Monogamy As A Sexual Strategy: My Wife Was Right All Along

Had a set of questions in a comment on The Dark Side of Game. This turned into a long and quite personal post. I’m quite naturally good at marriage, but that’s not the same as perfect. Read on.
Cool blog. Athol, you seem to subscribe to the Cinderella model of male/female relationships i.e. man and woman can live happily ever after.
Studies abound that show that brain chemistry, while wildly active and effective at first, loses nearly all potency in approximately three years. Again, on a chemical level, lust turns to love, then to like then to roommates and often it goes downhill from there.
~55% of married men cheat and ~%45 married women cheat. Their combined efforts implicate an ~80% chance of infidelity affecting marriage.
99% of all mammals are not monogamous. Are you still clinging to the Christian ideal? Just curious…
-Bill
Buy Me!

Comments

  1. Jennifer says:

    I am Jennifer…and I approve this message.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Having sex with lots of other women is a bit like splitting your soul into ten horcruxes. Sure, you're less vulnerable…but now your soul is in PIECES.

  3. Just a thought, but if you're citing Harry Potter on blogs, I'd say it'd be a stretch if you actually have sex with one woman, let alone ten.

    Just an ADD thought in closing, why the f*ck would anyone other than the person who actually writes the books know how to spell "horcruxes" anyway? If you're twelve, you really shouldn't be reading this blog.

    LIL

  4. Athol Kay says:

    Awww slamming on the Harry Potter fans LIL your so mean lol.

    I dunno about twelve year olds not reading the blog thing. I purposely keep images PG-13 at the most and generally limit the explicit erotic discussion in favor of talking about sex. The harsh truth is that twelve year olds are making sexual choices these days that we simply weren't making at the same age. Flip on the TV or log onto the Internet and it's all jiggling boobs and Tiger Woods / Jesse James. I feel late to the party if anything. It is a delicate balance though.

    We live in an odd age. So much sex, so little happiness.

    Heck my wife finally commented… you should be ragging on that!

  5. Anonymous says:

    I am only interested in game to help in my marriage. I have not had sex with any other woman than my wife during our marriage. I suspect if I had an affair, my wife would work it out.

    David

  6. Anonymous says:

    I always wondered this when guys in LTRs write about game: isn't the fact that you are exposing your tactics a turn-off? I mean think about these two scenarios:

    a) You do most things right because you know game, but you don't let her know. She perceives you as a natural.

    b)You do most things right because you know game AND you let her know (in your case via this blog) why you do those things, even if some are not natural to you. Wouldn't your rank take a hit?

  7. Thanks for sharing these thoughts on marriage, Athol. I too don't believe one necessarily need subscribe to any "Christian ideals" to find justification for monogamy. In fact, I find it somewhat strange and actually more revealing of the author's background and bias when such ideals get described as "Christian" per se. Indeed, name the faiths that summarize 99% of the non-atheist world: Christian, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Jainism, and each one believes in marriage and largely counsels against adultery and pre-marital sex. Granted, the "marriage ideal" in all these religions is not confined to monogamy (many religions allow, or have allowed in times past, for polygynous marriage), but this isn't the common critique. Writers such as "Bill" aren't arguing for polygamy or multiple life-long "pair"-bonding in place of monogamy, but rather for NO bonding, for ZERO sexual exclusivity.

    The question I have is WHY so very many historic institutions preach what they do in support of marriage and sexual restraint? Have we all been duped in a fantasy as "Bill" suggests? Might it all be one gigantic, multi-millennial shit test? A grand hegemonic wool-over-the-eyes? Or, is there something deeply structural that marriage (even polygamous marriage) helped originate and that now helps preserve? If we all just follow our dicks and gina tingles, poking them in and out of each other with fervent abandon, are we damaging some sort of thread in the social fabric? If we follow "Bill's" advice and adopt the non-monogamous behavior shown by the other 99% of mammals, will we eventually gravitate to a social order that likewise resembles the other 99% of mammals (i.e., tribal, often violent within and between tribes, little investment in the young)?

    I wonder if, as we try hard to be as "modern" and newly "enlightened" as Bill and out-think our ancestors, have they, in fact, already out-thought us? Have they already been-there, done-that, and now left us with the working template? Templates that we now call repressive and old-fashioned social institutions?

    I realize that male "game" has come about in response to female hypergamy (er…, I mean.., "empowerment"). It's inarguable that there's been a gradual feminine withdrawal from the monogamous contract over the last 30 or 40 years. And, as a male with hormones, I can completely relate to the probable response: Hey, if the door to the (sexual) candy store is left unlocked, the natural male thing to do is dive right in and eat like it's a buffet!

