Only Boys Have Mojo

My body is on New Zealand Time, my head is on Eastern Standard Time and my stomach has gotten stuck on Lunch Time.
Anyway, a quick email conversation from Friday…
Me: (something work related)… and I’m starting to feel like I’m getting my mojo back.
She: (something work related)… ah, me = no mojo
Buy Me!

Save Your Marriage Pro Tip: Touch Him On The Penis

A comment by Xamuel on So What Can She Do To Keep Him Chasing Her Skirts led me to this video…

(If you’re playing a video at work when the post title is “Touch Him On The Penis” I don’t know if a NSFW flag is going to mean anything to you anyway.)

Maybe it’s all too simple though… nah not really.

Remembering

One of my Sunday reads is Post Secret.

I remember thinking like this back in the day. In reality Jennifer and I got it on a few weeks before the wedding and the early stuff was the dictionary definition of vanilla sex, plus by our standards now just terribly bad…
…but at the time so gloriously wonderful to finally be together.

There And Back Again

Well we’re back home from our New Zealand trip and still struggling with the Jet Lag, but otherwise fine. Dad is still dying from the cancer, but was in a good phase of his treatments and despite being in pain, in generally good spirits. All in all a good trip all things considered. Thank you all for the kind comments and concern. I’m basically fine. Dad… we don’t know, maybe he sees Christmas.
Having done three family trips to New Zealand now, my hearty advice is to fly on American Airlines within the US and across the Pacific on Qantas. Arriving into Terminal 4 at LAX on American Airlines and out of Terminal 4 on Qantas means one less hamster run through security and by all accounts it was the cheapest flights anyway. Qantas has great service as well. I was going to watch the Playboy documentary on the plane, but eldest daughter wouldn’t fall asleep next to me. Dammit.
In my absence a few not so great things happened. One of my older online friends died from Salmonella. I’m sad for her loss but also appalled at the Darwin Award level of stupidity and ignorance as well. If you think you have Salmonella and haven’t been able to keep solid food down for five days and have a 104 temperature, you don’t just post about it on Facebook, you go to the hospital. She had 1289 Facebook friends and only two that I could see said go the ER and the rest offering “get well soon” and some even told her to avoid going to doctors with their guesswork and poison. She was dead within 24 hours of that status update.
I do have many issues and concerns about medications and treatments myself, but Western emergency medicine is just outstanding compared to all other options in a medical emergency. Nothing else is as good as stabilizing a critical patient. Just nothing. If you want to do prayer, positive thinking, chicken soup, purified water, leeches, hot stones, crystals, tribal dancing etc, you’re more than welcome to do that, just don’t mess with the IV lines.
And yes I know she didn’t have medical insurance, but five days of vomiting and 104 temperature is life threatening. You just go to the ER and file for bankruptcy if you have to. My hunch is that she died horribly, probably from some combination of seizures and cardiac arrest. That’s about all I have to say about that.
The other thing that pissed me off was the deletion of Seasons of Tumult and Discord. The message I got was nothing particularly negative happened to them in real life as a result of the blog, just that they decided to finish it because “the time was right”.
Seriously, WTF. Now I know I did not agree with everything they said, personally I found Aiki had useful observations but Tallyrand just a budget Roissy, but why the blog suicide? Blogging is mostly a solo effort in writing posts and so on, but it’s also a cooperative effort in that people make comments and links back and forth. There’s a relationship between blogs where the sum is greater than all the parts by the creation of a network. Now all those comments are gone and all that’s left for their passing is a trail of broken links. Unless you are already famous, most blogs take about two years before turning into something that gains proper readership traction. If you have to stop, you just keep the blog up and say why as a final post.
If there is a compelling personal reason to just shut a blog off I get it. If it’s a case of Human Resources or a life partner finding the blog and issuing ultimatums, I’ll do a minute of silence and a quiet beer for you. But simply deciding it’s Eat Pray Love time and shredding it all without so much as a Post-It note. Grrr.
Anyway, life continues on, my job is still there and I’m going to be busy. I skittled my boss and coworker with about $12 of New Zealand Manuka Honey between them – it heals and you can eat it, so nurses love that like you won’t believe. Also I playfully threatened that I might not come back as well while away and finally got my Lemon Poppy Cupcakes at the staff meeting as well. Naturally I had to text her later and say that my kids loved them, but were now all gone so I needed another batch.
It’s good to be back. I’ve spent nearly half my life here now, so the switching country thing is always both a welcome relief, deja vu and walking day dream odd all in one no matter which direction I’m going in. Jennifer was with me though, so I never really left home.
And I’m now a month behind in getting the book done, I wanted to be finished the writing part by now, but that’s life. Sometimes shit happens and you just have to get up out of bed, go get the help you need, take your medicine, grind it out and not quit too early.
See you all tomorrow.

