I have a long multi point reader question that I’ve been neglecting in my inbox for a couple days, here goes…
Hi Athol, I write from India and have been reading your blog for long. I stumbled upon game from MRA (Bernard Chapin) via Roissy in DC. Your views make a lot of sense and there has always been game in all cultures, including mine. However, one aspect while marriages are becoming difficult in all cultures/countries are also due to certain factors –
1)The modern economy — Most of us can only be Beta/Omega. Only a very very few of us can be truly Alpha. Most of us will be wage slaves for the rest of our lives.
Yes and no. The social groups are indeed much larger than they were in the past. Back in the Time Before Writing a tribal group topped out around 150 people. So about 75 of the group would be male, about half the males would be children, about half the others somehow sick or wounded in some way. So to be the top dog in the The Before Writing, you just had to be the best of about 15-20 adult males. That was still hard, but nothing compared to needing to be a one in a million guy these days.
The trick is to look around and see the real social group that you are part of. You may well operate in a smaller social group than you realize. Once you ignore the movie stars and look around at your actual real competition you may not be as bad off as you think. You just have to be hotter than the guys in the cubicles around you. Which may be just a case of heading to the gym rather than drinking beer.
I hear you on the wage slave thing. Try hard to break out of that if at all possible. That’s not even a Game thing, just commonsense, though I agree it’s a tough assignment to get done.
2)Most modern jobs, including in my country, are no more till you retire. Rather they are short-term contractual. For many people, it is better to give their daughters in marriage to persons who are employed in the public sector rather than private sector, even if he is an IT engineer.
And this is the modern reality. Obviously the giving daughters in marriage deal is a huge cultural difference that I’ll simply acknowledge, but the solution is just education and marketable skills that continue being useful into the future.
3)These jobs in the private sector involve becoming a worker bee. Its very difficult to play game or whatever when you work for 10 hours every day, take shit from your boss who is always alpha as he is always right.
This is where you have to work hard to try and divide the work and home lives as best you can. Ultimately continuing to provide a solid income to your family isn’t an exciting Alpha skill, but it is a solid Beta one. You do need it. I’m sure you’ll agree that income is better than no income in a wife’s opinion of you.
It’s a constant struggle to both be appropriate and a team player at work, and yet be a family leader and engaging lover at home. It does take effort. Sometimes something has to give.
4)If women complain that we do not understand them, then I ask do they understand us? Do they know what it means to be a drone? Take crap in the workplace and then take crap at home. Do they have any idea on what it means to be a man?
I think many women do understand the drone thing, especially if they have a job as well. Both my wife and I work full time and sometimes it’s all just a scheduling battle and a rush to get it all done. It’s important not to “take crap at home” though. If nothing else I’d suggest taking charge of that aspect of your life. Importantly it’s an attitude of “I’ve decided that we will not crap on each other”, then it’s moving ahead together as team in your marriage. Sometimes your team will win, sometimes it will lose, but you win and lose as a team. You just play the role of team Captain.
5)Women often complain that men are unexiting. Many of us are not. But after working long hours most of us are not exactly geared up for fun. There’s a lot I could keep on writing but I guess that both men and women have to understand this — You can’t have it all. This media-fed lie that you can have it all, for both sexes.
I think if you end up watching passive entertainment as a way of life, you do become quite boring. I think the solution is to find something you can be passionate about, that you can draw her into or at least have her appreciate that you are good at it. That can really be anything that you enjoy and are good at. It’s really a peacocking skill. Finding your fun passion may not be something that you can quit your day job for, but it will energize your life.
I agree that you can’t have it all like the media sells it. That’s why you decide on something that you do want, that you are passionate about and you focus on that.
The impermanence of everything (this is a Buddhist idea) or the notion that fruits of one’s labour are not in our hands. We have to work in a detached manner. I think inner game is the best game. A lot of Americans think and a lot of modernity is based on the notion that everything is in our hands. No it is not. This goes for both sexes. We can only act, but their fruits are not in our hand. Normal men and women should have no problem in pairing up and having children. May be, there is something more deeper here, which prevents people from pairing up. Life is absurd, men realise it, I just want to ask you, do women understand this also?
I think there is an element of luck in everything, but your own hard work is the only influence on your outcomes that you can control.
It is a strange time for mating and relationships in the human race. I believe we are just at the opening phase of the social upheavals caused by the creation of the mass availability of birth control technology. We are about 50 years into a process that will probably take 150-200 years to actually balance out as a generally hopeful estimate.
Not all men see the reality of modern life and I think at least some women do understand life is crazy. There are isolated islands of sanity, love and happiness that can be found and worked for. It is remarkably helpful and good to marry a wife that shares that viewpoint.
There really are too many things a man could do to be sexy and attractive. In the end I think you just have to focus on something that you can pull off well and live that life.