Reader Story: Sex Life After Serious Injury

At the start of writing a blog it’s a little bit like shouting into the dark. Those first few comments and links are always golden. I’m also getting many emailed questions that I do my best to answer, and I’ve also started to get a few thank you emails as people tell their story. I cannot state how much I appreciate hearing that what I’m saying on the blog really works.
You’re all welcome to email me at  I do ask if you’re okay with things being published on the blog before I go ahead and splatter you on the Internet. Otherwise all is confidential.
Via email from an anonymous reader.
I haven’t been a reader very long, maybe for six or so weeks now, but as soon as I discovered your blog I immediately began reading the archives. In that short time I have made some great headway in my marriage by utilizing your advice. My marriage was good, and my wife and I were very much in love, but we were in a sexual rut,( we usually had sex 3-4 times a month). We both kind of chalked it up to the lack of romance that three small children bring about, and the fact that she is usually wiped out by the time she gets home from work.
I had no idea that the dynamic that was actually at work was just how beta I had become in the past few years. This was not the normal betaization (is that even a word?) that a man can expect after having children. I actually suffered a terrible spine injury in ’04 and as a result lost my career, lost my position as primary breadwinner, and also was left with terrible chronic spine pain. (fortunately the pain has improved over the years. I still hurt, but the pain is much more manageable). Prior to the injury I had always been much more alpha than beta.
I met my wife when we were in high school, and we dated pretty serious all through that time. Unfortunately I was Beta enough to enjoy a long term relationship, but this tendency was at odds with my alpha tendency of sexually pursuing other girls. Even back then when we were kids I loved the woman who would one day become my wife, but that did not dissuade me from pursuing other girls. Conversely I really had nothing but contempt for my sexual conquest and managed to hurt a lot more people than I care to think about.
This all changed after the woman I would one day marry broke it off for several months. Losing her showed me how much I really loved her, and I resolved that if I ever got her back I would not take her for granted. Long story short she came back and within a year or two we were married and began having children.
Even though I was committed and no longer running women I still remained very alpha in my relationship with my wife. My only real beta tendencies were the love and devotion I have to my family, and my willingness to cuddle and have a lot of physical, non-sexual intimacy with my wife. I had a manly job, and was very successful. I was very physically strong, confident, and cocksure. All of these things came very natural to me, and unfortunately after I got hurt all of these elements of my personality were taken from me immediately.
Not long after I got hurt the sexual problems started. First I stopped having sex with my wife because of fear of further injuring myself, this went on for nearly a year, and by the time we started having sex again I had become a premature ejaculator. This led to her eventual disinterest in sex, and my further spiral into self doubt and overall betaization.
Fortunately for me I had some good doctors and procedures done on my spine, and about two years ago I found myself in less pain and a bit more mobile. I began to exercise again and lost nearly 60lbs, and started to look and feel much better. So much so it was at this stage where I began getting a lot of confidence back, and began to become visible to the opposite sex again. Despite all of these gains, I still couldn’t get things right in the bedroom with my wife; until I found your blog.
After I realized that the problem was that I had lost my alpha tendencies, it was easy to get them back. It wasn’t long after I started acting like the man she used to be married to that we fixed our problems in the bedroom. In fact last month we had sex 10 times, and just Monday we had sex twice in one day and the second session was an absolute marathon that left her physically drained. As you already know this has positive consequences outside of the bedroom, all of which we are enjoying tremendously.
All that said I really thought it would be appropriate to contact you and tell you just how appreciative I am of your blog. Thank you so much.
I know that you are an atheist, and I accept your right to believe as you wish, but you really are doing God’s work.
As an aside, the wife impresses me. Firstly she was willing to break it off with the young Mr. Alpha, secondly she has stuck with him through his injury. Neither thing is really meant to happen per the dictates of Game. Which just goes to show Game tends to underestimate many women, often the best ones who are wife material.
Secondly… awesome work to come back from a spinal injury. I’m sure it’s been a hard six years. I think if anything I added the final piece in a puzzle you guys had mostly completed yourself. – Athol
So what’s your story?


  1. rosiewiklund says:

    I really enjoyed this post. Keep up the great work!

  2. Wicked Shawn says:

    That is really great Athol. I love to banter back and forth with you and occassionally I do seriously disagree with some of your theorem, but it is wonderful to see that you helped someone and I know this had to make you feel good. I am happy that he took time to send you this email. More impotantly, I am thrilled for this couple and I hope things continue on this road to success for them.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    I think we agree more than we disagree Wicked. In the end all I'm really saying is "be an active member of your marriage and don't except it all to just happen to you by magic".

  4. AK, I have really enjoyed all of your posts, but the ones that have made the biggest difference in my game were knowing Teh Ovulation Cycle and the Date Night entries. But it's hard to pick a favorite.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Yeah the ovulation cycle thing is amazing once you learn it and you wonder how you never knew about it before then.

  6. Susan Walsh says:

    This is quite a moving story, but I have to say I especially love your pointing out the wife's behaving in ways that run counter to Game theory. I give enormous credit to her, and to her husband for valuing her and working to win back her attraction.

  7. Athol Kay says:

    Game theory basically discounts the value of relationships, and then only fixates on the Alpha dynamic.

    And love.

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