Constantly Whacking Off To Porn Isn’t An Alpha Male Skill….

Imagine for a moment you find yourself watching a highly attractive woman. Not only that but she is hot to trot. She’s dressed in a way that leaves her intentions explicitly clear. She’s throwing off indications of interest everywhere. Lots of make up, slutty heels and an obvious thong. There’s no question she’s simply lining up a winner to fuck her senseless.
When it happens, it happens quickly. Suddenly there’s this guy and he’s just on her and she’s open mouthed in raw desire. He just starts stripping her clothes off and pulls her head down to his cock and she obediently sucks it in and bobs her head on it.
All this happens right in front of you.
Then he pulls her over to the couch and sits on it and she climbs on top of him. With him deep inside her, she leans forward and brushes her left breast across his hungry mouth and arches her back and moans. She sits straighter and starts bouncing in a steady rhythm on his cock. Then she flips her long hair and turns and looks back. She gazes straight into you eyes and holds it for a languishing moment but never stops bucking on him.
They mix up positions for a while before he pins her down hard on the couch and finishes inside her. He leaves her on the couch spread open, slick with readiness and hungry for a second helping. Excited beyond belief from your own hand and everything you have seen you know you will only last a few moments inside her, but you must finish somehow.
And as she fades to black your cum fires in pulsing arcs into empty air.
Now obviously what I’ve just described is a pretty vanilla porn scene (actually it was much longer and more graphic but Jennifer cut the good bits out sorry). I purposely wrote it to confuse the reader a little as to whether they were reading about a guy watching porn, or whether an actual scene was playing out right in front of him. The point is, on some deep level your own brain is fooled by porn into thinking that you are really seeing something happening right in front of you. That’s why you get turned on.
It’s the same thing as when I talk to my parents in New Zealand on Skype. It’s like my parents are “really there” as far as my brain can tell. I have emotional reactions to seeing my parents in a video call. Logically I know that they are in fact 10,000 miles away, but there is something so much stronger about seeing them on video rather than simply hearing them on the phone.
So coming to the point… and there is one…
When you watch porn by yourself, on some subtle level you experience it as a failure to be selected for sex. Sex is happening “right in front of you” by a attractive available female, but she doesn’t choose you to have sex with. She does it with her co-star. So on a subtle level you lose. He’s the Alpha, you’re the Beta pumping your own cock.
The Time Before Writing programmed back up plan for situations like this is pretty simple. You beat him with a pointed stick before he gets his sperm into her. However, this is on TV and you can’t actually hit him. So he wins Alpha by default and you get the Beta status by default as well.
The next best Time Before Writing plan is also pretty simple. As soon as humanly possible after another male dumps his sperm inside your female, you have sex with her hard and fast yourself. The human penis actually works like a suction device when it moves in and out of a vagina and will in fact suck semen out of the vagina. The sooner you do it the better chances you have of your sperm reaching her eggs. Except she’s not really there, so again you can’t make a play for the female.
Now bear in mind that I do get on a logical rational level that we know we’re just watching a movie. However on a non rational level our body responds as it’s been programmed to respond to an attractive available female. And on that non rational level, it’s like you get slapped down hard as a weak Beta Male.
Watching some porn is fine. It’s like having a drink once in a while. No biggie, relax, enjoy it. Porn like alcohol is only a problem, when it becomes a problem. But if you get into a constant cycle of porn as one of your main sexual outlets, I think that can start to add up in influencing your mindset more heavily into a far less Alpha and increasingly Beta (or even Omega) Male mindset and social expectation. After watching someone else bang the girl a few hundred times, what does that do to your ability to frame things effectively?
Porn can also work as the crutch propping up your end of a sexless or low sex marriage. At some point if you’re going to move on and fix the problem between you and your wife, you’re going to have to kick the crutch out from under you and learn to stand on your own two feet again. If you’re always whacking off to porn, you’ll never have the motivation to rock her world, nor the ability anyway if you’re drained and limp.
Not to mention the legion of women that complain their husband won’t have sex with them because he’s hooked on porn and always scurrying off to the den at 1am for Barely Legal Asian Anal Cum Dumpsters In The Hood Booty VII. (Scene three rocks!)
I’m not saying never watch it. I’m not saying that it is immoral, though I understand that some readers will think that it is. For some low sex desire people porn is a great aid at triggering increased arousal and general sexual interest even. I’m just asking how is it working out for you? Is it increasing your sexiness and attractiveness, or is it subtly sapping it?
Further Reading from Psychology Today  Was The Cowardly Lion Just Masturbating Too Much?   Hat Tip EntropyPUA
Also I think watching porn with a partner is different than watching alone. You do get a little more worked up, but you also get to work it out on someone as well. And lets face it, with a partner is generally all round better than masturbation anyway.
Like I said, I’m not telling you what to do on this one. I’m just asking the question, how is it working for you?

