This is an odd little factoid I’m going to use to brag that I’m on the right track with this whole Alpha + Beta = Gina Tingle shitck that I’m peddling. Take a look at the upper right piece of this image from Alexa.
Imagine for a moment you find yourself watching a highly attractive woman. Not only that but she is hot to trot. She’s dressed in a way that leaves her intentions explicitly clear. She’s throwing off indications of interest everywhere. Lots of make up, slutty heels and an obvious thong. There’s no question she’s simply lining up a winner to fuck her senseless.
When it happens, it happens quickly. Suddenly there’s this guy and he’s just on her and she’s open mouthed in raw desire. He just starts stripping her clothes off and pulls her head down to his cock and she obediently sucks it in and bobs her head on it.
All this happens right in front of you.
Then he pulls her over to the couch and sits on it and she climbs on top of him. With him deep inside her, she leans forward and brushes her left breast across his hungry mouth and arches her back and moans. She sits straighter and starts bouncing in a steady rhythm on his cock. Then she flips her long hair and turns and looks back. She gazes straight into you eyes and holds it for a languishing moment but never stops bucking on him.
They mix up positions for a while before he pins her down hard on the couch and finishes inside her. He leaves her on the couch spread open, slick with readiness and hungry for a second helping. Excited beyond belief from your own hand and everything you have seen you know you will only last a few moments inside her, but you must finish somehow.
And as she fades to black your cum fires in pulsing arcs into empty air.
Now obviously what I’ve just described is a pretty vanilla porn scene (actually it was much longer and more graphic but Jennifer cut the good bits out sorry). I purposely wrote it to confuse the reader a little as to whether they were reading about a guy watching porn, or whether an actual scene was playing out right in front of him. The point is, on some deep level your own brain is fooled by porn into thinking that you are really seeing something happening right in front of you. That’s why you get turned on.
It’s the same thing as when I talk to my parents in New Zealand on Skype. It’s like my parents are “really there” as far as my brain can tell. I have emotional reactions to seeing my parents in a video call. Logically I know that they are in fact 10,000 miles away, but there is something so much stronger about seeing them on video rather than simply hearing them on the phone.
So coming to the point… and there is one…
When you watch porn by yourself, on some subtle level you experience it as a failure to be selected for sex. Sex is happening “right in front of you” by a attractive available female, but she doesn’t choose you to have sex with. She does it with her co-star. So on a subtle level you lose. He’s the Alpha, you’re the Beta pumping your own cock.
The Time Before Writing programmed back up plan for situations like this is pretty simple. You beat him with a pointed stick before he gets his sperm into her. However, this is on TV and you can’t actually hit him. So he wins Alpha by default and you get the Beta status by default as well.
The next best Time Before Writing plan is also pretty simple. As soon as humanly possible after another male dumps his sperm inside your female, you have sex with her hard and fast yourself. The human penis actually works like a suction device when it moves in and out of a vagina and will in fact suck semen out of the vagina. The sooner you do it the better chances you have of your sperm reaching her eggs. Except she’s not really there, so again you can’t make a play for the female.
Now bear in mind that I do get on a logical rational level that we know we’re just watching a movie. However on a non rational level our body responds as it’s been programmed to respond to an attractive available female. And on that non rational level, it’s like you get slapped down hard as a weak Beta Male.
Watching some porn is fine. It’s like having a drink once in a while. No biggie, relax, enjoy it. Porn like alcohol is only a problem, when it becomes a problem. But if you get into a constant cycle of porn as one of your main sexual outlets, I think that can start to add up in influencing your mindset more heavily into a far less Alpha and increasingly Beta (or even Omega) Male mindset and social expectation. After watching someone else bang the girl a few hundred times, what does that do to your ability to frame things effectively?
Porn can also work as the crutch propping up your end of a sexless or low sex marriage. At some point if you’re going to move on and fix the problem between you and your wife, you’re going to have to kick the crutch out from under you and learn to stand on your own two feet again. If you’re always whacking off to porn, you’ll never have the motivation to rock her world, nor the ability anyway if you’re drained and limp.
