding road to end up here, and it is very ironic to me to be a pro-monogamy thinker now. It is a complicated question and history. Perhaps a post is in order.

  9. Belated but I just had to post in response to the ludicrous claim that "~55% of married men cheat and ~%45 married women cheat"

    This is NOT TRUE.

    One study claims that ~45% of men and ~38% HAVE cheated at least once in their life. ONE STUDY and this is only once in their life for ALL their relationships.

    Most studies have found that between 15% and 25% married men, and 8% and 18% have cheated.

    The reality is that most men and women don't cheat. At all. Ever. Given the nature of people who do cheat, the stats are skewed meaning most the people who cheat, cheat a lot.

  10. Dang: fourth paragraph should read: "Most studies have found that between 15% and 25% married men, and 8% and 18% of married women have cheated."

  11. Anonymous says:

    This is one of the more cool things about you, Athol, your decent side. Sometimes this stuff does make marriage sound too much like a game, when couples are too complex and emotions too volatile to be called such; other times, simple tried and true moves do work, especially in regards to sex. And sometimes, certain kinds of interaction really are games, and natural.

    Take care, Jennifer

  12. Laughingdog says:

    "There aren't a lot of those women. Maybe 5-10% and they all marry very young. Most guys won't get a shot at one so the game meme may be appropriate. "

    I'm 39, twice divorced (made bad choices in spouses, in large part from not having dealt with an abusive childhood, and not growing up with any examples of what makes for a good partner), and sadly I still want kids. Trust me when I say that finding a spouse at my age that wants kids is nearly impossible.

    95% or more of the available women in my dating age range fit in one of three categories: Divorced with kids, and doesn't want anymore; Divorced with no kids, and doesn't want any; and Never married and wants kids and marriage. Typically, the ones that are divorced with kids (whether they want more or not) are really looking for free labor more than a partner. Those in the last group, if they're attractive and over 30, are generally nuts. Most wasted at least a decade on one or more assholes, and are now too bitter to give any other guy a real chance. Be too nice, and they're not interested. Too confident and they run because they think you just plan to pump and dump them.

    So if you don't find a keeper by your early 30s, it's a safe bet that you never will.

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