So just enjoy the Solar Panel For A Sex Machine. Just trim it close and stand confident. Chicks dig it.
I had a reader question about her husband’s declining ability to have sex. Not interest, ability. Major red flag there. My immediate question was about which medications he was on. Back came the reply and one of them was Propecia which is used for the horribly disfiguring diagnosis of baldness. I know, avert your eyes and pass on the other side of the street. Don’t. Make. Eye. Contact.
So anyway… lets Google the medication and head to Wikipedia and take a peek at the side effects shall we…
“Side effects of finasteride include impotence (1.1% to 18.5%), abnormal ejaculation (7.2%), decreased ejaculatory volume (0.9% to 2.8%), abnormal sexual function (2.5%) (um not sure what that is but it sounds bad), gynecomastia (2.2%) (WTF- that’s the medical term for a man growing boobs), erectile dysfunction (1.3%), ejaculation disorder (1.2%) and testicular pain. Resolution occurred in men who discontinued therapy with finasteride due to these side effects and in most of those who continued therapy.
In December 2008, the Swedish Medical Products agency concluded a safety investigation of Propecia and subsequently advised that the use of Propecia may result in irreversible sexual dysfunction. The Agency’s updated safety information lists difficulty in obtaining an erection that persists indefinitely, even after the discontinuation of Propecia, as a possible side effect of the drug.
The UK’s Medical and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) say that erectile dysfuction that persists once use of Propecia has stopped has been reported to them.”
Clutch the pearls that’s awful.
Ironically guys bought this crap to grow a luscious, woman pleasing mane of youthful hair.
The moral of the story is always to be curious about the medication you are taking and if you experience anything weird from them look it up. Side effects can kick in even years after you start a medication. Don’t just plow ahead and start taking medication without thinking or researching it yourself first unless you are finding yourself regaining consciousness in an Emergency Room, or you are being offered Morphine. Always take the Morphine, it totally rocks. As an aside Heroin was actually invented to try and get people weaned off of Morphine, I shit you not.
Don’t stop taking your medication without medical advice though, always start / stop / change medication with medical supervision. You can’t sue a doctor for screwing up if you did it all yourself. Likewise go to a dentist if you need a tooth pulled and stop doing that brick plus a piece of string nonsense to upload to Youtube. (Yes dumbass the tooth comes out but what’s your plan for nerve damage and infection?)
Speaking of Youtube… here’s Dr. John Crisler, DO speaking out at a recent medical symposium on the dangers of Finasteride, it’s dangerous effects on the endocrine system and possibility of permanent side effects.
Mostly my focus here is on the assumption that the wife in the relationship has a normal sex drive. Once the the husband returns to showing a sexy profile and behavior, her normal sex drive for him kicks back in and the sex starts happening again. That’s an easy fix. You can get that turned around in a couple of months no problem.
However I’m pretty much assuming that readers have the common sense to rule out potential medical issues. There’s little hope of getting more sex from her from gaming her if her hormones are all out of whack for example. If the low sex issue stems from ovarian cancer for example… I think I see the problem. You have to go rule out medical issues first.
The other area I haven’t covered is the wife having a normal sexual desire, but a blockage in her related to anxiety, fear, lack of sex education, trauma, nervousness etc. Simply dialing up the Alpha isn’t going to make a “Shy Wife” become more sexual with you, in fact it may become too stimulating and simply drive her deeper into her anxiety. Ironically the behavior that can unpick her locks is actually adding in Beta comfort building. The comfort building decreases her anxiety and she can fully relax enough to enjoy everything.
Here’s an example… I’ve had some recent email from a reader with a very anxious skittish wife when it comes to sex. Go read the shower post first if you can’t remember it and zip back here.
“Very good stuff. I loved the shower pass post. She locks the door to shower, so I think I’m going to get a stick at the ready to pick the lock…probably in a couple weeks when she’s ovulating.”
See for a normal wife the playful Alpha invasion of her space in the shower and silly one liners is experienced as enjoyable attention. It turns her on. In fact the gaming of her comes from the way you don’t have sex with her. You’re teasing her!
But Very Shy Wife has the door locked to the shower. Specifically to keep her husband out. (And yes that is worrisome in and of itself that she is that wound up, but no “leave the bitch” comments please it doesn’t actually help towards a solution.) So if he pops the lock and marches into the bathroom with a hard on, she will probably experience this the same way a normal wife would experience a SWAT team entering the bathroom. She’s going to scream in terror, try and cover herself with a hand bra, plus likely fall over and cry.
Not as hawt as intended.
