Black Silk Boxers For The Win

Just back from evening’s fireworks so two little snippets to tack onto the last couple of posts and then off to bed.
Snippet One: Men as I’ve said take lingerie as very serious Indicators of Interest. Wives may wish to downplay that importance for whatever reasons of comfort, body image or lack of feeling sexy or whatever, but as I’ve argued they are basically clueless about what drives a man.
Just driving home the point to the women that disagree… imagine for a moment what would happen if your husband who got the Lingerie Vault treatment from you, should ever discover in your possession lingerie items he had neither purchased for you nor ever seen on you. Would he immediately jump to the conclusion that you had serious interest in a different man? And by “serious interest” I mean “already having a physical affair”.
Likewise by you burying the lingerie in the Vault… can you see how he sees that as a denial of interest in him?
Snippet Two: Black Silk Boxers. They feel great and getting felt up in them is nice too. It’s essentially Man Lingerie. I forgot to mention how much Jennifer likes mine and I think it also played a part in swinging her towards more interest and acceptance of wearing items herself.

How To Get Your Wife To Wear Lingerie Part 2: Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth?

Lingerie = You Gift Wrapped
In yesterday’s post about How To Get Your Wife To Wear Lingerie, I laid out a low key behavioral plan to slowly but surely nudge your lady love towards wearing filmy lacey things. But left it with the cliff hanger that it didn’t actually work for me.
So just recapping… I was trying my plan of generally paying attention to all her underwear, shopping online together, bargain hunting a few everyday more exciting things, sexing her up good when she did comply, not over focusing on the lingerie itself during sex yada yada yada.
What actually worked was expressing how angry I had become over the issue. That may not sound overly dramatic, but I don’t know if I’ve genuinely snapped at Jennifer ten times in our marriage. We are both easy going people by nature and we both rub each other the right way, so me actually raising my voice at her is a less than once a year experience. I don’t yell, I don’t hit, just the voice comes up 20% but there’s this tone of displeasure that shreds her. She really does like to please me.
I think I really did the anger thing three times in as many months. Plus a couple of aftershock sort of things as well. There’s was no “game” intent to it, no part of a behavior modification plan, no pretending to be angry, no idea what would happen. I was just angry because I was angry, and angry because I had been driven to anger when by nature I’m not an angry guy. I tend to anger very slowly but once angry have a hard time shaking it off.
So let me explain… and this is probably more for the ladies reading than the men, but I’ll break form and use the pink microphone instead of the blue one for a little bit…
When a man gives a woman lingerie, it is an Indicator of Interest of the highest order, probably second only to the offering of an engagement ring. A man trying to give a woman lingerie is basically saying “I am so totally into you baby, I find you so freaking sexy“. When the lingerie gets slammed away in the Lingerie Vault, it’s a pretty firm “I don’t like that sort of attention from you”. OMG that’s ouch. It’s like the Walk of Shame back across the dance floor, except you just get to lie there in bed next to Mrs As If.
I’m sure if a man gave you flowers and you just took them and fed them through a shredder in front of him, you’d think that was pretty nasty business. Now imagine you kept all the shredded flowers in a special drawer. That’s what the damn Lingerie Vault feels like to a man.
Men tend to experience love through sex. Men have far more testosterone and basic horniness than women, but the experience of sex with a woman is one of the primary bonding mechanisms for a man. Women tend to wait until they feel love before moving ahead into a sexual relationship. Men tend to need to have sex before fully engaging in feelings of love. This natural conflict is much of the traditional mating dance.
I’ll say it again – lingerie is a male Indicator of Interest of the highest order.
I love you baby. I’m so into you.
Now at this point many women will complain that they feel; too fat, not a supermodel, that one doesn’t fit me right, I have stretch marks, I don’t feel sexy, yada yada yada. All men hear when woman spout those sort of lines off is, “I don’t like that sort of attention from you, and you have poor taste in women”. Which is called adding insult to injury.
After a while it really stops being about the lingerie.
A woman can do an awful lot of things for a man because she loves him and likes him, but not much of it counts in his book of love compared to acting like you want to pull his sexual attention.
When men complain “why doesn’t she initiate sex?”, they may as well also be asking “why doesn’t she really love me?”  Oh she may very well love him to death, just the love doesn’t come in the language of love he speaks so he never hears her say it right. The road to divorce court is paved with miscommunication.
See to the mind of a man, giving a woman lingerie is like handing her a big red button marked “Easy”. All she has to do is push the button and it makes him feel loved, excited and happy. It’s incomprehensible to him when she just looks at the big red button and says, “the big red button makes me feel uncomfortable”. Then she throws it in the discard pile with the other big red buttons.
Now it’s really not about the lingerie at all.
It’s not even about sex anymore.
It starts being about everything that is wrong in the relationship.
Plus for me it started being about The Test.
So anyway… darker times. In the end my anger was pretty focused on the message “I want this from you“. We cycled through me being angry and her being apologetic a few times. The test faded away to background noise. I’m getting far more of what I want… no, what I need from her. Usually I ask, but sometimes she just does it on her own. It’s really not all that frequent we do lingerie night either. About once every 2-3 weeks which is fine. It’s a spice not the meal.
Monogamy isn’t always an easy road to travel. So help me, help you. It’s not about you being or not being a supermodel. Lingerie is just a non-verbal “come hither”.
Things have changed for the better between us since all this happened. We have always had a lot of sex, but the handful of more seductive nights tossed in satisfy me better. I just feel some how calmer and more in love with her.
Plus for her part, she’s actually starting to like wearing the stuff. Talk about your Green Eggs and Frakking Ham.

