The Thank You Prevention Method

So much written in the Manosphere is anti-women and anti-marriage that I’m starting to feel a little worn down just reading it all. I do understand the risks in getting married, but the truth of the matter is that I am quite thankful for my marriage and most definitely thankful for Jennifer.
It becomes a very long day to mentally try and think of women as both the enemy and the prize. Trying to sustain that viewpoint in a LTR is just going to result in you becoming an asshat to your partner at some point. Women as Enemy / Prize is the modern variant of the Madonna / Whore complex. You have to try and not be made vulnerable to her to protect yourself, but vulnerability is a key to seduction. You’re meant to try and win her over, but repeating that win more than a couple of weeks makes you the loser. Confused? Ya me too.
Game puts pussy on a pedestal but advises to not put a woman on the pedestal. Funny… last time I checked they were attached. Now what…
My advice if you are in the middle of a ho-hum period in your marriage and sex life, is to ignore the Manosphere. It’s really not here to help you. Just concentrate on each other and figure things out together. The enemy cannot become each other, that way lies divorce and Ramen Noodles. You must become team mates. By all means you can lead the team, but you need to see winning or losing as something that happens to the team rather than I won she lost, or I lost and she won.
The prize is each other. The prize is “us”.
A great move for any team leader is to recognize when someone is contributing to the team. I really recommend paying active attention to your wife and thanking her for the times when she does do things that benefit you and your family. It’s an old tactic to deal with children to try and “catch them when they are good”. It’s no less effective on adults.
So when she does something good, especially something good for you, say thank you. She may be holding out on you sexually simply because she has started to resent your lack of appreciation for the good she has done. Shit tests thrive in the fertile ground of lack of appreciation.
I realize this doesn’t sound very Alpha Male and sounds very supplicating, but it actually is a somewhat dominant display. You are not asking for something / permission – that’s more Beta, but you are thanking for acts of service you have already received. So you need to reward the behavior you are looking for by at least acknowledging it occured. Failing to do so is actually a subtle punishment of good behavior and will result in it declining in frequency.
So if you punish good behavior… you are ultimately starting to force her into thinking about engaging in bad behavior in an attempt to get you to reward her. This is part of why she shit tests you.
Now if you are setting the stage to be shit tested, it really doesn’t matter whether or not you “pass the shit test”, you’re basically screwing her over either way. So her best option is to simply leave the relationship. Then you say something like “see I told you all women suck”.
So try saying thank you. Seriously. It’s not that hard.

Comments

  1. THOMAS AMUNDSEN says:

    Whew, finally someone makes a post about this…

    I was actually worried when I saw you commenting on some other site that reading all of these blogs would make you become cynical and ruin your marriage. Glad you have a good head on your shoulders. :)

  2. Athol Kay says:

    The greatest challenge sometimes is simply to remain positive.

    Game really does have some babies in it's bathwater. But one can only drink so much of the bathwater.

    Thanks :-)

  3. Ferdinand Bardamu says:

    Like the post, Athol.

    Game puts pussy on a pedestal but advises to not put a woman on the pedestal. Funny… last time I checked they were attached.

    That, my friend, is the Quote of the Week.

    My view is that the manosphere's emphasis on getting sex as quickly as possible is responsible for a lot of the cynicism. The same women who will give it up easily tend to overlap with the psychos and freaks. (Think you wrote something similar elsewhere.) Selection bias makes for sour attitudes.

    I happen to like the fact that with bloggers like yourself, Ulysses and others, the gamesphere is finally branching out into long-term relationship/marriage advice.

  4. Athol Kay says:

    Hi Ferdinard, you may be thinking of…

    "As I've said before, bringing home a woman from a bar is like getting a cat from an animal shelter, as long as you have money for shots you're good to go home with pussy, just don't complain when she bites you, pisses all over everything and then runs away."

    …from http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2010/02/shes-nice-place-to-visit-but-i-wouldnt.html

  5. I think the whole 'don't marry' aspect of Game exists to remind its students not to rush into things and to be very very certain of your actions.
    Before Game I would have considered 2 years the right amount of time to wait till proposing. And even that is a long time for some cultures, especially the USA's.
    Now I'm planning for 5 years – the 'sexual chemistry' naturally dies between 2-5 years. If the relationship can survive that, then she's marriage worthy.

