How To Get Your Wife To Wear Lingerie

Back in the day I had a problem with my darling wife. When ever I’d go buy some sort of lingerie item as a gift for her, she would always semi-grimace at it as she opened it up. Then later there would be some sort of modeling of the lingerie where she would looking uncomfortable but compliant and just wanting the ordeal over. It’s the same face I’ve seen patients make when you give them an enema. Um.. not hawt sweetheart, my bad. After that there would be sex, and then after that lingerie would be removed and stashed into a special drawer I came to think of as The Lingerie Vault.

Things go into The Lingerie Vault. Nothing comes out. It’s the Bermuda Triangle of silk.

So basically any lingerie purchase was a one time event. Suffice to say, I learned to stop buying her the stuff. Oh I’d try once every other year or so, but get that same self conscious face and indifferent response and another piece of silk slipped into The Lingerie Vault forever.

Now as I said yesterday, usually you just model the sexiness you seek from your partner and they usually follow along. Suffice to say I did not clomp around in dangerously sexy heels and a lace up teddy. Here’s what I did do.

I started paying better attention to her actual daily underwear. Both in terms of quality, does she need something replaced, trips to malls to buy new stuff, and in terms of playfully snooping into what she’s wearing today. Plus when things go through the laundry the bras and panties don’t just get tossed into the dryer, she’s got a special drying place for those, so I also ensure their safe transport to the designated drying location. Good bras are expensive and they lift up the goods the way I like. Respect. The whole point of this is that she gets more used to your attention surrounding underwear.

I started shopping online rather than going to a store for the more lingerie based items. The trick is to include her into the shopping experience. I might sort through half the store for stuff and bookmark 6-8 items. She might like a couple of them. If we then buy them together, she’s far more likely to wear them and more often.

I also look for slightly more racy items that can be used for everyday wear that are comfortable…. that are on sale. This is a patience game, but as an example Jennifer has some Playboy boy short panties that she loves and wears often. Plus they look good on her. They were like $10 for three on a closeout sale. It’s like fish in a barrel at those prices, she can’t say no lol. After that… well we’ve shopped at the Playboy store… what about this, or this or that?

Another thing about lingerie is that you have to honestly accept the state of her body. Some things work better than others. Get her input before you click “buy”. Most lingerie models have exceptional bodies and are photoshopped to heaven, so usually there’s a good percentage of a store’s offerings that basically has no basis in sales reality. That stuff is just for the catalog to give men something to masturbate to in the bathroom at your wife’s aunts house during Thanksgiving dinner if you are a lonely broken man..

Importantly, when she does wear lingerie to bed, you have to make it a good sexual experience for her. This is the night when you do it all a little harder, faster, rougher. You make sure she comes, ideally until she waves off having any more orgasms. You want to create the connection between her wearing lingerie and her getting sexed up right. You want a repeat customer.

Now if she ever comes on to you wearing lingerie… as in you’re playing computer games or whatever, and say she unprompted emerges from the bedroom wearing something fancy and says “hi”…. you absolutely MUST have sex with her and work her over good. This is basically the entire fucking point of the exercise, do not undo the whole thing and recharge The Lingerie Vault mandate forever.

Now this is the other critical point… When you are having lingerie night sex together at some point in the proceedings take the lingerie off her. Maybe not all of it, but some of it at least. The message here is that you are turned on by her, rather than fixated on the lingerie itself. So if she’s wearing say a cami and thigh high stockings and is doing the cowgirl on top of you, it’s easy to tell her to take the cami off and continue on that way after going to town on sucking her breasts. The stockings probably stay on unless she’s some sort of circus performer.

The idea is that you just get into a pattern of creating a positive sexual mindset related to buying and wearing both more generally sexy underwear and lingerie. It will probably take at least six months to fully alter the pattern from a negative into a positive one, but it can be done. At this point it’s more my need and interest than hers, so I tend to ask for lingerie night more than she thinks of it on her own. And by “ask” I mean I usually just text her a request during the night. “I want X and you pick a Y to go with it”.

