Comments on Virginity Thing Revisited

Lots of comments all over the place on Virginity Thing Revisited, and I had to work late tonight, so my replies are turing into a post…
MNL – “Athol, you’re getting soft on us! I much preferred your earlier post on the topic. Yes, the earlier post on virginity ignored its more difficult-to-live-by aspects, but that doesn’t change the facts. Study after scientific study is pretty consistent on this. The fewer one’s sexual partners prior to marriage/LTR (with zero partners being the ultimate), the greater the satisfaction in that eventual marriage; the fewer the dysfunctions.”
Yeah I know, I said that before, I still believe that. However the sexual marketplace is brutal in marginalizing those that don’t drop their underwear and point legs to the sky. It’s not “bad men” that are demanding this from women, it’s all men barring a tiny handful. I think if a guy wants a virgin bride, he’s got to lead the way in adhering to it himself and advertising for one.
Shane - “I was a virgin until my wedding day (13+ years ago), but my wife, to my chagrin, was not. She gave it to a high school boyfriend, although she dumped him after she decided it was wrong and then waited 5 years until our wedding day. It’s the single biggest issue that I am still not completely over (yes, I consider it my issue/weakness, for the most part). Don’t get me wrong, we have a great relationship, including sexually, and love each other and our 7 children. But in the bedroom, it’s not unusual for me to think about her high school dude with her, and nobody should have that kind of intrusion during their intimate times with their beloved. It’s an emotional thing – there’s nothing rational about it (ie, I’m completely aware of the tremendous value she built by waiting for me after that one guy). But there it is – sex is for lifetime bonding with your spouse – and far too many people treat it too casually. I’m thankful for what you’ve written in here – the whole alpha/beta thing is interesting to consider.”
I think this is a good example of what I’m talking about. However after 13 years it’s time to let go on this. But you know that already.
Johanna – “Sex is not for lifetime bonding with a spouse. Sex is for creating offspring that share your DNA. Yes, some species use it for bonding with other members of the species – humans, dolphins, bonobos come to mind in particular – but the primary function of sex is to create new organisms that contain copious amounts of your DNA, and the more one is able to do this (ie, the more offspring one produces that survive to reproduce themselves) the more successful that individual is considered to be. That sex helps cement a bond between you and your wife is a side effect of the whole process of reproduction to keep you around to help raise the babies – which you would potentially be inclined to do anyway as your average genetic relatedness to any of your children is 0.5 (50%).”
I agree with almost all of this. However sometimes that bonding really does happen, sometimes after only one sexual event. Old flames can burst unexpectedly into an inferno after accidently running across each other again. This is why Facebook is cited in 20% of all divorces these days.
Grerp – The Lost Art of Self-Preservation For Women“How do you determine if he’s a keeper? I agree with you that the sexual market is “Put out or get out” for young women – a huge failure of Feminism/the Sexual Revolution that is the elephant in the room of discourse. But there are no guarantees, even for discerning young women. If she gives it up and he walks, she’s out something of value, and he’s not. If she lays him like tile and gets pregnant (as the young are wont to do) she’s got three options – abortion, adoption, single motherhood – all of which according to the manosphere automatically make her certified used goods, and none of which are likely to leave her completely unscarred. If she is against abortion, as I was/am, her choices are narrower and harder. Which means if she protects herself and her options, she does one thing. If she wants to date/have a boyfriend she must act contrary to self-preservation. A real dilemma for young women who perhaps don’t have the experience to tell a keeper from a cad? Would you agree?”
