To Spoon Or Not To Spoon

I’m a regular reader. Great blog. Here’s my question: When spooning, what is the dominant or alpha position, the “outside”, holding her in a protective embrace, or the “inside”, with her clinging to you like the bun on a hot dog? I used to think the outside was dominant, but now I’m not so sure. Sometimes it makes me feel like a hanger-on, like I’m behind her and she’s leading the way, so to speak.
It can kind of get into a second guessing sort of thing, so try not to over think it. It’s not so much the position of your bodies together, but which side of the bed you’re on / who announced the cuddling. If you cuddle up to her, you’re implying that she is dominant. If she cuddles up to you, you are more dominant.
However you can also be dominant by telling her to come to you, or telling her you’re coming over to her side of the bed. There’s some obvious dominance in sliding over to her side of the bed and simply saying “spoons” and prompting her to roll over by gently pushing on her hip.
The only one I’d really watch for is her laying on her back and you laying your head on her shoulder. That’s kind of “little boy needs his mom” weak to me. We do like the opposite where she lays her head on my shoulder though. She just fits into me so well with my arm around her. If you caught a hint of a double standard there, that’s because there is one. I’d apologize but I’m obnoxious.
Taking this further – I quite like the woman on top sexual positions, it’s easy to last a while and I get to relax in it and touch Jennifer anywhere I want to. However it objectively appears to be a dominant position for the woman. The differences being that (1) I usually tell her to get on top of me and she complies and (2) I can bench press her.
As I’ve moved into more Alpha behavior I have tended to finish on top of her far more frequently though and increased the roughness to levels of pounding rated “this is consensual right?”  Bonus points for making the bed squeak and a slapping sound as our bodies come together. She’s cuddly after those sort of sessions to the point of almost being clingy. At least I think she might be, I usually just get that Oxytocin / Vasopressin surge right afterwards and take a short nap. I guess I really have no clue what she does after I’m finished with her.
So anyway, don’t over think it. Just make a move / direct her to make a move on you. Personally I’m terrible at spooning onto Jennifer anyway – I always end up hard and then I can’t sleep until we fix the problem.


  1. Anonymous says:

    If she's on her back, gently grab her by the waist and pull her towards you (turning her as you do). Now you are in a position to enter her as well.

  2. gameforomegas says:

    Being able to bench press your wife isn't all that impressive :) If she's slim she doesn't weigh much, and if she's fat your strength is impressive, but you're married to a fat woman which isn't.

  3. Athol Kay says:

    I'm not trying to impress, I've repeatedly said I'm not a hulkish figure. Just pointing out that being basically in shape means that a woman on top of you isn't nearly as dominant as it seems.

    Plus upon occasion I just write stuff to get Jennifer's panties wet.

  4. Robertson says:

    I agree, don't overthink here. Ie, I throw my leg over hers when we're spooning, so is that a sign of dominance? The other thing, which noone mentioned,is what is simply most comfortable. I spoon with my wife all the time, that's how we start off going to sleep. Usually, I disengage at some point when my arm under her goes numb or whatever. Every so often she asks me to turn the other way so she can spoon me.

    I would like to think that in a way, certain beta traits can be alpha if you are confident enough to not feel threatened by them. If she asks me to turn around once in a while in bed, no big deal.

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