How To Fall Back In Love Together

Time to play a little game with the wife…
You each get two pieces of paper and a pen. At the top of one piece of paper write, “if I was really really crazy in love with you, I would…”  On the top of the other write, “if you were really really crazy in love with me, I’d like you to…”
Then go ahead and fill out at least ten things on each paper without peeking at what the other is writing. You can take ten minutes, or an hour, or a day or however long you want to.
Then you compare each others lists. Comparing your “if I was in love with you I would…” list against her “if you were in love with me I’d like you to…” list and vice a versa.
The lists would be interesting in and of themselves, but you’re also looking for the sweet spot where the same thing turns up on both lists. Meaning if your “if I was crazy in love with you” list had buying flowers for her and her “if he was crazy in love with me I’d like him to” list had he would buy flowers for me, well you giving her flowers is a sweet spot.
Obviously you do those sweet spot items. That’s a no brainer. When you perform behaviors expressing feelings it tends to intensify those feelings. So giving flowers say not only expresses love, but it strengthens the feelings of love in the giver.
But also don’t neglect to do some of the other items as well. If say he likes giving flowers, but she is somewhat unexcited about getting them, he should still give them once in a while. The behavior of expressing romantic love will reinforce his feelings for her. It may seem to be a little fake for her to happily accept flowers and make a little fuss about them, but she should do so knowing that he’s expressing himself for her and his feelings are intensifying towards her.
Likewise if giving flowers is a total zero for him, but she loves them, he should give them to her once in a while. Receiving them would be be reinforcing of her feelings for him. And yes it is a little fake of him to give them, but it’s also saying that in effect he knows what she likes and cares enough to woo her.
With enough repetition of in love behavior, it’s very possible to rekindled lost feelings of love together. Yes it does take some effort and seems a little fake at first, but it’s really no different that those first few weeks of heading back to the gym to try and get back into shape. Feels weird, some times it hurts a little, but you just have to plow it though and the positive feelings will return.
It works because you are both sending and receiving messages of love in the way you are expecting to give and receive them. Sometimes the love has been there the whole time, but it’s just like you’ve been talking in different languages and never been hearing each other.
And of course everything above about buying flowers applies exactly the same for blowjobs.  Just sayin’.


  1. Meg at Demanding Joy says:

    I love the basic premise that if you tell me exactly what you want, I will give it to you and vice versa because I want you to be happy. That makes for a happy marriage!

  2. Great post. It really is important to be aware of the things that are important to your partner. My boyfriend likes to give gifts as tokens of love. I really don't care about gifts, but I care about his gifts because they are meaningful to him. He doesn't so much need verbal affirmation of love, but he enjoys saying "I love you" as many times as I need to hear it, and he appreciates it when I do the same.

    I'm a female reader and it surprises me that I often enjoy your blog because I don't care for most "game" writers. Many do not respect women, and only want to get in their pants. But what I appreciate about your blog is that you acknowledge the fact that relationships are about mutual respect and ongoing effort from both parties.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    Actually I have slightly more female readers than male readers. I kid you not.

    Thanks for the kind words though, much appreciated.

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