Oh Nice, Now My Wife Is Gaming Me Back…

By and large writing this blog is a great DHV (Display of Higher Value), so generally speaking it all works in my favor of upping my Sex Rank in Jennifer’s eyes. I’ve done a lot of writing, there’s a positive response from others including other female readers rocking out my Preselection as well. All in all it’s a good boost for me.
Now I can write just fine, but my proof reading skills suck. For those following the story closely, you know that Jennifer does the final proof reading before I publish my posts. Now I’ve been reading widely for decades on sexuality, but now that she’s reading my stuff she’s been coming across the key concepts more seriously. And she’s naturally smart, so she’s learning… and adapting.
Today I got my first proper taste of my own medicine handed back to me…
“Dear…”
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The Baby Sniper Answers Lots Of Questions

I had a small overload of questions in the comments from yesterdays vasectomy post. Today was a long day of work and school Talent Show, so finally back home. Rather than rehashing everything in context, I’m just doing a blanket reply format for the sake of speed. Each paragraph is an answer of sorts to a question. No special sequence here…
Yes – any form of birth control is going to be some sort of interference with the couples sexuality. Which is not to say I am against birth control, just that you’re going to have to shop around for what exactly works best for you both. Obviously the most fun is going to be raw dog and no technology, but you are obviously going to be risking making babies. I loved loved loved LOVED make a baby sex. Apparently I am the Baby Sniper though and we only did that a handful of times. One shot, one thrill. You’re welcome baby, you’re so welcome.
Jennifer and I used a mix of  condoms and natural family planning pre-kids, and the pill post kids. Jennifer has minimal side effects as far as we can tell. Though she cramps the first month or two if the script changes due to insurance coverage changes. Some minor dryness compared to early days, though that may simply be an age effect as well. We’ve been together for a long time. Lube for the win.
My father has had testicular cancer, so vasectomy simply isn’t an option for me at all by way of FYI… or TMI. Seriously, just not happening for me.
The context of condoms being bad for the woman is that there are documented studies that show increased depression in women that use condoms as opposed to other birth control methods. It also blocks semen which contains a small amount of testosterone that increase the womans sex drive.
Birth control pills can seriously lower a woman’s sex drive. Also they tend to alter her sense of smell where it comes to assessing for her partners genetic compatiablity. She may not be turned off sex so much as turned off her husband. Jennifer and I don’t seem to have run into this effect ourselves. However the scenario where couples start dating when she is on birth control and then she goes off the birth control and has a kid and after that her sexual interest in her husband is just gone is one possible explanation for the noted drop after first kid that many men complain about. The husband might have been a “sexy match” to her while on birth control, but off it he isn’t.
Much of Body Agenda simply happens unconsciously. There is minimal science on semen quality et al but the common sense thought that the better the semen is the more likely the woman will respond better seems sound. If nothing else on a basic health level a healthy guy is always sexier than the same guy unhealthy, so working on basic health is always going to improve things for you.
Yes we can be quite rational in deciding to not want kids, but our Body Agenda can decide the other way. This can be why smart women “just forgot to reorder the pills”, why smart couples “get carried away and forget the condom”, why “there was no time for the diaphram”,  and why women accidentally fish a condom out of the trash and accidentally turn it inside out and push the semen up in their vagina accidentally.
I think the “safe and secure” concern MNL raises is a good one. I think there is some sort of psychological tweak to birth control methods. Right now my wife is “infertile” and I am fertile. If she was off birth control pills and I had a vasectomy… I think I would find that slightly unsettling… she travels around the State a lot alone and has evening and weekend appointments… so hmmmm, I think that would create a little background nervousness in me that isn’t there now. Plus live ammo keeps The Baby Sniper on the straight and narrow lol.
Body Agenda is not destiny either. It’s an influence, a strong one, but just one influence.
In general I find Roissy to be an entertaining writer and he is perhaps the best describer of the value of the Alpha = Female Attraction link and I have found that quite useful in learning that facet. However I am obviously in disagreement of his disdain for the Beta Traits and as such any advice he gives on LTRs is usually wrong and may as well be designed to destroy the relationship. PUA Game and Married Game are worlds apart.
Thanks for the kind words as well. I am glad to know that people are gaining something from the blog. Very much appreciated.

