The Number One Reason Husbands Don’t Get Blowjobs

Let’s see, you’re doing Alpha stuff, you’re doing Beta stuff, she’s smiling at you, you’re getting more sex and all is well. Well except for that little slightly uncomfortable scuffle thing that happens when you put your hand on the back of her head and try and direct it downwards. There’s a pulling back and twisting out thing she does with her head and a “not tonight”.
“Not tonight” of course implies that at some future “tonight” a blowjob will indeed be forth coming, but that night doesn’t seem to happen. There’s no excited “hey tonight” that she spontaneously voices in lip quivering breathless passion.
Let me tell you what the problem likely is….
… you gotta stand closer to the soap.
See you may think you smell just fine, but in the words of Fat Bastard “everybody loves their own aroma”. See her vagina doesn’t have a sense of smell, so as long as you don’t smell terrible all over she can lie back and think about shoe sales for the 2 minutes it takes for you to be done. (Yeah yeah I know, you only need two minutes because you’re “so intense”.)
But her nose does have a sense of smell and when its nuzzling into your crotch she’s going to get a heady whiff of whatever the hell has been happening down there. So two day old underwear with urine stains aren’t going to cut it. If you’re spent half the day getting hard  over the busty chick in the cubical next to you and there’s something approaching a pint of drying pre-cum swill in your pants that’s going to be bad too. If you have sweaty balls from either a very hot day, recent exercise or just bizarre genetic defect, that’s going to be bad too. Women have sensitive noses, far more sensitive than those of men. Faced with smells like these she’s just going to uncontrollably gag as soon as something goes in her mouth. They hate that.
Even if the last person you had sex with was her, if that’s not cleaned off with soap and water and is just left el naturale, within 24 hours your cock is going to smell like you have a fetish for barebacking cheap zombie hookers.
So there it is guys. Wash. Your. Cock.

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Comments

  1. BigDonDickDangler says:

    No shit dude…Hygeine is important across the globe.

    Being married must literally blow if your wife won't even suck your dick.

  2. Anonymous says:

    ALWAYS shower before one of those "something extra in mind" rendezvous! Put on a nice looking robe and strut into the room with your sexy man face on
    (works for me).

    And please trim the hedge; otherwise it's like licking a dog (no, not like that – you know what I mean)!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Athol, I really like your blog. You are one of the few that talk about game inside a LTR.

    In fact, I have a doubt about how to avoid betaization in some very common situations. I wonder if I could ask you the specific question. I know my doubt would be useful to other men, because this is a very common situation, and you can make a blog post out of it.

    Anyway, keep the good work.

  4. Krapulax says:

    I agree but I had a strange experience about this.
    My ex used to give me a lot of blowjobs at the beginning of our LTR but that later changed for the worse. She sometimes complained about my personal hygiene but I found that strange because I did not change my hygiene-related habits. So it was okay at first but now the same is not okay?
    With my new LTR I get more BJs than ever, and she says she likes my scent very much – even when it's stronger than usual and even when I myself sense that it smells a bit (after a workout, a hot day, whatever).

    I suspect when women complain about "hygiene problems" sometimes it's just a codeword for "I don't desire you that much (anymore)". It's an easy scapegoat for those women who want one.
    (notice I said 'sometimes')

    It seems to me that in the context of all sexual activities, BJs are the canary in the coalmine. If everything does not go well, women deny this to their man before denying anything else.
    A women who desires you very much won't complain about it even when she should.

    So if you ever hear a complaint of this kind, be sure to wash your cock but also take note that other problems might lurk in the background. Since sex and attraction is alpha territory, most probably you were not alpha enough recently. Up your game a bit.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I will tell you as a woman I have backed off from the proverbial BJ.
    Yes, washing yourself is key but the worst thing I find is that you guys get off to quick and there is nothing left for me. Or maybe I should be fair and say you don't have any energy left for me.

    There are plenty of one hit wonders, so if you cum you will not have any enthusiasm for my orgasm or anything else. Unfortunately I have been victim of my own great oral skills.

  6. Athol Kay says:

    @ Krapulax – well it can be a "I put up with it at first, but now I'm tiring of it thing". The BJ as the cranary in the coalmine is a nice obversation. If your current LTR likes your scent that is a HUGE positive on many levels. Means she is going to remain highly attracted to you for ever because on a genetic level you guys match up well.