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Doh! Caught

  2. Krapulax says:

    Freakin' trolls everywhere…

    I found out that everything in life comes in waves. Sometimes I don't watch porn for weeks or even months, then I can't think about anything else for days. And it doesn't matter if I have an LTR at the time.
    Thing is, no matter how good your LTR is, there are always desires which she can't/won't fulfill. (It's the same vica versa and it's nobody's "fault".) Maybe you'd like her to talk dirty but she doesn't want to. Probably you'd love more BJs than she gives :) Whatever, you get the point.
    So no matter how good a sexlife you have, some tension builds up over time. And that can be alleviated with porn. The other options are infidelity or lifelong "suffering", so I reckon porn is the best choice.
    And you don't have to be apologetic about it. My LTR does not like me watching porn very much but I told her beforehand that this is the way I am – if she wants me, accept me "as is".

  3. Athol Kay says:

    Krapulax refers to the troll above him and late the Anon at the top… gotta love the delete button. :-)

    Oh I agree porn is a better option that cheating etc, but I'm just saying there's a difference between say "having a couple drinks" and "being a drunk".

    Like I say, it's not a problem… until it becomes a problem.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Athol, it would be interesting to get your views on women who enjoy watching porn, with or without partner; women like me! There, I feel like a slut pants just admitting that. I use porn simply as a physical release, as my husband has usually had a lower sex drive, and cheating is unthinkable to me. Porn has also helped me improve my techniques so I can get lucky at home more often. A big thanks to all the hardworking porn actors/actresses out there and a special big kiss to my favorite porn boy, Jean Val Jean! Of course, porn, like liquor, should only be enjoyed in moderation.

    I read your columns about horny men trying to get more and better sex from their wives and I truly feel their pain. Same situation here, except genders reversed.

  5. Athol Kay says:

    Hi Slut Pants. No clue in particular how it effects women, just making the observation that excessive use seems to turn guys into weaker versions of themselves.

  6. Krapulax says:

    Watching porn doesn't make you a slut. I'm sure most men wouldn't mind, especially if he can enjoy the benefits :)

  7. mnl says:

    So Athol, was that a picture of your wife there at the top of the post? Trying to lure you from the day's blogging?

    I like this post. It's a refreshing, non-moralistic approach to the less obvious consequences of porn. Yet one other downside is the simple impact it can have on one's wife/girlfriend if/when she finds your porn stash. Yea, one can always say "that's her problem" or even tell her beforehand that "this is the way I am." …And if porn is important to you, then that's the best attitude to take. It will weed-out the women who are incompatible with it.

    But the thing is… many women over the age of 30 or so and who didn't grow up in a culture of ubiquitous iporn find a man's interest in porn very hard to understand. Similar to the lingerie post you authored a while ago, Athol, women just can't relate to how that would be desirable to a man. (Heck, most women sadly fail to fathom how sex in general is so important to men!)

    Such women can't separate the impersonal fantasy/escape aspect of porn and instead take porn very personally. They're destabilized and threatened by it. I've often wondered (from an evo psych perspective) why this is. Perhaps porn sub-communicates that they (the wife) is easily replaceable and abandoned? Does porn (and its display of ever-perky T&A) undermine the normal-sized woman's body image? Does it remind a women of her shorter sexual "shelf life"?