Vasectomy Causing Loss Of Wife’s Sexual Interest?

Reader Question;

“Does a vasectomy null the effects of the semen?”

This is a very interesting question that I have been trying to find the answers to for some time. Vasectomy could easily be a book length topic in and of itself. Based on my overall approach to Body Agenda I would think that there should be a way for the woman’s body to go “hmmm there’s no sperm in this semen”, and then react negatively to the man that is giving her sperm-free semen. If women can judge a mans genetic compatibility by sense of smell, you’d think sorting out vaginally his fertility would be a snap. But most of the literature states that women are all happy and excited about the vasectomy and sex improves afterwards… which would be an argument against my general theory. Though these are sales pieces often, so…. hmmm.

However I do strongly suspect vasectomy leads to divorce for some amount of men as the wife finds herself unconsciously unhappy with her husband after the vasectomy. Or he becomes unhappy with himself as a psychological cause. Most of the vasectomy reversals happen after a divorce it seems, so there is some indication that there is a link there.

Also with vasectomy there are serious immunology concerns, plus post vasectomy pain hits about 20-30% of patients. That pain can be quite permanent. That’s ball pain. Ball Pain. As in pain in your balls. Some small number of men are basically ruined by bad procedures on even more than just a sexual level as well. Though any and all surgeries can result in life threatening outcomes due to infection so it’s hard to say no to a vasectomy on simply that account. Ball pain. Owie owie.

My basic concern about vasectomy is that is that the testicles keep producing sperm and they have nowhere to go once the vasectomy is done. “It’s all just absorbed into the body” seems such a weak explanation for the long term effects. It’s basically akin to tying a knot in a fire hose and not turning the water off… you really wouldn’t expect that to play out well over the long term.

I’m still delving into this, I can’t find any hard numbers or data that even asks this question, but I definitely stand by the idea that crappy sperm and semen results in decreased sexual interest by the wife. Basic good male health is always going to get you more in the bedroom. If you have experiences (good or bad) with vasectomy, please comment.  You can also post at http://www.vasectomypainstories.org/

My other concern is less medical and more relational.  I know about freezing sperm and all that, but upon occasion a wife just goes nutty about having another baby. (Go go Body Agenda!)  They can do this even after deciding and stating that you having a vasectomy is the greatest idea in the world because they are 100% completely done with having kids. If they change their mind, I’d rather not be the guy shooting blanks…

…I’m just sayin’.

Smoking = Pond Scum Semen

It’s a popular idea that men are on a biological level not much more than a life support system for a penis. But it’s not the gun that kills you, it’s the bullet. The penis is just a hose for The Glorious Stuff to shoot out from.
Before a woman opens her legs for a man her Body Agenda is hard at work determining whether or not she should do that. You might get in once, but having crappy semen is really going to cut down on repeat visits. And trust me, if you’re pumping pond scum into her vagina her Body Agenda will know and shut down against you. You can kill your sex life dead by posioning her against you.
The easy way to know if something is good for a man’s basic health is to simply have a peek at whether or not it is going to be good for his sex drive and semen/sperm production. One very obvious “duh” is smoking. You know you need to quit smoking, but maybe this will help add a little fire to the decision to quit. From Babyhopes.
Smoking impairs sperm count, sperm motility, reduces sperm lifespan, and may cause genetic changes that affect the offspring. Additionally, a 1999 study found that men who smoke have lower sex drives and less frequent sex.
And don’t even get me started on smoking weed. From About.
Men who smoke marijuana frequently have significantly less seminal fluid, a lower total sperm count and their sperm behave abnormally, all of which may affect fertility adversely, a new study in reproductive physiology at the University at Buffalo has shown.
She’s having sex with you in no small part to get a helping of The Glorious Stuff. Make sure it’s actually glorious.

