What To Do When Your Wife Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You

Via email and comments I keep getting asked a variation on this question;
“How do I make my wife do (or be) XYZ?”
Also the questioners almost always want something that “works right away”.
Well the first step in troubleshooting a wife that isn’t working properly is to disconnect her from her power source and wait 30 seconds, then plug her back in and see if when she reboots if that solves the problem. Often that solves the issue with some of the earlier Stepford models. Otherwise open up the back and manually pull out and switch the Soap Opera Module and the Sex Drive Module into each others slots, then restart and clear the shoes and shopping cache and see if that frees up memory processing. If that fails call tech support and we never…
Buy Me!


  1. The Social Pathologist says:

    Gold, pure gold.

    This site and Hawaiian libertarian's site are the go to places for married game.

  2. rosiewiklund says:

    Great post. Thanks.

  3. Wicked Shawn says:

    "marriage is a team sport" Too often forgotten by both partners, women expect men to make changes or vice versa, it requires action by BOTH partners.

  4. Phoenixism says:

    I was expecting some trite road map to changing your wife's attitude overnight.

    Instead I thought: Oh my, what have I found here! Someone who is actually proposing a sense of mature self-accountability (and self-improvement) without resorting to the usual victimization ploy I see all over the mansphere.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Thanks all. Much appreciated.

  6. But Atholk my wife already has a cat and hates me. I think something must be defective with my box,as my hot sex partners haven't shown up yet.

    Who knows, maybe this is like one of those mail order things, and I have to wait 4-6 weeks after my divorce completely goes though. I'll re-read the fine print.


  7. Athol Kay says:

    Well there is an element of metaphor in there LIL. I think you're still in the process of getting from M to D as well. So keep going and don't leave her unsupervised with your dog. :-(

  8. NorthPhxAgent says:

    Heee-larious! Thanks Athol. Seriously, guys: unless you're welllll on your way to divorce land, one of the most effective things you can do is TALK to your wife and LISTEN back. She'll forgive a lot of the other flaws that Athol discusses here. Your wife's sex drive is largely between her ears, not her legs.

  9. Athol Kay says:

    Well… listening is very important, but testosterone is largely made in females in the ovaries, so it's really more between her legs than her ears.

  10. piterburg says:

    Actually, of all the women, the wife is least likely to respond to increase of man's sex rank.

    The reason: early imprinting. I've seen quite a few glaring examples of that.

  11. Not all of us women love sex.

  12. Athol Kay says:

    @ Amanda – That's fine, just that it's evil for those women to marry a man and cockblock him into despair.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Spot on with quadrant 4. :-) :-(

    On the plus side, stepping up the sex rank seems to be having a positive effect on both of us.

    However, stepping up the alpha traits has been more effective in the short term (I've been in the phase 3, post baby beta spot). It's helped me realize that things get better and really increased my desire to level up my sex rank.

  14. Thank you! My problem is the reverse – husband doesn't want sex with me. I've been wondering what to do and your point plan is perfect. It'll mean 2 years, but at the end of that, I'll be a better model of myself even if he doesn't want this model at all.

    Spicy Chai

  15. Anonymous says:

    Problem – the sex is getting boring, but here's the kicker – in this LDR he's talking to me about getting himself off and that he finds other people sexy. We're engaged, I asked him if he really finds other women sexy, and he merely stared at me for a second then said "but I like you," and he says "love you" so, flippantly.

    I just ignore him when he gets like that as it gets under my skin, but what can one do to keep her husband from getting off to other people/even looking? He thinks that women around him want to fuck him all the time. Tried explaining females aren't like that and don't take sex appeal as personally as men do, we'll fuck anyone that will benefit us financially/consciously – again what can one do to keep their husband from thinking other women want to fuck him and basically have him all to myself?, since, that is essentially what marriage is

  16. Anonymous says:

    You sound like a pretty cool guy, Athol.


  17. mrandmrsb says:

    Just read this. I was horrified when my wife told me that our oldest friends had not had sex for over a year, even though she had tried to get him interested. And yet, to us, they have always seemed a loving couple, going on cruises, romantic train journeys etc.
    Just goes to show. my wife won't tell me what tricks her friend has tried to get him interested, but I'm damn sure that my wife told her what we get up to, as she clammed up when i asked her outright.
    Other friends, he has just had his prostate done, now counsel other prostate patients. We are very sure that they are still loving.


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