    In any event, a wife who feels less confident in her body image or who feels an impermanence in her man is one who is less likely to put-out. She won't risk sex with that man. If she's not feeling protected and secure, those inner thighs will clamp shut so tight that a crowbar can't pry them open. Moreover, other coincident attempts of yours to display your "inner alpha" may actually back-fire and reinforce a woman's insecurity with your porn.

    This is a long-winded comment but the TL;DR summary is: porn not only fails as a DHV, it can become an innadvertent cock-block. Be careful out there.

  8. what the what says:

    My wife and I have had sexless periods in our relationship and I suspect that I used porn as a way of getting off without dealing with what was becoming an increasingly major issue in the relationship.

    However I've since realised that she likes watching porn with me. I'll choose something suitable and she loves it. It's improved our sex life no end.

  9. Athol Kay says:

    @ MNL – no Jennifer is far more petite that that. She's like Lexi Belle if you need a comparsion model, though fast foward the clock to a very well aged 37 version.

    I'm not exactly sure why women flip out at porn from an evo-psych perspective. It may just be a mate guarding reaction – he's aroused and turned on at something other than her, so she unleashes an emotional cock blocking fit on him.

    I actually think porn is far less damaging to female body image than the fashion industry. At least porn has decent sized women and the breast implant thing is just so silly when you see all the surgical scarring etc that it doesn't sell implants as well as a suddenly full sweater does.

    @ What The What – yes Jennifer and I watch porn together once in a while and it's quite different than watching alone.

  10. Krapulax says:

    Mnl, I never said it was a DHV. Most of what you say is true, but… It's a tricky question.
    What your woman will take from you and what she won't is a question of your dominance or sex rank.
    You can get away with things more easily if you're naturally dominant, and by that I don't mean you must be a "natural alpha", only that you have to have the confidence to act dominant in a way which she sees natural.
    It's oversimplification but it will probably make clear what I want to say: if you're a beta, talking about porn will cockblock you, but if you're an alpha she will accept it or even join in on the fun.

    Also it's very important to establish these "risky" things early on in the relationship when things are not yet set in stone. If she is interested in (and excited about) you than it's much more likely she'll accept you the way you are. If she thinks she got you figured out and she is comfortable with her image of you it's very hard to change that without emotional problems.
    Telling her you want to try anal is not the same if done on the third date or 5 years into the marriage…

  11. Athol Kay says:

    The most important thing with watching porn when married is to not have the "OH SHIT HERE SHE COMES, PRETEND I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ON EBAY" reaction.

    That's a total weakness display, why don't you act more like her prey lol.

  12. mnl says:

    @Krapulax… "Also it's very important to establish these 'risky' things early on in the relationship. …Telling her you want to try anal is not the same if done on the third date or 5 years into the marriage"

    Great point. And ditto a guy's alpha signals. It's much harder mid-way into a marriage for a woman to change her perception of her man as more alpha than it is to have set that perception and expectation from the get-go. It's not impossible to do it mid-way. Just more difficult.

    @Athol and "The most important thing…"

    Absolutely. Your response reminds me of an advice-seeker, some guy who wrote in (not to this blog here) to ask what he should do after his wife surprisedly found him whacking-off in the shower one day. The poor sap's advice question was, "How do I apologize and get her to not be mad at me". Good heavens! Man-up and grow a pair. A man should never need to apologize for his sexuality. Instead, he needs to ask the wife: Why the hell are you not taking care of my needs, abandoning me to take care of myself in the shower?!"

  13. Desert Cat says:

    AK, that does make sense regarding the subtle psychological position watching porn puts a man in.

    I wonder then, I find most straight-up fucking and sucking type porn to be boring beyond belief, and therefore don't watch much of it. I do very much enjoy watching women pleasure themselves however. What do you suppose the subliminal psychological programming would be for this genre?

  14. Athol Kay says:

    Desert Cat – probably because a turned on woman is acting like she is available to you and highly interested.

