“Most married men I know complain about their wives propensity to find a million things to do right when it is time to head out the door. Maybe it’s the wife who decides she has to do her hair one more time before they leave, or maybe it’s one more outfit change because they are unhappy with how what they are wearing is fitting, who knows?
…So I’m curious. For those guys who are married, were married, or living with a woman. Have you experienced the last minute task, and how did you handle it? Maybe Athol Kay from Married Man Sex Life has some better ideas on how to handle the last minute mundane task delay.”
This is one of those really annoying things that my wife has never been guilty of in terms of going out to social events. We both tend to get enmeshed in work and have trouble leaving for home on time, but we both know the others situation so it doesn’t really bother either of us.
However… oh yeah I’ve seen this issue in many couples. 5-10 minutes late is fashionably late, no problem. 30+ minutes late is just increasingly rude and must be addressed. This really isn’t even a male / female thing, it’s just part of being an adult to show up at an appropriate time to social events. Though I do think it’s an easy way for a woman to test a man, so I’ll answer the question as such.
I guess for girlfriends one option for dealing with it is to simply dump her. Then high five yourself for not taking her shit. This is epic fail. You don’t pass a fitness test by finishing up not in a relationship with the woman, you know when you pass a fitness test by the woman stopping the testing behavior and wanting to have sex with you more than she did before. Yeah I know this was a wierd thing to have to explain, but apparently some guys need to be told.
If you’re getting tearful messages on your answering machine asking what happened and you’re giving yourself a “low five”, you could have probably handled things better. You may in fact be an asshole rather than a PUA.
Another option is to trick the wife into thinking the 730p social event actually starts at 7p to give yourself the extra 30 minutes to allow her to be late. This is just enabling the situation to continue into the future forever. Trust me she will figure this one out and eventually stretch things out to an hour. It’s also telling her that you cannot control her, and that she has the power in this situation.
Option three is just to accept that she owns you and to fume quietly and develop cancer somewhere on your body. This way is death. She will take control of the entire relationship eventually.
Option four is a sudden surprise where you just leave and she discovers that you are gone and so is your car. She’s messing with her hair and finally finishes and walks into the living room 35 minutes behind schedule and the house is empty. There’s a lot of shock value in this technique, but I worry that it’s too harsh. She may well comply in the future, but it’s going to cost attraction points.
My approach for this single issue is similar to my overall approach to increasing your sex life with your wife. You are not trying to control her, you are trying to control you and she will either respond to it, or she won’t.
Firstly ignore the fact that her behavior is “causing the lateness”. The issue should be framed as “I am late and that’s not acceptable to me“. Make no mention of her getting ready routine. If she complains or argues just broken record “I am late and that is not acceptable to me.”
Give her a first warning shot that “I am late and that is not acceptable to me” during an episode of lateness. Firm tone of voice and eye contact.
Give her a second warning shot that “I am late and that is not acceptable to me. If this happens again I will ensure I arrive on time with or without you”.
A third and final warning during an episode of lateness that “I am late and that is not acceptable to me. As I told you before I’m just going to make sure I arrive on time regardless of whether you are ready or not.”
Then in the future give her a reasonable heads up of when you are leaving, i.e. at 5pm say we’re leaving at 7pm. Then just leave at that time with or without her. Try not to make it over something truly dramatic like a family vacation, but out to dinner or a movie or whatever is fine.
Realize that the relationship may end over this. Leaving her behind may turn into the unforgivable sin and she may well scream her nut off at you over this. In that moment you have to realize that her behavior is rude and she is blaming you for not supporting her rudeness. Also she may well arrive 40 minutes late and mad as a snake at you and rip you up verbally in public for leaving her behind. That’s a whole other level of socially inappropriate behavior towards you. Perhaps in those moments, you’ll realize exactly what you married… and want to have a serious think about things and the direction of your life. If this is a wife perhaps you might suggest “taking some space”. I’d just dump a girlfriend chewing me up in public on the spot.
So like I said earlier – the basic issue is that you are allowing her to control you with the lateness. So you control you as the solution. And remember 5-10 minutes isn’t too serious. Not everything is a fitness test.
And of course remember the Golden Rule of Sex Rank. Never force an ultimatum on your wife if she is hotter than you.