    Anon – make it part of foreplay rather than the main event? You do have a legit gripe if he gets his and just rolls over…

  7. Athol Kay says:

    Oh earlier Anon – just email the question

  8. Krapulax says:

    I forgot to mention the most important thing :)
    If you encounter this complaint, wash your private parts _really_ well for a week. If it results in enthusiastic BJs your problem is solved. If the woman still hesitates you'll know there are other problems.

    Anonymous, what you describe is simple selfishness, not unexpected from western women. In a working LTR you sometimes do things without expecting immediate rewards because you know there will be times when things will be the other way around. Or even better, doing these things are their own reward.

    BJs are a different type of pleasure from intercourse and limiting them to be foreplay only is just plain wrong. Only women who have no love or respect whatsoever for their man would come up with such an idea.
    And I suspect that a man with even an ounce of alpha blood in his veins would have non of that BS. (Fitness tests, anyone?)

    I'm not a PUA but I had my share of the fun and my experience is that most women are more then willing to give BJs if the man acts alpha enough.
    Lots and lots of hesitation and reluctance originates from one problem: the woman is not sure if the man is of higher status than her (alpha enough). The proverbial "not now, I have a headache" is a variation of this. Also the "I want to *make love*, not fuck" and the "I don't do oral" or the "I'd do it if you'd wash it more thoroughly". They are a lot like fitness tests.
    Of course there are genuine cases for each of these statements but if you run into one, you'll probably recognise them.
    The problem is you HAVE to know if they are fitness tests or genuine problems, because if it's the former and you (foolishly) comply or back off then you can kiss your sexlife goodbye. (otoh if it's the latter you might want to run for the hills :)

  9. Anonymous says:

    I LOVE giving bj's to my hubby, just I wish I could make him cum in my mouth, THEN have sex with me! Unfortunately if I want laid, I have to limit it to foreplay. D: Anyways, the only thing that bothers me now is a new cream he uses for dry skin, completely smothers his natural yummy scent down there, now I hate the way he smells and avoid interaction. It's a Catch 22, either he has irritated dry skin, and smells really hawt OR nice skin and smells all weird and different. <3 your blog!

  10. Assanova says:

    And let's not forget to trim down those pubes…

  11. Stephen says:

    This is great! BJ's used as a litmus test. I wish we had these in chemistry in school, I'd probably have chosen a new career. What works for me is to shower before hand, but just scrub it with a wash cloth. Don't use any soap that way your scent is there without the nasties.

  12. the BJ queen says:

    The thing I find most repulsive about BJs is the taste/smell, so that's my biggest roadblock to giving them. So I have a deal with my husband: If you wash yourself up good before bed, you'll get a BJ when you get in. It's a win-win because he likes the feeling and I like the clean.

  13. Athol Kay says:

    Always glad to have approval from the Royal Family.

  14. Amanda says:

    Just a side note: While I personally love going down on my fiance and love his smell, there is an issue that some of my friends have talked about: BJs can HURT if you have any inclination towards lockjaw. One of my friends can go down on a guy for maybe five minutes tops before her jaw starts hurting and locking. I'm not exactly sure what the sensation feels like, since I don't have that problem, but it IS a reason that some women don't give blowjobs, and it's a reason that does not reflect on her appreciation of her partner.

  15. Robertson says:

    My wife frequently gives me BJs, both as foreplay and occasionally as the main course. she doesn't, however, swallow, or even let me come in her mouth. If I do, she takes her mouth off of it right away in the middle of my cumming, which is not so good. It was definitely my bad to begin with, as I was considerate about that the first time, but I wonder if it's not too late to make a change. Any thoughts?

    Just as an aside, Athol, I did get the book, and things have been very good. Things weren't bad to begin with, but they're better now, so thanks.

  16. Athol Kay says:

    Robertson – talk to her about it. A two second warning is also polite.

  17. Robertson says:

    When do you think it should be brought up, at the start of the act, or when we're not sexually involved? I admit, it's something that I've always felt might have been different had I just done it the first time. She's slightly submissive during, but is not so comfortable talking about it, and I've never quite figured out how to explore things that way. I also always worried that after six years, it would be out of the blue and not welcome.

    I've been very sucessful the last month or two following your advice, and it's seemed to work very well step by step.( I mean really well… I've been bulking up a bit and she's noticed, even saying that she needed to start to keep up with me). I understand about destabilizing, but I don't know how to proceed if she was truly grossed out by the thought.