The proper approach is to let her know the overall plan. Yes this takes away the element of surprise, but that’s the point. Then you break down the process into a number of smaller steps. The first change would be to have her shower with the door simply unlocked. That’s it. Maybe do that for a week or so. Then the next step is to have him come into the bathroom while she showers. Have a conversation in there, he can brush his teeth or something. Maybe a week of that. Then the next step is opening the shower door while he’s in there, a week of that. Then he can get in with her and wash her back.
Is this long and tedious? It sure is. But it also might work a lot better than popping the lock and rocking the cock at her. It does take a slow steady pressure to continue to advance through the steps though. Each level comes with a discomfort that needs to be politely presented and passed through. The Alpha doesn’t let her off the hook of development, the Beta praises and soothes. You must have both tools in the toolbox.
As each step is made there’s praise and positive attention. As long as progress is being made in the direction you want, you just stick with the process. You’re not going to go from Very Shy Wife to Trained Slutty Wife in a single day, or a week, or maybe even a year. But you can make constant progress towards that goal. It’s all vastly easier with her consent to have her limits purposely pushed, but you can make progress with rewarding the behavior you wish to see anyway, it’s just slower.
Back in the beginning Jennifer was extremely shy and from her upbringing was basically sexually naive. If you give a girl an orgasm when she doesn’t know what an orgasm even is, that’s about the best Display of High Value possible. I remember that much of the first month of sex she lay there stiff as a board and soundless. I considered adding a strobe light to the bedroom to make it look like she was moving.
We’ve always had a lot of sex, but early on it was fairly bad sex compared to now, though I was just so excited to be getting laid I thought it was awesome. But each time got a little better. And I gently pushed back her boundaries, I didn’t force her, just wore her down with expressions of enjoyment, pleasure for her, praise and thanking. It did take a while and we are still learning things together even now. Now she relishes doing things that once made her nervous. Now she’s positively slutty with me in the manner of my choosing. What’s not to love about that. (Though she does remain leery of the thing with the jumper cables and the butter.)
There was an understanding between us that we were going to push her boundaries together. She was comfortable in her discomfort. I didn’t yell, hit, threaten to leave, pout etc. Just a slow steady push to move in the direction of more sexy. There’s a world of difference between “suck it or get out” and “kissing me there is nice, lick me a little”. The Tortoise beats the Hare in the story you know.
It’s an old joke between us that I’ve corrupted her and am “a very bad man”. I always say that’s why she likes me so much. She always nuzzles into me after I say that. She’s actually thankful I’ve made her like some of this stuff.
From Sex With The Wife
“It is no end of frustration for a husband to have a wife who does not know what she wants. As a man you are left guessing. Advocates of the ‘alpha male’ philosophy will say that this woman wants to be told what she wants, and will enjoy having these decisions made for her, and that may work for some women. My wife tends to react defensively when she is told what to do. Instead, she is left frustrated at her inability to decide and at the same time her inability to accept the decisions of others.”
I think this misunderstands the alpha approach slightly. It’s not so much that you tell her what she wants, but that you say what you want and give her the option of either complying with that or missing out on something enjoyable.
The whole indecision thing and not knowing what she wants is just a tool to frustrate you and have her remain in control in the relationship. Plus its an all purpose play for attention.
If you stop feeding in to these things where she just spirals in her little indecision psychodrama and just say “well you don’t even know what you want so there’s no point me trying to make you happy because either way you’ll decide I’ll be wrong, so I’m just going to make myself happy and I want X” and then you go do X. She will likely have a little temper tantrum over the loss of control over you. You ignore that little spat completely and do what you want. You will find that she finds you more attractive in the aftermath of that interaction.
In a similar vein of thought… Alkibiades from Seasons of Tumult and Discord.
“As such my father believes deeply that it is the man’s responsibility to provide for his wife and to ‘keep her happy.’ Only by doing so can a man be truly happy.
My father trotted this pretty lie out once again over the weekend. I laughed when I heard it for the countless time. I deadpanned back to him that keeping a woman happy is impossible. She will be happy if she chooses to be such, or she will be unhappy and make her significant other miserable if she chooses. The problem is we’ve created a whole generation of men and women with unrealistic expectations. When the impossibility of meeting those expectations is confronted, they tend to get angry and look for someone to blame. Often it is the man who is blamed. It is the man who is confronted almost daily and told constantly that the failure is his and his alone. Too many men still accept the blame.”
Basically if you live your life with your happiness dependant on someone else’s happiness, you are nothing but a slave to the shifts in their mood. And if that’s the case you better hope that Cleopatra is in the mood for sex.
|Make here caption!|
A reader email updating the earlier post.