Parenting As Being The Alpha Male Of The Group

Some time ago I was asked to expand my topic list to parenting by a commenter. I’ve held off for the time being seeing I think it is perhaps a little off my chosen topic. I’m not going to break down and discuss what works for diaper rash or how to sneak a sip of your wife’s bottled breast milk, but tonight I had a sudden “aha!” moment about it that I can share that does tie into my main topic.
Right now my kids are 11 and 12 and doing just great and are pretty much old school good kids like I guess I imagine myself being at the same age. A lot of that comes from some of the early parenting that Jennifer and I did.
Back in the day we used a technique of letting the girls chose what they wanted to do a great deal. That sounds very permissive, except for the fact that we completely defined the choices offered them. Seeing both offered options were acceptable to us, it didn’t matter what they chose to do. A little kid isn’t going to be aware of the manipulation going on and will feel a sense of empowerment from making the choice.
Sometimes the options offered were a choice between two good things; a walk in the mall and a pretzel… or… go to the park and an ice cream.
Other times the options were far more behavioral; be mad and stay home… or… be good girl and go park.
See how that works? I’m just not taking a misbehaving child into public. If she wanted to be a cranky shit weasel we’d do that at home thanks very much. You’d be surprised how even a two year old can turn around a tantrum if they are missing out on swings and ice cream from the ice cream truck because of the ruckus they are making. (I swear the ice cream truck had GPS tagged my kids as he never failed to show up when we were there)
Plus we purposely somewhat randomly rewarded good behavior. “Ya know what, you girls are being so good, LETS GO THROUGH THE CAR WASH!”… Yeah they don’t fall for that one anymore. Pity. Simple praise works wonders. “Thank you girls for being good back there, I’m very proud of you.”
Upon a handful of occasions they really did have a complete public melt down. Daughter #1 had a tantrum in the supermarket and was removed by me to the car where we did not listen to the radio. Jennifer and daughter #2 finished the shopping. She had a second outburst a month later in the supermarket and we repeated the removal process. Daughter #2 went berserk in California Pizza Kitchen and I removed her from the restaurant as she sobbed openly on my chest. Outside the restaurant she was given a final choice to behave or sit in the car while Jennifer and Daughter #1 ate pizza. She pulled it together and we all had a pleasant meal.
About two and a half years later daughter #1 started acting out in Old Navy… and it’s off to the car we go… she had this odd look of remembrance and off we went. No radio huh. Nope, no radio.
There was also the night where we broke daughter #1 of her demands to be entertained in the middle of the night when she was about one and a half. She’d stand up in her crib and flip the light on and call us. I shit you not. The night we broke her of this, I checked on her, ensured she was in good health et al, and then left her in the crib. No entertainment. That cued up about 90 minutes of her wailing and flipping the light on and off and generally screaming in outrage as Jennifer wept in my arms. Next night she slept right through. At least I think she did, I’m a heavy sleeper. But I slept through and that’s all that really counts anyway. So job well done.
At the time all this was going down, I was very aware that when we were disciplining one child, the other child was also paying attention and learning from the experience. Daughter #1 got yanked from the store three times, daughter #2 tried it once and decided the rules also applied to her and toed the line from then. The message was clear, bad behavior was not going to be tolerated in our family. In all five critical behavioral incidents, I was the parent that really laid down the intervention.
What I just realized right at this moment was that another person was also really paying attention to these moments… Jennifer. Perhaps that explains the relative lack of testing behavior that Jennifer gives me (it’s actually hard to think of many instances) compared to the way most husbands express it. I’ve proved that I can handle bad behavior and not flinch and calmly and methodically address it. Though to be quite fair Jennifer is the sweetest person I know and acting out isn’t really an issue anyway – part of why I married her. It’s actually hard imagining her being bratty to be honest.
So in summary then, if you’re passing the shit tests that your kids are handing you… and they will hand you some shit tests… then your wife isn’t likely to feel the need to test you. And when the iron fist in the velvet glove is needed with the kids, most women would very much prefer to be the First Officer and not the Captain.
You are after all meant to be the Alpha Male of the Group.

Monogamy As A Sexual Strategy: My Wife Was Right All Along

Had a set of questions in a comment on The Dark Side of Game. This turned into a long and quite personal post. I’m quite naturally good at marriage, but that’s not the same as perfect. Read on.
Cool blog. Athol, you seem to subscribe to the Cinderella model of male/female relationships i.e. man and woman can live happily ever after.
Studies abound that show that brain chemistry, while wildly active and effective at first, loses nearly all potency in approximately three years. Again, on a chemical level, lust turns to love, then to like then to roommates and often it goes downhill from there.
~55% of married men cheat and ~%45 married women cheat. Their combined efforts implicate an ~80% chance of infidelity affecting marriage.
99% of all mammals are not monogamous. Are you still clinging to the Christian ideal? Just curious…
-Bill
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10 Tips: How To Avoid Being Betaized In Your Marriage Or LTR

