I had a small overload of questions in the comments from yesterdays vasectomy post. Today was a long day of work and school Talent Show, so finally back home. Rather than rehashing everything in context, I’m just doing a blanket reply format for the sake of speed. Each paragraph is an answer of sorts to a question. No special sequence here…
Yes – any form of birth control is going to be some sort of interference with the couples sexuality. Which is not to say I am against birth control, just that you’re going to have to shop around for what exactly works best for you both. Obviously the most fun is going to be raw dog and no technology, but you are obviously going to be risking making babies. I loved loved loved LOVED make a baby sex. Apparently I am the Baby Sniper though and we only did that a handful of times. One shot, one thrill. You’re welcome baby, you’re so welcome.
Jennifer and I used a mix of condoms and natural family planning pre-kids, and the pill post kids. Jennifer has minimal side effects as far as we can tell. Though she cramps the first month or two if the script changes due to insurance coverage changes. Some minor dryness compared to early days, though that may simply be an age effect as well. We’ve been together for a long time. Lube for the win.
My father has had testicular cancer, so vasectomy simply isn’t an option for me at all by way of FYI… or TMI. Seriously, just not happening for me.
The context of condoms being bad for the woman is that there are documented studies that show increased depression in women that use condoms as opposed to other birth control methods. It also blocks semen which contains a small amount of testosterone that increase the womans sex drive.
Birth control pills can seriously lower a woman’s sex drive. Also they tend to alter her sense of smell where it comes to assessing for her partners genetic compatiablity. She may not be turned off sex so much as turned off her husband. Jennifer and I don’t seem to have run into this effect ourselves. However the scenario where couples start dating when she is on birth control and then she goes off the birth control and has a kid and after that her sexual interest in her husband is just gone is one possible explanation for the noted drop after first kid that many men complain about. The husband might have been a “sexy match” to her while on birth control, but off it he isn’t.
Much of Body Agenda simply happens unconsciously. There is minimal science on semen quality et al but the common sense thought that the better the semen is the more likely the woman will respond better seems sound. If nothing else on a basic health level a healthy guy is always sexier than the same guy unhealthy, so working on basic health is always going to improve things for you.
Yes we can be quite rational in deciding to not want kids, but our Body Agenda can decide the other way. This can be why smart women “just forgot to reorder the pills”, why smart couples “get carried away and forget the condom”, why “there was no time for the diaphram”, and why women accidentally fish a condom out of the trash and accidentally turn it inside out and push the semen up in their vagina accidentally.
I think the “safe and secure” concern MNL raises is a good one. I think there is some sort of psychological tweak to birth control methods. Right now my wife is “infertile” and I am fertile. If she was off birth control pills and I had a vasectomy… I think I would find that slightly unsettling… she travels around the State a lot alone and has evening and weekend appointments… so hmmmm, I think that would create a little background nervousness in me that isn’t there now. Plus live ammo keeps The Baby Sniper on the straight and narrow lol.
Body Agenda is not destiny either. It’s an influence, a strong one, but just one influence.
In general I find Roissy to be an entertaining writer and he is perhaps the best describer of the value of the Alpha = Female Attraction link and I have found that quite useful in learning that facet. However I am obviously in disagreement of his disdain for the Beta Traits and as such any advice he gives on LTRs is usually wrong and may as well be designed to destroy the relationship. PUA Game and Married Game are worlds apart.
Thanks for the kind words as well. I am glad to know that people are gaining something from the blog. Very much appreciated.