One of the more obvious things that make men sexy is having a coherent career. Whatever it is in particular isn’t all that vital, as long as the man can show some kind of general story arc of making more money and generally gaining more power in his work environment.
Money isn’t everything, but below a certain level of income, it sure feels like it’s everything. When all is said and done, more money is generally better than less money. All things being equal the guy with a $100,000 income is going to go home with the pretty girl, and the guy making $25,000 gets to go home with her designated ugly fat friend aka “The DUFF”.
This is an incredibly harsh way of looking at the world, but tell me it ain’t the way it all…
There’s a line of thinking that married sex has a natural tendency to get worse and worse over time, until it gets so bad that actually not having sex is in fact a blessed relief of sorts.
Can this happen? Well sure, things can always get worse, especially if one or both of you have limited interest in keeping things fun together. But I can’t help but notice that a lot of the cheerleaders for this point of view are in fact not married, don’t want to be married, actively despise the married and generally have shrinkage at the idea of being married. There’s some sour grapes at work here I think.
Is being married work? No, not really. It’s teamwork and far more days than not it’s the teamwork turning out one of those 2 + 2 = 5 experiences. Jennifer and I are just alive and living a life together. If we were apart we’d still be doing basically the same stuff we’re doing now anyway. The kids take some effort, but they’re an investment for the future as well as something enjoyable now.
One hot summer’s day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. “Just the thing to quench my thirst,” quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: “I am sure they are sour.”
But yes it is the same person we’re having sex with every time. While I get that there is a natural excitement and interest in having a new partner, having a steady partner can’t be so easily discounted as “tastes like chicken”.
The old phrase is “practice makes perfect”. The truth is that with a good steady partner you can slowly but steadily improve your performance with each other and the sex can get better and better. You get to learn each others breathing, how each other looks just before they orgasm, what you have to do just in that moment that can push it into rapture and what can kill it dead in a second. It becomes a well oiled dance together rather than trying to find out what works on the fly. You and your team mate already know how hard is as “rough as it can be” without it turning into injury, you already know when someone just wants the slow tender stuff.
Sometimes it’s just silly and we laugh and play through the foreplay. Sometimes it’s just skip the foreplay and crank one out so we can both get some sleep. It’s companionable, then playful, then rough, then exotic, then heart stopping good.
To be honest though, not everything we try works for us. I tend to be the one coming up with bright ideas for us to try, but for us only about 30% seem to payoff. We laugh about the 70% that are failures and just enjoy the 30% that are good. We’ve probably had sex together around 4300 to 4500 times in our 15 and a half years of marriage. I’m sure that we’re a high frequency couple, but I can assure you it’s far better now that it ever was before. The sex gets better and better. Yours can too.
So anyway, I’m sure some nay sayers are going to think that repeating the same thing over and over again is going to be very very boring and unfun. Maybe. All I’ll say is that practice makes perfect and the entry to the upper tiers of skill comes from relentless dedication to gaining that skill. Then when you have the skill, it all becomes very easy and is more fun than you can really imagine.
(Of course I could be wrong about this. Obviously Joe Montana just played the same position day in day out and did nothing but throw footballs over and over in practice. It’s not really possible that he’s any good at football or has any fun when he does try and play it.)
Everyone has a favorite sexual position, mine is not so much a single position but a three step combination I’ve taken to calling The Neapolitan after the triple favored strawberry vanilla chocolate ice cream. As an aside we tend to get Jennifer off as often as she likes (typically once but that’s her choice) before going into this routine. If she wants another one along the way she can, but she doesn’t usually. I find the three different stimulations makes my orgasm excellent at the end. It also sets up a very intense finish that would probably injure her if we attempted that all the way through. Giving her the control to call readiness for that makes it less likely to really do some kind of damage, but still get the full thrill ride ending.
Strawberry is a blowjob. See I knew you’d like it. The difference is that there’s no particular effort to get me towards an orgasm. It’s just enjoyable sucking for as long as she likes, doing it how ever she likes. This lack of goal seeking actually seems to make things nicer quite often (sometimes I have to tap out lol) and gives her complete control to enjoy what is happening. Which generally turns her on. When she’s ready we go to Vanilla and she kisses her way up my body and climbs on.
