The Shrek, Donkey and Princess Fiona Relationship Game

I love the Shrek movies and with a new one coming out very soon, Shrek will probably be coming a little more to the forefront of many peoples minds. (I’m just gonna assume you’ve seen the movies and know what the hell I’m talking about with the three main characters.) Upon occasion I’ve used this little game to figure out what is what with the ladies. It all hinges on a simple question.
“So if I was Shrek, would you be Donkey or Princess Fiona?”
Pretty much as soon as you ask that they know exactly the question you are really asking, namely “are you ready to have sex / seriously romantically interested?”
If the answer is “Princess Fiona”, then you follow up with, “Well you know that Shrek and Fiona like totally do it right?” This will be fine because they are quite interested in you. You should get a positive laugh reaction from that. Continue gaming her, this one is in the bag.
If the answer is “Donkey”, then you follow up with, “Oh great, I need a beast of burden” and then you ask them to perform whatever trivial task you can think of. Nothing insulting, just small. Most women will want to resist calling themselves the non-princess option, so it really is a fairly clear not ready / not interested signal from them.
The beauty of this is you can keep it going for months into the future as kind of a small running gag. Princess Fiona’s get one kind of treatment from you and Donkey’s get another. You just stop wasting over much time on the Donkey’s and you spend time and effort on the Princess Fiona’s. You don’t have to treat Donkey’s badly, you keep them friend boxed and don’t get suckered into their attempts to chump you into doing something for them.
So this…
Hot Girl Out Of Reach: “Can you come over and help me move all these heavy boxes in my basement?”
Chump: “I’ll be right over!”
Chump moves all the heavy boxes for two hours.
Hot Girl Out Of Reach: “Thanks! You’re a great friend.”
Chump goes home and masturbates.
Turns into…
Donkey: “Can you come over and help me move all these heavy boxes in my basement?”
Shrek: “Well I’d love to, but that sort of thing is really on the Princess Fiona plan.”
Donkey: “But these boxes are so heavy and I really need your help”.
Shrek: “Well you really need your man to help you… hang on hang on… were you just asking me to be your man?”
Then you try and close for a date of some kind, before attempting the task she is looking for.
Also having got a Princess Fiona…
Princess Fiona: “Can you come over and help me move all these heavy boxes in my basement?”
Shrek: “Sure I’ll come over you in the basement.”
Princess Fiona: “Shrek!”
Shrek: “(heh heh heh) I’ll take that as a later baby… so what boxes?”
If you really want to have fun with it…
Shrek: “Hey Donkey I need your help. I want to take Princess Fiona somewhere really nice for dinner, what’s your favorite place that’s romantic?”
Donkey: “Well if it’s romantic I love the Enchanted Grotto.”
Shrek: “Of course! The Enchanted Grotto! You’re such a good friend”.
Donkey: (WTF I should have said Princess Fiona when he asked…)
Of course if you’re married you have a default setting for who Princess Fiona is, namely your wife. Which means you get to do all the things her man needs do to for her, and she does all the things that your woman needs to do for you. It’s how the Princess Fiona plan works. So if she is demanding to be treated like your Princess Fiona, but only offering Donkey treatment in return, that’s something that needs to be addressed.
Also it can be very clarifying to think of all the other women in your life as Donkey’s…


  1. Melissa and Kevin says:

    We read this on impulse when we came across the title on Sex-Press. Very entertaining, we'll definitely be making return visits to check out more of your writing.

    -Melissa and Kevin

  2. GudEnuf says:

    This is way to cheesy to work.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    @ Gudenuf – Shrek IS cheesy, but the women love him.

  4. Princess Donkey says:

    Conversely, what happens when I'm giving my husband the Princess Fiona treatment, but he's acting like I'm Donkey? I can't get him to do chores worth a darn despite asking/begging, bribing, assigning, yelling, and encouraging him to choose his own chores to be responsible for. Isn't the conclusion that I should stop giving him the Fiona treatment?

  5. Athol Kay says:

    That would be my general advice. Ultimately the only person you can control is YOU. All your attempts to control him are failing, so you may as well save your breath.

    If there are things that require "a man" to get done around the house and he isn't manning up… hire one that will.

    Otherwise just let the chores he needs to do go undone. Don't wash his clothes for example.

  6. i want to see the real shrek

  7. I tried this for fun and she responded with “puss in boots”.


  1. […] no big deal. Climbing the highest tower, slaying the dragon, not much to tell really. Just the Princess Fiona Plan on a  normal Tuesday. Quid pro quo and all […]

  2. […] so the original Shrek-Fiona-Donkey post is here. The TL:DR version being, I’m framing myself as Shrek, and making the women in my life fall […]

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