  6. Demonspawn says:

    […] but you need to see winning or losing as something that happens to the team rather than I won she lost, or I lost and she won.

    This is very important, and probably key to the whole thing no matter what views you have. My wife and I are a team. We work together to have a better relationship/life/whatever. You also need to have a long term view of the issue. Yes, sometimes I'll take an immediate loss for a long term gain for us, and, of course, so will she (or else I wouldn't have chose her).

    It becomes a very long day to mentally try and think of women as both the enemy and the prize.

    Women are not the enemy, and neither are men. Women who behave in such a manner as to be a detriment to society are the enemy, and women who behave in a manner as to be a benefit to society are the prize. Your individual woman can be either an enemy or a prize. Thinking that way is how to make your day shorter.

    The shame is that the average feminized western woman is the enemy. They are screwing everyone over long term to gain short term benefits.

  7. Right on, Athol Kay. It's tough to read most of the PUA sites going on about how stupid it is to marry, as most of it sounds misogynistically bitter. Having kids, for example, is an experience that can't be matched, and it is best done in the context of a committed relationship.

    Besides, most countries/states have common law statutes anyway, that function as a proxy for legal marriage in the event of divorce anyway.

    At its end, a marriage is a partnership in which both parties need to be contributing for it to work. A simple thank you can work wonders.

  8. "Game puts pussy on a pedestal but advises to not put a woman on the pedestal. Funny… last time I checked they were attached"

    Quote of the week? Absolutely. And yet another gem of yours, Athol, is:

    "Women as Enemy / Prize is the modern variant of the Madonna / Whore complex"

    Good observation. You could consume an entire post on that parallel alone.

    Regarding expressions of thanks… I suspect that, like so many things, whether its LTR-positive or not comes down to one's frame and motivation. One can either express thanks from a position of supplication or from an assumption of abundance. Expressing thanks from a frame of supplication–with an intent hell-bent on trying to *make* her to change or solely to appease her won't gain you very many LTR points. No doubt your expressions as such are correlated with yet other supplicating behaviors. She'll see entirely beyond your words and your marital bed will stay the same lukewarm temperature.

    But expressing thanks from your own frame of abundance and confidence? What can be more powerful and manly than that? …And once you're carrying around an entire attitude of gratefulness and abundance inside yourself, this likewise correlates with other positive behaviors and vibe. She'll again see entirely beyond your words alone and your frame will influence so much more.

  9. sweetsinnergwen says:

    Your blog is riveting.

  10. Athol Kay says:

    Thanks Gwen.

  11. Susan Walsh says:

    Athol, this is so right on! I really can only second Ferdinand's comment – perfection.

    I love, love, love Game for LTRs. I think a lot of men would love to pass Go (meaningless hookups) and go straight to something meaningful. You're a voice for that, operating from a position of strength.

  12. Athol Kay says:

    You're too kind Susan. :-)

  13. hambydammit says:

    I think part of the manosphere mess comes from the fact that 98% of the men who read stuff about Game are trying to find a pussy… er… woman who will be in a sexual relationship with them. You're one of the only bloggers I've seen that focuses on how to run game with a long term partner, and I'm pretty sure there's no book on the subject yet. (When are you going to get to that, Athol? Time's ticking, my friend, and I guarantee someone else will eventually get around to it. You should be first!)

    More to the point of the entry, this has been a consistent difficulty for me, and I've had to really work to remember to say thank you. As you've said, it's not being supplicating if you do it right. I think the reason this topic isn't even discussed in most PUA articles is that all the Game advice focuses on how to get a woman to do something for you in the first place. They don't think to mention how much women who have given something like to be rewarded with a "thank you." It's not so much different than rewarding a girl who's shown an ioi by paying more attention to her and escalating kino. It's all about building comfort and creating a positive feedback loop.

  14. Athol Kay says:

    I'm trying to be first on that issue Hamby. To an extent I'm writing it piece by piece with every post. I'm holding a little bit of content back off the blog for the book only.

    Honestly I think PUA Game may as well be designed to destroy LTRs. You really have to pick and choose the advice carefully.

  15. Thank you. :)

  16. Anonymous says:

    Very good post indeed :) Thank you.

    Jennifer

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