Post-High School – If you haven’t been introduced to his mother as “the girl”, there’s your sign, you are not regarded as potential marriage material. Don’t fuck anyone during High School.
Rollo Tomassi – “So essentially the basis of all your advice regarding women, dating, social dynamics, gender psychology, etc. is rooted in your having sexual experience with only one woman whom you married (17 years ago) at 23 y.o.?
” Our relationship is eroticised in part because of what we are to each other.”
I guess it had better be, right? Because, what do either of you realistically have to compare it to? Really you’re making your necessity a virtue. The problem with your premise in this post is that ignorance is bliss, but you discount the very valuable education that both a great past LTR and a horrible one represent to an individual’s maturation and the benefits it provides knowing the qualities of a future good one.”
Oh hai! Welcome to the blog, what you describe is my basic theme drenched in every page. For the record We married at 22 and 24 and it’s been 15.5 years. During that time we’ve stayed very happy together and averaged about 300 sexual events a year every year and are still hot for each other after about 4650 trysts. Its a broken existence and I would kill myself but I’m too weak from ejaculating into Jennifer to lift anything as heavy as a handgun to my temple and end it all.
If you’re willing to discount my knowledge of human sexuality on the basis of us not sleeping around at some point in our lives, I can only assume you’re willing to discount your own knowledge about the benefits of a monogamous marriage with your first sexual love seeing you haven’t experienced that. I’ll agree there is an element of faith in believing that Jennifer is good in the sack, all I know is that I still get hard for her. So if  Little Athol Goliath likes Jennifer, so do I.
Dick – Dick and Jane- “The idea that a virgin is like fresh snow awaiting first tracks seems a bit flawed and it calls into question the value of the “virgin” label (in my opinion). Are we to assume that inexperience with vaginal (or anal?) sex implies sexual purity to the extent that the “virgin” could not have a disease, funky ex-lover, or bad experience? I’d rather commit to a partner who had a string of monogamous lovers than a virgin who gets throat fucked at parties on the weekend. While my example may seem a bit extreme, my point is that choice in a life partner should be based on MANY important criteria… history of genital contact seems very unimportant.”
I’m asking Jennifer if she was ever throat fucked at parties on the weekend right now…  awww come on, I think we all think a professed blowjob princess isn’t close to being a virgin no matter what she says. You know who sucks cock like that but doesn’t give pussy? People still waiting for the gender reassignment surgery date. It’s a man baby.
OMG that was way harsh. I’m so sorry for that. That’s a very difficult life for anyone transgender. But seriously, check out my original post that kicked this all off. Most of my points about choosing a wife aren’t sexual, it’s mostly personality points.
Meg – Demanding Joy“I think its sweet that you were each others’ first. It definitely gives you a special bond. It sounds like you have a rock solid marriage which is not so common. Kudos to you!”
I love the Meg. She gets it.
So anyway, I’m done on this topic for a little while. I’m sure you’d all rather read about me being a complete asshole on Mother’s Day.