Vanilla is woman on top aka Cowgirl. I can last forever in this position unless I’m purposely forcing the issue toward orgasm for me. So once again we’re in a position of not really forcing the issue towards completion. This is relaxed and intimate. There’s kissing, some mild spanks, breast fondling and sucking. Like I say, I can do this all night no problem and she likes it, but eventually she wants it to come to the big finish and when she wants it she climbs off and lies on her back.
Chocolate is the Missionary position which is her favorite. Up until this point she has pretty much been in control of the pace… but no more. I don’t care about anything beyond how good it feels for me in this stage and she’s basically pinned helplessly under me while I finish hard, fast and rough. She’s usually not so much sore from it the next day, but shall we say… still aware of it.
If she complains of pain or discomfort in the immediate aftermath, I tell her “you’re welcome”. She seems to like that answer lol.
I’ve had a couple of questions on what I got for my birthday. I got a beautiful new laundry basket, some new shirts and a decent pile of Amazon dollars.
Shirts are… well they are shirts, sort of a default gift but I don’t mind and I like them.
The Amazon money I asked for because I have a pile of books to buy used and it’s just easier than asking your parents to buy fifteen different books on sperm warfare. I’m also buying a webcam with it as I’m keen to Skype with my family back home once in a while and the video calls are wonderful.
The laundry basket is a different matter though. Last year I asked for a toaster. You may see a pattern here. I’m falling into a pattern of asking for a fairly mundane item, but obsessively demanding that I get it. As a result I tend to get a more expensive item for something that I actually really need, and as such tend to get to enjoy it for an extended amount of time.
The toaster from last birthday is really good. I love making toast in it. It’s a really good toaster.
I’m a little bit more of a clothes horse these days, but that means I was changing clothes more, and I have exercise gear and PJs for lazing around after nightly exercise so I was ending up with clothes laying around on the floor of my side of the bed. So I needed a laundry hamper. The one I got is really nice. I like it.
Also I think many Dads are hard to shop for for birthdays. This way my family knew exactly what I wanted and could go shopping. Plus to me it’s a funny gift. They’ll be talking about it for a little bit. Jennifer at the office, even the girls at school probably. It’s a way of playing with them.
Lets face it, anything is better than getting a tie for a gift, even if they are big colorful arrows pointing to your cock region.
Anyway, I get to go shopping for books, which I love. I’m home all week next week with the kids off school, and will have some extra time to start laying out the framework of my book a little more. The big date night thing is next week.
40 isn’t too bad so far.
Try not to damage your own reputation by hanging out with dumbasses, the obnoxious, the cheats or the insane.
After some thought I will be reviewing my blogroll widget and my feed reader et al and deciding if you pass “The Daughter Test”.
Simply put, “is this something I would feel comfortable about my daughters reading at some random point in the future”, and if I don’t feel comfortable about it, you’re gone. Here’s a non-exclusive list of things that might make me rear back and release the hounds…
Untreated PTSD about your failed marriage where you admit to zero error in your relationship failure.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder about marriage in general.
Omega Male Howling Disorder over lack of sex.
Suggesting women shouldn’t vote, be educated or work outside the home as a rule.
Helpful tips on how to cheat on your wife or girlfriend.
Suggesting women are sexually turned on by violence or enjoy rape.
Use of the phrase “Marriage 2.0″.
Entitlement Syndrome where you think no woman lower than a 6 is acceptable as a human being or that you think pump and dumps on a 10 are possible if you are a 6 yourself.
General Stupidity where you tell a 50 year old man that Game will get him 20 year old women into his bed on a rotating schedule.
X Rated photos without a NSFW warning. (don’t get me wrong, I like them, I’ve just got kids about)
Toleration of the budding Sodini’s that are squatting in your comments. Your silence is mistaken as endorsement.
Anyone that charges so much money for teaching bootcamps on how to pick up women that you could easily budget $500 for hookers on the final night so everyone gets laid and still turn a $1000 profit per person.
Anyone who seems to actively want Western Civilization to end because no woman is willing to breed with them and therefore nothing really matters anyway.
Anyone who doesn’t wish me Happy Birthday… I turn 40 tomorrow!
I am off topic guest posting at Life Without A Net. Hamby and I have a good deal of overlap in our basic perspective, we comment on each others blogs a good deal, but our content spreads in different directions. This post fits better there than here.
I’m cheating on my post a little today… here’s me from the comments section of Sdaedalus regarding Skittling with a little more added on. The orginal concept of Skittles is Roissy’s and both posts are worth a read. The Cliff Notes summary being…
Skittling: “shorthand for giving a gift of low monetary value. The theory is that giving a low quality gift will make the woman more attracted than the same man in the same circumstances giving a high monetary value gift. So the theory goes that all things being equal, treating a woman relatively poorly with gifts will make her love you more.”