  18. Athol Kay says:

    I would talk about it outside of sex. Just say that it's something you would like. Let her know that you don't expect her to do something she hates, just ask for her to try. Tell her your orgasm is ruined if she pulls off as you cum, so it's either switch to handjob at the two second mark, or don't stop.

    Do not trick her with by screwed up the warning and cumming in her mouth.

    Pull her hair a little in the 10-15 seconds to go mark.

  19. Robertson says:

    Sounds like a plan, thanks. I'll let you know how it goes.

  20. Anonymous says:

    My fianceé likes my smell, even when it is stronger, like Krapulax said. And I shave my balls, so she is free to lick it.
    She likes it, and I´m happy, hehe.

  21. Anonymous says:

    The key is finding a woman who enjoys giving head and who is compatible with your smell/taste.

    Some women don't enjoy giving head but will do it, especially in the beginning, to "get the guy."

    Then you wonder why it stops happening so frequently over time.

    btw, a blowjob isn't a blowjob if it's part of foreplay.

    When I'm in a relationship, I expect to go down on my woman a lot because I enjoy it. Simiarly, I expect whoever I am dating enjoys going down on me a lot.

    There's nothing worse than an unenthusiastic blowjob, you know, like when it's an obvious chore.

    I'd seriously rather jerk myself off than have a chore blowjob.

    Hygiene goes without saying.

  22. Anonymous says:

    I've always wondered why I love the scent of my husband down there. Biology…The best week for me to give him head is while I am on the rag… I'm cranky and he approaches it with "hey baby, I know exactly what you need" and it's like a code for me to tone down the bitch factor. I should mention that he walks up behind me and grabs a handful of my hair while he growls that in my ear…. Women respond to dominance, despite our protests otherwise… Btw I'm 45 and he's 53, second marriage for both of us.

  23. Chakotay says:

    I’m totally flabbergasted. Or I guess I should say ‘blown away’ (pun VERY intended) by the comments to this post. I know I’m responding to a discussion that has been silent for almost a year, and that no one will probably even SEE this comment, but I had to comment anyway. I’m reading these comments with a mix of emotions running from amazement (“Wait, you mean there are wives that give blowjobs?!?! And some of them even LIKE IT??!!??”) to to confusion (“But, but my wife says no wives do ‘that’, because that’s just ‘nasty’!”) to horror (“OMG, am I really the only one who’s NOT getting BJs?!!!?”) to outright laughter (mostly at myself).
    We’ve been married 18 years, together for over 20, and despite repeated requests, She has never (NEVER!) given me a BJ to the point of orgasm. I can count on one hand the number of times she’s performed ‘foreplay’ oral on me. (And the ‘foreplay’ stuff wasn’t even very good, but I guess that’s to be expected, considering how little practice she’s had.) And before someone asks, yes, I love doing oral on her, and she loves it when I do….when she’s in the right mood and every planet in the Milky Way is properly aligned, that is. She’s “just not as sexually obsessed” as apparently I am (her words), but that’s a discussion for another post… (I know – I should be the Beta-Boy poster model…)

  24. Derby Less Male says:

    Horse shit. The REASON why lady’s stop giving head after marriage is- they think it is sub subservient. All other excuses amount to about 1% of the poor shlubs not getting some derby from their wives. The great blow jobs- sometimes after a sporting event, a hike in the woods, or a hundred different times you were stinky smelly all happened because SHE WANTED TO GET MARRIED. Got it ? Remember those days ? A 6 pack and a CD was all that was needed for a toe twisting crunching blow job. Now you build them a house and work like an Army mule for them and blow jobs are out of the question. I have NEWS for all the married ladies out there. After a not so specific amount of time begging, we get our hummers elsewhere. “Not my hubby, he would never” ROFL—oh my the denial. Broken vows ? We were sold a bill of goods when we got those amazing hummers before marriage then shut off after the walk down the aisle. Heed my warning unmarried men getting skull 3 times a week. Best get it in writing or swear her to BJ promise land or join the Club.

  25. The Rounder says:

    @Derby:
    Nailed it.

    Hygiene is important, no one’s denying that, but on itself is just another shitty excuse (and I’d argue: a fitness test). Not much different than ‘headache’ being an excuse for no sex at all.

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