Betaization and the Cuddly-Wuddlies: Why Your Own Body Betrays You

Clicks on flashlight and points upwards into face…
Betaization – The Alpha lone wolf naturally studly male meets girl. Mr. Alpha likes girl, seduces girl. Alpha and girl move in together and have lots of hot sex together. Girl pouts. Marriage happens. Sex decreases and girl starts bossing the male around. Pretty soon he’s her bitch and for all intents and purposes may as well be locked into a CB3000 The transformation from Alpha to Beta Male is complete.
The full ghost story version then progresses to whatever mixture of terror the individual story teller most identifies with; cuckolding, divorce, child support, alimony or how discovering her shrieking in pleasure under her lover both devastated him and turned him on.
Scared? Well you both should and shouldn’t be. There is an element of ghost story in there, but also an element of truth as well. Accepting that that dynamic seems to generally happen to some degree, the real question is why it happens.
My feeling is that multiple factors are at work here, and that Betaization is a cluster of symptoms rather than one simple factor.
Testosterone Decrease – In married men testosterone decreases 20% compared to single men, and then decreases even further to 50% once a baby enters the picture. Testosterone is the dangerous edgy risk taking Alpha Male hormone. It actually makes a lot of sense for testosterone to decrease in married men. Much of young male risk taking behavior is an effort to actually attract a willing female partner. I mean lets be honest here, we’ve all done a few extremely dangerous and/or stupid things to attract female attention at some point in our life. (Those of you currently in arm slings don’t have to raise your hand.)
Having actually achieved a willing female partner the need to continue risking life and limb is no longer in our best interests. From a Time Before Writing point of view, there’s no point dying or getting seriously injured and not being able to pump your willing female full of semen. So we take it down a notch. When baby comes along we’re even further into the reproduction game and we can reduce risk taking further as the sexual strategy is paying off. Plus aggressive daddies are slightly dangerous to baby, and being a little safer with baby is generally good. (Even so, fathers play much rougher with kids than mothers do and that is probably both social and biologically based)
So a good deal of that aggressive, physical, Alpha based aspect to personality actually switches off to some degree because of the males own Body Agenda – not because of something the female is doing to the male.
Oxytocin Increase – Welcome to Pair Bonding 101. Touch and especially sexual touch and very extra especially orgasm results in oxytocin increases in your system. Oxytocin is the hormone that just gives you the cuddly-wuddlies. (Cuddly-Wuddlies is the technical term.)
Women have naturally higher levels of oxytocin hence their generally more nurturing outlook, plus it has a multitude of other effects on women include lactation and uterine contractions for childbirth and it’s closely related to the ability to have an orgasm (in both sexes). For men though it gives us the Cuddly-Wuddlies and huge spikes of it (orgasm!) makes us want to either “take a nap” or “flee the scene”. Seriously, it can do both. This explains 99% of male post-coital behavior. Isn’t science fun.
Oxytocin is a strange little drug. Most drugs require ever increasing doses to get the same initial effect. Oxytocin seems to become magically more sensitive the more you get of it. From
“Binghamton University psychology professor Diane Witt says that since the release of oxytocin can be classically conditioned, after repeatedly having sex with the same partner, just seeing that partner could release more oxytocin, making you want to be with that person all the more.”
So this is where the pair bond comes from. Incidentally, oxytocin is the reason physical touch escalation is so effective in PUA Gaming. Constant touching releases oxytocin in the person touched and enough of a oxytocin spike can result in… a testosterone surge kick starting the sex drive.
And again it has to be noted, the whole oxytocin thing is because of the male’s own Body Agenda – not because of something the female is doing to the male. These effects are what naturally happens when you repeatedly have sex with the same woman. There is on a biological level no such thing as casual sex.
The third factor in Betaization is pregnancy and child birth. Now imagine you actually have a new born and or a few other kids. That less risk taking Daddy is going to continue to provide for the young into the future much better than a dare devil crazy Daddy will. And all those Cuddly-Wuddlies are going to be just great for child raising and attention. It’s still typically a more physically playful interaction, but women just love seeing men playing with kids and get serious gina tingle from watching it.
Now toss some modern birth control into the picture… You’ve been with Miss Sweet Young Thing for a couple of years now and “you’re just not ready for kids”… except no one told your Body Agenda… and your testosterone has stepped down a little and you’ve got the Cuddly-Wuddlies…
… so you naturally Cuddly-Wuddly on her. She doesn’t hate it, but it doesn’t turn her on.
And that’s how you get Betaized by your own frakking body. The woman does very little to cause it, but she does change in how she reacts to you because you have changed. When you stop the more Alpha Traits and simply exchange them for Beta ones you net a loss of attraction in exchange for a gain in comfort. A heartless pure Alpha that has no ability to bond with the woman loses her because he can’t create comfort. Switching into a pure Beta Male role you lose her because you can’t create attraction. Remember you need BOTH Alpha and Beta skills in a LTR. Seriously read that linked post, it’s key.
Tomorrow – What to do about it.