Now having said all that, I do need to add a disclaimer. None of that worked.

… and that’s what we call a closing hook people,  I’ll continue the story tomorrow, stay tuned.


  1. Anonymous says

    Lingerie: it's difficult for many of us women to go there. You have no idea how many of us agonize over our imperfect bodies. All the compliments and enthusiasm from our men just can't erase that mental runway in our heads of the Victoria's Secret goddesses – Naomi, Heidi, Giselle!

    We know you're comparing and we come up woefully short.

  2. mnl says

    On this topic, I think it's less about what you DO and more about what you DON'T DO as a husband that gets your wife into lingerie. A husband is often his own worst enemy here. Just avoid a few simple things and the rest will flow naturally.

    After 20+ years of marriage to Mrs. MNL, I've learned that she–and I assume most wives are this way–never wants to feel as though she's merely an object. She likes it when you think she's sexy. But not if she's ONLY sexy or merely a sex toy. Bottom line: if your wife at all feels that your desire to see her in lingerie is really just your desire for the latest Victoria's Secret model (or that any female in lingerie would satisfy you) then, in her mind, the whole lingerie deal is off. It 'aint gonna happen. Or, if she does wear it, it will be done so reluctantly and under coercion–which takes away the fun for both of you.

    [As an aside, this is one of the downside consequences of the whole commercialization of sex–or, worse yet, her finding a porn stash on your computer. It reinforces a female's suspicions that sex with her is a commodity; that sex with her is exchangeable. …But I digress.]

    So, avoid coming across this way (or better yet, avoid truly thinking this way!) and you'll be 90% there in the lingerie department. Hint: When she does put it on, tell her not just how gorgeous she is in lingerie, but tell her specifically AND IN EXACTLY WHAT WAY she's gorgeous. Maybe it's the high-cut panties that flatter her hips and make her butt look perky. Maybe it's the spaghetti strap top that makes her shoulders look supple and golden. Use adjectives; tell how it makes you FEEL; don't just talk in generalities.

    Once you've established the above baseline, getting her to dress in lingerie comes down to simply asking/telling her to run into the other room and put something on. Just don't turn yourself into your own worst cock-block.

  3. Anonymous says

    Didn't WORK?! D:

    How about this:

    How do you get him to stop playing video games, or watching tv, when you are cooking in the kitchen all dressed up in a cute maid lingerie?

  4. Pol Mordreth says

    @ Anonymous 11:29:
    We know you're comparing and we come up woefully short.

    The problem here is, well, not usually. I wouldn't have married my wife if I didn't find her sexy as hell. Lingerie for me (and for most men I've talked to) is simply visual stimulation / fantasy fulfillment. It's a little naughty, a little dirty, and a partially clothed woman is generally much sexier than a nude woman. The imagination / memory fills in the rest.


  5. KK says



    Otherwise, Athol's exactly right: We feel objectified and like a porno chick. Neither of these is good.

    MNL above has a good point: Tell the wife what you like. "Wow, your ass looks hot. I need some of that." Perfect excuse to lose the panties, for instance.

    And another note for when you're shopping for lingerie: Don't suggest outfits with push-up/padded bras or some sort of 'hold the gut in' corseting. We get the pattern, okay? No woman wants to feel like you're using lingerie to get her up to an acceptable level of sexy.

  6. Stephen says

    I think telling her that you would like to see her in something sexy and sending her out to get it herself is the best approach. That way she can get what works for her. If you have a middle-aged wife that's had a couple of kids you know and more importantly she knows she can't pull off a look that works for a supermodel. As an example go in to the young men's wear area and try on some of what's popular with young guys, you'll see a wannabe middle-aged fool.
    If you've become more alpha because that's what she likes then she's helped create this monster so she should expect to go along with some of our desires.