The Virginity Thing Revisited

Oy the virginity thing. A couple months back I posted on 10 Critical Things In How To Choose A Wife where point six related to the idea that if you were young and wanted to pursue an early marriage route that virginity was a good thing in a wife. This post is both an expansion on that theme, but also will probably be viewed as a modification on that theme towards a more practical approach as well.
Honestly I was a little surprised at the reaction to this point. I thought I was going to get reamed out for automatically discounting any woman with a cigarette in her hand, or suggesting that B Cup breasts was the ideal long term plan before getting the virgin thing tossed back at me.
Generally I’m standing by much of my explanation of why I thought that in my original post. Jennifer and I are each others first, and that really has had a huge upside and a decent part of the “why” of our happiness now. There’s no disease issues, no funky ex lovers lurking in the shadows, no awful experiences with others to work through. We’re each others highest and best. Our relationship is eroticised in part because of what we are to each other.
Jennifer’s “erotic kink” that turns her on is marriage / monogamy / me. That sounds all very vanilla, but vanilla is still an actual flavor rather than the absence of flavor. My kink is a little wider in scope and I admit I bore easily and like high stimulation experiences, so I’m the one that brings a bunch of different sauces to the table. We go well together. All I’m saying is that if you become her special erotic kink, you are all set with that woman sexually forever.
However the practical reality is that young men are absolutely biologically programmed to seek opportunities to have sex with any available female that is willing. You can talk all day long about this stuff and most are going to express understanding on an intellectual level that I might have something on this point and then they are going to see cleavage, hear the click of high heels passing in the hall, or catch a little whiff of perfume and the blood is going to drain downwards and chase mode is going active.
Giving a young man a choice between a woman that is willing to have sex with him now, or sex with him (much) later, most young men simply are incapable of waiting. The ones that can wait for ages are to be honest slightly questionable in other ways. There’s a fine line between impressive willpower and emotional pathology. And don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying men are bad guys for wanting sex, it’s completely normal and healthy to have a sex drive. Also remember I’m not even saying marriage and monogamy is a moral requirement, it’s a sexual strategy, as is promiscuity. I’m just saying that played well it’s a great strategy that benefits men sexually as much as women.
However considering the number of young men that are interested in ever forming a marriage or LTR are probably smaller than the number of young women interested in the same, the men generally hold the cards in the level of sex that happens. If there are four truly datable young men for every every five datable women, and the fifth woman is a virginal hold out, she’ll not get a relationship with a decent man.
The practical reality for the young woman is that if you do happen to meet a keeper willing to form a meaningful relationship with you, it’s probably best to lay him like tile. I really do not advocate cheating of any kind, (including tolerating cheating boyfriends), or random hook ups. That stuff really does damage your long term worth.The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Guys – if she was ever a cheat especially one that involved you getting cheated on or with, this is as red as red flags get about not marrying her.
If your boyfriend / girlfriend you’re sleeping with turns into a fiance and then a husband / wife, it doesn’t really matter the road you took to get there if they are still your first. It’s the first thing that’s more important than waiting for a wedding day. Of course the number count may be higher than one by the time marriage comes up, but it’s a good history to be able to say “I was with partner #1 for two years and caught them cheating so I left, partner #2 for three years but they refused to marry me so we broke up and then I meet you”. At least it’s much better than saying “I don’t really know, college was wild, I haven’t had many breakouts either, that’s all under control now” and then running out of fingers trying to count them all.
Plus after a while of staying virginal, it changes from being a positive reflection on you and slowly starts being a negative one. Virgin at 20 is sweet and like fresh snow – everyone wants to be the first on that trail. Virgin at 25 is kinda odd and starting to be concerning. Virgin at 30 is some sort of broken vagina that probably has teeth.

Female Readers Should Absolutely Not Read This Post

Stephen in the comments of an earlier post
“I am surprised that women follow your blog, they seem to post about half the comments.”
I’m not surprised at all, I’m hot. The ladies love me.
Seriously though, I’d be a little concerned if I didn’t get female readers. If I can’t get female readers, it kind of calls into question my overall approach to women don’t you think. Besides much of what I say does apply just as well to women as it does to men so they do gain things to use as well, but a few things are different, so no apologies for aiming directly at the men. Also my natural writing voice is far better suited to a male publication than a female or neutral publication. I’m Maxim rather than Working Mother or Better Homes and Gardens.
There’s also the effect of the wife finding the blog first, liking it, and subtly tossing it under her husband’s nose to start trying to change him for the better. Women tend to want a better man, men tend to want better sex. My killer app is to suggest that being a better man gets you better sex, but I sell it to the men as some sort of cunning trick to pull over on the women. (Just play along and flip your hair a little ladies. You go girl, Bend and Snap!)
Female readers have been part of my plan from the beginning, but primarily by the subtle neg of not directly addressing them and directing the writing towards the male reader, but by also purposely giving women what they want along the way. In a sense the entire blog is Game. At some point you just have to tear off the lid and state boldly that you’ve been trying to get into their pants all along.
Also I do quite genuinely like women though and I think that shines through. Well mostly I like cleavage, but you get the idea.