  1. Phoenixism says:

    Great points, possibilities.

    I would like to add one that I've suspected for a while.

    Many supposed (alleged) Alphas are really nothing but Betas in wolf's clothing.

    How easy is it to mimic an Alpha?

    Just goes to show that the Alpha is much rarer than we thought.

  2. Demonspawn says:


    The above is true, and I'd be insane to deny truth. The question, however, is the level of degree.

    Like I stated in my last reply (which unfortunately got ate) there is a significant difference in the percentage of "betalized by marriage" men now and previous to marriage 2.0. If you showed the lion cartoon to men 50-60 years ago, the reply would have been more along the lines of "yep, those poor few suckers" rather than "yep, that's marriage today".

    It has to do with bell curves rather than punnet squares, however ;)

    Let's find an example bell curve so that we're on the same page:
    OOh, good example: here

    Let's use this curve as the example and say that the left end is "likely to be betalized" and the right end is "unlikely to be betalized". That means, given environmental factors X, we can draw a line right down the center and those to the left are >50% likely to become betalized after marriage while those to the right are <50% likely (note, I think the line prior to marriage 2.0 was very left, possibly even close to -2SD). In fact, forget what I said and let's draw a line down between -1SD and -2SD and say that was the 50/50 line prior to marriage 2.0.

    Well that's all fine an dandy and the situation of the time being. But what happens when marriage 2.0 starts to creep in and environmental factors X become environmental factors Y (say, the beginning of no-fault divorce)? Well then we deal with boundary cases. Let's say the 50/50 behavior line shifts from between -1 and -2 to between -1 and Mean. Well there are still those who will be betalized, and those who won't be betalized, but now there is a significant group who wouldn't have become betalized but now will be. That group is your boundary case, or the group that change behavior due to the new environment. More factors change in favor of women, and the line shifts further and further to the right until we reach today, where I'd estimate it's at least to the right of +1SD.

    So, if you can dig up my post let's discuss it.

    You described, in this post, the factors that contribute to the shape (height) and existence of the bell curve. What I discussed in my post is why the 50/50 line has shifted to the right over time. You covered the biological, I covered the environmental. Both are important, obviously, but I take the biology for granted since we don't have much control over it ;) Changing the environment, on the other hand, is our best way to change behavior.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    Demonspawn – unfortunately the commetn truely has been eaten. I was deleting the emails after reading and replying to comments routinely so sadly it's gone.

    I don't think we're particularly disagreeing with each other, I agree that there are a multitude of effects that at at work. However I've yet to see posted on a PUA styled blog that Betaization is anything other than something a woman does to a man. We love quoting biology to explain how it affects women but are blind to how it affects men.

    Unfortuately the average man has minimal ability to affect changes in the environment in the middle of his marital crisis. If the problem is cause by no-fault divorce law et al, the individual is no less dispowered by sociolgy as by biology.

    I get the importance of men's rights, though that goal is beyond the scope of this blog.

  4. Here is a question for you Atholk. There is a group of professional men that I have encountered at every martial arts school I have ever trained at.

    We are the dentist or pharmacist you'd never want to piss off. The accountant that can press 4 wheels, or break your collar bone with an axe kick you never saw. The family practitioner that looks more like a secret service agent than a Dr.. What about us?

    Having talked, fought, and lived amongst this clique for many years, I would suggest we are a reaction to the "softness" and "blandness"that is thrust on us in a professional environment.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that the beta-fying of males is not at all solely or uniquely found in marriage. I would say, it's rampant in society at large. Marriage is just one of many potentially "nad removing" institutions today.

    In closing, I would suggest that perhaps there is a shortage of alpha males in this country simply because America doesn't seem to welcome us into it's institutions anymore.

    From one single excursion into our courts I was left with the distinct feeling that somewhere just out of sight was a sign that read "real men not welcome".

    So America, is there anything alpha males can do for you other than die in uniform?


  5. Anonymous says:

    The women does very little to cause betaization? Anyone with experience and knowledge knows that is absurd.

  6. Athol Kay says:

    So none of those hormonal changes have any effect whatsoever?

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