  7. Space says

    "When you are having lingerie night sex together at some point in the proceedings take the lingerie off her."

    Nice post, but I will disagree on this. (Although it seems I'm in the minority.) I am one who loves to dress up in lingerie for my man, and I'm always telling my man to leave it on longer. I absolutely love that he's so wild about me that he wants to get direct access right away. But… when I spend that much time and effort selecting a sexy look, I'd like him to appreciate me in that look for a while, before he gets to appreciating me without clothes.

  8. Athol Kay says

    I don't think women realize just how crazy in love with them their men can be. Pol has it right.

    Agree with Stephen, specially about the creating the Alpha monster.

    Space – well you're pro wearing the lingerie in the first space, so we don't need to talk you into wearing it anyway :-D

  9. Anonymous says

    When you are opening the same package year after year, decade after decade, it's nice to have a new wrapper once in a while!

  10. Anonymous says

    well fudge – apparently I am a lonely, broken man. And my wife's idea of lingerie is made entirely of flannel.

  11. Anonymous says

    By getting another guy to dress up in lingerie. Unless he is upset at you and trying to avoid you completely, a man cannot turn that down. It is extremely difficult for a man to refuse this.

    I have ignored my wife a few times. It was mostly cause I was mad at her and did not want sympathy sex.

  12. Severine says

    I LOVE wearing lingerie for my scorpio man. I am a model, so it’s not an issue for me at all. It’s fun dressing up and trying new things. It keeps thing fresh and I know he appreciates it. Whatever your man wants, give it to him. Dressing up, staying fit, and giving head(& swallowing) are so important. You have to be really into it, because a half ass beej isn’ sexy. There is a lot of desperate, lonely, single women out there who will do the dirty stuff you won’t just for some attention. And they gives no fuck about him being married, engaged, ect. Also, let a man be a man. I’m very independent, tough, and headstrong in my daily life, but when it comes to bedroom I let him dominate the hell out of me.

  13. Aurelie says

    I am a big fan of lingerie myself (as a woman), but I also noticed that more and more men are trying to get into this to please their woman. Being that I am studying to get a master degree in marketing, I decided to get to know more about it. So if you are a man, you live in the USA, and you agree to take 5 little minutes of your time to help me with my master thesis, please answer that specially-designed-for-men survey:
    Thank you so much for your help!

  14. David Busi says

    I started with one outfit for her – a camisole and panty set. I placed it on her pillow and she put it on that night and we had great sex. That lingerie set became a flag. I would lay it on her pillow and if she did not put it on I would go sleep on the couch – she generally came to the couch to get me wearing the lingerie. I added to her wardrobe and kept being as subtle as a brick going through a window when I wanted her to wear that outfit laying it on her pillow. She eventually wore what I laid out for her when I laid it out. She was having a good time – I made certain of it. We set a schedule and she was enjoying herself. Not long afterwards she decided to abandon the schedule and dress for bed each night and she told me she would decide what she would wear. She was taking control over our sexual life and she said so. She liked what I purchased for her but she would decide what to wear. We make love each and every morning and I NEVER take off her lingerie – she would get upset with me if I even tried this. If she is wearing loose tap panties all the way to a panty girdle no problem – the ride gets shifted to one side no issue. We like chemises to long gowns all with panties, we like teddies and shapers – it all works. The only exception are cotton panties which she knows I won’t tolerate her wearing these so they get worn only during the days if at all. She has quite the wardrobe and she likes her collection and it makes for a very varied experience.

  15. John says

    David you are a lucky man. I routinely go to bed with a woman clad in a complete sweat suits. She dresses more like a guy than a woman. When she does dress she looks great! Unfortunately those times are few and far between. Her response usually revolves around her being cold. I constantly tell her to turn up the heat! It’s not as though we can’t go up a few degrees on the thermostat! She is rarely interested in sex. When I mentioned our lack of intimacy, she responded by wanting sex every night. She said “you want sex I’ll give you sex!” Obviously not very honest response! Before we got married she would really put some effort into how she looked. I guess this is what happens after 25 yrs. of marriage! Who would have thought!

