What To Do When There’s Another Man In The Picture

We’ve covered Fitness Tests and Female Boredom and how that all ties into Dopamine. Recapping quickly… many women are attracted to dominant men and gain active enjoyment in the form of feeling excited when they are reacting to such a man. The hormone that acts as a reward mechanism for this is Dopamine. Lacking the stimulus they want women feel bored and to solve that problem they can consciously or more frequently unconsciously force an issue towards potential confrontation by creating a Fitness Test for their man to pass and thereby assert dominance over her.
Men pass Fitness Tests best by generally not reacting to them over much. The tactics of reframing the test so that it seems silly, responding with humor, responding with boyish sexual interest or plain old just saying “no” work very well. (Remembering of course that simply her asking you to do something isn’t always a test. It’s a test essentially when she is asking you to allow her to treat you badly, or have her gain something at your expense.)
Basically by not feeding into the test and reacting to her, the male retains the locus of control in the relationship and the female despite the initial upset at being denied her request does ultimately respond with attraction to the display of dominance. (And again – not all women are submissive, not all men are dominant, your mileage may vary, yada yada yada.)
However there is one particular set of circumstances where the man really does have to react very directly when his woman starts acting out on him and ignoring or trying to reframe her behavior will backfire. That’s when another man is starting to enter the picture.
And yes – if another man is gaining traction on a wife, it’s pretty likely that the husband is screwing up somewhere on either the Alpha or Beta Traits. Maybe both. Usually women who get a decent helping of both traits from one guy that is sexing them up right will stick around very faithfully to him. But if you’re in the middle of a triangle you have to know what to do for the immediate problem – the other man.
I’m also not just talking about some guy hitting on her in passing, or flirting or whatever incidental. That you just celebrate with a smile. No worries there, that’s normal, she’s a hottie. I’m talking about too many phone calls, chatrooms, world of texting, sneaky lunches kinda sorta and a funny feeling in your stomach.
Firstly you cannot view this as a Fitness Test and play it cool. If you lay back off her and generally show that you are unconcerned and take a view that you’ll just display higher value, that just gives her more room to interact with the other guy. The classic line given by cheating partners early on is a request for “space”. So if you give her “space” per her request, her “alone time” quickly turns into a beeline to the other man. Any time you hear a request for “space” you need to immediately figure out if you’re a clingy on her, or if she is up to something. Either way, it’s bad.
Now sex with the new guy may or may not be happening. She might just be hanging out, many intense relationships outside of marriage can go months or even years before turning sexual. Some never turn sexual but can damage just the same. The energy that could have gone into the marriage relationship gets diverted and lost into another one. Emotional affairs can end a marriage just as a physical affair can.
The trouble is if you back off, she gets a lot of excitement and stimulus from the other man. So she gets her addictive Dopamine fix from him, rather than you. So this is how a few harmless little meetings can snowball into a full fledged crush and obsessive thinking over another man, despite being married to you. So the solution is that the relationship with the other man needs to be interrupted as best you can. The longer you let it go on, the worse things get. You have to actively fight for her.
Now obviously back in the Time Before Writing the textbook method of dealing with another man interested in your woman and not responding to aggressive eye contact would have been a spear tip shoved repeatedly into the squishy bits of his body. Or using an early ninjitsu technique and while he slept smashing his head in with a rock. This still retains some appeal today, but generally results in extended jail terms so I advise firmly against it. Plus while you’re inside, your wife divorces you and hooks up with someone else. Thus negating the entire point of the idea of putting Mr Loverboy in a burlap sack and playing Home Run Derby.
Likewise if you use violence on her… say coming home unexpectedly early and yanking hard on her arm to pull her off the top of him… you will also likely go to jail or after all the dust settles probably end up in a lifestyle where jail would offer better food and medical benefits. So violence, despite its natural appeal, is a poor solution for the modern man.
But as I say, you have to actively fight for her. Basically whoever brings the overall strongest male position to bear generally carries the day. And yes I know… “strongest male position” is a loose term… I’ll explain more tomorrow.
And for the record, much of this applies the same for when a husband is starting to get hooked into another woman. Though as I’ve said before, the ladies are welcome, but I’m writing to the guys.


