What It Means When A Wife Says “I’m Bored”.

There’s something about the rattle of a rattlesnake that immediately brings your attention in sharp focus. It’s a warning that bad things are about to happen if you don’t stop whatever it is that you are doing and change course. Wives also have a rattle, it goes something like this…
“I’m bored”.
On the surface that doesn’t really get many guys attention, mainly because guys tend to solve their own problems of boredom so easily.
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  1. I've read recently that boredom for a woman falls on their emotional scale in the same place as extremely negative for a man. Makes you think.

    But more interesting than the disease is the cure. What do you recommend as a response? Problem is to jump right up and attempt to stimulate can be read as a DLV. But ignoring her for the present isn't productive either.

  2. Athol Kay says:

    Well the stimulation is for you to be active in general with the Alpha Traits. It's not exactly like a single move you can do, it's a lifestyle you're leading.

    Agree if you jump right up and try and "unbore" her it can be read as a DLV.

  3. Ms Lacrymosa says:

    Thought provoking post, Athol!

    @ Salut – what is recommended as a response?

    I'd suggest giving her hope that the rest of that day/ month/year will be less boring in her Significant Other's company. e.g.

    ( Darling, you may be bored but you're beautiful – kiss me and go make coffee while I continue watching my boring ballgame. And come back naked..;)

    Just a thought :-)

  4. Athol Kay says:

    Aha Ms L… I believe I recognize your from your prior blog!

    Nice to see you didn't completely vanish.

  5. Ms Lacrymosa says:

    Why,thank you Mr K… I just moved home (metaphorically speaking).

    Continuing as usual is the plan. The local branch of the Fem subs may be round later to burn some crosses on your front garden for the last rhyming comment.

    The way I see it in this enlightened age, if a female pursues her healthy erotic interests it's entirely normal. Not to do so would be boring :-)

  6. Athol Kay says:

    I'll just use a firm tone of voice with the subs with the burning crosses. Works every time.

  7. About women when they announce they're bored… I suspect that being bored is one issue to address. But announcing it is yet another, slightly different issue. It's important to realize the difference. The announcing part is very often a shit test (or fitness test, as you say, Athol. …Though your wording conjures up images of pull-ups & push-ups, etc.)

    The most immediate way of dealing with this shit test is to give her a task to complete. As in, ask her to do something for you. I like saying, "Well, if you're bored, I really need you to give me a backrub right… about… here. No, I'm serious. I really need a backrub" blah, blah. But other tasks would work equally well. Just try to choose something that benefits you in some way. I say this not for selfish reasons, necessarily, but to a) better channel the shit test into b) something that triggers the psychological element of service/sacrifice.

  8. Athol Kay says:

    It's "Fitness Test" as in "Survival of the Fitess"

  9. Stephen says:

    Careful AK I think the fem subs are unionized now. You'll have to hire a moderator to deal with them.

  10. Athol Kay says:


  11. Seven stones says:

    Just finished reading your post and I can’t say I’ve ever felt so “caught” by something I’ve read before. I often feel that way, and not seldom do I express it to my husband knowing that “and what am I supposed to do about it” would be a reply I couldn’t answer anything but “I don’t know” to. It has always puzzled me why I would want/expect something from _him_ when I’m bored instead of just entertaining myself. But now I know! I always figured it was because I wanted to spend time with him (cause we don’t really talk or spend time together – sounds like a fun marriage, I know).

    I’ve also come to realize that I most likely have an oxytocin deficit and probably a dash of depression too -and I’m turning to the only person in my life really, my husband, to fix it. Which I know, in my mind, is kind of looking for apples on an orange tree. Cause, not only is he a man, he’s also a man of few words. But since I don’t have any one else to turn to, he utlimatly gets shit for my boredom. (Sucks confessing that.)

    But according to this post, I’m also seeking male dominance. And he, with his essentially mute way of being, is simply not being dominant. Well, in a way he is being dominant causes in the end his just ignoring me. And I guess me not saying anything further is me being submissive. But it doesn’t really kill the ich. I just get this “well, this sucks” kind of feeling while I continue being bored, though in silence – by myself. What am I missing?