  16. Joe says

    I’m in a dilemma what to do to get wife to be more sensual wear lingerie more silk n sexy things should I get her hypnotized or what??

  17. Malachi says

    Let me add something to this. I am a man and married now for 10 years. I’ve been with my wife for about 15 years now and she was never a very sexual active person. At least, that’s what I thought. I think I was not confident enough to show her how much I want and love her. Men want to be surprised, but hey it’s already a surprise if she would wear something sexy. Don’t be the guy who pretends to sleep in bed and wait for your wife to crawl under the blanket in sexy lingerie and start sucking your dick. If you want fun, you have to work on your relationship. It doesn’t mean that you offer something in return for wearing lingerie. Just work hard so that you have more time at night with your wife.
    I stopped playing computer games at night and washed dishes instead so my wife could take a bath before me. during the on weekends I take my daughter for long walks or play in the park so my wife can take a nap or do other things that she would usual do in the evening. This means that you both have more time for the fun things at night. Plus she can see that you are interested in working on your relationship with her and she is happy. I have had sex maybe once in 2 months and now I have sex 2 – 3 times a week. It’s nice and she started wearing thong panties without me asking her.
    I bought her some sexy lingerie (camisole, garter belt, stockings and matching thong panties) the other night. It was difficult for me to show and tell her that I bought them, so I told her that one of my friends bought them for us to have more fun. I just said that I bought a free size camisole because my friend didn’t know her bra size. I told her that I love her no matter what and I find her attractive nonetheless, but I would be happy if she would wear them. She would look sexy in it and wearing lingerie is a mood maker. If she would wear normal pajamas, I wouldn’t know if she is in the mood and I would be afraid of rejection. So, I said that if she would wear them, it is easy to find out that she is okay for sex. All what I am saying is, work on yout relationship in general and then your wife is happy to make you happy.

  18. thomas says

    I don’t believe the whole BS confidence excuse. What takes more confidence than being completely naked? AT least in lingerie a woman is partially clothed, most her insecure areas (stomach, thighs, rear) are hidden and covered plus adding a pair of stilettos just slimmed her silhouette considerably. Sex can be a power issue and by conforming to his wishes she losses some power and women hate losing that control, that’s what it’s generally about. Enough with the confidence BS, totally naked is more daring that partially naked any day.

  19. Tom says

    You’re funny! I’m not sure my wife will respond like Pavlov’s dogs, but I’ll give it a go and see what happens. Thanks for the advice!

  20. mikki says

    I have to agree with Space here. I am another anomaly who has loads of lingerie. I wear it all, maid outfits, demure silky baby doll outfits, all the way to crotchless and cupless outfits. I have every single color. I put on heels, dance and everything. I love to feel sexy and seeing my husband drool puts me more in the mood….but nothing ends my mood faster than trying to take it all off at once after I have put so much effort into looking sexy. Leave the heels on, let me keep the g-string on, move it to the side. The bra was expensive and the color looks good on my tan skin….so why take it all the way off? Pull it down.

    @Stephen, no I would like to shop together. Your method would get nothing because I don’t want to be sent out on a mission to get lingerie to turn you on while you enjoy your day, seemingly uninterested. I will just go to the mall and get regular clothes!

  21. David says

    I purchase all my Wife’s lingerie and sleepwear – yes for every day and for night wear as well. She however decides what to wear and when so I must take her tastes into account. My Wife dresses for bed EVERY night and we make love – EVERY morning – her call and one that I am more than good with. Lingerie is an invitation to intimacy. When I say make love I mean this – gentlemen know that ladies cum first and that is my one rule with her and sex. I buy my Wife a LOT of lingerie but she wears it and we have an AMAZING marriage in and out of the bedroom.

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