Hey Athol, I am not married, but I am in a LTR.
Anyway, the sex has decreased in the past two months. We have been together about eight. About two months ago was the first anniversary of her father’s death. Her cat died, and she left her abusive boyfriend right before her dad died. So, I know this factor has a lot to do with it, but, I don’t know what else.
The death of her father might be weighing on her mind and throwing things off, but no way to be sure of that. The prior abusive boyfriend would seem to flag that she likes excitement and drama, just not as much as he was bringing to the table.
She says I am being too needy. But, I am only expecting to have sex as often as we used to. Now, it’s once or twice a week. She isn’t very attracted to me anymore, focusing on my physical flaws: moles, hairs, warts.. whatever. She used to talk about how she like my eyes, my cock, my stomach. Simultaneously, she doesn’t feel very sexy, anymore and I don’t know why. She is obsessed with working out. She has a very hot body, but always complains about her body, and says she’s fat. (Not at all.) I know she wants sex when she feels sexy, and doesn’t want sex when she doesn’t feel sexy.
She is decreasing in her interest in you. Her “feeling less sexy” is just feeling less sexually interested in you. Her calling you “needy” means in plain english that she finds you more interested in her than she is interested in you to the point it’s becoming an actual turn off in and of itself. It’s a DLV (Display of Low Value).
Another thing she said was I am at her house all the time (as a reason why we have sex less) So I asked her if we moved in together, would the sex decrease? She had no answer.
You’re at her house a lot and this annoys her. When you pose a solution of moving in together, this is you expressing even higher interest in her just as she’s trying to get you to give her more space.
I guess she is around a 9 or 10, and I am around an 8 or 9, so I need to work out more, get bigger which is really hard for me, even though I am in really good shape.
You saying she’s a 9-10 while you are 8-9 is another indication that you are acting like the weaker partner in the relationship. Actually the “bigger is better” thought for working out is good only so far. If you have a good overall body shape that’s better than sheer bulk for female sexual interest.
She seems to try to make me jealous a lot more recently. Maybe she wants me to do it, and I haven’t realized it. Every time after she gets jealous, we have good sex. I think she wants to see me being attractive to other women.
She reacts positively to you being generally attractive and making her jealous. Most likely because it is triggering her need for high stimulation.
Anyway, thanks for the blog, bro. A lot of good stuff in there.
Most welcome. Now some adjustments to your approach…
She likes drama and jealousy, or put another way, she likes high stimulation. So stop reacting to her so much and start just doing shit to pull her attention on to you. Don’t ask her to do stuff, simply announce something interesting that you’re going to do and expect her to follow you. Make her react to you or she just misses out on whatever fun it was.
Stop hanging out in her apartment sniffing the air for sex. Get her over to your place a lot more, then follow the rule that she needs to either go back to her place or put out and stay the night by some sort of reasonable hour.
Complaints about her body if she is in good shape are best addressed by threats of spanking her. “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just being a brat and brats only learn by spanking”. Remember cocky, funny, light, playful with this sort of thing.
Get over the idea that she is better than you. She’s not. Old abusive boyfriend, father passed away. You really think she doesn’t crave a strong male figure in her life? I mean really crave it.
Why not you? You can do this.