The Basics Of Asking Someone Out

Overheard in the lunch room at the office a few of the women voicing complaints about generally okay guys asking them out to lunch / coffee / whatever, but trying to be polite and not get involved and ending up in a creepy lunch experience. Considering that most women do in fact like to eat lunch, I’m pretty much assuming the creepiness factor is the issue. I don’t really focus on pick up skills, I’m pretty much assuming being married you can ask your wife out to lunch without being weird about it, but anyway for the guys looking for dates out there here’s some solutions to being blown out on asking for lunch dates.
False Time Constraint: “I can’t stay for long though, I have a meeting / report due / call / thing I have to do in 30 minutes”. That means you aren’t going to stay locked in laser beam focus on them for an unknown length of time.
Deny Interest In Them: “Now if we have lunch, you have to promise not to hit on me,  I’m Married / Engaged / in a LTR / am trying to cut down to just one special girl right now”.
Don’t Offer To Pay For Lunch: That kicks in the ASD (Anti Slut Defense) where she feels leverage being used against her to buy sexual favors. Even if she agrees to let you pay she’ll be scanning the menu for something that says “handjob” rather than something she actually wants to eat. You won’t get that handjob either. (Incidentally for the women reading, Chicken Caesar Salad is the default handjob menu choice, Lobster means you have to go all the way. Everyone knows by now that Sushi = Oral Sex and Baby Back Ribs means you are a nasty nasty girl and I’m embarassed to be so aroused by you.)
That’s the basics for getting your foot in the door. Don’t be needy or creepy.
Incidentally I did ask Jennifer out for coffee today. In one of our rare days of both of us being at the main office, it got to be around 2pm and I did the standard MGHOW (Man Going His Own Way) invitation. “I’m going for coffee, want to come?” Then either way she answers, I go get coffee. It’s not “Would you like to go get coffee?” because then she has to make a decision to leave or not, whereas the MGHOW invitation is making her make a decision on whether or not to be left behind. And if you start turning your body away and start moving to the door you’re taking away something and people tend to latch on to things being taken away from them.
So anyway, she came with me. Of course it’s no big deal if she didn’t come, it’s just coffee.

Peacocking – Get Damn Good At Something

Today was another long work day, but that’s ok. I am as regular readers know a nurse, but what I haven’t told you is that I am in fact a very bad one. No really, just awful.
Hospitals - make me feel queasy with the ickiness.
Long term care – just impossible to do everything you’re supposed to do.
Doctors office – too boring for words.
ER – I have no fucking clue what to do.
School – Not overly keen on dealing with hundreds of other people’s children faking illness to get out of class.
Home Care – It’s like being a discount Podiatrist and I hate gross feet.
Hospice – I would be a wreck from attaching to my patients. Then I’d turn all hard in self-preservation and be all like “die already I need to go to lunch”.
However…
Adolescent Developmental Disabilities Psychiatry Nursing in the Group Home Setting - I’m outstandingly good. It’s a niche field of nursing I know, but I own my little niche. I’d try and explain what I do, but I just can’t really explain it without breeching client confidentiality. I could tell you all the funniest stories, just can’t, want to, but can’t. When I’m done with my nursing license I’m going straight to stand up comedy though, I have material, that’s all I can say.

I do work very hard to be done in my 40 hours and just go home. It is a job, a good job, but still a job and I’d rather be home. But tonight I feel positively high from how well I worked tonight. I’m alert, I’m happy, I’m energetic, I’m playful and I’m engaging.

Tonight I am particularly attractive.

So go find your thing too.