  1. Anonymous says:

    "Emotional affairs can end a marriage just as a physical affair can."

    So damn true! This doesn't get talked about enough; it's not always about sex. Much to my shame, I had a 2-year emotional affair, with a gay man – how lame is that (I am female)? And yes, it almost ended our marriage.

    Now, I think about it and just wondered where my head was (up my ass!).

  2. Athol Kay says:

    Well what happens is you get chemically addicted to the relationship by your own biology. After it's all ended and the Dopamine et al stops, your love interest just looks so much less than you thought they were.

    Glad to hear you pulled through together.

  3. Deansdale says:

    You have to be more exiting than the other man.

    How about a surprise vacation/holiday trip for a week or more?
    That way you cut the ties between your wife and the other man for a time (insist on no net and no phones if you have to, or go to a place where these are hard to access) and also you have a chance to recapture your wife's attention, so to speak. A trip to an island or some other exciting place will boost your game immensely. You can give her excitement again even if the marriage became a bit boring. (dopamine…)

    Yeah, in the current economic situation it can be hard to get the money needed but I think a marriage is worth it. Also if you don't do sthg you can easily end up in a divorce which will cost you waaaaay more.

    If you think your wife would not like the idea of the trip (or the spending), you could arrange things without her knowing – let the vacation be a real surprise. Be alpha about it. Decide and act without asking for approval.
    "Honey, forget your appointments, we're going to Hawaii next wednesday."

    Even if a vacation is not a permanent solution to the problem in question, it could help a lot. It gives you time to figure things out. It gives you time to "out-alpha" the other guy without actually having to compete with him or having to be aggressive towards anyone.
    I'd seriously suggest reading some (PUA) material on attraction though. The whole vacation thing will amount to nothing if you don't show some alpha skills. You have to seduce your wife again. And again :)

    ps. If you have children, leave them at grandparents.

  4. Deansdale says:

    typo :)

  5. Athol Kay says:

    She'll absolutely baulk at the combo of "no phones" + "kids at grandparents".

    Overall it's not a bad idea, specially if you have been kinda boring with her, but if he's hooked in to another guy a week simply isn't going to be enough.

    It's a fabulous idea if things are going fairly well between you and you just want to inject fun into the relationship. I think it's prevention rather than cure.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Such bullshit that men have to do shit like this.

  7. Athol Kay says:

    It's just sexual selection at work. It's well within the normal range of human sexual behavior.

  8. Stephen says:

    To anonymous
    Get used to it man! If you find a woman you want to stick with you the rest of your life your going to have to jump through a few hoops! If you don't like it, make sure you take care of your hands! They'll be providing the closest thing to sex you'll get.
    Like AK says its just a part of nature, women don't control these feeling it's part of who they are. It's part of a system that has made mankind flourish on this planet.
    My advice to you is don't go along with this game. That will leave more women for me!

  9. Assanova says:

    I was thinking about writing a similar article until you beat me to the punch. I agree, when another man enters the picture, now is not the time to be calm and collected. It's time to draw the line in the sand and claim what is yours.

  10. Anonymous says:

    "Likewise if you use violence on her… say coming home unexpectedly early and yanking hard on her arm to pull her off the top of him… you will also likely go to jail"

    What do you think about useing violence in a nation, where ordinary guy with no criminal record would not go to jail for non-armed assault or two?

    Here where I live, you can beat anyone once without fear of jail. If you make only bruises, there is no way you go to jail and even if you happen to broke bones or use knife, you still have about 60% chance of not getting jailtime.

    There is no way my wife or the other guy would evade getting their asses kicked if I ever found my wife is cheating me…

  11. Athol Kay says:

    I think if you have to resort to violence it displays that you have to resort to violence. Which is to say that you have low value.

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