Off Topic At Live Your Dream Blog

I’m posting off the beaten path today on Live Your Dream Blog. It’s essentially an question and answer format picking my brains for something more female slanted than I usually write here.
It was actually quite interesting to try and get my head around what are the female version of Alpha and Beta traits.

When Do You Divorce Her?

I had a reader email asking about when to divorce. The basic background being that he’d really put effort into making himself into a better more sexy man and she hadn’t responded. This is a very tough question and I’m not convinced there is a stock answer.
I’m not one for saying you should just shrug your shoulders and cut and run, if you’ve been lackluster for years sometimes the last person you can convince you’ve changed for the better is your wife. If she’s been drenched in your blah sexual presence for years, she may be essentially trained by you to not be responsive. It can be a little while to unlearn that and it may require more of a shock to her system than mere polite conversation.
So assuming it’s been at least three months to a year of you being really tricked out on being sexy as you can be, with no response from her, it starts looking like more and more that she has some sort of low sexual desire issue. So it’s time to start really checking into the medical picture for her, get a full check up, look into all the medications she is on. Birth control pills and SSRI anti-depressants can nerf sexual desire for example. If it’s something really as simple as changing from birth control pills to condoms or a little testosterone patch as what returns the spark in her eye, it would be foolish to walk way too soon.
If you’ve been through all that sort of thing and it’s coming up with no medical issues, on some level she’s probably just not interested in you at all or choosing to behave that way. I think the next step is a conversation with her about you needing more than she has been giving. Ultimately I think marriage is a sexual relationship and it’s very difficult to sustain a marriage without the sexual contact implied in the relationship. I really do see one spouse denying reasonable sexual outlet to the other and making no attempt to fix things as cheating the other spouse out of their marriage. Does she even want to try and fix things on her end is the basic question.
As I’ve written on the blog before, sexless marriages basically force the partner that wants sex into three outcomes; (1) Misery, (2) Cheating, or (3) Leaving. She’s the only one that has the power to decide for (4) Resuming Sex.
Ultimately I’ve never said that my system is 100% going to work with salvaging a marriage, just that it will probably make her more interested and responsive, and if it doesn’t, you’re in a better place with yourself to seek someone new. My general advice is to continue to push on towards a resolution of the situation towards either outcome (3) or (4). Ultimately she gets to make that choice between them.
However the pushing towards those outcomes can all seem like nothing but talk, the real action really starts to kick in once you start having obvious interactions with other women. You don’t have to cheat on her (that can be a huge stumbling block to resuming things with her), just make it clear that there are other opportunities out there you know you could have. Basically destabilizing the relationship slowly by turning up the threat of leaving. Even something as low key as being obviously friendly with another woman has impact. Having lunch with someone else. Phone calls and texts. Little bite sized tastes of her future without you.
You may find the wife that has no interest in seeing the doctors to check herself out suddenly gets interested in doing so once it appears you are making some traction with a new woman. Funny that huh.
Filing for divorce is the final attempt at getting her attention. When to go is a question only you can answer. A lot will depend on the divorce laws of your state, how you can resolve the marriage as well as you can. The kid issue is huge too. I think in the end the time to go will be quite apparent to you. I think it’s when you actually feel sad for her and what she’s losing.
I write primarily for men. But if you’re a female reader 99% of this works just the same for you.

Sexy Move: Take The Trash Out

Women have more sensitive noses than men. Just take the trash out without making a federal case of it. They quite like it when you do that.

Um…. that’s it. Basic sanitation is always a plus.