Our Three Pregnancies: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Just to touch on the pregnancy thing again – individual pregnancies can vary so greatly that it is very hard to draw a direct line of advice for them. Here’s the story of our three pregnancies so that you get an idea of what I mean.
Daughter #1 was an easy conception for us. Literally the first month we tried for a baby, actually probably the first night we tried for a baby, Jennifer got pregnant. My memories of make a baby sex are kinda hazy apart from the glassy eyed look on her face as we did it. Ok I’m hard thinking about that and she just bounced out the door back to work for a few more hours dammit.
Anyway… first pregnancy went very smoothly. Yeah morning sickness was bad in the first couple of months but overall very smooth and easy. Jennifer had some minor grumpiness that she didn’t really “show” well until late in her pregnancy because she wanted to show it off. Sex was sweet and special with “more Jennifer” and she was generally horny and happily glowing through much of the whole thing. In the end the baby was stubborn in not wanting to be born and had to be induced a week late. Meds to start labor, water manually broken and about 16 hours of being in the hospital / in labor before the baby finally was born.
Second pregnancy was again an effortless conception. I think once again we were possibly one and done. A week or two after the positive pregnancy test she lost the baby. No warning, no feeling funny leading up to it, no sickness, just no more baby. She was heartbroken enough for two people, so I was emotionally strong enough for two people. Plus I had a cunning plan to get her to stop crying…
…daughter #2 was conceived on the next cycle. I’m serious, I guess if you have a penis every problem looks like a vagina, but in this case it was an excellent problem solving tool. All I could think was “I have to stop her crying”.
Now if daughter #1 was the good pregnancy, the miscarriage the ugly one, then daughter #2 was the bad one. I remember little of the first couple months, but the last 5 months were an endless cycle of doctor’s appointments and Emergency Room visits to stop the baby being born premature. I mean as in about weekly. The only reason she wasn’t admitted into the hospital at the 5th month and confined to bed rest to term was that her GYN/OB doctor was impressed enough with me from the first birth and knew I was a nurse that he felt comfortable to send her home. One small little bitty catch though… no sex. Doctors orders.
So there was no sex until after she had recovered from the birth. I probably had some handjobs along the way, but generally I stayed as low key and unstressful on her as I could. There’s just something about the possibility that vaginal sex could kill your own unborn child that softens the harsh edge of the libido anyway. Though to be honest I do feel quite proud of myself for how I was during that time. I took care of her as well as I possibly could. A rough pregnancy is not a shit test. As a man you do whatever you can and get forced to ride shotgun on how the rest of everything is going to turn out. In the end her water broke a few weeks early and in the middle of a genuine meteorologists-getting-all-excited-and-foamy-at-the-mouth BLIZZARD.
Baby coming. A Full Monty Blizzard. Middle of the night. Oh I was born for this shit.
I didn’t exactly drive like a lunatic to the hospital, just with a peak experience confidence and mindlessness. I was in Flow. Naturally we made it in perfect condition.
After that things happened very quickly. At some point she was checked by a nurse and we were told she was 4cm dilated so we had quite a few hours of time before the show really started. A minute or two later she started making this odd wail. I mean you’ve all heard the term “wail” and possibly used the word “wail” in a conversation, but you’ve probably never actually heard a true wail. I heard her make this sound just one other time in our marriage where she fell down the stairs into the basement – it’s fear, panic, surprise and pain all in one. A Barbaric Oy.
Yeah we’ll be using the call bell about now.
Over the next fifteen minutes the room is; swarmed with nurses half of whom are shouting “DON’T PUSH” while the other half are explaining that the “window” for an epidural has closed, the OB on call is punted awake and stumbles in, Jennifer latches onto my arm like a bear trap and nearly seriously injuries me as the bed goes up and I can’t get my arm free of the siderails, then all the “DON’T PUSH” people change sides and become “PUSH!” people. The first push gets the baby’s head out, the episiotomy is done, the second push gets the baby out. Then the afterbirth and stitches. Seriously 4cm dilated to birth in 15 minutes au naturale.
So there we go. Those are our three pregnancies, the good, the bad and the ugly. All so vastly different experiences. Jennifer for her part was amazing as a pregnant woman. It was never a tool to gain leverage over me, she always did the right thing for diet and caring for herself to support the pregnancy right. She didn’t ignore me, but some of the time she couldn’t really respond to me either and that was okay too.
For my part, I was just supportive through all three pregnancies. All this is more than a decade before I’ve even heard of Game, so I’m not consciously trying to make a statement, or play her, or anything. Though I suppose this is the blessing of being a natural at marriage. I did right by her in those moments and that has just worked to solidify her love and attraction to me. She’s just my wife, she’s pregnant, I can’t think beyond the moment of needing to help her. That’s all it is.
How can I not be my own true self when she needs me most?
Sam: Then let us be rid of it… once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can’t carry it for you… but I can carry you!

Sex During Pregnancy and Married Man Game

I got asked a question via email about what’s the biological basis for how sex in pregnancy plays out. The short answer is I know in a vague general sense, but pregnancies are so variable that individual advice is all but impossible.
Lets come at it from the other side of the equation first. The clutch-the-pearls and cut to commercial dramatic insight is that one of the most likely times for a husband to cheat on his wife is during her pregnancy. This makes perfect sense in that the biological point of sex for the man is to get the woman pregnant. Once she’s actually pregnant its “Mission Accomplished” and being the cads that we are the biological cross hairs start looking for other targets. Like her sister. Or the wife next door. Or a babysitter. Or any of the 53 women he accidentally messaged on Ashley Madison.
Buy Me!