  12. I think this post is great! I am one of the “bored ” ladies in the bedroom and could use my hubby being more Alpha. I am a stong independant woman, however as I get a little older I would LOVE it if my husband would would be less Beta and a little more Alpha (actually I think I have always wanted this … he was certainly more Alpha 10 years agao when we were dating). I get tired of it, and I am the submissive type underneath it all… and would love a little more Alpha/Beta balance in my life. I’ve been noticing it for years now, but this is the first time I have heard anyone talk about it. :-) I find my husband acting more and more … this is going to sound awful… like a “girl”. It does turn me off… meanwhile he feels rejected when his softness does nothing forme inthe bed room. We just had a fight about it this morning. He got mad when I advanced on him for sex and then waited for him to “stoke the fire”. He says that I’m playing a game because I wasn’t doing anything to get him going … I just want him to make me want him. Soft touching is just boring as hell (which I did not tell him but I was thinking it). He stormed off and no sex. I want him to act like a more of a man. I have been having hormonal problems for about 10 years and finally am getting some good results with getting them balanced, which meant very little sex drive in the past. So things are changing with me, but I think my husband is shell shocked and now thinks I’m playing games because I want to know what it’s like to feel… well, anything. Sorry for the rant , but I’m frustrated! Yikes! anyhow, I just bought us both your book, and I hope it helps. I don’t know if he will read it, but I will. I’m open to suggestions on how to get out of this whimpy sex cycle. Thanks!

  13. Wonder Wife says:

    Seven stones, I relate to your post. My husband is also a man of few words while I am a woman of many (shocker, right?). After almost eleven years together, married for about one and a half, I find myself in a very similar predicament. How can I support and encourage my husband to take more initiative in his life and our relationship? When I try to talk about it, it falls flat because, like your husband, often I will get very little response/reaction to this. In the past the conversation would escalate to a fight, which eventually gets results..but it’s forced, by me…so the itch keeps itching but my guilt and embarrassment over what now is seen as an “overreaction” shut me up for awhile. More recently, I have taken the route you described above. I don’t say anything further and internalize it all with the ever accurate, “well, this sucks/I suck.” Another problem I’m running into is that our sex life is actually really good, better than ever (I went off birth control about a year ago on doctor’s recommendation due to a health issue and my sex drive came alive). I worry after reading this blog that maybe he’s too maid, trayed and laid to see any reason to change. It is more in our day to day life that I’m looking for this shift in dynamics. I sincerely hope Athol revisits this thread to address some of our wife quandaries.

  14. Makemyown says:

    Women get bored because they are boring people and are in constant need of affection–like a dog. Whenever I hear a lady tell me how strong and independent she is with a follow up complaint that the husband is not taking enough initiate I immediately ask them what they contribute to the relationship. If you want excitement you need to be exciting. He’s not doing it for you in Bed? That probably because you lay there and expect him to do all the work–in everything–then criticize his performance. If he does go all primate, more complaining. A man is just off with porn than having to labor his whole life at filling your black hole of a life with activities and attention. And before you say girls in porn aren’t realistic, I can tell you that that expecting a man (alpha) to find you attractive after you’ve let yourself go is one of the most unrealistic misconceptions ever. Girls are easy, especially young, fit, hot ones. Why stay with a fat and needy bore when he can nail a 22 year old twice a week for the cost of a few drinks? I challenge you to make HIS life exciting, because I’m pretty sure your attitude toward his masculinity is exactly why your life should be giving to someone who appreciates it.

  15. Jennefer says:

    You know this is something that I hve been dealing with for quite sometime.. Im a married women and have a young child.. Been home for almost three years raising him while working on my second degree.. Between cooking, cleaning, diapers and school, in doing these things I hope to please my husband enough in hope to recieve the hot sweaty passionate sex before marriage we would have.. I live my husband and he is my best friend for almost 11 years, but between feeling alone sex with him feels like another mommy to do chore. Im almost 25 and havent had an orgasim in almost 6 months! I feel like im in comtrol of everything in bed an like i told him he needs to horn up and fuck me. Ive always been open to him even in times most coware. I want to be dominated in bed, not just the same ol lets have sex deal.. I had an emotional affair that got physical and i told my husband after the first and only time it happened.. Call me trash hore whatever, but when u get that lonely it happened. But thinking about it the sex with my husbamd was never better.. Even if i just thought of another man while riding bare back my orgasms were so much better.. What pisses me pff is the fact is a man can do it and he is congradulated for the ass he tapped but for a female were fucked up.. We want hot nasty bent over the counter rough sex to but when u have to explain to ur husband how to make u feel its frustrating.. Ive pondered open relationships or divorce because my desires of intamacy are imtensely weighing and with no outlet in life but to serve my child and husband, it leaves u to wonder what more must i do to get laid.

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