The advantage of a globally unique name is that I can just set up a Google Alert on my name and my lamp gets rubbed. So Sdaedalus pages me with…
“like most PUA advice, the role of skittling in long-term relationships has not been tested, and must be up for debate [paging Athol Kay here].
As to my answer to Skittling – not actually tried that with Jennifer I don’t think. All our money is pooled in a joint account and we’ve largely earned the same amount over the last 15 years to the point where we don’t keep count. If I buy her Skittles its with half her money anyway. So it’s all a moot point. Upon occasion I’ve snuck a Reese’s Pieces into the shopping cart because they’re her favorite. But then I’m edgy like that, you never know what might happen. I’m like a shopping cart ninja or something.
So she expands…
“There’s an argument that buying a girl a present with her own money (or part thereof) is uber-skittling.
I had this discussion with Maurice already on the previous thread where he suggested that as a present from him to me I should buy myself a pack of Skittles.
On a more serious note, although skittling in the monetary sense clearly doesn’t work with shared finances (though a true skittler would presumably avoid this for this reason), would you see skittling in the sense of treating a woman relatively poorly from time to time (not just with gifts, but generally) as a part of LTRs?”
Well in that case I am an uber Skittler as occasionally I just take some of the money half of which is Jennifer’s and buy porn with it. I guess that’s the ultimate Skittle. She buys romance novels and has some sort of ponzi scheme of paperback trading she does with other romance novel readers. It seems even enough I guess… we’re having sex a lot so I’m not trying to fix what isn’t broken. Though I am a little worried that if the ponzi scheme pays off we’re going to have to deal with 64,000 copies of used romance novels delivered over the next month. Though admittedly I’m not really paying attention to exactly how the paperback swap works. I just plan to deny all knowledge of it if she’s arrested.
As to treating women poorly as a LTR Game tactic this is exactly where PUAs shoot themselves squarely in the foot. There is a fundamental misunderstanding that the Beta comfort building skills are the opposite to the Alpha attraction building skills. They believe by purposely ruining the Beta stuff that they magically improve the Alpha stuff – it doesn’t. They might gain a small amount of Alpha credit for the balls to screw her over, but they damage a large amount of the comfort she has in the relationship. If they keep it up, she leaves in frustration.
Alpha and Beta traits are two completely different skill sets. You can get away with Alpha only in a pick up, but you clearly need both skill sets in a LTR.
I will lead (Alpha) a relationship in which I will be very nice to you (Beta), but if you start taking advantage of me I will bump back on that (Alpha) until you learn you must be nice to me, so that I will be nice to you (Beta). We will be nice to each other (Beta), because I insist that you comply or I will find a woman that will (Alpha).
See how that works?
Also as an aside, in the orginal Roissy post, Mr. Skittles was being discussed by two women comparing horror stories of their worst dating / boyfriend experiences and they discovered that they had both dated Mr. Skittles. So that’s probably the proof of the pudding that Skittling isn’t a LTR relationship move. In terms of an early dating thing, I think a large gift just tips your hand that you are highly interested in the girl, and that swings the power balance into her favor.
There’s a middle ground between frakking Skittles and $15,000 worth of flowers and it’s not $7500 worth of Skittles. Balance people, balance.
I’ve mentioned in passing either that seeing women as the Enemy / Prize is the new variant on seeing them as Madonna / Whore. I’m also seeing another conflict in the Game community.
On one hand we are told that Game is the killer app that renders women defenseless to the PUA and he controls the relationship. I’ve even seen instances of men age 50+ been told to “just learn some game” and they would have 20 year olds fawning over them.
On the other hand we are told that marriage renders men defenseless to women and she controls the relationship. Or even just a simple cohabitation will still Betaize a man and he’ll turn into her puppet. Getting into a relationship = trap for men.
This is doublethink. Is Game all powerful or not? Sure I get that divorce law and the courts can be quite shitty for men, but if Game is all that it’s claimed to be why the fear of divorce?
Sure I get it, women are evil fembots, and game is like the remote control for the fembot. Right? No?
Last time I checked only some spider species have the female actually devour the male during mating. Sometimes I think some PUA types are only posting after waking up in the middle of the night because of the nightmare about the vaginas with teeth…