Reader Story: Sex Life After Serious Injury

At the start of writing a blog it’s a little bit like shouting into the dark. Those first few comments and links are always golden. I’m also getting many emailed questions that I do my best to answer, and I’ve also started to get a few thank you emails as people tell their story. I cannot state how much I appreciate hearing that what I’m saying on the blog really works.
You’re all welcome to email me at athol.kay@gmail.com  I do ask if you’re okay with things being published on the blog before I go ahead and splatter you on the Internet. Otherwise all is confidential.
Via email from an anonymous reader.
I haven’t been a reader very long, maybe for six or so weeks now, but as soon as I discovered your blog I immediately began reading the archives. In that short time I have made some great headway in my marriage by utilizing your advice. My marriage was good, and my wife and I were very much in love, but we were in a sexual rut,( we usually had sex 3-4 times a month). We both kind of chalked it up to the lack of romance that three small children bring about, and the fact that she is usually wiped out by the time she gets home from work.
I had no idea that the dynamic that was actually at work was just how beta I had become in the past few years. This was not the normal betaization (is that even a word?) that a man can expect after having children. I actually suffered a terrible spine injury in ’04 and as a result lost my career, lost my position as primary breadwinner, and also was left with terrible chronic spine pain. (fortunately the pain has improved over the years. I still hurt, but the pain is much more manageable). Prior to the injury I had always been much more alpha than beta.
I met my wife when we were in high school, and we dated pretty serious all through that time. Unfortunately I was Beta enough to enjoy a long term relationship, but this tendency was at odds with my alpha tendency of sexually pursuing other girls. Even back then when we were kids I loved the woman who would one day become my wife, but that did not dissuade me from pursuing other girls. Conversely I really had nothing but contempt for my sexual conquest and managed to hurt a lot more people than I care to think about.
This all changed after the woman I would one day marry broke it off for several months. Losing her showed me how much I really loved her, and I resolved that if I ever got her back I would not take her for granted. Long story short she came back and within a year or two we were married and began having children.
Even though I was committed and no longer running women I still remained very alpha in my relationship with my wife. My only real beta tendencies were the love and devotion I have to my family, and my willingness to cuddle and have a lot of physical, non-sexual intimacy with my wife. I had a manly job, and was very successful. I was very physically strong, confident, and cocksure. All of these things came very natural to me, and unfortunately after I got hurt all of these elements of my personality were taken from me immediately.
Not long after I got hurt the sexual problems started. First I stopped having sex with my wife because of fear of further injuring myself, this went on for nearly a year, and by the time we started having sex again I had become a premature ejaculator. This led to her eventual disinterest in sex, and my further spiral into self doubt and overall betaization.
Fortunately for me I had some good doctors and procedures done on my spine, and about two years ago I found myself in less pain and a bit more mobile. I began to exercise again and lost nearly 60lbs, and started to look and feel much better. So much so it was at this stage where I began getting a lot of confidence back, and began to become visible to the opposite sex again. Despite all of these gains, I still couldn’t get things right in the bedroom with my wife; until I found your blog.
After I realized that the problem was that I had lost my alpha tendencies, it was easy to get them back. It wasn’t long after I started acting like the man she used to be married to that we fixed our problems in the bedroom. In fact last month we had sex 10 times, and just Monday we had sex twice in one day and the second session was an absolute marathon that left her physically drained. As you already know this has positive consequences outside of the bedroom, all of which we are enjoying tremendously.
All that said I really thought it would be appropriate to contact you and tell you just how appreciative I am of your blog. Thank you so much.
I know that you are an atheist, and I accept your right to believe as you wish, but you really are doing God’s work.
As an aside, the wife impresses me. Firstly she was willing to break it off with the young Mr. Alpha, secondly she has stuck with him through his injury. Neither thing is really meant to happen per the dictates of Game. Which just goes to show Game tends to underestimate many women, often the best ones who are wife material.
Secondly… awesome work to come back from a spinal injury. I’m sure it’s been a hard six years. I think if anything I added the final piece in a puzzle you guys had mostly completed yourself. - Athol
So what’s your story?