    But let's be clear. While this may be the immediate solution, the Nash equilibrium to a sort of sexual prisoner's dilemma, what's the potential for societal damage over the long haul? I'm not alone in asking this question. Quite a few PUAs readily acknowledge this risk. Even our own dear Roissy believes that the "ship" of social contract and trust may be sinking into the ocean. (See Novaseeker's "sexual dystopia" articles for more.) But dammit, the PUA says, one sure ought to have fun while the ship is going down!

    Pardon the long-winded rant, but I hear too many argument's like Bill's. They're often articulated by those too young and waaaaayyy tooooooo smart.

  8. Athol Kay says:

    @ Anonymous – The entire blog is a Display of Higher Value. Sex has improved somewhat during the writing process.

    @ MNL – many excellent thoughts there. Let's be honest and say that having a majority of the population commited to monogamy creates the foundation of social stabilty required of civilization. Civilization is not excatly crumbling but it is damaged.

    The PUAs that have no children are in evolutionary psychology terms total sexual failures. They haven't truely convinced a woman to take their seed, they have pumped and then it's been dumped. Whether the "ship sinks" or not is of no concern, their genetic light blinks out with their passing no matter if civilization falls or rises.

    Perhaps their advice should be taken under advisement of this fact.

  9. haleyshalo says:

    @ Anonymous – The entire blog is a Display of Higher Value. Sex has improved somewhat during the writing process.

    Blogs seem to be the latest in social proofing. Roissy just posted today how he used his blog to score a date with a woman he had met in a coffee shop, ha.

  10. Wicked Shawn says:

    I really enjoyed this post. I especially enjoyed the distinction in the fact that monogamy and "Christianity" are not a hand in hand proposition. Often times, self proclaimed Christians are the gamers getting caught.

  11. filrabat says:

    I may be late to this party, but I'll comment anyway.

    First, Athol – this post is Double Platinum – especially since you addressed your own issues in context to the Roosh V post (which I often call "The Smoking Gun" that getting laid a lot damages a man's ability to love women, or even respect them). Even more importantly, this is the first secular pro-monogamy post from a man I ran across. I'm saving this one for my nephews and nieces (the oldest is 14 now, but even that isn't too early to show him, I don't think).

    To Haley.

    That may very well be the case, but I have to say I despise the term "social proof" (emphasis on the latter word). Social "Proof" seems to me little more than glorified hearsay. I don't have to tell you how it is vulnerable to rumors, character assassination, stereotyping (positive and negative), demogoguery, and all sorts of crap. It also seems to over-rely on appearances,(personas [often easily faked], great but superficial sense of humor [ditto], and in general more for show-off/trophy value than for a real, sustainable relationship).

    At best, "social proof" is merely social testimony – one piece of evidence for your data portfolio, but should not be relied on exclusively (as any attorney knows).

  12. Athol Kay says:

    Thanks!

    Buy the book. It's "grown up" but not "adult". Teens will likely lap it up.

  13. buy viagra says:

    This is a proven drink that increases mens orgasm.

  14. Robertson says:

    I think this explains why you seem like a much happier fellow than, say, Roissy.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Amen, Robertson!!

    From one Jennifer to another..good work, my dear :)

    Athol, pure gold my friend, PURE GOLD.

  16. "I’ve read too many horror stories where good marriages collapse when one half of the couple completely activates on the lover after only a single sexual experience and it’s basically game over from that point. Seems a terrible risk to take for an orgasm."

    Do you have a pointer to some of those horror stories? I have a friend who may be about to take that risk and I'd like to be able to say "look at this and reconsider".

  17. Go to Talk About Marriage http://www.talkaboutmarriage.com and see just how hard it is to get people to stop having sex outside of marriage once it starts.

    Have him ask the question there and see the responses.

  18. Wonderful post.

    "The switch from a Christian desiring non-monogamy, to a Atheist enjoying monogamy is somewhat counter-intuitive, but there we go."

    Kind of made me laugh. It's not counter-intuitive at all, it's perfectly rational. Many Christian mores have become arbitrary, because they no longer serve any "real" purpose. Atheists' mores have to make sense.

  19. I love conversations that span years. I also laugh at this:

    ***I always wondered this when guys in LTRs write about game: isn’t the fact that you are exposing your tactics a turn-off? I mean think about these two scenarios:

    a) You do most things right because you know game, but you don’t let her know. She perceives you as a natural.

    b)You do most things right because you know game AND you let her know (in your case via this blog) why you do those things, even if some are not natural to you. Wouldn’t your rank take a hit?***

    Yeah, I dunno..when legions of followers, fans, and readers are calling you “The Captain”, that doesn’t read like a hit to the SR in my estimation. Keep up the great work, Athol, or should I say, AMOG in residence…

Speak Your Mind

*