Hey man, I figured you might want to hear some progress from one of your apprentices. If you will recall from our previous email exchange I was still in the early stages of implementing some of your strategies ,with good success.
Since our email exchange I have managed to surpass my wife’s sex rank for the first time in our relationship. We were teens when we first met, and she was a solid 9 and I was an easy 8 (using our fellow students as the yardstick). Both of our ranks have changed over the years, not coincidentally these changes have taken place during her three pregnancies. I have a tendency to gain pregnancy pounds along with her! During the last few years she has settled down to a 6.5 or so, her skin is still wonderful and face still beautiful, but she has kept on about 30 lbs. of baby weight. I had slid down to a 4 or so during the worst part of my bout with chronic pain, but worked my way back to a 6 in the last couple of years.
Since I have been feeling better I have been hitting the weights and cardio as hard as my back will allow, and I have managed to get the vast majority of my muscle mass back while losing over 8″ on my waist. Just on looks alone I am closing in on my old 8 sex rank, and if we use the men my age and in my community I am definitely an 8.5. I cannot go anywhere without garnering the attention of other women, and have even been complimented by all of the women who are a part of my wife’s life. My wife’s best friend, who graduated in my senior class, recently told me that I look just like I did in high school.
As you know this on its own can be enough to affect the dynamics within a marriage, but I am not just utilizing this aspect of LTR game. I am also being alpha a good 65% of the time. No longer do I ask for sex, just to be left wanting. Now all I have to do is insinuate that I am in the mood (typically by some flirting or the 10 second kiss, but sometimes I just say “lets have sex “) and we are getting down in no time flat. Since the kids have been out of school we have been averaging 4-5 times weekly (if you will recall before discovering your blog we were a once a week, twice a week if I was lucky). I also leave no doubt in her mind who the captain of our family is, but I also make her feel important by getting her input on things that effect our family.
That is not to say that I don’t try and balance the Beta. Primarily my beta behavior is still how much time I spend nurturing our children, but I will occasionally help out in the house by picking up laundry or cooking from time to time. She recently had a surgery, and I have taken on all of her responsibilities, and she appreciates it immensely ( she actually seems to feel a bit guilty about it).
Unfortunately my old nature has reared its ugly head a bit, and I spend way too much time thinking about having sex with women other than my wife, but I will not act on these thoughts. I intentionally avoid overtly flirting with women, and making anything more than small talk. I have not worked so hard to make my marriage great to blow it for strange ass. Paul would say that this is a battle with my flesh, and I tend to agree. Besides I would much rather this problem, than having to worry about my wife stepping out on me.
Thanks again for your blog, I am still a reader, and will continue to do so for as long as you keep writing. Speaking of, make sure to write that book, you have a lot to offer. I will be looking forward to my autographed copy!
Regular guy. Simple plan properly executed. Pure win.
|Please enjoy the bunnies in the cups|
A reader question…
Your post today was very interesting. I do not watch a lot of porn, but I do read quite a bit. Mostly I do this at Literotica.com.
A significant minority of the stories there are in the ‘cuckold’ vein. Husbands wanting to watch their wife have sex with another man, cheating wives, husbands forced to watch their wives having sex with another man. I find these stories excite me also and that bothers me because I wouldn’t want that to happen in real life. I kind of think of it like a woman who has a ‘rape’ fantasy; they wouldn’t want that to happen in real life either.
Still, I wonder if it is unhealthy, and if so, if there is something I can do about it or if I am just doomed to be a Beta male
This is a large topic in and of itself. Basically the turn on is quite real and stems from the sperm competition dynamic. So you are biologically programmed on some level to sexually respond to this fantasy. So it’s “normal”.
The problem comes from the endless repeating of the cuckold scenario and what starts as a biological drive to defend against someone impregnating your wife starts turning into a psychological imprinting as you build up a taste for it. Human sexuality is quite trainable. If for example you read erotica and porn where someone blew up a balloon and popped it as part of the story, the first time would probably do nothing to you, but after hundreds of viewings you would probably start finding balloons and popping balloons an increasing turn on. Eventually you couldn’t become turned on without the balloons available.
The solution is simply to stop repeating the stimulation and find a different sexual outlet.
In terms of having a wife and actual relationship where you start moving into a cuckold lifestyle, it usually ends one of two ways. Either she stops doing it and life continues on… and quite likely worse for the wear. Or she just leaves her husband for someone with a higher sex rank. It’s fairly random too, she could bang five different guys and it’s all just exciting fun for her and she bounces home to hubby all happy… then number six just floats her boat and it’s the writing on the wall for hubby. If you’re a 6 with a 7 wife encouraging her to have sex with a 9 is just a recipe for instant disaster.