Following on from the dreaded Betaization post… we covered Testosterone here, but what to do about the hormone oxytocin? It makes you love, trust, care and feel happy.
Um…
Actually oxytocin kinda rocks. The whole point of a LTR or marriage is to feel that sense of closeness, trust, love and happiness together. You aren’t meant to actually fight that off, it’s what makes being together so enjoyable.
Plus so much of having Beta Male Traits is in fact a big positive for a relationship. Betaization isn’t so much a shift from Alpha Male Traits to Beta Male Traits on a continuum, but a loss of the Alpha Male Traits while you just happen to gain in the Beta Department. It’s quite possible to have both sets of traits at the same time (Gamma Male), or fail to have both sets at the same time (Omega Male).
The solution to Betaization is to allow the Beta Traits to kick in, but ensure you don’t lose the Alpha ones. You can however unwittingly turn off attraction by being a little too sappy. Some things to watch for.
Don’t Cuddle Up To Her So Much – Don’t misunderstand, you can and should definitely cuddle and hold each other, but there’s a subtle dominance difference between her laying her head on your shoulder and snuggling in your arms, than you doing the same to her. There can be a slight “mother and son” vibe when you snuggle up into her. All you need to do is say “come here and cuddle” and bring her into you. Easy fix.
No Baby Talk – Baby talk is vitally important to use with babies. Don’t baby talk with her. If you’re going to do something with your voice with her, drop it an octave once in a while. Women tend to respond to deeper male voices better than higher pitched ones.
Don’t Knit – Seriously, just don’t take up knitting. You’ll look gender questionable if you do that. Plus you’ll just look like your still living with your Mom because she held you back at homeschooling if you wear knitted crap these days.
Crying Watching Chick Flicks – Look I know that scene in Sleepless in Seattle where they finally get together on the top of the Empire State Building and Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (WTF happened to her face?!?) just look at each other and… one sec… no I’m not crying about that, I was thinking about Dale Earnheart in Turn 4 of Daytona blocking traffic for his boy. You heard me, just gets to me once in a while, I’ll be fine. (Men can of course cry, just make sure it’s over something that’s real and counts.)
Don’t Stop Doing Everything and Anything Involving Male Interests – Okay maybe you don’t need to watch as much sports et al as you have been, but you also shouldn’t turn 100% anyway from male interests that you enjoy just because you have a LTR or marriage happening. Maybe extreme motocross riding is pushing it a bit far unless that’s your day job, but no reason you can’t get the blood pressure up racing at the proper go-karts. “Honey It’s the Superbowl not Valentine’s Day… yes I am ignoring you.”
Do Use Nonsexual Touch – Continue to actively touch you wife in a nonsexual way. Anything works, the hand on the shoulder, holding hands, backrubs and so on. But do it for the enjoyment of touch rather than as a means towards a close for sex. Do it in passing. These are all ways of stimulating her own oxytocin reaction. You are much better off having her just as interested and bound to you as you are to her. Women rarely cheat on a partner to whom they feel a strong pair bond attachment. It’s touch and go, touch and go, not touch and stand around waiting for more touch or a chance at sex. Unless of course you’re really horny and you’re basically just hunting to wear her down… yeah conflicting advice there. Hmmm.
Ten Second Kiss The point of this is the same as nonsexual touch, except with the added benefit that you’ll be also slipping her a little dab of testosterone in your saliva which will increase her sexual interest.
Do Active Caring – Listening and emoting are all fine and good, but don’t fall into a pattern of trying to mimic feminine caring style. Be a little less of a Hallmark Card giver and more of the guy that fixes the sink or something. When your friend is in hospital having his whatisit looked at, visit him once and then leave and mow his lawn. Take a beer from his fridge and tell his wife to tell him that means you and him are even. That’s how Man Law works. One act of kindess, one beer. It’s even.
Get a Dog – If you’re not going to have kids and you’ve got all that sense of caring and love with no place to go, rather than displacing your baby craving attention onto her 24/7 and smothering her, get a good pet and you can more safely spend it on them. Having a dog is always a more guy thing than having something like a cat. Don’t get an exotic pet that can kill you like a snake either. Having a snake is creepy and it looks stupid when you walk them. Though admittedly you are pretty safe from getting mugged if you have a snake with you, so I’m not completely shutting the door on snakes.
Bump Back – It’s a good thing to be caring, to be sweet, and to be attentive… but if you catch a hint of disrespect, or being taken for granted, of disdain, of mocking laugher or frowning, you need to stop what you are doing for her and address it. You don’t need to yell, scream or hit or anything stupid like that, but you do need to make it clear that you are not going to be taken advantage of or continue being pleasant to her in the same manner. Importantly, marriageable guys are in short supply, you’re rarer than she is.
So there you go, 10 tips to avoid wandering into the land of the lame. You can very much care for and love your wife without turning into a sappy wimp.
Oh and when you sex her up, make sure you put your back into it.

