Reader Comments And Being On The Right Track

Reader comment from I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You  Basically he recaps everything I’ve been saying on this blog from the beginning…
“I got the ILYBINILWY last summer. It was after a huge fight where I heard the words “I want a divorce” Wow. We stayed together, but emotionally distantly – 20 years is a lot to give up on. It’s the same sad story – the more I pressed to fix the mess the worse it got. I searched everywhere to find an explanation for what had happened. I am a great provider making nearly $200K, but obviously this was not enough. To my surprise I started to realize my situation was similar to other couples my age and social circle. What was happening to the 40something women? They’ve got the big house, nice cars, etc, but they bitch bitch about their husbands. Only when I discovered “game” did the light come on; I was the problem. Now after a year of re-programing my brain the marriage is back stronger than ever. I too use a version of “Marriage game” that balances Alpha and Beta traits, but I must say when they are ready to walk Alpha game is required; flirt with every girl in town – especially when the wife is watching, tell her to get the hell out if she’s not happy (and mean it), get in the best shape of your life, seduce her best friends (no affairs though), etc.
Of course when you do these things your social status shoots up to the sky and all the girl friends take notice. Needless to say “The test” is an ongoing test. Then I find your blog and find you’ve mirrored my experiences exactly. Who would have thought?”
Masterfully done. I’d love to claim credit for your success but you figured it out yourself. I’m just taking it as a great example of how it’s possible to get it done and that the basic framework I’m suggesting is correct.
Greeat job.


  1. Anonymous says:

    What happens, though, when your wife sees every other woman (including magazine covers!) as a threat? Do you still flirt or go low key?

  2. Krapulax says:

    If she complains about magazine covers, that's a shit test. You've lost your balls already if you let her control you that much.
    And by the way, you got it backwards. If you want your wife attracted to you, she must see that other women are interested in you, NOT you interested in other women. If she accuses you of anything, try to reframe things and say something like "yeah, women fall for me all the time, I can't help it (but I'm faithful)".
    The most important thing about all this is never take blame for something that is "natural". Stand up for yourself. It's not a sin to look at magazine covers – or at girls on the street for that matter – so if she starts nagging just tell her it's the way you are, there's nothing wrong with it and you won't change for anyone. Act in a way – but probably don't say it out loud – that if she doesn't like it she can leave.
    Relax, she won't leave. If you can pull it off correctly :) Stand firm and she will respect you more for it, and so she'll be more attracted to you.

  3. Anon from Midwest says:

    When your wife notices you noticing a hot girl the correct response is "Yeah, she's hot!" My wife's friend complained that here husband would say stuff like " you're the only girl for me" when there was an obviously hot women nearby. Her response to his response? "Gag me!!!"

  4. Athol Kay says:

    Yeah magazine cover threat is a bit silly… "Honey I'm leaving you for the cover of July 2008 Playboy, it's not you, it's me…"

    Agree with the above comments, don't apologize for having a normal male response to attractive women, it's a turn off.

    "It's ok to look, but it's not okay to touch… is it okay to drool?"

  5. Confidunce says:

    Women can spot an objectively beautiful woman same as we can. If you lie and say that a hot girl is not pretty, your wife/girlfriend will know you're lying. If you lie and say you didn't notice the hot girl, you'll seem dickless. The best you can do is say "she's pretty" very matter-of-factly.

    Have you ever noticed that no beautiful woman ever minds being judged according to her beauty? The corollary of that observation is that the women who object to being judged according to their beauty are the women who are afraid they don't measure up. In other words, if a woman doesn't want you to appreciate beautiful women, it's because she's insecure.

    Put her on notice: if she stops acting like she cares whether you're attracted to her, you'll leave her on the assumption that she's attracted to dudes other than you.

    Or, in other words: "I have needs and feelings and instincts that I won't pretend to repress just because I'm with you."

  6. Anonymous says:

    A TASTEFUL appreciation of beauty in another person should never cause a husband or wife concern, i.e., no leering, no catcalling, no cruel or unfair comparisons (of course, she looks hotter than your wife, she's twenty years younger!). Let your spouse know you find them attractive and sexy; and have a simple little conversation about the human need to appreciate beauty, whether it's in another human, a garden, art, whatever.

    And guys, allow your wife the same "looking rights" you want for yourself! Just because we have a favorite hot crush actor or enjoy watching the shirtless guys on a summer day, doesn't mean we're plotting adultery!

    Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't look at the menu; as long as you always bring your appetite home!

  7. Causing the wife concern is what you want if you want to keep her interested. Explanations are for the guys in the engineering department. Women want the emotional roller coaster. Pinching her @ss in secret while she's talking to her family says more than words. Sorry, dude, but you're too beta.
    Married 20 years, now better than ever.

  8. Anonymous says:

    "I must say when they are ready to walk Alpha game is required; flirt with every girl in town – especially when the wife is watching, tell her to get the hell out if she's not happy (and mean it), get in the best shape of your life, seduce her best friends (no affairs though), etc"

    "Explanations are for the guys in the engineering department. Women want the emotional roller coaster"

    Wow, what horseshit. Alpha means being an asshole that a woman should be thrilled to get rid of and women want emotional chaos. No: we want excitement, not a screaming plunge that makes us want to vomit. ANY idea of how aggressive I get when I'm anxious? If your spouse is ready to leave you, yes, be assertive and gain confidence if you're weak, but you don't try to fix something, even lack of assertiveness, by being an asshole and playing with other womens' feelings in front of her. Once again, slimy manipulation is promoted instead of honest communication (which, in fact, is a key to assertiveness). Confront problems and a spouse who's ready to give up and don't lie down for bad treatment, but don't treat them like shit either.

Speak Your Mind