I’m sure you get that cuckolding is possibly the worst of all Beta behaviors. Asking your wife to sleep with another man is a Display of Low Value. My suggestion is to fight it off as best you can and retrain yourself to enjoy other sexuality expressions. I do get that it is much easier to say than do.
I did love reading Penthouse Letters for many years so understand the basic concept and appeal. Since stopping I’ve more easily upped my Alpha traits and Jennifer responds to me much better.
It’s not as hopeless as you think it might be. At least not as hopeless as trying to find an image that fits the post topic but doesn’t have a XXX rating. Hence the bunnies in the cups.
Imagine for a moment you find yourself watching a highly attractive woman. Not only that but she is hot to trot. She’s dressed in a way that leaves her intentions explicitly clear. She’s throwing off indications of interest everywhere. Lots of make up, slutty heels and an obvious thong. There’s no question she’s simply lining up a winner to fuck her senseless.
When it happens, it happens quickly. Suddenly there’s this guy and he’s just on her and she’s open mouthed in raw desire. He just starts stripping her clothes off and pulls her head down to his cock and she obediently sucks it in and bobs her head on it.
All this happens right in front of you.
Then he pulls her over to the couch and sits on it and she climbs on top of him. With him deep inside her, she leans forward and brushes her left breast across his hungry mouth and arches her back and moans. She sits straighter and starts bouncing in a steady rhythm on his cock. Then she flips her long hair and turns and looks back. She gazes straight into you eyes and holds it for a languishing moment but never stops bucking on him.
They mix up positions for a while before he pins her down hard on the couch and finishes inside her. He leaves her on the couch spread open, slick with readiness and hungry for a second helping. Excited beyond belief from your own hand and everything you have seen you know you will only last a few moments inside her, but you must finish somehow.
And as she fades to black your cum fires in pulsing arcs into empty air.
Now obviously what I’ve just described is a pretty vanilla porn scene (actually it was much longer and more graphic but Jennifer cut the good bits out sorry). I purposely wrote it to confuse the reader a little as to whether they were reading about a guy watching porn, or whether an actual scene was playing out right in front of him. The point is, on some deep level your own brain is fooled by porn into thinking that you are really seeing something happening right in front of you. That’s why you get turned on.
It’s the same thing as when I talk to my parents in New Zealand on Skype. It’s like my parents are “really there” as far as my brain can tell. I have emotional reactions to seeing my parents in a video call. Logically I know that they are in fact 10,000 miles away, but there is something so much stronger about seeing them on video rather than simply hearing them on the phone.
So coming to the point… and there is one…
When you watch porn by yourself, on some subtle level you experience it as a failure to be selected for sex. Sex is happening “right in front of you” by a attractive available female, but she doesn’t choose you to have sex with. She does it with her co-star. So on a subtle level you lose. He’s the Alpha, you’re the Beta pumping your own cock.
The Time Before Writing programmed back up plan for situations like this is pretty simple. You beat him with a pointed stick before he gets his sperm into her. However, this is on TV and you can’t actually hit him. So he wins Alpha by default and you get the Beta status by default as well.
The next best Time Before Writing plan is also pretty simple. As soon as humanly possible after another male dumps his sperm inside your female, you have sex with her hard and fast yourself. The human penis actually works like a suction device when it moves in and out of a vagina and will in fact suck semen out of the vagina. The sooner you do it the better chances you have of your sperm reaching her eggs. Except she’s not really there, so again you can’t make a play for the female.
Now bear in mind that I do get on a logical rational level that we know we’re just watching a movie. However on a non rational level our body responds as it’s been programmed to respond to an attractive available female. And on that non rational level, it’s like you get slapped down hard as a weak Beta Male.
Watching some porn is fine. It’s like having a drink once in a while. No biggie, relax, enjoy it. Porn like alcohol is only a problem, when it becomes a problem. But if you get into a constant cycle of porn as one of your main sexual outlets, I think that can start to add up in influencing your mindset more heavily into a far less Alpha and increasingly Beta (or even Omega) Male mindset and social expectation. After watching someone else bang the girl a few hundred times, what does that do to your ability to frame things effectively?
Porn can also work as the crutch propping up your end of a sexless or low sex marriage. At some point if you’re going to move on and fix the problem between you and your wife, you’re going to have to kick the crutch out from under you and learn to stand on your own two feet again. If you’re always whacking off to porn, you’ll never have the motivation to rock her world, nor the ability anyway if you’re drained and limp.
