All righty then…it’s Jen here for the first question answering installment. And now, in random order, a few questions answered…
Jennifer:
Were you always like that, or did you notice a change in Athol’s attitude (game) at one specific point in your marriage, and then responded to it?
Weren’t you uncomfortable/resisting against this change from “his old self”?
There was no point in our marriage where I had an “aha moment”. He has grown and changed, just as I have grown and changed, in a gradual way. I didn’t see the changes as related to a book he had read or a technique he was experimenting with until later, when he pointed things out to me. I can definitely see times where he has tried certain things, and I have responded. For example, when he began experimenting with being more assertive he watched me respond to that in a way that he didn’t necessarily expect. It was something that he initiated but a dynamic that we played with and changed together. He has not had some big personality morph from “old self” to “gaming self”, he’s just put more thought into how he relates to me and how our marriage works, which is surely not a bad thing. I had long ago come to the conclusion that he is the one who initiates and experiments, and I’m happy to go along with 99.9% of it. (And that’s not in an “I’m putting up with it” kind of way, that’s in a “wooo hoooo! again!!! again!!!” kind of a way.)
Dear Jennifer,
I really like Athol’s blog, but did the post about him running game on his kid (your daughter) also give you the weirds?
Love, Rosie
Ah yes, the infamous Rainforest Cafe trip. I think it is more of an observation of human behavior than “running game” in that instance. Okay, so if you read it through the first time thinking he’s talking about a hot twenty-something that he’s on a date with…then realize it’s his daughter…there is a momentary eeeeewwww. But re-read with the knowledge that it’s a kid he’s running behavior modification strategies on and see what vibe you get.
Game is really at it’s roots behavioral analysis and behavior modification, which works with people of all ages. In this case, the example was of how the “game” principles work in a generalized way with anyone…we all want positive attention and we can all read each other’s cues and respond appropriately if we know what to look for. This blog post (okay edited a bit for a G rating) could actually be useful to me at work as a training tool…I work with foster parents who care for some seriously emotionally and behaviorally disturbed kids, and we teach them behavior modification techniques all the time. I think that is one reason that I don’t feel like I’m being gamed all the time…in a non-sexual context it’s something I’m very familiar with.
Athol: Jennifer has a few more questions yet to answer, but you’re welcome to keep asking more.
Jennifer:
Thanks for your answers! Very clear and useful.