What To Do About The Chemical Warfare In The Marriage Bed

No more trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night to keep the peace…

Apparently this is a real product. So if chemical warfare is a problem in your marriage bed, this just may be what you need to stay together.

Cooking Game: Instant Pasta Meal For Ten, Twenty, Thirty People

I just realized this morning when I woke up that I really should have gone into the “how to” of cooking pasta. It’s one of the easy things to make, but I also do have a particular technique I use to make the sauce that is both effortless and good. It’s brain dead easy “Man Cooking” as well.
You will need;
1 Box of Pasta       (I like Penne for this)
1 Jar of Pasta Sauce    (I love Vodka Sauce)
1 to 1.5 pounds of ground beef
Some salt.
Step One:
Boil the water, add in about 1 teaspoons of salt, basically a really big sprinkle. Add the pasta. Don’t do anything silly like adding oil to the water to “make the pasta not stick to each other”, it doesn’t work, the oil just floats on top of the water. The salt will make the entire dinner taste a little better. You cook the pasta for as long as the box says.
Step Two:
Once you start the pasta cooking, add the ground beef to a COLD fry pan and separate it all as best you can. Then just pour the jar of sauce all over the beef and stir it up good, THEN you turn the heat on and cook it at “a little bit higher than medium”. Most people will usually “brown” the beef first, by which they mean “overcook the beef into little chewy bits”, then pour the sauce on after that in a special “burn the sauce against the too hot fry pan” technique. I mean seriously people, how do you both end up with burnt sauce that is also still mostly cold? Then you have to keep cooking the beef even longer and eventually heat up the partially burnt sauce to proper temperature.
Step Three:
Stir the sauce once in a while. At first it will look pinkish with all the uncooked beef, but slowly over time you will see the sauce turn color into a deep rusty red color as the beef cooks. Once you start seeing puddles of liquid on the top of the sauce that’s the beef dropping it’s fat (the fat in the beef is hot enough to turn into a liquid) and the sauce is basically done. Give it just one minute more for it all to cook through.
Step Four:
If you timed it right the pasta is done just as the sauce is done. You can fiddle with the heat to make this happen. I just drain the pasta, return it to the pot and pour the sauce right over the pasta. Stir it up good in the pot and pour it all into a serving bowl and we’re all done. Should have only taken about 15-20 minutes tops from when you walked into the kitchen and started boiling the water.
So you get a pretty damn near instant meal that everyone likes and if you’re shopping sales for pasta and pasta sauce at the grocery store you can probably have done the meal for under $10 for up to ten people. If you want to do something other than ground beef in the sauce you can, leftover shredded chicken works, so does fresh mushrooms, leftover vegetable can work too.
If you’re in a rush to pull an entire meal together and running through a grocery store, get a loaf of some kind of fancy bread (I love Ciabatta with the little salt crusting) and a bag (or two) of the premade salads. The trick with these is to always look at the expiration dates on the bags and get the freshest ones possible. They do tend to suck if not completely fresh. Then BOOM! You whomp the salad into a big bowl, samurai the bread a bit, nuke the butter for a few seconds to soften it and slam the pasta into a big bowl. Dude you are the hero and heroes get laid.
It’s just cooking, you can do this.
PS. Cooking for lots more people? Double up on everything. Cooking for a shitload of people? Triple up on everything. You might need a another pot for all the pasta. Try this as a fun thing to do to mess with your wife a little, say “why don’t we just invite everyone over for lunch” as her eyes bug out at the thought of her trying to cook for 25 people and her mouth starts opening up to complain, say… “I’ll cook pasta” and watch her try and find a problem with that and fail. And once you’re at 20+ people, paper plates and a big disposable foil tray for serving the pasta is the way to go. Trust me on that.
PPS. “Everyone” is everyone that you usually can’t stand to see from your wife’s side of the family. This gets them all out of the way in one fell swoop. You’re in the kitchen so you don’t even have to spend much time talking to them.
PPPS. She doesn’t really like them that much either, she just can’t say that out loud.