Not to mention the legion of women that complain their husband won’t have sex with them because he’s hooked on porn and always scurrying off to the den at 1am for Barely Legal Asian Anal Cum Dumpsters In The Hood Booty VII. (Scene three rocks!)
I’m not saying never watch it. I’m not saying that it is immoral, though I understand that some readers will think that it is. For some low sex desire people porn is a great aid at triggering increased arousal and general sexual interest even. I’m just asking how is it working out for you? Is it increasing your sexiness and attractiveness, or is it subtly sapping it?
Further Reading from Psychology Today Was The Cowardly Lion Just Masturbating Too Much? Hat Tip EntropyPUA
Also I think watching porn with a partner is different than watching alone. You do get a little more worked up, but you also get to work it out on someone as well. And lets face it, with a partner is generally all round better than masturbation anyway.
Like I said, I’m not telling you what to do on this one. I’m just asking the question, how is it working for you?
Boo-yah! Glad it’s working out so well, keep it up. For the most part much of what I talk about doesn’t even have to make sense before you try it. A lot of it is so small that you can simply test drive it and see how it works. Understanding can come later. Just go test it.
And yes I’m finally kicking into book writing mode. It’s a hard process and I’ve been putting it off for a little too long.
Adding a stronger twist of dominance is the old “use the married name” thing. So I address her as “Mrs Kay”. So that is a stronger frame in that it implies in a direct sense that she has marital duties to perform. Yet it’s formal enough that it can be used at family gatherings for exactly the same purpose.
The deep kiss routine followed by extended hand as a compliance test. Basically you just hold your hand out to her until she takes it. Then you lead her to the bedroom.
Just text her a booty call. Even sitting in the same room it’s funny.
Go over confidently goofy. “11 o’clock is the make sexy time. Very nice!”
If she walks in front of you lightly spank her butt.
“Cum to bed baby.” (Think Austin Powers inflection here)
Tell her to go put something on from the lingerie department.
Just announce the way sex is going to happen. “Here’s my plan. First I’m going to finger fuck you to an orgasm, then you’re going to be reverse cowgirl on me for about five minutes, then I’m putting you on your back and finishing on top hard and rough”.
And read Jedi Mind Pricks if you haven’t already.
This is an odd little factoid I’m going to use to brag that I’m on the right track with this whole Alpha + Beta = Gina Tingle shitck that I’m peddling. Take a look at the upper right piece of this image from Alexa.
That’s right… my male orientated blog is pulling female readers. I’ve probably got more female readership than male readership. Women like what I’m talking about, so go put some of this into action. It works.
Another happy reader… (original comment is here).
Athol, I have to thank you. Since I have been reading and applying game related knowledge in my marriage, fights are down, sex is up, and everyone is happier. I was the natural alpha during the dating phase, but the natural beta once married and we started having kids. Reinserting the alpha techniques was counter intuitive based on how I was raised and what women claim to want, including my wife, but revealed preference is greater than stated preference.
Seriously, go try this stuff. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Reader comment from I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You Basically he recaps everything I’ve been saying on this blog from the beginning…
“I got the ILYBINILWY last summer. It was after a huge fight where I heard the words “I want a divorce” Wow. We stayed together, but emotionally distantly – 20 years is a lot to give up on. It’s the same sad story – the more I pressed to fix the mess the worse it got. I searched everywhere to find an explanation for what had happened. I am a great provider making nearly $200K, but obviously this was not enough. To my surprise I started to realize my situation was similar to other couples my age and social circle. What was happening to the 40something women? They’ve got the big house, nice cars, etc, but they bitch bitch about their husbands. Only when I discovered “game” did the light come on; I was the problem. Now after a year of re-programing my brain the marriage is back stronger than ever. I too use a version of “Marriage game” that balances Alpha and Beta traits, but I must say when they are ready to walk Alpha game is required; flirt with every girl in town – especially when the wife is watching, tell her to get the hell out if she’s not happy (and mean it), get in the best shape of your life, seduce her best friends (no affairs though), etc.
Of course when you do these things your social status shoots up to the sky and all the girl friends take notice. Needless to say “The test” is an ongoing test. Then I find your blog and find you’ve mirrored my experiences exactly. Who would have thought?”
Masterfully done. I’d love to claim credit for your success but you figured it out yourself. I’m just taking it as a great example of how it’s possible to get it done and that the basic framework I’m suggesting is correct.