Not to mention the legion of women that complain their husband won’t have sex with them because he’s hooked on porn and always scurrying off to the den at 1am for Barely Legal Asian Anal Cum Dumpsters In The Hood Booty VII. (Scene three rocks!)
I’m not saying never watch it. I’m not saying that it is immoral, though I understand that some readers will think that it is. For some low sex desire people porn is a great aid at triggering increased arousal and general sexual interest even. I’m just asking how is it working out for you? Is it increasing your sexiness and attractiveness, or is it subtly sapping it?
Further Reading from Psychology Today Was The Cowardly Lion Just Masturbating Too Much? Hat Tip EntropyPUA
Also I think watching porn with a partner is different than watching alone. You do get a little more worked up, but you also get to work it out on someone as well. And lets face it, with a partner is generally all round better than masturbation anyway.
Like I said, I’m not telling you what to do on this one. I’m just asking the question, how is it working for you?
Boo-yah! Glad it’s working out so well, keep it up. For the most part much of what I talk about doesn’t even have to make sense before you try it. A lot of it is so small that you can simply test drive it and see how it works. Understanding can come later. Just go test it.
And yes I’m finally kicking into book writing mode. It’s a hard process and I’ve been putting it off for a little too long.
Adding a stronger twist of dominance is the old “use the married name” thing. So I address her as “Mrs Kay”. So that is a stronger frame in that it implies in a direct sense that she has marital duties to perform. Yet it’s formal enough that it can be used at family gatherings for exactly the same purpose.
The deep kiss routine followed by extended hand as a compliance test. Basically you just hold your hand out to her until she takes it. Then you lead her to the bedroom.
Just text her a booty call. Even sitting in the same room it’s funny.
Go over confidently goofy. “11 o’clock is the make sexy time. Very nice!”
If she walks in front of you lightly spank her butt.
“Cum to bed baby.” (Think Austin Powers inflection here)
Tell her to go put something on from the lingerie department.
Just announce the way sex is going to happen. “Here’s my plan. First I’m going to finger fuck you to an orgasm, then you’re going to be reverse cowgirl on me for about five minutes, then I’m putting you on your back and finishing on top hard and rough”.
And read Jedi Mind Pricks if you haven’t already.
That’s right… my male orientated blog is pulling female readers. I’ve probably got more female readership than male readership. Women like what I’m talking about, so go put some of this into action. It works.
Another happy reader… (original comment is here).
Athol, I have to thank you. Since I have been reading and applying game related knowledge in my marriage, fights are down, sex is up, and everyone is happier. I was the natural alpha during the dating phase, but the natural beta once married and we started having kids. Reinserting the alpha techniques was counter intuitive based on how I was raised and what women claim to want, including my wife, but revealed preference is greater than stated preference.
Seriously, go try this stuff. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Reader comment from I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You Basically he recaps everything I’ve been saying on this blog from the beginning…
“I got the ILYBINILWY last summer. It was after a huge fight where I heard the words “I want a divorce” Wow. We stayed together, but emotionally distantly – 20 years is a lot to give up on. It’s the same sad story – the more I pressed to fix the mess the worse it got. I searched everywhere to find an explanation for what had happened. I am a great provider making nearly $200K, but obviously this was not enough. To my surprise I started to realize my situation was similar to other couples my age and social circle. What was happening to the 40something women? They’ve got the big house, nice cars, etc, but they bitch bitch about their husbands. Only when I discovered “game” did the light come on; I was the problem. Now after a year of re-programing my brain the marriage is back stronger than ever. I too use a version of “Marriage game” that balances Alpha and Beta traits, but I must say when they are ready to walk Alpha game is required; flirt with every girl in town – especially when the wife is watching, tell her to get the hell out if she’s not happy (and mean it), get in the best shape of your life, seduce her best friends (no affairs though), etc.
Of course when you do these things your social status shoots up to the sky and all the girl friends take notice. Needless to say “The test” is an ongoing test. Then I find your blog and find you’ve mirrored my experiences exactly. Who would have thought?”
Masterfully done. I’d love to claim credit for your success but you figured it out yourself. I’m just taking it as a great example of how it’s possible to get it done and that the basic framework I’m suggesting is correct.