How To Get Your Wife To Wear Lingerie

Back in the day I had a problem with my darling wife. When ever I’d go buy some sort of lingerie item as a gift for her, she would always semi-grimace at it as she opened it up. Then later there would be some sort of modeling of the lingerie where she would looking uncomfortable but compliant and just wanting the ordeal over. It’s the same face I’ve seen patients make when you give them an enema. Um.. not hawt sweetheart, my bad. After that there would be sex, and then after that lingerie would be removed and stashed into a special drawer I came to think of as The Lingerie Vault.

Things go into The Lingerie Vault. Nothing comes out. It’s the Bermuda Triangle of silk.

So basically any lingerie purchase was a one time event. Suffice to say, I learned to stop buying her the stuff. Oh I’d try once every other year or so, but get that same self conscious face and indifferent response and another piece of silk slipped into The Lingerie Vault forever.

Now as I said yesterday, usually you just model the sexiness you seek from your partner and they usually follow along. Suffice to say I did not clomp around in dangerously sexy heels and a lace up teddy. Here’s what I did do.

I started paying better attention to her actual daily underwear. Both in terms of quality, does she need something replaced, trips to malls to buy new stuff, and in terms of playfully snooping into what she’s wearing today. Plus when things go through the laundry the bras and panties don’t just get tossed into the dryer, she’s got a special drying place for those, so I also ensure their safe transport to the designated drying location. Good bras are expensive and they lift up the goods the way I like. Respect. The whole point of this is that she gets more used to your attention surrounding underwear.

I started shopping online rather than going to a store for the more lingerie based items. The trick is to include her into the shopping experience. I might sort through half the store for stuff and bookmark 6-8 items. She might like a couple of them. If we then buy them together, she’s far more likely to wear them and more often.

I also look for slightly more racy items that can be used for everyday wear that are comfortable…. that are on sale. This is a patience game, but as an example Jennifer has some Playboy boy short panties that she loves and wears often. Plus they look good on her. They were like $10 for three on a closeout sale. It’s like fish in a barrel at those prices, she can’t say no lol. After that… well we’ve shopped at the Playboy store… what about this, or this or that?

Another thing about lingerie is that you have to honestly accept the state of her body. Some things work better than others. Get her input before you click “buy”. Most lingerie models have exceptional bodies and are photoshopped to heaven, so usually there’s a good percentage of a store’s offerings that basically has no basis in sales reality. That stuff is just for the catalog to give men something to masturbate to in the bathroom at your wife’s aunts house during Thanksgiving dinner if you are a lonely broken man..

Importantly, when she does wear lingerie to bed, you have to make it a good sexual experience for her. This is the night when you do it all a little harder, faster, rougher. You make sure she comes, ideally until she waves off having any more orgasms. You want to create the connection between her wearing lingerie and her getting sexed up right. You want a repeat customer.

Now if she ever comes on to you wearing lingerie… as in you’re playing computer games or whatever, and say she unprompted emerges from the bedroom wearing something fancy and says “hi”…. you absolutely MUST have sex with her and work her over good. This is basically the entire fucking point of the exercise, do not undo the whole thing and recharge The Lingerie Vault mandate forever.

Now this is the other critical point… When you are having lingerie night sex together at some point in the proceedings take the lingerie off her. Maybe not all of it, but some of it at least. The message here is that you are turned on by her, rather than fixated on the lingerie itself. So if she’s wearing say a cami and thigh high stockings and is doing the cowgirl on top of you, it’s easy to tell her to take the cami off and continue on that way after going to town on sucking her breasts. The stockings probably stay on unless she’s some sort of circus performer.

The idea is that you just get into a pattern of creating a positive sexual mindset related to buying and wearing both more generally sexy underwear and lingerie. It will probably take at least six months to fully alter the pattern from a negative into a positive one, but it can be done. At this point it’s more my need and interest than hers, so I tend to ask for lingerie night more than she thinks of it on her own. And by “ask” I mean I usually just text her a request during the night. “I want X and you pick a Y to go with it”.

Now having said all that, I do need to add a disclaimer. None of that worked.

… and that’s what we call a closing hook people,  I’ll continue the story tomorrow, stay tuned.