Your Wife Doesn’t Need You To Be Her Girlfriend

“Monday night, I told Penelope about a married man I know and related some of the stories he tells. They start with phrases like, “This is going to sound really gay,” and include phrases like, “Friend and I were at the mall buying eye cream.” I told Penelope that I wasn’t so sure how real the wife was at this point in man’s life. She said, “I’d love it if you went and bought eye cream for me.” I told her that she absolutely would not like that. She maintained that she would. I replied with a hypothetical choice. “Would you prefer for me to come home and say, ‘I was just at the mall with X and found this wonderful eye cream for you. You’re going to love it!’ or would you rather I say, ‘X and I went to the strip club. I got a lap dance.’ Which statement would give you more concern?”
She grabbed her purse and started rummaging through her wallet. She handed me a stack of singles.”
Or as I said a couple days back…  “Your wife was attracted to a man, she doesn’t need you to turn into her BFF girlfriend.”
Basically though, if you can’t stop looking at the image at the head of the post, you’re gonna be ok.


  1. As funny as your posts are, Athol, Google Ads sometimes upstage you. Check out the ad that Google served to me in your feed footer for this post: see it here.

  2. Athol Kay says:

    I can't win with these frakking ads. At least the Cougar Life ones finally went away.

  3. haleyshalo says:

    I have AdBlock for Firefox installed, so I miss all that good stuff. ;)

  4. Jake P. says:

    Thanks for the link to Hidden Leaves, AK.

    And for the life of me, I have never understood why a guy, if forced/cajoled into going to The Mall, would willingly go into the makeup section if there is a sporting goods department available.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Well sometimes in the make up section there are nice… displays.

    Sometimes I just look at the… racks.

    Window shopping is ok.

  6. rosiewiklund says:

    those pants. they melt my brain. everything you wrote underneath those pants where just words, words, words. Sorry Athol!

  7. Athol Kay says:

    You'll be fine Rosie :-)

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