Come On Richard!

Richard is lacking in Alpha… enjoy this classic New Zealand ad.

10 Tips: How To Increase Testosterone Naturally And Have Better Sex

Part of the terrifying Betaization Syndrome is caused by a reduction in testosterone, so fairly logically a method of combating it is to take steps to increase your testosterone level. Here’s a few easy and simple methods to do that.
Eat Better – Having a balanced diet with fruits and vegetables has a positive affect on testosterone production. Plus the proteins in eggs and whey allow the adrenal glands to keep testosterone levels even.
Decrease Body Fat – Fat contains an enzyme that actually converts testosterone to estrogen. Obviously men do need some amount of estrogen, but getting obese is going to cause a shift in the balance of power from testosterone to estrogen. Perhaps you’d like a purse to go with your spare tire.
Eat Meat – Don’t go vegetarian, that’s really for chicks. Meat helps increase testosterone levels. Also nuts can increase it as well. Have some peanut butter. Though there is also evidence that going to a high-protein low carb diet will actually hurt testosterone production. Balanced diet, hear me? Balanced diet.
Lift Weights – You knew we were coming here, and here we are. Do exercise and lift weights. Don’t work yourself into complete exhaustion and over train, just keep up a steady level of exercise and your testosterone levels will increase, though weight training is particularly good for testosterone levels.
Limit Alcohol Intake – While your body is working over time to get the alcohol out of your system, it isn’t working to create testosterone. Overall this is a basic good health idea anyway. And again I’m just saying limit intake, you didn’t hear me say you had to join AA or the Salvation Army here. Three drinks basically shuts production off completely until the alcohol is cleared.
Sleep Better – Well duh. Everything goes better with sleep.
Get Sexually Turned On – Get hard my friends. Being turned on and physically erect leads to increases in overall testosterone levels. No reason why a little porn can’t be helpful. (I generally advise cumming inside your wife as much as possible though, it actually delivers testosterone to her that gets absorbed through the vaginal walls and makes her sex drive increase!)
Omega-3 Fatty Acids – Seriously try this. It’s costs like $6 for a three month supply from any supermarket. What do you have to lose?
Engage in Competition – do something competitive once in a while. You increase testosterone from this, especially if you win!
Dominate Someone - Just like winning a competitive game can increase your testosterone, taking a leadership position in social situations can increase testosterone levels. Give a playful spanking to your First Officer…
So there you go, have at it and don’t give up on the fact that it’s a process. As I’ve said before much of Alpha Male Traits stem from basic good physical health, so do not underestimate the benefits of feeling in your best physical shape.
Tomorrow I’ll see what can be done about Oxytocin…

