OMG I Broke My Penis?!

I’m taking a short break for about a week, or two or not sure how long. Oh not the blog, I mean sex. Yeah I know, WTF is going on… most of you probably just started dialing 911 for me. Thanks, I appreciate it.
The story goes like this…
I’m particularly frisky last night and generally start lightly mauling Jennifer and generally don’t let up until she’s shuddering to her finish and doing her best attempt at shredding the pillows. You’re welcome baby.
Then I flip her onto her stomach and pounce on her from behind. I love the depth of this position, her ass is divine and she’s perfectly tight on me this way. So I just start cockslamming her hard enough to make a light slapping sound as I ram her.
Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, “POP”.
?!?!
WTF!??!
No pain. No swelling. No bruising. No loss of hard on. Just a very audible obvious “pop” sound from the base of my cock.
So um…
Hmmm…
Okay…
Slap.
Slap, slap.
Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, Slap, Slap, Slap, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP… SLAP!…SLAP! OMGLASERBEAMSPEWPEWPEWPEWSQUIRT!
And breathe.
So anyway this morning I feel fine, so I spring out of bed and jump on the rowing machine. I feel good, then slowly get a weird sense of something not entirely right down below. The feeling of not entirely right continues during the day. Again, no pain, no swelling, no bruising, no bleeding. It’s not really an emergency.
And then I realize I have no clue whether or not any of it works still. Okay, so go. Penis, go. UP. Up up and away penis. Now. Deploy. Extend. Go go penis. Le pénis deviennent svp grand et dur tout de suite. Imagínese dos polluelos el aspirar en usted. HERAUF!
Shit.
Call the doctor and say I want a Urology referral. Doctor agrees I need one over the phone. Insurance demands I spend their money and actually see the doctor to get a referral. Three hours of wasted day later I have a urology referral. Trek across town to Urology. Please please please can I be seen today.
No pain, no swelling, no bruising, no bleeding, so Wednesday. Soon as I said I could pee I turned into a second class citizen. There’s like two old guys in the waiting room that can’t even pee, so I guess I can see the pecking order here. What a dull speciality lol. Bleh. Back home.
Ok by now I’m feeling a little pain. But I can’t tell whether it’s actual pain, or just the block and tackle is getting anxious for being in the limelight of my thoughts all day.
Ok ok ok, so I’m freaking out. Game over man, game over. But I have to know if Little Athol Goliath can still play a little one on one….. oh Jennifer…
…one very gentle, soft, delicate BJ later, everything appears fully functional. Phew. I still have a slight sense of oddness, but like always, no pain, swelling, bruising yada yada yada.
As far as I can tell I either cracked my Pubic Symphysis like you can crack your knuckles (I occasionally do crack my Sternum without trying, so I guess it’s possible), or I over stretched a penile suspensory ligament and cracked that the same way. I feel okay, just a little weird. Dug all over the Internet and seen quite a few “oh yeah I get that’s” on message boards etc. But still… weird.
So anyway… no sex for a little bit. Just going to rest it for a little bit and see where we go from there. Still probably visit the Urologist for a get out of jail free card for work should I need it and double check on it all. There’s only one problem… how the hell will I fall asleep? I need my little nightcap…
And OMG I hope no one ever finds out about this.

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Comments

  1. Lizz says:

    Athol, you're fine. My husband has cracked his penis before and never had any problems with it. He used to do it on purpose, exactly like you crack your knuckles. It's the same "pop" you describe.

    He said he did it to feel better, but some research showed that you can hurt yourself cracking your cock. So no more. But if you have pain, you should probably go to the urologist just in case. It's much easier to make sure you're okay rather than assume it and be wrong. Then you're out of commission for a long time (personal experience).

    My deepest sympathies to Jennifer ; )

  2. rosiewiklund says:

    Omg, that scared me half to death, and I don't even have a penis.

  3. Wicked Shawn says:

    Okay, a cock should never be compared to a digit, for then I can't help but picture it in the same size range. (your reference to cracking your knuckles) However, your reference to your sternum….bonus points!!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Some really good stuff on this site; this feminazi approves! I may send it to a few people.

    One question and I'm not being a smartass. Are your testosterone levels higher than the average 40 yr. old man; if you've ever had that checked?

    I'm just kind of…impressed.
    Great blog!

  5. lanabunz says:

    I agree with anonymous.. you do seem to have higher testosterone levels than my husband… heh. Anyways hope your penis is okay, I've never even heard of penis popping until today. Best of luck!

  6. Athol Kay says:

    I've never had my testosterone levels checked, so no clue on that count.

    The irony of the question is that I'm not really some sort of typically aggressive appearing high testosterone thug. I just really like fucking. At this point it's just kind of a routine and I have sex at night and then fall asleep.

    Sorry to scare you Rosie :-)

    Thanks Lizz, glad to hear another survivor story of cracking.

    Shawn – I appreciate the interest :-)

  7. Anonymous says:

    a
    you are indeed the game master! it's the old 'not feeling entirely right down there so i need a very gentle, soft, delicate BJ' ploy. very strong beta move. i'll be rockin' that action tonight.
    jd

  8. Susan Walsh says:

    Loved the closing line - I hope no one ever finds out about this. Considering you write under your real name, yikes. I'll certainly never tell. I hope all will be well with Le Penis soon.

  9. Badger says:

    Just found this post but the comments indicate how far we've gotten away from a normal understanding of maleness. You want to have sex every day, and because of that people ask if something's wrong with you?

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