  15. Ian Ironwood says:

    OK, I know I'm late to the game on this, but I have to chime in. I work in porn. No, I'm not a big-dicked stud, I write porn reviews and web copy and catalog copy and such for a large vendor of adult entertainment and toys. No biggie. But I also get paid way too much to watch porn about 30 hours a week. Yes, I know, it's a dream job and no you can't have it.

    But my unique perspective has given me the insight that while watching porn might seem Beta, I think it is an essential component to male sexuality across the board. Sexual fantacizing and masturbation are fundamental elements of male sexuality and when used properly they can super-charge your Alpha without making you look like a dickhead.

    Sure, you can over do it. You can mistake fantasy for reality or develop an unhealthy fixation with just one kind or class of porn — or worse yet, one particular performer. But I feel that the right to watch porn and whack off is one of the few ways in which Men as a class have countered institutionalized Feminism, and considering our loss of dominance as wage-earners, it's only fair that we get to look at all the boobies we want.

  16. Candice says:

    MNL – I think the right reaction to finding your man aroused or helping himself out might be to say "May I help or would you prefer privacy?" :-) C

  17. Anonymous says:

    I, as a woman find no problem with my girlfriend watching porn. She however has a problem with me watching it, she wants me to be hers exclusively, but I like to find pleasure from lots of things/people. Being bi I never feel comfortable with one partner – as some of my sexual needs wouldn't be satisfied.

    I find no problem with my girlfriend watching porn – which she rarely does as she lives with me most of the time – it shows that I've been lacking recently in the bedroom department. So next time we have sex I ramp it up.

  18. geese says:

    This is the best article I have ever seen on the subject. Yes, when we lived like animals, we saw the Alpha male take the woman first. We took her second. So the Alpha in our species was aroused before sex even started. The less testosterone and self confidence you have the more you need to have a super stud male around to start the process. Weaker men and uglier women hung around waiting for the sex to finish. Men jumped on the popular female. Or if she was satisfied they would move onto the 2nd and 3rd level women nearby.

    This as you can see, gave women (or the queen of the group at least) enormous power. To take this power away, men and less popular women ganged up to ensure social pairing. Nowadays, many of us still tend towards these primative traits. That’s why porn is so successful. It is also why the people most against alternative lifestyles are averagish women who cling to social conventions to limit the powers of their more endowed sisters.

  19. L Something says:

    Dear Porn, it’s not you, it’s him.
    I don’t hate porn, in fact I used to like it, but it’s damaging my marriage’s sex life. My husband’s phone is full (& by full, I mean 40+) of images from porn sites. Spending time looking at other women, passcoding every device to hide your activity, sneaking off to masturbate and waste precious semen (yes it’s precious. Especially as we age) on an image that isn’t real….. That’s bad enough. However, that’s not how the damage is being done. Sex feels like he’s trying to create a reenactment. I feel like a prop. He wants me to wear certain things and do things, all of which are fine, but I don’t feel wanted when I do it. Even his ideas of pleasuring me come from porn. Sorry but slamming your cock in my face is ok to try but let’s be honest, Big tits on film is getting paid to act like she loves it, I’m not.
    Recently I submitted pics of myself anonymously to a page/site (I made sure my face & name were not known). Hubby was aware before I did it. I’m 37 and wanted to see if I still had it. He said he was ok with it. But, while he was busy looking at “Fat asses in fishnets” I was getting lots of feedback. Apparently I’m hot. Young 20 yr old men were sending me messages all day, every day. I was to them what the porn chicks are to my husband. I drank up the compliments like, well I don’t know like what, but I loved it. Then the jig was up. Hubby found out and was pissed. He was upset that I wore outfits and took pics for strangers when he has to ask me to do it. He got ugly. He went to the sites, posted insults under my pics and insulted me on social media sites that friends and family are on. It hurt to know that I had to fear being exposed by my own husband. I’m still scared he might. I get why he was/is upset. I get how it hurts. I tried explaining to him that strangers actually made me feel wanted. I wasn’t a fill in to a fantasy. I was the fantasy.
    He doesn’t get it and things don’t seem to be getting better. He still thinks his viewing porn is perfectly fine and that if I just wear more outfits and do more, our sex life will be better.
    Yikes! Sorry I pummeled your page.

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