Archives for July 2010
|Lingerie = You Gift Wrapped|
Back in the day I had a problem with my darling wife. When ever I’d go buy some sort of lingerie item as a gift for her, she would always semi-grimace at it as she opened it up. Then later there would be some sort of modeling of the lingerie where she would looking uncomfortable but compliant and just wanting the ordeal over. It’s the same face I’ve seen patients make when you give them an enema. Um.. not hawt sweetheart, my bad. After that there would be sex, and then after that lingerie would be removed and stashed into a special drawer I came to think of as The Lingerie Vault.
Things go into The Lingerie Vault. Nothing comes out. It’s the Bermuda Triangle of silk.
So basically any lingerie purchase was a one time event. Suffice to say, I learned to stop buying her the stuff. Oh I’d try once every other year or so, but get that same self conscious face and indifferent response and another piece of silk slipped into The Lingerie Vault forever.
Now as I said yesterday, usually you just model the sexiness you seek from your partner and they usually follow along. Suffice to say I did not clomp around in dangerously sexy heels and a lace up teddy. Here’s what I did do.
I started paying better attention to her actual daily underwear. Both in terms of quality, does she need something replaced, trips to malls to buy new stuff, and in terms of playfully snooping into what she’s wearing today. Plus when things go through the laundry the bras and panties don’t just get tossed into the dryer, she’s got a special drying place for those, so I also ensure their safe transport to the designated drying location. Good bras are expensive and they lift up the goods the way I like. Respect. The whole point of this is that she gets more used to your attention surrounding underwear.
I started shopping online rather than going to a store for the more lingerie based items. The trick is to include her into the shopping experience. I might sort through half the store for stuff and bookmark 6-8 items. She might like a couple of them. If we then buy them together, she’s far more likely to wear them and more often.
I also look for slightly more racy items that can be used for everyday wear that are comfortable…. that are on sale. This is a patience game, but as an example Jennifer has some Playboy boy short panties that she loves and wears often. Plus they look good on her. They were like $10 for three on a closeout sale. It’s like fish in a barrel at those prices, she can’t say no lol. After that… well we’ve shopped at the Playboy store… what about this, or this or that?
Another thing about lingerie is that you have to honestly accept the state of her body. Some things work better than others. Get her input before you click “buy”. Most lingerie models have exceptional bodies and are photoshopped to heaven, so usually there’s a good percentage of a store’s offerings that basically has no basis in sales reality. That stuff is just for the catalog to give men something to masturbate to in the bathroom at your wife’s aunts house during Thanksgiving dinner if you are a lonely broken man..
Importantly, when she does wear lingerie to bed, you have to make it a good sexual experience for her. This is the night when you do it all a little harder, faster, rougher. You make sure she comes, ideally until she waves off having any more orgasms. You want to create the connection between her wearing lingerie and her getting sexed up right. You want a repeat customer.
Now if she ever comes on to you wearing lingerie… as in you’re playing computer games or whatever, and say she unprompted emerges from the bedroom wearing something fancy and says “hi”…. you absolutely MUST have sex with her and work her over good. This is basically the entire fucking point of the exercise, do not undo the whole thing and recharge The Lingerie Vault mandate forever.
Now this is the other critical point… When you are having lingerie night sex together at some point in the proceedings take the lingerie off her. Maybe not all of it, but some of it at least. The message here is that you are turned on by her, rather than fixated on the lingerie itself. So if she’s wearing say a cami and thigh high stockings and is doing the cowgirl on top of you, it’s easy to tell her to take the cami off and continue on that way after going to town on sucking her breasts. The stockings probably stay on unless she’s some sort of circus performer.
The idea is that you just get into a pattern of creating a positive sexual mindset related to buying and wearing both more generally sexy underwear and lingerie. It will probably take at least six months to fully alter the pattern from a negative into a positive one, but it can be done. At this point it’s more my need and interest than hers, so I tend to ask for lingerie night more than she thinks of it on her own. And by “ask” I mean I usually just text her a request during the night. “I want X and you pick a Y to go with it”.
Now having said all that, I do need to add a disclaimer. None of that worked.
… and that’s what we call a closing hook people, I’ll continue the story tomorrow, stay tuned.