Sexy Move: Scare The Living Daylights Out Of Daughters Boyfriends

I have this vague sense that I am perhaps going to be a somewhat intimidating to future boyfriends of my daughters…

…not from any direct efforts at interference or spite, just in a “I see wut u did there” kind of way.

Sexy Move: Cum On her Breasts

I’ve not a huge fan of sex during menstration. I’m not particularly grossed out by it, just that I find blood to be somewhat irratating on my penis during the sex and Jennifer isn’t usually all that excited by it either. So by mutual agreement we tend heavily to avoid intercourse during her menses.
Which just opens the door to different fun…
One of my favorite things is Jennifer lying on her back giving me a handjob while I’m on all fours on top of her. That way I cum all over her breasts. It’s a physically intense way to orgasm for me, more so than my orgasm from regular intercourse, just that I usually prefer being inside her. However for nights when Jennifer isn’t up for a regular pounding this is a fabulous Plan B.
At first I just liked the strength of my orgasm and physical sensation, but over time I’ve started getting increasing enjoyment just from the position of dominace and her enjoyment at me cuming hard on her. She quite likes this position as well. Both for it’s own sake, plus it’s an easy five minutes of fun to get a contented husband.

So What Can She Do To Keep Him Chasing Her Skirts?

“Hi Athol,
If you looked through your logs and saw one reader go through all your archives in the last week – that was me. Awesome sight, and I can’t thank you enough for that. It’s really helped me make some important decisions and have some frank conversations with my wife.
One of the questions my wife had during our conversations was “What do I need to do to make sure you stay in love with me?” (In the dopamine sense – our oxytocin levels are good I think). I thought it was a good question but I didn’t know the answer. All of my reading in the last month has been on a guy’s game. Do you have any suggestions? Good books or blogs? She’s a smart girl and a good reader, so it doesn’t have to be dumbed down.”
Hi there, I can’t quite track individual readers quite that well, Google Analytics is good but it’s not quite up to Eye of Sauron levels. However I see that about 200 people a month do just go through hundreds of pages of my material, so I believe you. I’m glad it’s been of help.
Mostly the best thing she can do for you is attention to her own physical fitness and appearance. Men are mostly visual and if you look at her and your own Body Agenda sees her as physically appealing it triggers those attraction feelings in you. Likewise she can more carefully display sexy clothing for you. This doesn’t mean she dresses like a hooker, just better attention to pulling your interest. Jennifer for example is quite demure by nature, but after she started dressing in lower cut tops and showing more cleavage for example, it actually pulled my attention better. It was one of those Jerry Maquire “help me, help you” conversations that led to that. I’m not talking about getting surgical alteration here either, just get into good shape via diet and exercise… show some skin.
The other thing is basically acting with greater interest in sex in general and flirting with you. I’m talking about hitting on you, grabbing your ass in passing, rubbing on you, the lingerie thing once in a while. Basically her trying to initiate things with you and/or just playing along when you do things to game her. It’s actually quite amusing and fun for me when Jennifer uses the exact same moves on me that I’ve suggested on my blog, a couple of days ago she slipped her fingers into the front pockets of my jeans and locked me into kissing her. Often when I kiss Jennifer from behind in the kitchen she enjoys it for a second and then grinds her ass into me with a little freakstyle wiggle. Takes 5 seconds but I know she wants me.
Also if you have the time, you can come up with a list of sexual fantasies / desires / favorite things to do in bed and she can work her way through doing some of those. Also sometimes what she thinks is a hot thing in bed for you is just so-so to you and vice a versa. It can be a huge leap forward to go over that stuff together.
The other thing you can do is do new and exciting things together. Stuff that would naturally give you both a Dopamine spike naturally anyway. That’s anything from new restaurants, trips, parachuting, roller coasters, climb a mountain… whatever it is that makes you guys do a double fist pump into the air and go “woo-hoo”, or if you’re English polite applause and a “well done”.
So my advice is pretty simple – look hot as she can and pounce on you. Mix it up in general.
Some of the female orientated blogs on my sidebar may be helpful, and if you want something longer to read I think His Needs, Her Needs is the best book out there. Look for a used copy and it’s about $5. Well worth it.
Also wear a dress once in a while. It’s impossible for him to chase skirt if you don’t wear one.