Catching Up On Cheating And Why You Need A Contingency Plan

It seems people are reading my third post on cheating and not reading the first two. So lets recap a little.
What To Do When There’s Another Man In The Picture – Why cheating isn’t just a Fitness Test. Why you can’t just play it cool and try and Game her back. How wives cheating typically results from the husbands failure to engage them with a combination of Alpha and Beta traits. It also followed along from the earlier Dopamine posts about female boredom.
Spy Mode: What Do To When You Think Your Wife Is Cheating – How cheaters; lie, are delusional, exhibit changed behavior and become addicted to the cheating experience. The immediate step being to determine if the suspecting cheating is actually happening, by which you actively spy on your partner and gather better information and documentation of the cheating. Methods being key loggers, phone tapping, GPS tracking and hidden cameras. Once you discover things you may not even wish to continue the marriage and may opt to simply end things. If you do decide to try and fight for the marriage you take the following steps: you reveal your knowledge and proof of the cheating (they will always deny without proof) and give two choices.
Option one involves breaking it off completely with the other man, submitting to STD and pregnancy testing, possibly testing paternity of all children, attend marriage counseling together (more on this in a later post).
Option two is to simply be divorced.
The Social Nuclear Bomb: What To Do When You Catch Your Wife Cheating – Because cheating with a lover is addictive, despite a cheater confessing and agreeing to stop seeing a lover, they will often seek to re-establish contact. During this time of detox from the cheating getting professional help is of some value and the cheating spouse needs to start rebuilding trust by being completely open and available to the non-cheating spouse. If it is proving a losing battle, then final option is to unveil the proof of the cheating to every person that has influence over the cheater and ask for assistance in the intervention. It may or may not work, but it is something. The most important thing is that the cheater have no contact with the lover, this allows time for the marriage relationship to be rebuilt and for husbands, time to brush up on the gaming of their wife.
I’m assuming if the route you want to take is just ending the relationship, you don’t need much help beyond finding an attorney. Good luck and I mean that sincerely. However if you want to try it the way I’ve laid out, do so with the knowledge that this isn’t just something I thought up in an afternoon. This is about a year’s worth of reading and responding to hundreds of posts and stories on the Talk About Marriage boards. Cheating makes up about 70% of the issues there. This stuff does in general work but it’s no guarantee either.
Personally I hope you never have to use any of these few posts. But simply knowing this basic information and having your spouse know that you have a contingency plan and the will to execute it, is a form of prevention in and of itself. You learn and know this stuff for the same reason banks have a dozen cameras inside them – prevention as much as the ability to catch a crook.
Discovering cheating and the decision to end a marriage or not are possibly the worst moments imaginable for anyone to live through. There are no easy answers and until those moments come upon you, you may imagine what you would do, but you may not truly know. Some that say they would stay and fight until everything was exhausted and no hope remained, just quietly gather their things and go. Some that say they would kill her in cold blood just crumple, weep and plead.
I will say this though – should you decide to offer a chance of redemption to a cheater… that’s the only one they get. Not only that, but it very probably uses up that one chance for any future women in your life that do the same thing.
I’ll get to a counseling post soon. Honestly though, I find just wrinting about cheating as a topic draining and unpleasant. I might be off posting for a day or two.


  1. Stephen says:

    You're series of posts on this nasty subject has been very informative. It's not something that gets discussed much, at least not by men. From what I've read men and women look at cheating differently, men take it as an assault on their manhood. I would say this is the worst thing a wife could do to her husband.
    I agree with much of what you wrote, the one thing I disagree with you most on this subject is having a paternity test. What would I do if the child turned out to be fathered by another man. I certainly couldn't turn my back on that child. I guess I just don't see a positive in having this information. Although the other man may by law have custody rights if he found out that he was the father. Ugh, this is to depressing to talk about can we get back to talking about how to keep our wife happy?

  2. wonkawilly says:

    A man should not forgive a cheating woman.
    Leave her.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    Stephen – The paternity test thing is complicated. It's absolutely required in some circumstances, but not in others. Hence me hedging my bets with the word "possibly".

    And yeah I hate this topic too.

    Wonkawilly – Half your net worth, not seeing your kids, maybe she forgave you once, maybe you realize you've spent the last five years ignoring her. It's not always that easy.

  4. Assanova says:

    You guys should read Womens Infidelity (and the sequel WI2). Great book about how to deal with a cheating woman.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    If the first book works… why does there need to be a sqeuel?

    And $135 on Amazon? Eek.

  6. Anonymous says:

    > You guys should read Womens Infidelity (and the sequel WI2). Great book about how to deal with a cheating woman.

    There are free copies floating around on Al Gore's internet… speaking of whom is rather topical to the subject matter.

  7. Athol Kay says:

    I'll look for it.

  8. Stephen says:

    Doesn't sound like they did Al Gore any good. I see him and Tipper are calling it quits.
    That Talk About Marriage website is a depressing place. Everyone contemplating marriage should read a few of those posts. Quite sobering.

  9. Athol Kay says:

    Well there is an element of learning about marriage at the Talk About Marriage boards akin to learning about driving a car based on working at an ER. Plus you only hear one side of the story… so grains of salt as well. Even so, there are things to learn there.

  10. Stephen says:

    Speaking of one side to the story…. it seems like all the women who usually comment have all disappeared. I for one would like to hear their comments. It doesn't matter to me if they comment on cheating women or men. I would like to hear what their opinions are.

  11. Athol Kay says:

    These are harsh topics. It's kind of cold to read comments from PUA types that clearly slut shame with "dump the bitch" type comments.

  12. I found the thread. It's heart rending.

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