Betaization and the Cuddly-Wuddlies: Why Your Own Body Betrays You

Clicks on flashlight and points upwards into face…
Betaization – The Alpha lone wolf naturally studly male meets girl. Mr. Alpha likes girl, seduces girl. Alpha and girl move in together and have lots of hot sex together. Girl pouts. Marriage happens. Sex decreases and girl starts bossing the male around. Pretty soon he’s her bitch and for all intents and purposes may as well be locked into a CB3000 The transformation from Alpha to Beta Male is complete.
The full ghost story version then progresses to whatever mixture of terror the individual story teller most identifies with; cuckolding, divorce, child support, alimony or how discovering her shrieking in pleasure under her lover both devastated him and turned him on.
Scared? Well you both should and shouldn’t be. There is an element of ghost story in there, but also an element of truth as well. Accepting that that dynamic seems to generally happen to some degree, the real question is why it happens.
My feeling is that multiple factors are at work here, and that Betaization is a cluster of symptoms rather than one simple factor.
Testosterone Decrease – In married men testosterone decreases 20% compared to single men, and then decreases even further to 50% once a baby enters the picture. Testosterone is the dangerous edgy risk taking Alpha Male hormone. It actually makes a lot of sense for testosterone to decrease in married men. Much of young male risk taking behavior is an effort to actually attract a willing female partner. I mean lets be honest here, we’ve all done a few extremely dangerous and/or stupid things to attract female attention at some point in our life. (Those of you currently in arm slings don’t have to raise your hand.)
Having actually achieved a willing female partner the need to continue risking life and limb is no longer in our best interests. From a Time Before Writing point of view, there’s no point dying or getting seriously injured and not being able to pump your willing female full of semen. So we take it down a notch. When baby comes along we’re even further into the reproduction game and we can reduce risk taking further as the sexual strategy is paying off. Plus aggressive daddies are slightly dangerous to baby, and being a little safer with baby is generally good. (Even so, fathers play much rougher with kids than mothers do and that is probably both social and biologically based)
So a good deal of that aggressive, physical, Alpha based aspect to personality actually switches off to some degree because of the males own Body Agenda – not because of something the female is doing to the male.
Oxytocin Increase – Welcome to Pair Bonding 101. Touch and especially sexual touch and very extra especially orgasm results in oxytocin increases in your system. Oxytocin is the hormone that just gives you the cuddly-wuddlies. (Cuddly-Wuddlies is the technical term.)
Women have naturally higher levels of oxytocin hence their generally more nurturing outlook, plus it has a multitude of other effects on women include lactation and uterine contractions for childbirth and it’s closely related to the ability to have an orgasm (in both sexes). For men though it gives us the Cuddly-Wuddlies and huge spikes of it (orgasm!) makes us want to either “take a nap” or “flee the scene”. Seriously, it can do both. This explains 99% of male post-coital behavior. Isn’t science fun.
Oxytocin is a strange little drug. Most drugs require ever increasing doses to get the same initial effect. Oxytocin seems to become magically more sensitive the more you get of it. From
“Binghamton University psychology professor Diane Witt says that since the release of oxytocin can be classically conditioned, after repeatedly having sex with the same partner, just seeing that partner could release more oxytocin, making you want to be with that person all the more.”
So this is where the pair bond comes from. Incidentally, oxytocin is the reason physical touch escalation is so effective in PUA Gaming. Constant touching releases oxytocin in the person touched and enough of a oxytocin spike can result in… a testosterone surge kick starting the sex drive.
And again it has to be noted, the whole oxytocin thing is because of the male’s own Body Agenda – not because of something the female is doing to the male. These effects are what naturally happens when you repeatedly have sex with the same woman. There is on a biological level no such thing as casual sex.
The third factor in Betaization is pregnancy and child birth. Now imagine you actually have a new born and or a few other kids. That less risk taking Daddy is going to continue to provide for the young into the future much better than a dare devil crazy Daddy will. And all those Cuddly-Wuddlies are going to be just great for child raising and attention. It’s still typically a more physically playful interaction, but women just love seeing men playing with kids and get serious gina tingle from watching it.
Now toss some modern birth control into the picture… You’ve been with Miss Sweet Young Thing for a couple of years now and “you’re just not ready for kids”… except no one told your Body Agenda… and your testosterone has stepped down a little and you’ve got the Cuddly-Wuddlies…
… so you naturally Cuddly-Wuddly on her. She doesn’t hate it, but it doesn’t turn her on.
And that’s how you get Betaized by your own frakking body. The woman does very little to cause it, but she does change in how she reacts to you because you have changed. When you stop the more Alpha Traits and simply exchange them for Beta ones you net a loss of attraction in exchange for a gain in comfort. A heartless pure Alpha that has no ability to bond with the woman loses her because he can’t create comfort. Switching into a pure Beta Male role you lose her because you can’t create attraction. Remember you need BOTH Alpha and Beta skills in a LTR. Seriously read that linked post, it’s key.
Tomorrow – What to do about it.